How do you approach a single woman "Unicorn" ?

[UnicornChasers]

This question is coming from my wife.

She was always one of those types that don't really go up to people or "put herself out there". So she was wondering how does one approach an attractive woman to strike up a conversation. It's not like you are just trying to make a friend, you trying to make something much more.

She's just looking for advice from other females/couples that have done this, and how you go about doing it.

[WonderWhat]

You go up and say "Hi! My name is Xxx; let me introduce my husband/wife, Yyy. <shake hands/swap kisses as appropriate> May I invite you a drink?"

I took me a long time to learn that the direct introduction is the best pick-up line, and takes a lot less courage than any gimmicky come-on.

[mixtupcpl]

We can share our secrets (as a teaser, they involve hypnosis, a cape, a luchador mask a tophat and a grappling hook), but first we will need you to PayPal $1000 to this offshore account at...........

In all seriousness, totally agree with the above. How does anyone meet anyone? You go up and say hi. A good sense of humor, self confidence, and some wit helps. If there is chemistry, the rest kind of takes care of itself. If there isnt... well most likely it wont happen

[allnightfuncpl]

The best thing Mrs. Allnight and I have found is to be yourself and do what comes naturally to you. Some people do great with the direct approach others do better with the teasing reel the person in type of approach

Perfect example would be Mrs. Allnight when we are at the LS club we like to frequent she meets and approaches most people out on the dance floor as that is where she most comfortable meeting and talking to people, and I am slowly starting to become more that way simply because now that the Mrs has been able to convince me that even though I suffer from WGCD syndrome that I am not the only one out there on the dance floor suffering from it. However take my wife and put her in a non LS event such as a bar/pool hall situation where there is no dance floor and you will see something entirely different from her. There she likes to play all shy and will coyly flirt with a guy but make absolutely no first moves and make the guys make the first approach the reel them in approach so to speak.

As for me I am one of those people who observes first, I kind of watch to see what a lady is like whether she seem the talkitive and approachable type or the coy and shy and whether she seema to like a direct or more indirect approach. Once I have a lady kind of figured out I give it a go does it work all the time no but probably 90% of the time it does, so I stick with it.

The way I see it the worst thing that can happen is getting a cold shoulder response or told no, if that happens oh well life goes on, you just move onto whoever else you are interested in meeting and have fun and don't let it bother you.

We actually had a couple that when Mrs. Allnight and I first met them the wife of the couple gave both my wife and I the cold shoulder, we didn't worry too much about it and just moved on with our lives and kept right on having fun at the club and after hearing from her husband what fun we are to hang out and how cool he thought we were and seeing us at the club having a good time with everybody she is now becoming quite friendly with us.

Now for the goofball responses which if I didn't read the intial post I would have given just because I am a goofy guy sometimes and I just can't help myself from giving these two answer in a sad attempt at being humorous <---- (this is what Mrs. Allnight's response would be to my answers if not straight tears from laughing so hard at how lame they sound)

How do you approach a woman?

By asking either one of the following questions

From the front or from the Back??

or

From which position would you like it??

I know I know and I know don't quit my day job to pursue stand up comedy

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by UnicornChasers

This question is coming from my wife.

She was always one of those types that don't really go up to people or "put herself out there". So she was wondering how does one approach an attractive woman to strike up a conversation. It's not like you are just trying to make a friend, you trying to make something much more.

She's just looking for advice from other females/couples that have done this, and how you go about doing it.

There are many ways to get to know someone. All are uniquely different...

Some use the INTERNET, some go to clubs and some can just walk up to a stranger and say hello.

What avenues are you trying now ?

I ask this because we do know many single females. Mostly it has been Mrs funs doings, through female friends and even friends of friends over the years. Although not the most outgoing, she is very..... approachable

Except for our most recent new female friends you might say, the ball has always been in her/their court. Thats how I saw it, as what I consider myself to be a guest in the bisexual side of her life. From that I learned a few things I didn't know before. Not just her thoughts but other womens as well.

Again I have to ask, what avenues are you pursuing now ? There are many shades or ways to meet people. Are you asking about the websites/ personals, or club/group attendance ? Or, just taking a current friendship to a new level ?

[UnicornChasers]

Well first, we don't really have any real local friends, we've only lived in Vegas 6 months, so the only people we know are my co workers (which I must remain very vanilla in front of). So the majority of our focus is on internet sites. Heck even every one of our profiles state that if there isn't any sexual chemistry, we are always up for expanding our social circle.

The unfortunate side effect of internet sites is most cost a small arm and leg to be members of in order to send/receive emails and the like, and I don't want to spend 100 dollars on a site and have no activity from the site.

