Jealousy issues...

[ginger07]

We've had a handful of experiences now...have had fun...but suddenly ugly jealous emotions have risen in me. We went to a party recently and a woman was all over my hubby...necking him, dancing seductively with him & really wanting him...this very intimitate seduction bothered me immensely...WAY more than us all going off in a room and having sex with other people. I know this sounds weird but I can't get over it. My hubby said he wouldn't have done that if he knew how much it bothered me...I have lots of problems with the whole scenario...I know we will run into them again...I am not attracted to this woman's husband even though he is attracted to me....I don't like the feelings I am having it just makes me feel very uneasy, insecure and not like my usual confident self.

[DigginIt]

My wife and I will not play with half of a couple unless it's half of a couple we normally would play with together. Just leads to unneeded pressure or feelings of obligatory sex by the other (taking one for the team). It's harder to find a couple but so much more worth it when you do.

Something that pops in my mind is that it sounds like the jealousy may be intensified by the fact that you are being left out. Would you have been as jealous if your tongue was all over an equally hot SO? It's easy to feel slighted when not involved in the play. You can also factor in that you may not like that person. A guy can be super hot, hung like a horse and it wouldn't bother me. Make the guy a jackass and all of a sudden I'd be pissed if my wife was playing with them all over a feeling of I don't think the guy deserves my wife. Make sense?

Just keep talking about it and I'm sure you two will work through it.

Good luck.

[exploringRM]

Everyone has their way of playing. Most of the parties we've attended, it's alot of 1 on 1 swap, without swapping with partners that are together. I find my fun, my wife finds hers. Sometimes it's turns out it's with both people from a couple.

I feel you two need to talk and decide how you want to "roll" at parties. But a bird in hand.... If you do go with separate play and your husband liked the woman but turned her down, that might have been his only opportunity at that event to play.

For us, we are happy if each other finds the fun. Yes we teasingly "compete" with our experiences but never any jealousy.

And having recently been on the receiving end of jealousy from our swap couple's wife it's not fun.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by ginger07

We've had a handful of experiences now...have had fun...but suddenly ugly jealous emotions have risen in me.

Welcome to the reality part of swinging, Ginger. It is confusing sometimes, hopefully they're rare occurrences, but well worth exploring. Not only as an individual, but as a couple as well.

We went to a party recently and a woman was all over my hubby...necking him, dancing seductively with him & really wanting him...this very intimitate seduction bothered me immensely...WAY more than us all going off in a room and having sex with other people.

I have to ask at this point because I feel you are a "same room" couple.

Do you think she was threatening to you personally, or your relationship ?

If so, how and why comes to mind ?

Your personal reasons are valid, even if its just an intuition feeling you have about someone. We're not all a match, and never should be.

I know this sounds weird but I can't get over it.

I don't think it's "weird" weird, but I know what ya mean.. LOL. Sometimes there are instances or occurrences that just stick with me personally. I hate it when someone says to me "it was nothing, you just need to get over it" Yea, like that really freaking helps

I personally have to go through series of thoughts, realizations, and answer my own questions. In the end, I either find my answers, or I don't "get over it". If nothing else, I can minimize something to almost a non existence feeling, and still not get over it. Other times I see my own weakness or confusion and use them for not only guidance, but strength as well. Self realization is a powerful thing... Not only in life, but successful swinging as well.

My hubby said he wouldn't have done that if he knew how much it bothered me...

Ahhh, thats very noble to say the least... Kudos to hubby thats the way it should be. We found good, meaningfull eye contact helps if not those little, "we need to take a moment and talk" times. Many times in a social setting thats hard to do. But lets just call it what it is, that emotional cat's out of the bag now. There are things we just can't say at the club because we don't want to be that drama, or in the limelight couple. So we hold it in, kinda like wearing an emotional mask.... Its those we find with their masks off, as we see it, that feels right when its right. Do you sense that in her ? Like there is just something about "HER" ? Maybe, your catching that vibe. Maybe its not that you don't like her or what she was doing, as much as you perceived something superficial from her. Womans Intuition... I love it ! I learned to trust it, from my own wife as well as others.

I have lots of problems with the whole scenario...I know we will run into them again...I am not attracted to this woman's husband even though he is attracted to me....

