New Guy Here...With Familiar Dilemma

[want2watch40]

Originally Posted by hughb

You've been married seven years. By now she knows you have a pervy streak (I base this on the assumption that you're heterosexual and you have a pulse).

We're Christian and we are just in the dating stage now, meeting new couples every few weeks. But our conversation began with discussions on adultery. "Is dancing with someone else adulterous? How about kissing?"

Have more date weekends or nights that are conducive to these discussions.

Just get her to begin the process of assessing her premises and considering the possibilities. It could take a while, but you've got the rest of your lives to work on it.

I can say from personal experience that my ex thought that talking to another woman with just the slight hint of flirting was cheating. I knew she was somewhat "religious" when I married her but didn't realize how closed minded she was. I tried to "put up" with it but it just became too much and I finally left.

It was so bad that she monitored my computer use, the people I talked to and gave me hell if I wanted to watch any porn.

Needless to say, I have found a much better match and loving every minute of it.

There was a post earlier about
1)Putting up with it
2)Leaving
3)Trying to get it to work

I first put up with it, then I tried to get it to work (boy was that a mistake, I thought she would send me to hell right then and I only briefly mentioned a 3some). I ended up leaving and much happier for it.

[Newpants]

What exactly is your question for us? Is your question how to approach your wife about the possibility of swinging or is it how to get your wife to be more sexually exciting for you? Those are two different concepts with two different answers.

I get the feeling that what is laying underneath all of this is that you have at least some degree of generalized dissatisfaction with your love and sex life with her in general. That is a whole other issue besides the typical, "how do I approach my wife about swinging?" topic.

As I get the feeling that this may be more about some boredom, dissatisfaction and communication issues in your marriage, I am somewhat hesitant to discuss swinging issues because if there are any problems at home to begin with, swinging will INTENSIFY the problems and not correct them.

Before you can start discussing swinging you need to be able to discuss ANYTHING openly and honestly with each other first without fear of judgement, discust, reprisal or abandonment.

Pillow talk, picture taking and little innuendos during the heat of the moment are all valid fun activities but they are worlds away from real swinging and may not have any more significance that just a little extra fun in bed. It may not mean that she has any real interest or tolerance for real swinging.

But keep this in mind also, none of us were born swingers, we all have some kind of religious beliefs and while it is critical to have a strong marriage with good communication, none of us had/have "perfect" marriages. We all started somewhere.

If you can please try to define your primary question a little bit. Are you wanting you and your wife to be swingers or are you wanting a more stimulating and satsifying sexlife with your wife? Those are two different things with two different approaches.

[Gordo]

You coward This woman has you shaking in your boots. It's only your wife, surely you can talk to her and if not her, then who? Strangers like us? It always amazes me that people are more comfortable talking about sex to total strangers than their most loved and cherished partner.

Stop playing chess in your mind and start talking with your mouth.

Here's a suggestion. Even better done while role playing during foreplay and she's turned on.

Sweetie. You've mentioned swinging a couple of times and because it's not something I knew much about I went and did some research and reading. I was a little surprised to find that like the role playing we do and taking naked pictures that even flirting with the idea of swinging turned me on. Maybe there's something there we can use, even for roleplaying. I'd like to do some reading with you about it.

Afterward go to the computer and bring up what you want and just call her over to read and discuss. At least as a fantasy (to start) it will get her closer to the subject.

I was so scared of talking to my wife but when I did and she finally met a guy she really liked she went over the fence like a doberman after the postman. Shocked the hell out me that my sweet, sexually modest, spiritually religious wife could act like that.

[Fringeswinger]

Best post I've seen in a long time: "It's only your wife, surely you can talk to her and if not her, then who? Strangers like us? It always amazes me that people are more comfortable talking about sex to total strangers than their most loved and cherished partner."

You have to be prepared for the possibility that this is just "play" and she won't want to take it farther than that. You have to be prepared to accept "NO". Maybe she will come around even after that, maybe not. You have to decide if it is a deal breaker for you.

I decided it was not a deal breaker for me. Actually, you have it better than me. If I were you, I'd be happy. The grass is not always greener.

bill

[couplesdeli]

One of the things I like to do to spice things up and get my wife's "creative juices" flowing is while in bed, in the heat of the moment, I'll have her suck on my finger and say dirty little things about it being another guy at the same time etc. Might be a good little trick you can try out. Also, maybe try going to one of those theme hotels, at least I know of one by me... red lights, jacuzzi, heart shaped bed, mirrors on the ceiling... the whole shibang. It's a fun way to get kinky together. While there flip on the porn channel and turn it up... pretend it's another couple in the room.