We were thinking of trying the club route, however, that will have to wait until we work out a babysitter. In fact I found this board by looking at another board on a local club website.

The funny thing is, we do have four single friends that would love to visit us. They happen to be all across the country though (two of them are 6 hours away from us driving in opposite directions on the same highway). Met them all through an online game that we had no intention of meeting anyone through.

[livnlocoNJcpl]

Originally Posted by mixtupcpl

We can share our secrets (as a teaser, they involve hypnosis, a cape, a luchador mask a tophat and a grappling hook), but first we will need you to PayPal $1000 to this offshore account at......

OK the last part of that was garbled. Maybe your internet connection was breaking up. Where do I send the money to? I am standing by ready to take notes.

I can't pass up anything with that kind of item list. Sounds fun. What's the grappling hook for?

[fun4Ds]

I see where your comming from

I don't know if you or your wife have read this thread, but I think you both should.

Then, could I ask your opinion ?

[UnicornChasers]

That's all good advice, and we will have to try some of this. However, after reading it my wife asked. "But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

So it's more of a breaking the ice thing for her. Maybe it's fear of rejection, maybe it's just she's not the social butterfly type and doesn't really know how to even start. I think perhaps she just needs to start breaking out of her comfort zone so she gets used to the idea of approaching someone to hook up. I am also thinking that maybe I should take the lead for a bit and show her how to break the ice, how to just walk up to someone you don't know and start talking. I tell her that Hello works wonders, but I'm not sure she believes me.

Yeah, here in Vegas there is probably plenty of opportunities in vanilla clubs and the like. As I said above, I think at first I may have to be the icebreaker and start the ball rolling, at least until she gets her confidence levels up to approach people on her own.

We are already the freaks in our vanilla circle (as small as it is). We need to get out to the clubs to start that route, and yeah, the stripper route is definitely a path we will explore (and have already).

The only no-go in the whole thing was the solo mission, although, she said if she can figure out how to actually approach people, she may go on trolling missions where she brings them back to the house after going out alone.

[Rackir]

Originally Posted by UnicornChasers

That's all good advice, and we will have to try some of this. However, after reading it my wife asked. "But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

Have you explained to her "the look"? No not the particular look (appearance) of a lady which might suggest she is open to approach (as valuable a tool as that is for single men, scouting as a couple largely negates that), but rather the look a lady might give to you that suggests she is open to approach.

Your wife, having not been on this side of the game previously, probably only knows the tactics from the approached side, rather than from the approacher. So she may need a quick course in the basics that many of us guys take for granted.

Sit yourselves in a bar/club in a position to be seen, but also in a good position to survey the crowed. Be enjoying yourselves (that’s important, multitasking is key), smiling and laughing. But while enjoying one another’s company be surveying the crowed at the same time. While surveying the crowed make sure your glance passes over (but doesn’t linger unless they are looking at you at the same time) any single ladies, or ladies not obviously on a date, repeatedly so that if they give you "the look" you'll be likely to catch it (tougher than it seems, I screw this one up all the time, I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I was wondering when you were going to come and say hello" because I missed several of "the looks" before the one I finally caught).

If you're lucky, while doing this your passing glance will get stopped by "the look". A smile mixed with curiosity. Probably not a huge smile, because the lady in question is smiling while wondering about the two of you (unless this is a swingers club, in which case she has probably already decided about the two of you and hence is giving you the total green light smile), so her smile is evident, but her expression is one of curiosity. That's "the look".

Originally Posted by UnicornChasers

"But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

Once "the look" is giving, you just do it. Pretense is great (why women sitting at the bar are always easier to talk to, the pretense is right there "just grabbing another drink, and "Oh hello, how are you tonight"), but after "the look" is given, it's not mandatory. It's just time to roll the dice and see if you interpreted "the look" appropriately. Smile back at the lady in question, keep the eye contact for a moment, and if she doesn’t look away, walk up and say "hi, my wife/husband and I noticed you here, and we were wondering if you would like to join us for a drink".

Say what you will for pick up lines, conversation openers and the like, but in my opinion "the look" is the real ice breaker.

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by UnicornChasers

"But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

Not to be smart-alecky, but... saying 'hi' is always a good start!

As a single female who has in the past been interested in playing with couples, the quality I most appreciate in the female half of a couple is friendliness. A woman at a party who is friendly to everyone speaks volumes about the facts that she is participating of her own free will, knows what she is after and is confident about being there. So, take that as if the Mrs. is not all of the above (and I'm not saying that she isn't), then a single female probably is not going to be interested anyway.

