A question for the straight women - does how the other woman looks matter to you?

[Hottylauren]

Hey I am new and have been reading on here and haven't seen this addressed- wondering about this.

For the straight women on here, does the other woman's appearance matter to you?

Here is the situation: My husband and I have been talking about swinging and I am liking the idea. But you know how some couples don't appear to go together at first glance, she's skinny and he's fat, or he is tall and she is short, he is handsome she is not pretty, kind of thing.

We are no Barbie and Ken and not expecting Brad and Angelina (but wouldn't pass that up for a million $$) Well the one couple that he knows that swings is kind of fitting the paragraph above. Before we met/married he had MFM experience or two or three or more with this couple and is very comfortable with them and thinks that it would be a great way for us to start off as a full swap with them....not trying to sound conceited here but I do keep myself up, tan, nails, hair, makeup, dress nicely with a few more pounds than I want to have as most women do but when I met this couple I can't imagine my husband having been with her let alone being in the same bed while he nails her. He thinks that it would be easier for me since she is not all that attractive. The husband is attractive enough for me but I am confused about my feelings. This won't be taking one for the team for him because he has been there and done that, surprisingly, but would it be for me?

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Hottylauren

Hey I am new and have been reading on here and haven't seen this addressed- wondering about this.

For the straight women on here, does the other woman's appearance matter to you?

I consider myself bi-friendly, so while I'm open to bi play, I don't actively seek it. That means when we're looking at couples, the other lady's appearance isn't a make-or-break for me. It's Mr. Sweet's attraction to her that matters. But we tend to have similar tastes in women, anyway.

I can't imagine my husband having been with her let alone being in the same bed while he nails her.

THAT to me seems to be the more important issue. Do you not think your husband is "good enough" for this woman?

He thinks that it would be easier for me since she is not all that attractive.

I've got to wonder why he says this, since he's played with her before. Perhaps he's trying to spare your feelings? Why should her not being "all that attractive" be easier for you?

This won't be taking one for the team for him because he has been there and done that, surprisingly, but would it be for me?

Taking one for the team would be if either one of you were playing with someone to whom you're not attracted for the sake of your spouse.

Honestly, it sounds like you've got some self confidence issues here. There's nothing wrong with that--we all have them from time to time. Lord knows, Mr. Sweet and I are no Brad & Angie, either. But if my honey got the chance to play with her, I'd be thrilled for him!! (I'd want him to share too, but that's another post)

The thing is, no matter how attractive the other lady is, my honey still wants ME at the end of the night.

I think you and your hubby need to sit down and talk about how you each feel. Are you each going to be okay with the other playing with someone you feel is more attractive than you? How will you choose the couples you play with? Do you BOTH want to play with this couple he knows, or perhaps start out with someone else? Where/how will you play? (Same room, separate rooms, etc)

Best of luck to ya'll,

=)

[Hottylauren]

I don't think I have self confidence issues..maybe just too high expectations???? That is what I am asking or trying to figure out.

The plan is to be at least in the same room when we swing, hopefully the same bed. Part of the whole swinging thing for us is to be able to see each other with another person as well as the experience of being with others. I just feel that it would be more of a turn on for me to see him with someone more attractive than she is, much more attractive. Someone vibrant and sexy. Because at this point for me it is almost a turn off to think about it. That is what I am saying. It is not that I don't think he is good enough for her it is that I know he could do much, much better !!

Lauren

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Hottylauren

I don't think I have self confidence issues..maybe just too high expectations???? That is what I am asking or trying to figure out.

The plan is to be at least in the same room when we swing, hopefully the same bed. Part of the whole swinging thing for us is to be able to see each other with another person as well as the experience of being with others. I just feel that it would be more of a turn on for me to see him with someone more attractive than she is, much more attractive. Someone vibrant and sexy. Because at this point for me it is almost a turn off to think about it. That is what I am saying. It is not that I don't think he is good enough for her it is that I know he could do much, much better !!

Lauren

Ah, gotcha'. I think it's great that you want him to have a really attractive partner, but here's the thing. Attractiveness is a very subjective thing. If he thinks she's hot and the chemistry is right, then what does it matter? It would be one thing if you were looking to play with the lady too, but your post says you're not.

You'll find, as you get into the lifestyle, that there are folks of all shapes & sizes, and that often a person's personality makes a huge difference in their perceived attractiveness. It's also quite difficult to find couples where all four of you are equally attracted to each other. So yes, there may be an imbalance there, but as long as you're attracted enough to want to play, it's all good.

=)

[Hottylauren]

I am glad you understood. Being totally honest here I don't think he thinks she is hot.I don't think he would try to spare my feelings on the issue either. I think he thinks it a comfort zone for him and the experience that he had as a single male was hot being part of a MFM.

I guess we need to talk but how do you say in a nice way, I know you screwed her in the past but the thought of seeing you with her is a turn off for me?

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Hottylauren

I am glad you understood. Being totally honest here I don't think he thinks she is hot.I don't think he would try to spare my feelings on the issue either. I think he thinks it a comfort zone for him and the experience that he had as a single male was hot being part of a MFM.

I guess we need to talk but how do you say in a nice way, ?

You say, "Honey, you know I love you and only want the best experience for you. I know you screwed her in the past but the thought of seeing you with her is a turn off for me."

=)

[Hottylauren]

LOLThanks, so true !!!!

[Chicup]

I understand your dilemma.

When I'm looking at a couples photo, the first thing I look at is am I attracted to the female, but the second thing is if the other other guy is 'worthy'.

