trying to get started, but wife is sexually uptight

[Plasticman57]

I have been married 17 years to the same woman...the woman you are talking about. Her problems started when she had fibroid surgery and took medicines for he hormones. Later she had a hysterectomy and it got worse. While she was never the sex kitten she would always hide in the dark while dressing and feel ashamed if she had on anything sexy, after the surgery she just lost all interest in sex, being sexy or sexual intimacy. Your wifes issues might be hormonal or emotional. If neither of these are the problem then you may be faced with a difficult decision. First try to see if there is a biological, psychological or medical issue before you write her off.

[MasterHack2007]

Im perfectly fine with never getting into the lifestyle just kind of a fantasy. My wife is starting to open up a little but there is a long way to go and while she may never get all the way there I will be pleased if she opens up just enough for her to trully enjoy sex between the two of us

[jamen]

We have the same situation.She says she is just happy with me,and swinging never comes into her mind.There was a point where she approached an ex and spoke with him about it but he wasn't interested.Folks said even that situatiion was a bad idea.He was interested in a one on one with her but not a 3 way.She declined him.Sometimes ya just need to fantasize and that as far as it will ever go.So as in our situation just be greatful you have her for who she is and run with it.

[eraserxx7]

I have read all the comments that you have gotten. I just want to say thaI a have been in your position for the last 25-30 years. My wife has never been open with me. She has never felt comfortable undressing in front of me. She still will cover herself if i come into the room and she is dressing. Our sex life has been ono-existant since the birth of of our last child 40 years ago. We are in our sixties. I have a big craving fr sex. Thats why I am here and why I am on many sites looking for sex. Over the years I have even asked her to have sexwith other men, she rfused but at times likes the idea. I took he to longes so men would pick her up, she refused them. I tried to get her into a lesbian encounter, she backed out. We once viewd a tape of women getting fucked by dogs. She always enjoyed the idea of getting fucked doggy style. I offered to get he a dog, and she said yes, but when the dog wanted to mount her she just teased him but never did anything. When we did have sex she wanted me to pretend I was a doberman fucking her doggy style. Today she will not try anything sexually . She knows I am out looking for women , she does not object. She says she is o dry and will never have sex. I am thinking of leaving hrer, she tells me to go ahead if thats what I want to find women. She never wanted counseling because she felt it wa no bodys business. My kids think I am a sex addict because she has led them to believe al I do is chase women. All I would say is get your divorce, if you really want to enjoy sex in your remaing time. Your biological clock is running down.

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by eraserxx7

I have read all the comments that you have gotten. I just want to say thaI a have been in your position for the last 25-30 years. My wife has never been open with me. She has never felt comfortable undressing in front of me. She still will cover herself if i come into the room and she is dressing. Our sex life has been ono-existant since the birth of of our last child 40 years ago. We are in our sixties. I have a big craving fr sex. Thats why I am here and why I am on many sites looking for sex. Over the years I have even asked her to have sex with other men, she rfused but at times likes the idea. I took he to longes so men would pick her up, she refused them. I tried to get her into a lesbian encounter, she backed out. We once viewd a tape of women getting fucked by dogs. She always enjoyed the idea of getting fucked doggy style. I offered to get he a dog, and she said yes, but when the dog wanted to mount her she just teased him but never did anything. When we did have sex she wanted me to pretend I was a doberman fucking her doggy style. Today she will not try anything sexually . She knows I am out looking for women , she does not object. She says she is o dry and will never have sex. I am thinking of leaving hrer, she tells me to go ahead if thats what I want to find women. She never wanted counseling because she felt it wa no bodys business. My kids think I am a sex addict because she has led them to believe al I do is chase women. All I would say is get your divorce, if you really want to enjoy sex in your remaing time. Your biological clock is running down.

YIKES!!

Can't imagine what her problem is, CAN YOU????

Or were you writing in Yoda Speak?

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by MasterHack2007

Im perfectly fine with never getting into the lifestyle just kind of a fantasy. My wife is starting to open up a little but there is a long way to go and while she may never get all the way there I will be pleased if she opens up just enough for her to trully enjoy sex between the two of us

Ok, now that that one was addressed lets get on to answering the OP

Your wife needs to feel trust IN you.. not to judge, not to riddicule, and to accept what she says..

And yes, the Other post, apparently it WAS there, but, it was way out of our ballpark

How about trying a simple exercise and see how it works.. As foreplay, ask her to close her eyes and Imagine.. throw a senerio or two at her, Friends, Celebrities, Characters from TV or Movies... Get teh ball rooling and then interject asking what they are doing now.. or what she is doing with them..

See how that goes.. add in a few toys to simulate another person.. and what her reactions.. if she gets freaked out.. STOP immediately.. If she reacts positively, go slow and add more.. or more another tiime.. Do not try fantasy play everytime you get in bed, but use it to enhance your lovemaking, and if she gets the idea that Hey maybe it would be even better with another playmate..

Best of luck

[want2watch40]

I feel your pain.

I was married to a similar woman for 25 years. I worked my way up to getting her to try new things with me but I still felt she was not at all comfortable with them. She didn't even like limited PDA.

I ended up watching porn and chatting with other women online to satisfy my fantasies. This only made our marriage worse and I finally left.

I am now in a relationship with a woman that is a dream come true. We talk about our sexual desires and our past sexual experiences. We have even discussed this lifestyle and may some day participate in it.

I am so much happier knowing I have a woman that is not hung up on what society classifies as "normal" sexual behavior.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by MasterHack2007

Im perfectly fine with never getting into the lifestyle just kind of a fantasy. My wife is starting to open up a little but there is a long way to go and while she may never get all the way there I will be pleased if she opens up just enough for her to trully enjoy sex between the two of us

I have to ask... How, do you speak to your wife about this ? do you tell her she is "uptight" as in "dont be so uptight about it honey" ?

Just for clarifacation

[MasterHack2007]

i do tell he pretty much that i think she is kind of uptight about sex, i consider the fact that she seems uncomfortable with normal sex with her husband to the extent that she is unable to enjoy the experience to the fullest as "uptight" swinger lifestyle and all is beyond normal sexual experiences so that isnt really part of my definition of her being uptight its just the normal sexuality that she is unable to enjoy that makes me consider her uptight and yes address it to her as her being uptight and having mental roadblocks that stop her from enjoying sex and its more of "your uptightness inhibits your ability to enjoy our sex life"