How do you go about finding a guy for a threesome?

[Yejsusen]

I'm sorry, but we're new to the lifestyle and barely getting our feet wet. How do you go around finding a guy for a threesome? Posting ads? Any sites that you recommend? Are there any safety issues? Is the couple supposed to pay for dinner and/or drinks and/or the hotel room? Is there an established etiquette for mfm threesomes that we must be aware of? Any red flags we should look out for?

[PTTimeDC]

Originally Posted by Yejsusen

I'm sorry, but we're new to the lifestyle and barely getting our feet wet. How do you go around finding a guy for a threesome? Posting ads? Any sites that you recommend? Are there any safety issues? Is the couple supposed to pay for dinner and/or drinks and/or the hotel room? Is there an established etiquette for mfm threesomes that we must be aware of? Any red flags we should look out for?

We use Swing Lifestyle for a site. We also have experience in the lifestyle and have migrated to the bar scene, with her going out as a single. We still use Swing Lifestyle though. Also, there are a few, a VERY few, Yahoo Groups oriented to adult play where we've found guys.
Our favorite sexual play is the MFM. We're not experts but we've found out that: 1) if your gut tells you 'no', cut yourself free and don't fight through the situation. If the guy is focused on his dick in the initial conversation he's going to suck in responding to your wife. Pick a guy who has done it before with couples!!! We tried to break in two seperate rookies once and both of them were so nervous (these were at different times) that they couldn't get hard. One thing that has weeded out some creeps is for you, as the husband, to pose as your wife in some initial emails/IM chats. You wouldn't believe the number of guys who will tell you, as the husband, they'd love to fuck your wife with you who only turn around when they're talking to the "wife" that they would like to meet her alone and they're not down with multiple men.
Just a few of our recommendations. Hope they help.

[Yejsusen]

Awesome! Thanks!

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by Yejsusen

I'm sorry, but we're new to the lifestyle and barely getting our feet wet. How do you go around finding a guy for a threesome? Posting ads? Any sites that you recommend? Are there any safety issues? Is the couple supposed to pay for dinner and/or drinks and/or the hotel room? Is there an established etiquette for mfm threesomes that we must be aware of? Any red flags we should look out for?

We do not advocate one site over the other, but in all honesty, ANY site will have plenty of choices within your area to choose from. Just browse the profiles and drop a simple note to see where the interests are..

The filtering process is different for everyone as well, when we are considering a single guy, we look at :

how well they can communicate, thru email, IM, and on the phone.

How RESPECTFUL they are, I cant tell you how often we have been contacted by a M, and while talking to me, via IM, the moment they think its HER, they wanna Cyber.. fastest way to END the conversation, and the chances of meeting.

As far as safety, Meetin in a public place, someplay where a quiet conversation wont be over heard but can still BE HEARD by those involved.. We all hit a point wher the question of Play or No, and Now or next time comes up.. I would suggest engineering a moment where you and your SO can have a moment to consider.. As far as Play, seperate cars, Your team in one, and he in his.. Play in a neutral Location, Motel or Hotel.. And make it clear from the beginning if this guy is an acutal contender, any costs for a room are to be split.

Beyond that, before you get to the room, make it clear what is acceptable to you both.. whats in and out of bounds, and not even on the table..

examples, Kissing.. Some do, Some Dont
Condoms... Again.. Some do some dont
Anal Sex... It might happen, Its just Mine only, Dont even think about it...
Oral Sex.. Yes she does, Now she doesnt.. She does but cum elsewhere.. ECT

Clarify EVERYTHING, before you head out for the first meet. Anyone joining you both, should be willing to play by YOUR RULES.. and clarify, No EXPECTATIONS.. For all you know, you may talk, have a great conversation, feel everyone is on the same page, and then when you get there.. Well the pics are from when he HAD hair, Sometime 30 YEARS, and 150lbs AGO

You know, pics are like Jon Bon Jovi, but Jon LOVETTES shows up

[Yejsusen]

Wow! Thank you soooooooo much.... And please bear with me, newbie here, what do you mean by "he wants to CYBER"?

[LFM2]

We love MFM's. They are truly one of our favorites.

We met our man at a public place. Ate dinner. We can tell in 10 minutes if we want to go further with anyone. The have to be respectful to BOTH of us. That's a must. When Dave got up to use the restroom, he didn't try to hit on just me. We talked about his house, his dog and other generic topics. Only when Dave got back did we really get into the sex talk like rules and boundaries. I liked him right off the bat, and so did Dave. He invited us back to his house and we went. Yes played that same night and have played on and off ever since. He made it really comfortable to be in the same room with him. Like we'd known him forever.

We both paid for our meals and since we've only ever played at his house, we don't have to pay for a room.

He's set the bar very high for other single males. Some will only want to meet from 8 to 5 because they are cheating on their wives. We don't go there. Some will be very secretive about their lives, mostly because they're cheating on their wives. We will never help any man cheat on their wife.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by Yejsusen

Wow! Thank you soooooooo much.... And please bear with me, newbie here, what do you mean by "he wants to CYBER"?

I believe he meant that the other man wants to have cyber-sex with his wife. Telling her what he would like to see her do to him and back and forth. I'd rather have the real thing.

[LikeMinds321]

Cybersex explained on Wikipedia.