The last thing most of us (single females) want is for anybody to perceive us as an interloper encroaching on your relationship. Therefore, many don't make the first move unless it's that unspoken "Look" that rackir writes about so eloquently. Even then, you or your wife will most often need to be the one to verbally open the door.

That being said, there's plenty of ways to initiate a conversation... think of the same things you'd do at a vanilla social gathering or even a business networking event. "That's a beautiful top" or "I love your shoes, where did you get them?"... "I/We've not seen you here before... we are Joe and Susie."... any of the other openers mentioned here... or my favorite, used in all types of situations: "I don't believe we've met, I'm DeeDee". And badabing... you're talking!

Good luck!

[WonderWhat]

Now that I've read the other suggestions, I see that I left out a lot of detail!

Yes, "the look" is important; very important. If there haven't been any looks towards you from the object of interest, you will most probably get the cold shoulder.

I was reminded of this yesterday at the supermarket: a couple of very attractive women, probably roommates, were looking for something in the same aisle I was half-blocking while looking for some olives. One of them got ahead of the other, and just excused herself when passing me, while the other was very vocal when catching up with her, and brushed past me with a smile. I later caught her smiling at me over the bananas .

If I'd had the time and inclination, I know I would have gotten a phone number from the smiling gal, and none from the first one, by just coming up and saying hi.

Maybe what's hard for you is perceiving when the odds are in your favor. Well, the only advice I have is trial and error, and to desensitize yourselves to rejection by being rejected a lot. Sounds awful, but it isn't because you'll get a lot of successes too.

I used to be terrified of rejection; I was a stammering, blushing teenager and young man. Nevertheless, after being rejected more than half of the time (like anybody else), you get to know that a rejection doesn't mean you're not having, or going to have, a good time.

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by UnicornChasers

"But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

You just walk up to someone and start talking, it can be about anything.

For shy people, the really hard part is getting started.

Once my sweety had pulled me into the lifestyle she noticed I had a problem with that, so she made me start chatting up the clerks at the grocery store. Men, women, old, young, I had to make convesations with all of them. She would kick me in the ankle to remind me. Soon, it became second nature. Also, there are actually flirting class's.

Practice makes perfect, and then I was tasked with starting fun conversations with wattresses, bartenders, etc. -all present superb practice opportunities. Then she made me expand out a little, like chatting up people in the store.

Be sincere, and really try to draw people out, it is not that hard you will discover. Be interested in them, the more you empathise with people the more things will come to mind to talk about. In the case of store clerks etc, "Wow, you are busy today" is a good starting line. Their kids, spouses, boy/girl friends, cloths, hair, their next break, and anything with in sight...all grist for the mill! Jewelry is a great one! -""Where did you get that?"

Just learn to start, and then learn to keep the ball rolling! If they say something, coax them to say more... an "Is that right?" can help with that. Relax, have fun with it and soon you will discover they will do all of the talking, and you may just make their day. They are frowning and worried when you start, they are smiling when you leave. It's sort of magical.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by UnicornChasers

Well first, we don't really have any real local friends, we've only lived in Vegas 6 months, so the only people we know are my co workers (which I must remain very vanilla in front of).

Nothing wrong with that. In fact, we keep our swinging completely separate from our work place.

So the majority of our focus is on INTERNET sites. Heck even every one of our profiles state that if there isn't any sexual chemistry, we are always up for expanding our social circle.
The unfortunate side effect of INTERNET sites is most cost a small arm and leg to be members of in order to send/receive emails and the like, and I don't want to spend 100 dollars on a site and have no activity from the site.

Without sounding like a sales pitch I can assure you your money is well spent on swing lifestyle or the new, swingerzonecentral

Swinging is not cheap. Just like dating anyone, it does cost. I sharpened my pencil and found I could afford one dollar and hour off my paycheck. I set up a savings account just for the lifestyle we pursue.

Keep in mind we felt the same way, not wanting to spend money foolishly. We were free members for a while, checking out many sites. Then we did the yearly membership first and then back to freebies (bad financial year, eating sounded important also), Heck, I was lucky to have 25 cents an hour in the till.... Oh, my daughters traffic tickets also come out of the swinger till. Da baby needs shoes.. Then another good year, and we bought our lifetime membership. We had success as free members.... But then again, we put a reall sexy ass shot up, of a night I had Mrs fun in leather.... Well, Im just saying, we were doing what every one else was doing.. It does work...