I cant say you will or will not become more comfortable with this couple or even the situation. But one of you have to make the gesture when seeing them that its not going to happen. If they are experienced, "getting over it" (the rejection) is up to them. No means No, right ? The first and greatest rule is there for self protection, as I see it.

I don't like the feelings I am having it just makes me feel very uneasy, insecure and not like my usual confident self.

Trust your intuitions... You may become more comfortable with this woman/couple.... or you might have been right, for a reason. Proceed with caution, would be my advice at this point

Do you feel that this one instance could overflow into the next situation, with someone new ?

To me, that in a way, IS "getting over it".

What do you think ?


Fun4ds

[realcplub2]

i would say its time to talk between you both..

the thing is, the moment either of you has an issue its supposed to be game over.. and either one can call the game.. at any time

as far as not being attracted to the other half of the couple.. another reason to call the game..

We arent too big on "taking one for the team" around here

[Additude]

Apparently the green monster rose because you felt threatened by this other womans actions twords your husband.

I think that would be a general first defence emotion in a vanilla world.

Not that it should be ignored, but it really boils down to what your hubby was doing with it and what was going to happen after you left and went home together.

It's something your going to have to deal with. These things are going to happen at swingers parties and as long as you and your spouse are on the same page, then you don't need to feel threatened, jealous, or as jealous.

Of course there may be the "they are getting more attention than me" jealousy also.

But as long as you are both on the same page and follow agreed to rules between you two then you need to relax your mindset.

In most cases, that's what those rules provide between couples, they are just gates to avert jealousy issues and are usually good for nothing else.

Then as time goes on and jealousies become controllable and those rules will relax and most of the time dissapear.

[ginger07]

Something that pops in my mind is that it sounds like the jealousy may be intensified by the fact that you are being left out. Would you have been as jealous if your tongue was all over an equally hot SO?

I think so. The seduction made me feel as if I was suddenly irreplaceable. Scary feeling for me. Even though in my head I know that is not true...we have an awesome marriage...but it is thinking with my heart that freaked me out.

[ginger07]

I have to ask at this point because I feel you are a "same room" couple.

Do you think she was threatening to you personally, or your relationship ?

If so, how and why comes to mind ?

Yes that is what we have wanted. Our feelings is this is something we do together. If we wanted to each go off and have sex with others I could go else where than swinger parties...seriously I hate to sound snotty or stuck up but so far the guys to choose from or that I have been with would not be guys I would go for normally. I feel like I have been compromising a few times...I would have better luck at a regular club...but that is not what we are wanting to do...we are wanting to experience things TOGETHER.

I do think she was threatening our relationship...that is what was scary to me...

I don't think it's "weird" weird, but I know what ya mean.. LOL. Sometimes there are instances or occurrences that just stick with me personally. I hate it when someone says to me "it was nothing, you just need to get over it" Yea, like that really freaking helps

I can relate to that!

Do you sense that in her ? Like there is just something about "HER" ? Maybe, your catching that vibe. Maybe its not that you don't like her or what she was doing, as much as you perceived something superficial from her. Womans Intuition... I love it ! I learned to trust it, from my own wife as well as others.

I don't know what it is about her...she is attractive...and I don't feel threatened by that I have heard I am pretty attractive myself .... it's the intimacy she is trying to do...in my face...looking at me when she does it...you are right it is that "instinct". Her hubby is alright looking, nice body....but no personality. He comes up to me and hovers and stares...freaky. I told my husband there is no efffin way....

Trust your intuitions... You may become more comfortable with this woman/couple.... or you might have been right, for a reason. Proceed with caution, would be my advice at this point

Do you feel that this one instance could overflow into the next situation, with someone new ?

To me, that in a way, IS "getting over it".

What do you think ?

I think this could overflow into the next situation....I suddenly feel like I don't want to share myself and I don't want to share my husband...we have amazing sex on our own. The sex we've had with others in swinging situations just doesn't compare...it's "fun" but not amazing....for both of us. The anticipation of doing something different and wild is fun...but it never ends up being that way...our sex leading up to an encounter is incredible...I think if anything we just need to swing less if we are going to do it and have it only when it's perfectly right for both of us....last weekend we didn't go out with anyone...but we ended up on our own having a fantastic time....