Apart or Together???

[GeorgeofJungle]

Hi, George at the keyboard.

So we went; and, in the end, we stayed together...we enjoyed the party and retired by ourselves to our own hotel room. That's still a treat for us, given our busy personal and work lives. Time alone together and privacy are very rare for us at home.

We talked with quite a few people and had great conversation, when the opportunity arose. We didn't push any issues; and neither did the people we talked to.

I will say that we learned quite a bit about the club scene; and we're on the fence with it. Before the music started, we had a great time talking and mingling, getting drinks...

But, once the music started, it seemed that there were a set cast of characters that did their thing on the dance floor (pole dancing, bump and grind conga lines, girl on girl stuff, giving their male partner lap dances...). To us, this was more of a distraction; and it seemed harder for us to find conversation with others, as most people were either part of the above, or watching it. It also seemed that the people doing it had either contacted each other over the web beforehand...or they were veterans of this club re-hashing their act at yet another party.

Call me odd...but I'm forty; and I've only spent about 5 minutes in a strip club. I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me. Don't get me wrong, we've watched porn together (occasionally) and we definitely still have "spark", and all the parts still work fine...it's just that, the stuff on the dance floor, including girls going topless...just didn't do anything for me...it sort of made me feel like I was watching a train wreck...you know...you look; but don't think you should. It definitely didn't attract me to the women that were doing it (well...with the exception of the pole dancer, but she had her clothes on...she just looked like she was having a blast)...does that make me odd???

On the other hand, Ursula has given me a lap dance in our bedroom before...that was hot!

We hung out for a while and retired to our hotel room, where we had a great time. We also talked alot on the drive home the next day. We didn't rule out another party; and we didn't rule out going further into the lifestyle...we just talked about what we liked and didn't like.

For instance, I told her that, even if we became regulars at the partys, you would never see me out in a "hump line" on the dance floor, or you would never see me grabbing womens' bottoms as they walked by (which was going on some). I also don't think you would ever see Ursula giving me a lapdance on the dance floor. Although, maybe she would give one to another guy someday...I can't speak for her.

We did dance; but we danced like we would at any party. I always have my hands all over her, but it's mostly my hand to her hand, her hair, her back...you know, more like ballroom dancing.

Are we prudes...or is there room for being a lady and a gentleman, even if you swing? Will this just make us seem too stuffy for the party crowd?

I also wanted to add that we didn't stand there and criticize the people on the dance floor doing the stuff that I mentioned above...I mean, it WAS a swingers party...that's what it's for. We just didn't feel a need to become a part of it.

George.

[prometheius]

Originally Posted by GeorgeofJungle

So we went; and, in the end, we stayed together...we enjoyed the party and retired by ourselves to our own hotel room.

We talked with quite a few people and had great conversation, when the opportunity arose. We didn't push any issues; and neither did the people we talked to.

We often have simillar experiences at the clubs and we do enjoy them, hope you did too.

Call me odd...but I'm forty; and I've only spent about 5 minutes in a strip club. I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me. Don't get me wrong, we've watched porn together (occasionally) and we definitely still have "spark", and all the parts still work fine...it's just that, the stuff on the dance floor, including girls going topless...just didn't do anything for me...it sort of made me feel like I was watching a train wreck...you know...you look; but don't think you should. ...does that make me odd???

You are not odd at all, everybody reacts differently to visual stimulation.

We hung out for a while and retired to our hotel room, where we had a great time. We also talked alot on the drive home the next day. We didn't rule out another party; and we didn't rule out going further into the lifestyle...we just talked about what we liked and didn't like.

All of that talking is what will make the lifestyle work for you.Throughout this forum you will see it said again and again that communication is the key to everything that involves the two of you.

We did dance; but we danced like we would at any party. I always have my hands all over her, but it's mostly my hand to her hand, her hair, her back...you know, more like ballroom dancing.

Are we prudes...or is there room for being a lady and a gentleman, even if you swing? Will this just make us seem too stuffy for the partycrowd?

Behaving as though you have class is not prudish at all. The Mrs. and I swing, we act in a genteel manner when in the public eye, and we are by no means stuffy. We can be a little naughty in public but if you want to see nasty, well, you'll just have to be lucky enough to spend time with us away from the crowd!

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by GeorgeofJungle

Hi, George at the keyboard.

So we went; and, in the end, we stayed together...we enjoyed the party and retired by ourselves to our own hotel room. That's still a treat for us, given our busy personal and work lives. Time alone together and privacy are very rare for us at home.

We talked with quite a few people and had great conversation, when the opportunity arose. We didn't push any issues; and neither did the people we talked to.

I will say that we learned quite a bit about the club scene; and we're on the fence with it. Before the music started, we had a great time talking and mingling, getting drinks...

But, once the music started, it seemed that there were a set cast of characters that did their thing on the dance floor (pole dancing, bump and grind conga lines, girl on girl stuff, giving their male partner lap dances...). To us, this was more of a distraction; and it seemed harder for us to find conversation with others, as most people were either part of the above, or watching it. It also seemed that the people doing it had either contacted each other over the web beforehand...or they were veterans of this club re-hashing their act at yet another party.

