Questions from a newbie couple---

Nlove4ever · 07-12-2010, 03:56 PM

We are completely new to the lifestyle, and have a few questions. We are taking things slow starting out, and doing a lot of reading, research, and discussing at this point. I really don't know how to phrase our primary question so I guess I will just jump right in and flounder through (hopefully with out unknowingly saying something offensive

) Is it always about swapping partners and being separately paired off or does everyone ever play together? Please don't take that the wrong way. While the Mrs is bicurious, the Mr is not in any way, shape, or form. We just are really wanting to find a situation that does not exclude us being able to touch each other as well as those we are playing with. I guess it's that we are very close, and don't want to just watch each other from across the bed or the room; and sort of hoping that is not totally abnormal in the LS....did I phrase that in a way that makes any sense at all? We thought about a threesome as a way to ease into things, but the Mrs prefers to play with another female if we play with singles, and we have come to realize that is a bit elusive because of few single females being in the LS. Our other question........we saw something phrased somewhat akin to the following in a post on here, "Everyone will have to get past the trauma of seeing your spouse with someone else, to get to the good part." We are excited about the pleasures of sharing each other and sharing with each other, but that kind of gave us pause. Is it always that way for everyone...traumatic? Or have some of you been turned on by sharing your partner from the beginning? If anyone out there had a great first experience, what do you think contributed most to making it not traumatic to see your SO with someone else? Neither of us really feel like it would be traumatic, (we trust each other completely!!!) for us, but we ARE totally new to all this....and don't want a really ugly surprise emotionally when it comes to that. We apologize if we are full of questions, and a little confusing

in the way we ask them. Just a little overwhelmed at times, and very naive and new! LOL We appreciate your time and guidance!!!

Thanks,
C&S

**Alura** · 07-12-2010, 06:23 PM

Welcome C&S!

First, you are not unusual in that the woman is bi-curious and the male is not. That's why single women are rare and single men "a dime a dozen." Y'all are probably the most common of sexual preferences within the lifestyle, but who knows? Statistics are lacking, at best. Some of the best that have been gathered are right here on this board.

It's not unusual to seek a threesome as entry-level swinging. We started (and pretty much stayed with) couples. They offer more possibilities not to mention a certain degree of emotional stability, which is reassuring to someone who is offering up his or her spouse for the first time.

In our thirty years together we never suffered any trauma. There were good experiences and better experiences. How bad can sex be? Like all other parts of life, a happy and positive attitude helps.

Some like playing separately; some like a foursome. We thought it was fun to play separately then come together for a foursome; the best of both worlds. It helps to have some time alone with the other spouse to get to know each other.

One major attraction for us was an opportunity to "do somebody new," something we both already knew was a turn-on in itself.

Thanks for joining us! You'll get a lot of answers from the fabulous folks who hang out here. I hope your introduction to the lifestyle is both exciting and without trauma!

Alura

JoCoCpl · 07-12-2010, 06:35 PM

You actually posed very good questions. You seem to be doing things the right way - going slow, reading/researching, and discussing things. Well done!!

When you are ready to make the jump and you get out there to meet people, you find that you'll be able to (eventually) find just about any scenario you can imagine. As long as all parties involved are in agreement and work within each others' rules, there's really no "wrong" way to play.

Specifically toward your question, many, many couples play together at the same time in the same room, often on the same bed. In fact, that's usually our scenario. Many also may play on separate beds (or other furniture), some will be willing to play in separate rooms, and many will be willing to do some combination of the above.

With regard to the "trauma," I would have to say that we've never experienced any trauma or jealousy in our playing - even our first full experience was not traumatic at all. I loved knowing/seeing that my Mrs was enjoying being with another man. Now, different people will react different ways. Some people, frankly, find that they are not ready to see their partner with someone else. If that's the case, back off, regroup, and work with each other until you are both ready to try again.

