Did we take a step forward?

[DaBo]

Hello all. It's been a while since I've posted (not that I did alot anyway)

Background in a nutshell, I've hinted to the wife for several years about adding someone to out sex life, she's refused saying she thought it would be interesting but would never do it and giving me legimate reasons.

This past weekend, we celebrated our 13th anniversary, and as always we shipped the kids off to my sister for the weekend so we could enjoy ourselves. While looking for things to do, movies, comedy clubs, etc., we discovered there was nothing in our area that seemed interesting, so I jokingly said, let's go to a strip club.

We did go out to eat, roamed the mall and a few stores and around dark I asked if she was ready to go to the club and she agreed. It turned out this club has couples night on Saturdays, so we got an out of the way table in the couple area, and people watched.

She enjoyed watching the strippers, both male and female and the interactions between the dancers and patrons. She also commented on some of the activity happening in the couples area, nothing too extreme, but I think we left before the good stuff began.

She's agreed to go back in the future.

So, did we take a baby step in the right direction?? lol

[exploringRM]

That was sort of our entrance to exploring the Lifestyle. We were in Vegas and wife got cold feet at a swing club (never been) so the cabbie suggested we hit a strip club. It was a very hot experience and with the help of a few drinks my wife was very excited by the attention she received by the strippers (female) and of course that was hot for me to watch.

I can't say that going to a strip club is an automatic in to swinging but your wife is willing to explore things and that can't hurt!

[two4youinswva]

Sounds like you two had fun, and that is the most important thing.

It is a positive step I think. It definitely wasn't a step in the wrong direction.

Just keep in mind that it may never go further than this. Lots of folks flirt with the idea, but when the rubber meets the road, they aren't willing to do more. Not a bad thing, just a reality.

Best of luck to both of you!

[LagniappeDC]

Best thing you can do at this point is enjoy the night as if it were a one time thing. Give her some time to think about the night and see if she asks to go back. If some time passes, perhaps just bring up the night in conversation to see what about it she thought was fun, exciting and even what turned her off (if anything). Even if you do go back it may be that that is all that you'll do. For many, the fantasy is enough! -- it's a big leap from that to swinging!! If you do proceed, then see if there is an off premise swing club in your area. Those are clubs that do not allow sex on premise so it's a fun way to get into the sexy vibe and not have any real pressure to play there. That's how we started. Take the baby steps and enjoy!

[Newpants]

I agree with those that said to just enjoy the evening as a fun evening out and not to look at it as a step towards a specific objective.

The stippers in and of itself is not really a step but talking about how it is fun to get out and socialize in a sexually charged environment and that it is OK to appreciate an attractive person of the opposite (or even same sex) and not have it be a threat to your marriage or a cause of jealousy/insecurity can be a baby step.

In otherwords the actual strippers may or may not mean a thing but the communication it can produce is what will determine if things will ever move forward or not.

[T-Rex]

Another thought: my wife is straight and never had much interest in strip clubs. She would go, but they didn't do anything for her. Our "progression" was basically this: My wife and I liked to go to the beach, and then to nude beaches, then nudist resorts and cruises, where we met some nice swingers, then lifestyle clubs where we could get naked and have sex, then sex with other couples. It was a slow progression, and to be honest, until we started meeting swingers, I don't think swinging had really occurred to us. Nonetheless, the journey was a lot of fun. I guess the point of this is perhaps to pursue activities that interest both you, which could be strip clubs or other things, that get you comfortable with swinging and pointed in that direction.

[DaBo]

Fun is the main objective with us. If either of us didn't enjoy it, we wouldn't do it again.

That said, she's already agreed to go back but I'm not in a rush to go. The possibility of swinging is my idea, but not something I have to do. As with the strip club, it's something new to try. It will always be her decision if it's my idea.

I've been a member here for 2 1/2 years, and I've gone from bringing up my idea of swinging to her agreeing to go to the strip club. Progress may be slow, and if that's all the progress, so be it. I'm happy.

