Should We?

[Aching]

We are a mature (early 60s) married couple with not much sexual experience outside of marriage (2 each) and I (male) had several "one nighters" during first marriage. We are both very fit and are often told we make an attractive couple. We are usually judged as much younger than we actually are.

We have discussed swinging, and have decided that if we were to do it, we would want our first time to be with an experienced couple--that we can believe are safe, meaning disease free. Because we've also agreed that it we are going to take the next step, then we want to experience the entire feeling of bareback sex. We understand that many people choose to use condoms, and that's their preference, but for us, we want it completely, naturally, and with all the exquisit feeling that bare sex brings.

There is no jealousy. We know we love each other, and nothing can change that. But we're open to new discoveries, and perhaps, to make up for some things we've missed along the way.

Right now, the thought is so "overwhelming" when we dicsuss it. So is it the "anticipation" or the thought of doing something "out of bounds?" Either way, we get really hot thinking about it and believe that if we do it, it will become "addictive" and that's OK at this point--as long as we enjoy being with the partners we find and can trust.

We've also agreed that our first time will be in separate rooms, if not separate houses, just to be able to have no time restrictions and no hurry. Given an "all night" atmosphere, there is no need for any anxiety, and plenty of time to get past any arousal issues (if any).
We'd plan that both men would leave at same time following morning so as not to have any "awkward" moments, although we do not anticipate any.

We think that when we get back at our place, the stories about the previous evening will be at least as erotic as the actual act and that we will want to "tear each other's clothes off" and have sex ASAP!

Are we wrong in any of this thinking and what should we do next?

[two4youinswva]

If you think you are ready, then start making the effort to meet someone. Keep in mind it will probably take a while to meet the right couple that fits how you two want to proceed.

Keep talking to each other, and if it doesn't feel right during any part of the process, slow it down, or stop and regroup.

Good luck!

[funcoupledayton]

I think having the first time at separate locations overnight is something you should really consider carefully. There is no harm in taking things slow. Maybe play in separate rooms of the same house for a couple hours after having dinner or drinks. Then the next time fulfill the overnight fantasy. You never know how chemistry will be until you are in the moment. I'd hate to be stuck with someone all night if things didn't seem to be clicking well.

Our first swap was separate rooms, as described above and it went fine. However, we would not have wanted to stay all night with them. We were very happy to go home and have a hot time in our own bed telling each other about it.

As far as finding couples who play this way, I agree it will be difficult. We are in our late 30's so it may be different with older couples, but we don't know anyone who does the overnight separate thing. We play separate rooms and sometimes alone so we are more flexible than most people we know.

Can't wait to hear more about your journey!

[Aching]

Thanks. Good advice.

For us...it's like tasting a potato chip. Nobody can eat just one! Once we began discussing the idea, it took on a life of it's own. And now it won't go away and we don't want it to.

We now have the "urge" to move into the lifestyle, but still the "morality" keeps rearing it's head. We know it's not going to be "wrong" and we believe it will be a fantastic experience. And we've discussed that we will each get to that "point of no return" where we KNOW it's going to happen, and we can't stop it anymore, and don't want to and we're "out of control" and just "let it happen." I think the anticipation of that "moment" is almost more exciting than the actual sex--the moment when we "cross over" to another lifestyle.

Now if we can find just the right couple, we'll make it happen.

[JustAskJulie]

Keep in mind that reality is rarely ever the same as the fantasy. Funcoupledayton's advice regarding separate houses echoes some of my own thoughts. Having been in enough situations where the chemistry isn't there, it could lead to an awkward (at best) situation if one of you finds yourself with someone they aren't enjoying.

Be careful not to plan yourself into a corner. You've been around long enough to know what happens when you make too many plans

[twistedpretzels]

Hi Aching,
Pete and I have been 'looking' for close more than a year. Lots of dates. Hard for us to find that 4 way attraction. I can't imagine deciding to pair off with someone only to find out I didnt care for the way they kissed... and then to spend the night with them? A fellow poster pointed out to me that overnights create more feelings and intimacy with another person. I agree with others to plan for a few hours of play time. Have you thought of going to a club to get your feet wet? Just to soak up the energy and fun of it all. As Julie says the real story often does not fit the fantasy (but I sure hope it does!). Pete and I met a nice couple and had a fabulous dinner and drinks afterwards, but as we rolled into beds our sexual energy did not match up with theirs (lots of 'fuck me fuck me' at the top of their lungs, fisting, and dry fucking (i ended up with BV)...)... We also hooked up with a woman who Pete wanted to fuck bareback. We all got tested. She didnt communicate she had HSV2. Whoops! We found out in a round about way (see my previous posting.. Herpes...vaginally!!) I am sure most people in the LS aren't up front like this, but I am just saying buyer beware. How about working up to it more slowly? Clubs? Public sex, soft swing or at least consider these options and not just paint yourself into a corner right off.
Best wishes!!! And let us know how it all goes.....DOWN!!! LOL

[celtic239]

Aching,
We were in our 50's when we discussed getting involved with swinging. As far as we are concerned your're never too old to have fun. I think the Lifestyle puts back a spark in our lives because it involves doing things that are "out of bounds". The sense of anticipation and excitment are feelings that haven't been experienced by us since puberty.
I noticed that you lived in Florida. I would suggest going to the club section of the Board to check out clubs near you. If you are near the Tampa area there are two resorts that cater to swingers (Caliente and Paradise Lakes). Might I suggest that you try a free membership on SwingLifestyle or swingers date club. This will allow you to search for couples with similar interests.

[Aching]

Guess we didn't clarify our thinking.

We would never spend overnight with someone we didn't know. We would first need to meet them, perhaps several times, and build friendship and trust--especially that they are disease free. Only then would be consider the overnight swap.

We want much more that a quick "fuck." That's just having an orgasm and any vibrator will do as well. We want the complete "lust" experience, with all the feelings of intimacy that happen when a man and woman enjoy their first sexual encounter.

We chose the overnight for several reasons, not the least of which is the apprehension and "newness" of the experience. We feel it might take some time to become totally comfortable and at ease. There is the possibility of beginners "ED" to consider. And we want time to relax before and after.

Part of what we WANT is the total intimacy, like it was way back the first time we had sex with each other and like it was the first time we had sex period. And we want it bareback to enjoy all there is to feel in the most natural way. Since we would already know each other and feel comfortable, having the entire night to "Play" would allow the time to explore, experiment and to fully enjoy this most intimate of experiences. We don't want it on some "timetable" where it all ends in an hour or two and therefore, the overnight takes that concern out of the equation. It could happen that we experience everything more than once, and that's OK as well.

We also think that returning to each other next morning would be beyond awesome as we would each have lots to tell the other. And we are hoping we would feel just like we felt the first time we ever made love to each other--with that "can't wait" feeling.

Maybe that doesn't happen often, but that's the way we want it if we are ever going to have sex with other partners. What we need now is a really special couple that shares some of these thoughts to lead us down the path and take us into the new world of swinging.

If anyone has experienced anything like this, we'd really like to hear how it worked out. Thanks.

[funcoupledayton]

We've been swinging almost 3 years. Even the regular couples we play with and know well I don't think we'd stay overnight with. We do play separate at times, but a few hours is plenty. We like the variety, the new and different, the excitement of the first time. We get all that without staying over night. I have felt a lot of intimacy with some of my partners.

I've also experienced guys with ED, the later it gets the less likely they are to get it up. This is with guys in their 40's and 50's. I can't imagine older guys in the middle of the night.

I think your plan sounds nice theoretically, but it doesn't sound that realistic to me.