On Swinglifestyle, we made many social connections. We liked the social part of the lifestyle. We find our vanilla friends rather boring compared to the swinger friends we have now
On swingerzonecentral as a paid member, I can assure you there will be party invites. Plus, its like meeting the porno stars we sit and stare at, while sitting at home saving our money so we can afford to go out. And as of today SwingerZoneCentral - Home has a dang good deal going on....

Only spend on the lifestyle, what we have put back and saved for the lifestyle, is our motto. And if all else fails..... Well, we don't see failure like some people do.

I have to ask, Chasing unicorns is the most expensive if not......challenging, of all the lifestyle activities. You do understand that... right ?

We were thinking of trying the club route, however, that will have to wait until we work out a babysitter.

Go see a club from the inside, I think it would do your wife some good.... Just to see, and talk to people.

That's all good advice, and we will have to try some of this. However, after reading it my wife asked. "But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

Well its not like kissing the blarney and receiving the gift of gab. It takes practice, but more importantly.....

It takes the right person to be talking too.

So it's more of a breaking the ice thing for her. Maybe it's fear of rejection, maybe it's just she's not the social butterfly type and doesn't really know how to even start. I think perhaps she just needs to start breaking out of her comfort zone so she gets used to the idea of approaching someone to hook up. I am also thinking that maybe I should take the lead for a bit and show her how to break the ice, how to just walk up to someone you don't know and start talking. I tell her that Hello works wonders, but I'm not sure she believes me.

Listen to me, if my wife said to me these exact words I would be thinking she is asking for help... Not that she wants anyone to take control or tell her what to say, she needs you to give her something to talk about in any given situation when you get there. Not all the time, just some of the harder times... Be your wifes partner at all times when chasing unicorns.....

Now I think you need to be thinking to yourself about how you will equally give that to two women. Can you..... ? It's challenging.....

Yeah, here in Vegas there is probably plenty of opportunities in vanilla clubs and the like. As I said above, I think at first I may have to be the icebreaker and start the ball rolling, at least until she gets her confidence levels up to approach people on her own.

I think you have the right idea... Just be sure when she reaches her confidence, you step back and stay close enough, so she knows your there.

If you do go to that Vegas club, enjoy yourselves. Keep it cool and most of all, show the Mrs you'll have her back at all times, I think she needs that encouragement from you.

We are already the freaks in our vanilla circle (as small as it is).

To our vanilla circle, we are those people they don't see very often... And why the hell do we call em vanilla ? Personally, I think it's too good a name for them.....

We need to get out to the clubs to start that route, and yeah, the stripper route is definitely a path we will explore (and have already).

Two words about strippers..... Be Careful . We love the strippers, but they do have some jealous boyfriends....some, just plain fucking crazy and of coarse, its always the boyfriends issues..

The only no-go in the whole thing was the solo mission, although, she said if she can figure out how to actually approach people, she may go on trolling missions where she brings them back to the house after going out alone.

I would have to say going solo might want to be on hold.....for now. Its not as easy as it seems, I really think you should reconsider.

[UnicornChasers]

Frankly, I hate society, and the rules and norms it imposes on other people. This shouldn't have to be hidden in order to function in day to day lives. But hey, that's not how life works so I guess we just have to deal with it. What can we say, the wife and I defy the laws of tradition on a daily basis, this is just another of those defiances.

I've discussed it with my wife. We already joined SZC since it's only 30 bucks right now for a lifetime membership, and since AFF seems to have the largest selection it will probably be worth the 6 bucks a month for the Gold membership. We may also join Swing Lifestyle for a lifetime membership as well, but we've had family visiting us this month so we spent a bit more money than we normally would have, so it will have to fit into next months budget.

I agree that you can't make omelets without any breaking eggs, and yes I know I would be spending money on our unicorn, just as if I was trying to court a single female, but in the back of my mind it's really hard to justify spending money in order to have a chance at spending more money to perhaps interest someone in an evening (or more) of coitus.

I'm not poor (or cheap) by any means, but part of why we aren't poor is we just don't go spending money. But 4D you are right, if I can justify paying 60 bucks a month for TV (which pretty much only the kids watch on a daily basis) I can justify 6 bucks a month for our entertainment.

Anyway the reason why I'm focusing mostly on her approaching, because most advice I've found so far in this realm points that the female as the icebreaker tends to work much better than the man approaching first, the idea is, it seems more like the female's idea (which in this case it was), and it's less of a threatening situation to the other female.

You know, the more I read this the more it may be that I'm just over analyzing the whole situation and not just going with the flow (I can go with the flow in the situation, but I'm a very logical based person, so if I have time to think about something, I tend to overthink it).

Also, I'd like to take this oppertunity to thank everyone for all the advice, I'm glad we came here, and I'm glad I asked this question.