Should our first MFM be with a friend or stranger?

[bimarriedguy82]

Hi, im 27, married for 4 years, my wife is 23. Only had 2 other sexual partners before my wife and she had 2 before me. Since we have been married we have gotten into a lot more things sexually, and have talked about 3somes. I had a friend that said he had been in several 3somes before. MFF, MFM, group, all kinds. He talked about it all the time which got my wife and I talking about it. She told me she would try it if I wanted to and we both trusted him so decided to go for it. He stayed over one night and when it was suppose to happen, he chickened out and ended up watching us have sex. We still had a good time beause being watched turned both of us on, but we wanted to try more and it didnt happen. that was last year. I am also curious about trying some bi stuff in a 3some, i did very little with a friend before i got married, my wife is fine with it and it was suppose to happen with my friend had the 3some worked out that night. i dont know if anyone else we know would be into this and dont know how to bring it up, or if its better to do our first time with a stranger, not sure how my wife would be with that. anyone have any advice on who you should do ur first time with, or any advice on anything would be good

[bimarriedguy82]

I am new to the board and am looking for any advice I can get. Im 27, my wife is 23. We decided to have my friend join us but it didnt work out. I still really want to do this, but not sure if I should approach another friend that we both know, or try to find a stranger to join, or ask one of her ex bfs that I am friends with. Is it better to go with somone you know the first time or someone you dont know. What about bringing her ex in? Is it a bad idea? Any advice would be great

[slevin]

Find someone neither of you know; if things don't work out you can cut ties and not lose a friendship.

[fun4Ds]

No one can say for sure who your comfort level or even that mysterious "chemistry" will be with, bimarriedguy. But the thing is, so many things can go wrong starting out with and as newbies.

There is a certain safeguard finding people who are not necessarily strangers, but who have somewhat of a knowledge of the lifestyle.

If its a vanilla friend/acquaintance then offering the idea to them, might help, but finding someone experienced that you can get to know, would probably be less risky.

Communication is always the key to great experiences, that means between each other as well as our partners. Are you prepared to explain everything about this lifestyle and your ideas to these friends/ex's ?


fun4ds

[danjan]

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I would say Do Not bring in the ex. That would definetly complicate what could be a great experience for the two of you. Going with someone you both now may seem more comfortable, but you have to consider the morning after. Things will be different with that person, once done it can't be undone. Good luck on your quest I hope its a fulfilling experiance

[bimarriedguy82]

Thanks for the advice everyone. How would you suggest finding someone into the swinging lifestyle? I signed up for swinglifestyle.com but the only other site i know that doesnt require you to pay is craigslist personals. does anyone have any thoughts on that? im just worried about finding someone that seems normal and then ends up tying us up and robbing us, lol

[curiousagain]

I think you would be better off to find a SM via Swing Lifestyle that has certs or maybe one referred by another couple. Communicate well with them before hand as to what you both are wanting out of the experience and any limits you have or any parts you are nervous about. Go slow and enjoy the experience.

[ENCRYPTEDTX]

Originally Posted by bimarriedguy82

Thanks for the advice everyone. How would you suggest finding someone into the swinging lifestyle? I signed up for swinglifestyle.com but the only other site i know that doesnt require you to pay is craigslist personals. does anyone have any thoughts on that? im just worried about finding someone that seems normal and then ends up tying us up and robbing us, lol

I echo the people above who say you should not bring in a friend or someone you know from the past. In only very very rare occurrences does this work.

You will have great luck with Swinglifestyle or Swing Lifestyle. You get what you pay for in the lifestyle and I would avoid Craigslist until you have more experience meeting people and even then, I would still advise against CL.

With Swing Lifestyle you can look for 3 things. A guy who has a paid membership (shows some sort of commitment), a face photo (or other photos and is willing to trade face photos) and certifications- real life people who have met this person and can vouch that they are sincere and genuine.

By using CL, you will find every male that is horny that second replying to your post. You will likely be inundated with photos of genitalia and very short one or two word responses to your mail. If you do decide to meet someone, he may not have lifestyle experience and may not know how to act when meeting a couple. This will lead to further poor experiences in the lifestyle.

Take your time and a true gentleman will happen upon you.

Kyle

[sweet_tna]

I would definitely steer clear of the ex or any other vanilla acquaintance. There are too many possibilities for not only complications with those relationships, but for word of your lifestyle activities to be "outed."

Your best bet would be to post a profile on SwingLifestyle or a similar site dedicated to swingers. Talk, talk, and talk to each other some more about what you would like out of this encounter, and put that in your profile. This way, the good single guys out there* can find you. By the same token, when you contact a prospective playmate, he can look at your profile to determine whether he's interested. This profile should include decent full-length shots of you and your hubby. You may crop out/blur your faces for the public pictures, but should have face pictures available for anyone in whom you're interested.

*A good single guy is the one that reads your profile and is aware of what your boundaries and interests are. He will be respectful and give you access to a face picture, not just the obligatory cock photos. He won't keep asking for more pictures, and will be interested in what you want out of the encounter.

If it sounds like a bit of work, it is, but it will be worth the effort to have a pleasurable experience. I promise you, there are good single males out there--we've found 'em.
Happy hunting!

=)

[JDApopka]

Well our firts couple of mfm's were with friends they wre ok . When we decided to find someone we didn't know it got better. When we are looking for new playmates we make sure that we chat online for sometimes many weeks or months. I ask lots of questions more than once and make sure I get the same answer each time this helps weed out th cheaters. We have recently found someone that we try and play with often it is really working out and we are having a blast.

[Newpants]

Add one more to the growing list of people saying NOT to invite any of your friends, coworkers or especially any ex's into your bedroom. It is real common for people to start looking into their circle of friends when they first start thinking about swinging and it is almost always a mistake. Sometimes it works out fine but if things go wrong you run the risks of jealousy, feelings developing for or from the 3rd, being outed to your other friends and you run the risk of damaging or distroying the friendship.

I would suggest finding a swinger club and attending that. When you go to a club you can meet people face to face and you will know in a matter of minutes if they are the kind of people she is attracted to and you are comfortable with or not.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- As I have said before, I let Captain Kirk go where no one's gone before. The best way as newbies to reduce issues is to find an experience single or couple that you really like. Your inexperience will add to a certain level of stress and anticipation, imagine multiplying that against a third and a fourth .

Newpants and others have given you sage advice. While there are exceptions to anyone's guidance, there recommendations increase your odds of success.

[bimarriedguy82]

Thank you all for the advice. It is now my mission to find a single male. I will definetly let you all know when the mission is accomplished, lol.

[SecretAsianMan]

Ok... I do agree with everyone's advice to you so far

Finding a guy who's already experienced in this definately makes things a LOT easier - (recently had a similiar experience from the "single-guy perspective" ... see thread "Their First Time")

[ClosetSwinger]

My rule of thumb is to NOT play with vanilla friends. We had a REALLY bad experience and actually LOST our friends of many years in making that mistake.

I'd find someone on Swing Lifestyle or a website, get to know them a little and then go for it. This way if it goes bad, a friendship is not lost or strained.