I know this sounds a lot like everybody else, but here is my background.....
My husband and I have been married 7 years, he is my best friend, my soul mate, my everything. We are very active and experimental in our sex lives. When it comes to just the two of us I trust him whole heartedly and will do anything at least once (and if I like it than we keep doing it). We have discussed swinging for several years, I have even written about it in some of the stories I write like it has really happened to me, but has not. I even fantasize about how wonderful it would feel to have another woman or couple in our play.
Here is my issue/hang-up. I want our first time to be at a club/hotel setting and meeting someone for the first time and if we click than we go and play, if not than no problem. I don't want to meet someone online first and do all the chatting and then the suspense of meeting for coffee or what not for the first time because I feel like I am being put on the spot and being pushed into it plus I do not want to be best buds with the couple for now. We live in a small area where there are no clubs around (was told the closest one about an hour away has closed) and would like to keep our private lives private. I am also hesitant on taking the first step with adding a female or couple into our mix. Like I said, I think, write and fantasize about it, but hesitant about acting upon it.
How or what do I do to get over the last hang up and enjoy the incredible ride that I know is out there???
I think you're putting too much into the coffee type of meeting. You can specify that nothing will take place and set a time limit of say 30-45 minutes so you can walk away comfortably if you're not interested. If it looks good you can stay longer. Everyone we've done like that has turned into a 2 hour sessions and we/ve met some nice people even if we never played.
I would think the opposite of you. An impersonal hotel/club...meeting and making quick judgements and then playing or not seems like a lot more pressure.
Initially we fantasized about going to a club and meeting a couple and going to the back... or going to the back and an attractive couple lying down beside us and...
In reality those turned out to be just that, fantasies, and they've never happened for us. Meeting couples that we click with is taking far more planning and effort than we originally anticipated. We've gradually come to accept online swinger sites as a valuable tool in our arsenal to facilitate that.
Pick your first step, set your expectations low, be flexible. If things work out then that's great, if they don't, then learn from what happened and take another run at it. The great thing about swinging is that the worse case scenario is that you go home and have sex with your spouse.
I agree that the online search, meet for drinks doesn't have to be a "making friends" type situation. We've done that and never seen the people afterwards. We've found it to be a low pressure situation. Of course everyone is different, so if you find the club route to be easier, then there are plenty around Ontario. I know there used to be one in Windsor or London; no idea if it's still around. If you wanted to make a weekend of it and come to Toronto there are plenty to choose from.