Call me odd...but I'm forty; and I've only spent about 5 minutes in a strip club. I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me. Don't get me wrong, we've watched porn together (occasionally) and we definitely still have "spark", and all the parts still work fine...it's just that, the stuff on the dance floor, including girls going topless...just didn't do anything for me...it sort of made me feel like I was watching a train wreck...you know...you look; but don't think you should. It definitely didn't attract me to the women that were doing it (well...with the exception of the pole dancer, but she had her clothes on...she just looked like she was having a blast)...does that make me odd???

On the other hand, Ursula has given me a lap dance in our bedroom before...that was hot!

We hung out for a while and retired to our hotel room, where we had a great time. We also talked alot on the drive home the next day. We didn't rule out another party; and we didn't rule out going further into the lifestyle...we just talked about what we liked and didn't like.

For instance, I told her that, even if we became regulars at the partys, you would never see me out in a "hump line" on the dance floor, or you would never see me grabbing womens' bottoms as they walked by (which was going on some). I also don't think you would ever see Ursula giving me a lapdance on the dance floor. Although, maybe she would give one to another guy someday...I can't speak for her.

We did dance; but we danced like we would at any party. I always have my hands all over her, but it's mostly my hand to her hand, her hair, her back...you know, more like ballroom dancing.

Are we prudes...or is there room for being a lady and a gentleman, even if you swing? Will this just make us seem too stuffy for the party crowd?

I also wanted to add that we didn't stand there and criticize the people on the dance floor doing the stuff that I mentioned above...I mean, it WAS a swingers party...that's what it's for. We just didn't feel a need to become a part of it.

George.

Hi George and Ursula, and welcome to Swingersboard. Congrats on dipping your toes into the lifestyle waters, and at least found some aspects of it pleasing. The clubs/parties aren't for everyone, and as you're fast discovering, swinging is what you make of it.

For Mr. Sweet and I, we're fine with the party atmosphere, but enjoy meeting another couple for dinner/drinks in a vanilla setting, too. When it comes to play time, he prefers to stick close together so he can see/hear me. I'm happier with separate rooms. I have no problem seeing my honey with another woman, but I'd much rather be doing than watching. So even within a couple, it's common to have different preferences.

The important thing is that you and Ursula are happy, and with the great communication you've got going, you're off to a great start. Keep talking about the things that appeal to you, the things that don't, and don't worry so much about what "normal" swingers do.

By the way, there's plenty of room for ladies and gentlemen. Putting a statement like that in your profile (should you create one) would be a great way of letting others know what you're looking for.

=)

[The Fuse]

I don't think anything you felt or experienced makes you prudish at all. Mr. Fuse and I can sympathize with what you feel at those events. Of course, maybe that just makes US prudes as well .

For us, it's kind of hit or miss whether the party atmosphere is sexy, or just in-your-face sex. We don't have anything against porn, but we don't seek it out and most of the time it doesn't get us excited. I wouldn't mind if he wanted to watch it on his own. He just never has.

I think the reason the type of party scene you describe is not that sexy to us is that there is little to no seduction involved, at least sometimes. People just start taking off their clothes and start rubbing on each other. There are times that can be fun, but most of the time we like to be part of a process of enticement. That's what's exciting to us, not as much nudity for nudity's sake, or grinding just because.

Now, if we are in an atmosphere where we know a lot of people well and feel that comfortable, we might just participate in a scene like that and enjoy it. But at most hotel parties, most people are strangers to us. It's just not the same thing.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense. Just wanted you to know I think we have similar feelings on the matter.

[PortlandGuy]

We had our first encounter planned out for March. It looks like that has fallen apart at this point, but we're still interested moving forward with another couple.

Anyway, I had assumed we would just all be in one room. But it seems I was the only one looking forward to being together because I'd love to watch my wife and another guy. Or even join her and another guy. Of course in this case, she knew the people we'd be playing with. So safety wasn't really a concern. It was more about the comfort level of the participants. And since they weren't comfortable being together, that was fine with me.

Since that fell apart, we'll just have to wait and see what the future holds. I'm fine with going either way as long as we're comfortable with things. But I really do want to watch her still and join in on a little MMF action.

[GeorgeofJungle]

George here. Just to close the loop for everyone who gave advice. Our first experience was apart.

It was more of a hotwife type of situation than a same-room swing situation. There was chemistry between Ursula and him; but not between myself and the wife....well, there are a few roadblocks there, the other wife likes bi stuff...mine really didn't like that idea...along with some others

Judging by the reception I got when we met back up...and how good our life together has been since...it worked out OK. She isn't packing her bags to run off with her partner and she's saying that she wants me there the next time.

She's filled me in on the details; but, I won't relay them here...you'll have to ask her :-)

Now...I'm not condoning this for everyone...and I'm not trying to give advice...being the novices that we are...I'm just giving back information to people who gave advice to us.

Peace

George