[Coupleerotic22]

Patience is a virtue.

My wife and I discussed "swinging" (although we didn't call it that) for more than half of our first 20 years of marriage. We both had fun with it, but her stance was always, hell no it wont happen in real life. So I just settled back and enjoyed the fantasy world with her.

Every now and then I would ask sheepishly if is there was any chance to take it to real life. Usually I go the say "hell no" but sometimes I would get this evil grin and a "maybe" response.

One day out of the blue, she came to me and said let have some fun (very short version of a very long story). We have been having fun ever since. Let her take it at her own pace, enjoy what you have going now and see what happens. Patience paid off big time for me

[Oilsnake]

For us, we started watching porn a few months after we met. Before me she had never watch it. About year later we went to a local strip club. We had fun, but nothing to crazy as I didnt even get a lap dance. For next 11 years, we didn't do anything outside of watch porn on occasion. During that time, we had two kids, so going out just wasn't an option. Once our kids got old enough, we decided to start going out again. We talked about going to strip club for my birthday. We decided to go ahead go to one and for the most part we had fun. I got to tip some strippers, plus got a lap dance. I notice my wife seemed to really like watching. A few months later I asked if she would want to go another strip club, not knowing how she would react. Surprisingly she said yes. To top it off, she end up getting several lap dances that night from a very hot stripper. I never seen my wife get that wild, so it got me thinking about what else we could do. This past Valentines day my wife and I were watching a porn movie. It was two male one female video. I notice my wife was really getting turned on by it, so out of the blue I asked her if she would be interested in MFM. Now I know she has thought about it before because we have seen it in other movies, plus we have shared our sexual fantasies over the years and of course one of them for her was a MFM. I told her the only way that is every going to happen is if we join a swing site, so we joined Swing Lifestyle. At this point, we have not had MFM, but are still considering it. What we have done is gone to a swing club, and we are about to go again this weekend. We have only had one soft swap and for now thats the comfort level we feel best at. We want to keep taking it slow and at some point move on to full swap and MFM. Sorry for the long post, but to answer your question, I would say yes, this is a step forward in towards the swing life style.

[couplesdeli]

Like someone said, it's definitely not a step in the *wrong* direction! My wife and I swing now and then, but we definitely started with baby steps. We did go to a strip club once or twice. Then while on vacation in Myrtle Beach we decided to try going to a small swinger club we found out about there. We ended up having a blast (nothing like a good first experience to get things started). She had a few drinks and got out on the dance floor with a bunch of other girls out there and even flashed me from the dance floor a few times. As the night wore on she went as far as going into one of those shadowboxes with another girl and did like a little silhouetted tease for me with her. They hit it off and later that night as she got very comfortable, she even went down on me while sitting on a couch next to the girl she mets husband while the girl went down on her husband next to us!

So yeah it was a good start.... and it started the same as yours!

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by DaBo

Fun is the main objective with us. If either of us didn't enjoy it, we wouldn't do it again.

That said, she's already agreed to go back but I'm not in a rush to go. The possibility of swinging is my idea, but not something I have to do. As with the strip club, it's something new to try. It will always be her decision if it's my idea.

I've been a member here for 2 1/2 years, and I've gone from bringing up my idea of swinging to her agreeing to go to the strip club. Progress may be slow, and if that's all the progress, so be it. I'm happy.

It sounds like you've got the right attitude, and hopefully that baby step will lead to more baby steps in the future. If nothing else, it was a fun evening that was a little more than the "norm" for you.

=)

[DaBo]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

It sounds like you've got the right attitude, and hopefully that baby step will lead to more baby steps in the future. If nothing else, it was a fun evening that was a little more than the "norm" for you.

=)

TY for the compliment on my attitude. I have this site and all the wonderful, honest people to thank for it. I'll keep everyone posting on our progress, even if I only post once every year.