can you start dating a man and start swinging at the same time?

Ok, here's the situation, just starting to get to know someone. Up til now, past boyfriends were sooo against this lifestyle. He seems interested, we both have the same views about it. So, my question is, can you start a relationship and explore swinging at the same time, or do you establish a relationship first, then explore the swinging? Oh, by the way, we are looking for a serious relationship.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

So, my question is, can you start a relationship and explore swinging at the same time, or do you establish a relationship first, then explore the swinging?

I think it depends on the couple. I think there are some that could pull this off, but many that couldn't. I'd say that the same basics would apply, starting with great communication.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Ok, here's the situation, just starting to get to know someone. Up til now, past boyfriends were sooo against this lifestyle. He seems interested, we both have the same views about it. So, my question is, can you start a relationship and explore swinging at the same time, or do you establish a relationship first, then explore the swinging? Oh, by the way, we are looking for a serious relationship.

The answer is yes to each question, as we all get here through different paths in life.

What are each of you views at this point ?

What are your boundaries as individuals or as a couple ?

How did you meet each other ?

See what I mean...... There are so many variables at this point. Can you express what you know about each other ?

[Additude]

I could pull this off and incorporate it into a new relationship.

But I could only do it because of past experiences and only if I was also with a previously experienced partner. I do not think any other situation would work easily at all.

I think newbies going into this green and who may have done nothing nore than just fantasized about it would be nothing more than a plane wreck in the making.

So, with experience, YES, with either partner having no prior experience, NO.

[SecretAsianMan]

I've had some experience in the lifestyle and brought new g/f's into it with me as our relationships were in early stages (some of which had prior experience in the lifestyle - a few with none) ... and it really comes down to the individuals involved.

I was fortunate (or smart) in that I usually brought them with me to specific parties / events where we'd play with others (and each other)... and we'd always have time together to discuss things with each other afterwards - and since we were at a specific event (and not doing this on "dates" or bringing them into our day-to-day lives) it was easy to keep that separated from other aspects of our relationship

...and we didn't do it all the time. First, just to try it together... then back for more if we liked it and everyone was okay with it.

[fredsgirl]

i posted this question, let me elaborate. we met through a mutual friend, were interested in each other, but were both in relationships. we have talked at great lengths about out interest in this. I brought up the subject. To date, i have no experience. He has had fmf threesomes. We both, have the same rules on the situation. like the veto power. up front about feelings and interest. and when you get down to it. We just want to have fun, but maintain a relationship mainly with each other first. The "outside" fun, is to remain outside, in our eyes. So, i hope that helps you out. I guess my question was, do you need to establish the main relationship, before going out and having fun?

[fun4Ds]

So you have a current boyfriend (relationship) and he has a current girlfriend (relationship) ?

Are you hoping to swing outside your current relationships ?

[fredsgirl]

no, sorry, it sounded that way huh? I meant we both became single are discussing a relationship now. Also, have discussed the swinging at great length, just wondering. Can you explore new relationship at same time you both explore swinging?

[Alura]

Originally Posted by fredsgirl

Can you explore new relationship at same time you both explore swinging?

Laura and I did, but it seems there was little we didn't explore in our relationship. If a person is more than mildly interested in the lifestyle, I think it's absolutely necessary to discuss it early-on. If asking a question results in the end of the relationship, the friendship wasn't likely to have succeeded anyway because of inadequate communication.

Alura

[Powerglide]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

I think it depends on the couple. I think there are some that could pull this off, but many that couldn't. I'd say that the same basics would apply, starting with great communication.

Starting both at the same time worked for us! But, of course, your mileage may vary.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by fredsgirl

no, sorry, it sounded that way huh? I meant we both became single are discussing a relationship now. Also, have discussed the swinging at great length, just wondering. Can you explore new relationship at same time you both explore swinging?

So far no one is objecting to the idea....

As for me personally, I would pursue the relationship first.....

(Hypothetically), I highly doubt I could be a single male in the lifestyle with a single female. The relationship would be to important... I would more than likely, be a third for couples.

If a woman asked me this question 3 times I would consider it very important !

What's fred's idea about this ?



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[realcplub2]

Exactly my thinking Fun4Ds

Please understand what this sounds like... You are just starting a relationship, Boyfriend Girlfriend, and before you have really established the levels of trust and of attachment, you are talking about sharing each other with others..

Jumping right into the lifestyle, at this point seems like it could quickly turn into a test drive for a new partner... On either side, his or yours.. When your relationship is still brand new its much easier for the green eyed monster to show up.

Our suggestion:
Build the relationship, and keep the promise of more in a set time limit you both come up with down the road, and make each other your exculsives during that time period.. Then once you have both sexcited each other, know the keys and clues on getting each other turned on.. tried out all sorts of fun sex.. then consider playing So long as you can keep jealousy out of it

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by fredsgirl

Can you explore new relationship at same time you both explore swinging?

You can, but I wouldn't advise it. There are so many pitfalls (as I'm sure you know) in new relationships that it takes a lot of time and committment to really build them. Add in swinging and you just amplify those issues. It's better to really take some time and make sure your relationship is on solid ground first, get past all the "new romance" stuff, and get to the point in your relationship where everyone is being real (instead of trying to impress) at the very least.

In reality, though, for a relationship to really succeed long term you need to focus on it first before adding in swinging. That said, if you aren't concerned with long term and just looking for fun, go for it. Of course, understand that some couples will shy away from you because of the double potential for drama (new as a couple AND new to swinging).