Questions before I start

[chel2324]

I mentioned this to my husband so we have been thinking about trying the swinging lifestyle. I thought it would be a fun experience for us both something new and exciting. What would you suggest starting off with? Should we observe first?

[Alura]

to the Swingers Board, Chel! You can find a lot of answers to your questions here. Do searches for topics that interest y'all. Read the existing forums and ask any question you don't find.

I'd suggest you and your husband read together the threads that interest y'all and talk, talk, talk, about your interests and fantasies.

How would you feel if you saw your husband come in another woman's mouth?

How would your husband feel the first time he knew another man's cock had just slid into your welcoming pussy?

How would both of you feel seeing your mate kiss another with hot passion?

Communication is the most important part of swinging. Those who can do so are usually successful; those who can't, aren't.

Alura

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by chel2324

Should we observe first?

First of all, I welcome you to The Swingersboard.



Yes, observe. Any more, I am giving almost everybody the same advice when they ask about starting out. Plan a visit to a swingers' club. Watch, observe. And talk to people. Changes are good you will not be the only people there who are "first timers". And there will be experienced people too -- every one of which will seem to have a different reason for being in "The Lifestyle". Don't let that take you off your own course. Your reason will be just as good as theirs.

~Michael

[JoCoCpl]

I guess I'll just repeat what others have said. Observe the boards, talk with each other, visit an event or club, talk more, read more, talk more.... you get the idea. We did that for over six months before our first experience.

Every couple (actually, every PERSON) is different in what they want and expect, especially when just starting out. Chances are the two of you will have different "wants" going in and it's quite likely that you will both have different ideas for limitations as you get going. With your fist club/event visit, go without expectations of anything happening. Just observe, meet some people, and soak up the atmosphere. When you're done, talk about it. A LOT.

Most of all, take your time. Do NOT rush into anything before both of you are comfortable, ready, and confident that you can do this without creating difficulties between the two of you. Successful swinging requires 100% honesty and openness. If you cannot do that, then swinging is not for you.

Good luck!!

[LagniappeDC]

Not much to add to the terrific advice already given above, so we'll just relate a personal experience. When we first dipped our toe in the water, we went to an "off-premise" club which typically means no (open) sexual activity at the club. For us, that took a lot of pressure off of us in terms of having to make decisions about offers to play, etc. We eventually tried out clubs that had playrooms and such...etc, etc.

That was our path. For us the LS is a marathon, not a sprint. We have really fun friends who jumped right into the deep end, moving immediately to full-swap with multiple couples.

So talk it through, figure out what path is most comfortable for you. We'd also recommend going into situations with a general "plan" or rules and stick to those rather than trying to adjust or negotiate in the moment.

Most of all, have fun!

[DigginIt]

Hey Chel2324!

The one thing that my wife and I firmly believe is that swinging is consistently inconsistent. Just take small steps that are within your comfort level and know that everything you think you would like to try today will eventually evolve once (and if) you become comfortable. Looking at it from the outside can make it seem overwhelming initially but everything is like that until you get involved.

It's all trust coupled with a leap of faith that the two of you can enjoy a life of sexual gratification (together) without the jealousy. Some people make the transition extremely well while for others it can be a little bumpy at first. Like everyone said, it's about the communication. You both have to be able to be honest. No "sugar coating" the conversations.

I wasn't initially comfortable with my wife swallowing during oral sex but what it actually turned out to be was I had put that particular sexual act up on a pedestal and really there was no basis for that uncomfortableness after we started talking about it. You have to be able to talk about it, openly and preferably not while you are having sex!!

So, getting specifically to your question; I was much more comfortable with the idea of swinging than my wife (even though she came to me one day out of the blue and said "let's give this a try") so we made our first decision which was to try a club. We went to an on-premise club in New Orleans. We didn't PLAN for a MFM scenario first but that's what we ended up going with and everything has been fantastic ever since. We have had a few experiences that were not so great and you should EXPECT that nothing will go as you plan but at the end of the day, they were all fun.

Don't rush, be patient and try not to make decisions in the heat of the moment. Leads to "buyers remorse" later, lol.

Depending on where you live, you may be close to an on-premise club. You can also find swingers who are "new swinger" friendly and are willing to go at your own pace.

The question really is, what do you THINK you two want to do? Start with that and decide what you both are WILLING to do the first few times until you are both sure how you will react seeing each other with someone new.

(Edit - An additional thought) Something else that popped to mind after I had completed this post and I wanted to add is you two should also talk about the "why" you two want to do this? Make sure you are both doing it for the right reasons. Wrong ones would include things such as being unhappy in your marriage, trying to fix a bad sex life, etc. Those are things that need to be rock solid before jumping in. For instance, Mrs Diggs and I got into the lifestyle because we missed that 'lustful' feeling you get when being with someone new but nothing was broken in the relationship. Hope that makes sense?

Good luck! It's the best decision we ever made!!

[DiscreetDesires]

I completely agree with the other posters. Baby steps are always better than giant leaps especially when it comes to something like this.
It's always easier to take things slower than to realize you've made a big mistake by going too far resulting in something disasterous for your marriage, which should be your number 1 priority.

I would recommend reading Opening Up, by Tristan Taormino. It's a great book about many different types of open relationships and can help start discussions between the two of you and will help you both to find what you are looking for, setting boundaries, etc.
It's been a great resource and help to us!

[snapps]

First of all, decide exactly what you guys are trying to get outta this... if you are seeking something you are LACKING in your relationhisp/marriage... then i suggest you stop and walk away.... quickly.... if indeed you care two cents about your relationship/marriage...