I guess the thing that kept us from being traumatized was that our first date in the LS was a pre-determined "no play" date, meaning no direct sexual contact. This was actually the idea of the couple we were meeting. They suggested that we go to a club knowing that kissing and touching through clothes were ok, but nothing under the clothes. We were fortunate that the other couple knew going in that we were new and offered to do this for us for our first night out in a club. We were able to soak up the atmosphere without pressure, and we had a date with a great couple who knew what we were going through and were willing to break us in slowly and talk with us about the lifestyle through the evening. We were able to see each other do "mild" things in a relatively non-threatening situation with the other partner, and we discussed everything afterward in preparation to move on. BTW, that couple also happened to be our first play partners the next weekend!!

You've done a good job communicating with each other - be sure you do a good job in communicating with others as well. Tell your first "date" couple that you are new and would appreciate their patience. We were all new once upon a time - most likely, they'll understand and will likely be willing to at least help show you the ropes in some fashion. If not, then they probably wouldn't be a good first experience for you anyway.

Good luck!!

SecretAsianMan · 07-12-2010, 06:39 PM

Ok... first of all,

to the board & I hope we can help you by answering any questions you may have.

Swinging can be just about anything y'all decide to make it for the two of you... some couples choose to only play together (in the same room) with other singles or couples. Others split apart to play separately and "report back" to their spouses/partners and share stories of their experiences.

There's no "rule" on the right way to do it (except for what y'all agree upon) ... find what y'all like and go with that.

I have yet to hear of ANY folk who have specific rules PREVENTING partners from touching each other during a swapping experience (and nobody will require that you touch EVERYBODY in a swap, either).

As far as the "trauma" of seeing your spouse/partner with someone else goes... I think that might be a bad choice of words.

If you've never done it before and have only seen your partner with yourself... yes, it can be a bit of a shock to see your partner kissing or engaging in sexual activities with someone else. For some... it's a huge turn on... for others, maybe not so much. But I would personally hesistate to call the experience "traumatic"

As this is something TOTALLY new to y'all... take your time & talk it out in great detail. Communication and absolute trust in your partner is the key to this. And be completely honest with one another about everything. Take pleasure in the experience... seeing your partner being pleasured & sharing that pleasure with them.

I wish y'all the best of luck in your exploration of the Lifestyle. (Remember, if y'all decide it's not right for you... that's okay!)

**LFM2** · 07-12-2010, 08:28 PM

Hi C&S, welcome to the Board. I hope you find many good years perusing it!!

I liked your questions! It's funny how you read someones post and then the next post might be a little different in opinion.

When we first started swinging, we had no problem with all of us playing together. In fact, that's exactly what we did. All four of us just jumped on the bed and it was almost like a huge dog-pile. We LOVED it! We had no traumatic issues or heated discussions. It was so erotic watching him with her and I'm pretty sure he felt the same with me. She was bisexual and I was curious. It just fit and I had the time of my life with her as well. It was just a hot, hot night. So what made it not traumatic? Communication, trust and respect for each other and our partners. We knew our rules, we stuck to them and they were excellent in sticking to our rules as well.

It was an excellent time had by all! We've enjoyed swinging for the past 4 years with a small break that we're hoping to break by next weekend. Sometimes breaks are a great way to reconnect with your own partner as well. Ours was a long 6-7 month break but are glad to get back in the saddle.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

Fringeswinger · 07-14-2010, 12:22 AM

Dave and Holly back in the swing of things. Good for you! Listen to Holly, I spoke to her before she took the plunge and she is very sincere. Hope you are feeling and doing well, Holly!

Bill

**LFM2** · 07-14-2010, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fringeswinger

Dave and Holly back in the swing of things. Good for you! Listen to Holly, I spoke to her before she took the plunge and she is very sincere. Hope you are feeling and doing well, Holly!

Bill

Bill, thanks for asking! I'm feeling so well that even I can't believe how good I feel.

M1F2KTJ · 07-16-2010, 11:36 PM

I see you've been busy posting. Like you I hate to flood the forums with my posts on a single day. But ...

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