How to politely say no?

[serenandsol]

Hey gang!

Well we're treading down our new path every so slowly (or quickly?). We connected with a couple online and have been trading pics, etc. We were going to try to get together this weekend, but the timing isn't right for us. We may try later this month for dinner/drinks.

I know this may be totally premature but it's been bothering me - what if I'm or we are not that into them? What's the polite way to end the evening? I'm willing to go out to a restaurant and try to see how things go...but at this point dh is definitely more interested in this particular couple than I am. When they sent pics, the wife said, about a perfectly normal pic of her where she looked terrific, that she had to apologize because she was three months post partum and has lost weight since then. She looked totally normal...it was a pic where she had her shirt pulled up, her stomach was nearly flat, not a stretch mark in sight...etc.

This concerns me because I'm a mom too...but not with a stomach like that! That comment just really irked me and has kind of put me off of meeting them at all, but since we had to postpone the outing, I feel like we should go and at least give it a try. Before this comment, I didn't have trouble with them but this really set me off in the wrong way.

[Coupleerotic22]

You might be jumping the gun here. If, until that comment, you liked this couple, do not let one comment turn you off. She may well being a bit pretentious, or she may really have issues with her body. People do not always see themselves as others do, particularly shortly after giving birth. She may well look at you and be thinking to herself, "she looks so much better than me", and her comment is a mechanism to cope with those insecurities.

As for a polite way to say no, there are a number of post in the forum that go into much detail about that subject. It might be good to search them and read the numerous views on that topic.

In short though, make you first meet just a meet and greet, no sex, and make that clear to the other couple. I wouldn't make any comments as to compatibility at the meet unless you both clearly find them completely unappealing on a sexual or personality level.

After the meet you and your spouse can talk about what happened, share your views and make a decision together. You may hear the same comment differently than hem and sharing your opinions may make you see something that was said or done differently, good or bad. If you are not compatible then you can simple write them back or call them and let them know that you don't think the chemistry is there and leave it at that.

[serenandsol]

Thanks for the feedback! I asked because each time I tried to search for "saying no" or anything with the word no in it the forum said that my search terms were too short.

[Coupleerotic22]

Try these:

How do you "gently reject" someone?

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...er-couple.html

How to answer with a polite "no" to mail in swinger sites?

They should get you started.

[realcplub2]

First and foremost, ask yourself a simple question

Is there something else that doesnt seem right, or objectionable beyond the comment.

Or are you looking for a REASON to say no?

The troubling issue as I see it, is, the fact that

I'm willing to go out to a restaurant and try to see how things go...but at this point dh is definitely more interested in this particular couple than I am.

If one partner isnt all that "into" the other couple, I worry the pressure to comply, or "take one for the team" may come into play.

We can always say its one comment, to try and look past it, but truthfully, I am concerend the opposite may be happening, the fact that DH is so into these other folks, that you are looking for a reason to say No..

If its not, and after a chance to meet these people for real, and things arent the way you would like, or they havent impressed you enough, then simply say so..

No one should feel offended, or get upset, if they understand the basics of this lifestyle. ANYONE can say TIME OUT or Stop, or NO at anytime..

How to do it? To be honest, I would feel a great deal better if we were told that the other couple, or one of them wasnt ready to proceed, or just "wasnt feeling it" rather than some excuse that can lead to them continuing to pursue you both, rather than know where they stand.

Hope this helps

[Couple-N-NM]

This is a hard subject, but honesty is absolutely the best.

Put yourself in their shoes. How would you like to be told "No" if they're not really that into you? Its always hard to tell someone no but its much better that way than taking one for the team.

We've always found that an honest "You're a great couple but the spark just isn't there" or "we're just not feeling it" or something along those lines gets the point across and doesn't make anyone feel bad. Don't try to explain because that usually doesn't end well.

Thats what seems to work best for us. Good luck in your search!

[Cajun2Step]

Originally Posted by Couple-N-NM

This is a hard subject, but honesty is absolutely the best.

Put yourself in their shoes. How would you like to be told "No" if they're not really that into you? Its always hard to tell someone no but its much better that way than taking one for the team.

We've always found that an honest "You're a great couple but the spark just isn't there" or "we're just not feeling it" or something along those lines gets the point across and doesn't make anyone feel bad. Don't try to explain because that usually doesn't end well.

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Absolutely 100 percent the correct way. Be up front and honest stating there is no spark. Never, Never try to explain your reasons.