Complete stranger or steady relationship - what's better?

[Fantasycouple17]

We just wanted to stop by and say "hi". My S/O and I went to our first swinger's club last Saturday in Vegas ( Couples Oasis ). We both had a good time people watching and my S/O was able to check off a fantasy ( watching people have sex)

We were somewhat shy, so we didn't engage in any activities with anyone else , but did take advantage of a private room with a round bed

A little about us. She's 29, and I'm 37. We both live in Southern California, and we're both very new to this lifestyle. We've read a lot of good advice on this forum. The one piece of advise that we took with us to the swingers club was: Be picky. I think that will serve us well since neither one of us are in a rush to just have sex with anyone that comes along.

One question we do have however. Is it better to have 3some with a complete stranger like at a club, or get to know the person and have a "steady" relationship with the person or couple?

Our concern with developing a relationship with them, that includes sex, would be any type of an emotional attachment with that person/couple. Has anyone got any advise on that matter?

Thanks for reading my noob post, we'll post later.


J&A

[BiloxiCouple]

Pros and cons both ways.

Sex with strangers may reduce drama and no long term emotional attachments.

Trying to friend a person takes a lot of time and emotional investment. Don't try to force it. Friends in the lifestyle develop like the real world. Time and common sense for yourself personally. Get too close to some people - drama.

Take your time and figure out what works for you. You won't have friends overnight in the lifestyle. Or do you just want recreational sex with no or ver little involvement?

[SecretAsianMan]

Well... there's no "better" way for everyone - we each find our own answers for what suits us (as individuals) the best.

Some couples find that it's easier to approach a "friend" - someone they've known for a while. Others find the ability to simply "walk away" after it's all over for a total clean-break from the third-party to be more to their liking.

I personally enjoy the bonding with my partners - developing a friendship (which may or may not include re-visits into sexual encounters). I like hanging out with folks & making new friends. (But, on occassion, I've simply had casual encounters with people whom I've never met again and barely even knew their names in the moment)

Find what works best for you... be safe (both physically, mentally & emotionally) ... & enjoy.

[mikeandjenn2001]

It all depends on what you guys want. We've met some couples that we've started out as friends...no playing, but meeting through the lifestyle, maybe played once or twice and they're still great friends. We've met other couples at a club, got to know them, played with them once, and have never seen them again. It really is up to you both to determine your rules and what you are comfortable with.

[Playful1]

From the single woman standpoint, I can say I don't do 3somes (i.e. just me and them outside of a large event) unless I am friends with them. Otherwise, I wind up feeling like a sex toy.

Also, keep in mind that you can have emotional attachments to someone without it being a "threat." Most of us have friends that we have emotional connections to but not "that kind" of emotional connection.

[Coupleerotic22]

How do you like your steak?

Rib-eye, strip, filet mignon, hanger?
Blue, Rare, Medium, Mid well?
Pittsburgh, au poivre, blackened, Diane?

Me? Cowboy rib-eye, Pittsburgh blue
My wife? Medium Filet au poivre
But we both agree on strip with black pepper crust and garlic butter.

The point is the unquestionably the best way is what works for you, your SO and your playmate. It is a wonderful menu to chose from.

There a pluses and minus to both, as previously mentioned. And there +/- that will be particular to you and your SO. Only you two can answer those. You have to communicate very very well to find that out.

WE prefer to take our time and get to know someone first, but we don't look for playmates among our current friends, unless they are friends we made via the LS. SO we are sort of in the middle, not a complete stranger, but certainly not friends we made prior to/outside the LS. That works for us, it may or may not work for you.

We prefer a modicum of emotional attachment, not love by any stretch, just a bit deeper chemistry than we could find with a stranger. Maybe it is more a friendship, personality or cerebral match than emotional, but certainly more than would be present with someone we met 20 minutes before. That is not to say that we couldn't find a match with someone we just met, but we haven't yet.

I know a couple who get off on the pursuit, so they are always looking for new people, preferably someone that don't know at all. That works for them, but not us.

Better or best, when it comes to preferences is impossible for anyone to answer but the person wanting to know. But it is still a great question because you get the benefit of others experience and what works for them. The answers may give your ideas, or questions or possibly even answers that lead you to your preference.

In any case, start where you are both comfortable and work from there.
Good luck and have fun!

[Fantasycouple17]

Is there a way to edit our posts? Having just gone back and reread my own post, I've noticed a few spelling mistakes that I would like to correct. I'm at work and on my phone, so maybe I'm just not seeing a edit button.

Advise should be advice for example. I know It's a small thing, but I like to be as accurate as possible. ;-) the ocd in me I guess.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Fantasycouple17

Is there a way to edit our posts? Having just gone back and reread my own post, I've noticed a few spelling mistakes that I would like to correct. I'm at work and on my phone, so maybe I'm just not seeing a edit button.

Advise should be advice for example. I know It's a small thing, but I like to be as accurate as possible. ;-) the ocd in me I guess.

You have up to 3 hours to edit your post. But please don't be too concerned about spelling mistakes, we all make them and we don't expect anyone to be perfect.

If you take a look at the Users Guide in the Announcement forum you'll find Editing Posts and other useful topics to help you get things done around the Board.

Welcome to the Swingers Board!

LM
Moderator

[M1F2KTJ]

I would say that having a "regular" is better. It's exciting to have someone new but it's nice to have someone you know what to expect from and trust.

[padoc]

Recreational sex is often less complicated with a stranger. There is no drama, no jealousy, just orgasms. We consideration it a form of masturbation with a partner instead of a toy and its just as meaningful. Recreational sex with friends can be more meaningful but can ultimately be more complicated. In our case, it really depends n the mood of Mrs Doc.

[funcouple8482]

That is an instersting questions, my wife and I have been dicussing that since we are wanting to start swinging. We are kind of leaning toward the idea of having a few regulars. We will see how things go.

[Trace Ekies]

Mrs. Ekies and I enjoy both...

We've picked a couple or single at a party and had great sex with them...and have not seen them since.

We recently enjoyed a six-some that was spontaneous...we have not spoken to one of the couples but have become friends with the other.

We have several singles and couples that we spent some time getting to know that are now regular playmates.

And...we have one couple we met 3 years ago that we are friends with that we didn't play with until a few weeks ago...

Our advice is this...approach "relationships", be them spontaneous or "deeper", as best fits your needs NOW and then modify as you see fit.

As our experience grows, our understanding of the pluses and minuses of our hobby becomes more clear which allows us to tailor our play to meet our needs...and we find a great number of people who have similar wants and wishes.

Good luck and report back!

Trace

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Trace Ekies

Our advice is this...approach "relationships", be them spontaneous or "deeper", as best fits your needs NOW and then modify as you see fit.

I think this is wise advice and we have followed it since the beginning.

Also, I think swingers, whose goal is a steady relationship with play partners, can have a tendency to force a relationship. You can run into trouble this way.

LM