LM

[Yejsusen]

Thanks! And congrats LM2!

What are your thoughts about "hiring" someone? A pro?

[Yejsusen]

I mean a guy...like in Vegas...

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by Yejsusen

I mean a guy...like in Vegas...

Don't do it.

I'm one to talk, because I have a blog entry on the trials and tribulations of finding a single guy for us to play with, but on the whole, I'd rather wait than pay. You want someone who understands swinging, which is why I recommend going through the sites or the clubs to find someone.

[ENCRYPTEDTX]

Originally Posted by Yejsusen

I'm sorry, but we're new to the lifestyle and barely getting our feet wet. How do you go around finding a guy for a threesome? Posting ads? Any sites that you recommend? Are there any safety issues? Is the couple supposed to pay for dinner and/or drinks and/or the hotel room? Is there an established etiquette for mfm threesomes that we must be aware of? Any red flags we should look out for?

First of all, welcome to the Swingers Board!

I am a single guy who has experiences meeting couples for MFM and think I can offer some advice.

How do you find a guy... You can seek them out or let them seek you. You can join a website, browse the ads, (some ladies love this, its like clothes shopping only its easier on the wallet!) or you can have your profile state you are seeking guys and guys will seek you out.

If you seek the guys out, you are going after something that interests you.

If you let the guys seek you out, you will have every year, make model and condition of guy coming to you. It may help you learn quickly what you do and dont want, but it can also be a turn off getting one sentence emails and pics of genitalia.

Ads/Websites- I strongly caution against posting an ad on a site like Craigslist. If you post an ad, be sure it is on a swingers site, and not a dating site. You dont go to a Steakhouse and order fish do you?

If you stick with a lifestyle site, you are more likely to find people who are respectful of you, and respectful of the lifestyle. You want to find someone who you can have an enjoyable time with totally on your terms, and will respect you for it. I personally use Swinglifestyle.com to meet couples. I like Swinglifestyle because other members can see I am a paid member (kinda shows some sort of dedication or commitment to the lifestyle) I have recent G rated photos (the sunglasses help obscure my identity some in case a co-worker sees my profile) and I have certifications from other members that I am real and genuine. I have learned those three things are pretty important.

Safety- There are always safety issues. Think of it this way, you are dating again. Only this time the two of you are dating a guy. The male half of the couple has to like the guy involved in the MFM or it will never work. Approach this with the same caution and apprehension you would if it were singles and dating. Meet in a private place once or twice or as many times as it takes until you BOTH are 100% comfortable with the other party. Again, you BOTH have to be totally comfortable!

Paying- I always pay my share for dinner and drinks. My favorite place to meet someone for the very first time is Starbucks or a coffee shop. I almost always buy the coffee/drinks in this situation. In certain instances, I will have communicated with a couple for a while and some rapport, comfort and friendship has developed over time, we may opt for a nicer venue than Starbucks. This may be an opportunity the couple has been waiting for and I am part of the "date night" We may meet for dinner or drinks and I most commonly ask for separate checks. We may go out afterward and have drinks at a club and we will alternate buying rounds of drinks. The one key point is that the meeting should be about the substance of conversation and not the price of the meals or drinks. I dont want a couple to feel obligated to anything because I bought dinner/drinks or vice versa.

Hotel Room- this is something that should be decided upon in conversation. I travel alot and can often entertain in my hotel room. I also have roommates and entertaining in my home is very challenging. Be flexible, be fair and be honest. I have paid for rooms to entertain before, I have been in rooms where the couple paid to entertain and I have split the cost. It all depends on the parties involved.

Is there an established etiquette- YES You both are in charge and have to be 100% comfortable at all times with everything. Every couple is different, and every single male you meet is different. First and foremost is your COMFORT, next comes communication. You both need to communicate with each other, and you have to communicate to the other male. What are your boundaries? Is kissing ok? What is off limits? What do you like? What do you not like? You need to find a guy that understands a MFM is ALL about the couple. Its totally ok for you to have rules and let certain things remain just between the two of you. If one of you rules is that the guy must wear socks...so be it! This is about you!

Red Flags-
Free Member on website, no pics, wont send a pic and wont fill out profile-but wants you to send him naked pics of her.
Wont talk to you both, engage you both in conversation
Wants to meet only with the female half
Cant construct a well detailed letter to say hello and what he is looking for
Sends a pic of genitalia not of the rest of his body or discreet photo of face
This is his first experience meeting a couple


I hope I have educated you and not caused your eyes to dry out reading my rant

[Yejsusen]

She: I have no words to thank you enough. You did clear up a lot of things we were wondering about. This is something we definitely want to explore, and we will do our best to find somebody compatible who is willing to work with us to make this an enjoyable experience for everybody.

He: Great advices, thanks!

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by Yejsusen

I mean a guy...like in Vegas...

Dude, the first thing that came to mind was...

FRED GARVIN, MALE PROSTITUTE

And to answer your question posed after my first post..

We hold a LITTERATE conversation, I think its a great match, I put her at the keys and within seconds..

So, you wanna suck my ....

OR

Tell me what you are gonna do to me when we....

She shuts the messenger off and plays her games ( SWEET TOOTH OR TUMBLEBEES) at that point..

[Yejsusen]