Its not quite the same as picking for her, its just that I think she deserves a certain 'class' of men.

She has a bigger strike zone for men than I do for women, but if I think the guy isn't good enough for her, I'd not pursue that couple.

[truckerbuddy]

I know this was for the ladies,, but as a man, I find the attractiveness of a lady is not all in looks, but in demeanor as well. just because she may not be all that good looking, she may have a fun/playful side that makes her enjoyable in bed.

Thinking about the ladies I look at, for myself, I like the girls that have a exeter pond or two or three but i am a big boy myself . I would think there are more men that would want to be with a fun/playful lady more than one that's uptight but good looking ( Angelina ). but i could be wrong

[The Fuse]

I'm with Chicup. If I am turned off by the thought of my husband with the female half of a potential playmate couple, it would be hard for me to get past that.

Not only that, but my sweetie has the same thoughts of whether the guy is "worthy" for me. That's even the word he uses. He's never rejected a guy for me based on looks, but I could see it happening.

You don't have to be bisexual to care (somewhat) what your husband's playmate looks like. If the potential visual is a turnoff, it's a turnoff.

If I were you I would talk to your husband about finding another couple.

[LagniappeDC]

We don't think this has anything to do with being bi or straight...because at least for us, this is a couples "event". We both look at profiles together before we respond. If we meet couples at a club or dinner, we both have to like both of them for anything to proceed. Taking one for the team is simply not an option for us.

As for physical attraction, that's a tougher thing. Their is the obvious beauty, but we've certainly found that "hot" couples can be real assholes, and couples who aren't "models" can be downright fun and sexy and hot in bed. We'll take the later anytime!! Yes, clearly there are going to be couples where there is just no way you will get naked with them and that's ok, we all have a threshold.

So, try and decide together. Talk through your concerns if there are any. In this case, the simply fact that they have a history might be enough for you to not want to proceed. Only you can decide that. What we've learned is that you just never know how things are going to turn out until you've met the couple in person.

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by Hottylauren

It is not that I don't think he is good enough for her it is that I know he could do much, much better !!

Lauren

Exterior beauty is only part of attraction. I have read poeple here on the site making comments of how attracted they were to a woman till she opened her mouth and spoke. In my own personal experience I have to relate a couple we met where I was unsure of my physical attraction to the woman. (we never trust pics to really show a person and will do a meet and greet to see) This gal was one of the least physicaly attractive I had met so far but due to her personality was one I was most interested in taking to bed. Something just clicked with her.

So maybe looks wise your hubby could do better but will he be doing better with the chemistry part?

[LikeMinds321]

There are some bodies I don't care to see naked, no matter how nice the person is or how apparent their sex appeal, personality-wise.

If my husband wanted to play with a woman whom I had no interest in viewing, I'd let him know - in private - that I wasn't keen on the idea. I'd say, "Sweetie, don't expect me to ever look your way when I'm having sex with her hubby on the other bed."

Have you let this couple know that you're considering them for your first swing experience?

If this is still in the discussion stage between you and your husband, you may find that the other couple isn't interested in playing.

I also think, as you said, that your husband is looking for the most comfortable way to jump into swinging with you and that is his primary reason for suggesting this couple from his past.

He may find that playing with them again - now as a couple - would not be as fun as in the past.

If you do play with this couple, it may be the stepping stone your husband needs to feel more confident in approaching new couples. His choice in physical type of women he is interested in may change over time.

Good luck, keep us posted and...

to the Board!

LM

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by Hottylauren

Hey I am new and have been reading on here and haven't seen this addressed- wondering about this.

For the straight women on here, does the other woman's appearance matter to you?

Of course it matters, Straight or Bi, However the bigger issue that you need to address is, the green eyed little monster, That is OVERJOYED, when the chance arises.

The keys to stuffing that little bastard back in his hole is, ready?

COMMUNICATION... Between you and your husband.
SECURITY WITHIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.. Knowing at the end o the night, regardless of how HOT, or Not HOT, He is going HOME with YOU

Here is the situation: My husband and I have been talking about swinging and I am liking the idea. But you know how some couples don't appear to go together at first glance, she's skinny and he's fat, or he is tall and she is short, he is handsome she is not pretty, kind of thing.

We are no Barbie and Ken and not expecting Brad and Angelina (but wouldn't pass that up for a million $$) Well the one couple that he knows that swings is kind of fitting the paragraph above. Before we met/married he had MFM experience or two or three or more with this couple and is very comfortable with them and thinks that it would be a great way for us to start off as a full swap with them....not trying to sound conceited here but I do keep myself up, tan, nails, hair, makeup, dress nicely with a few more pounds than I want to have as most women do but when I met this couple I can't imagine my husband having been with her let alone being in the same bed while he nails her. He thinks that it would be easier for me since she is not all that attractive. The husband is attractive enough for me but I am confused about my feelings. This won't be taking one for the team for him because he has been there and done that, surprisingly, but would it be for me?

Your husband is thinking that, in the respect that you have the feeling of SUPERIORITY over the other woman

Translation - there would be little to no concern on your part of "losing him" to her

Ideally, WHO you meet should be a collaborative effort by you both, Discussing it between yourselves, And reaching agreement, before even WRITING, CALLING, or CONTACTING them.

As far as striking up a relationship between the four of you, Please bear in mind the piece of advice that is offered thruout the board..

They have done this to varying degrees before, appartently you havent.. So, YOU should set the pace.. only proceed at the pace of the slowest party in the group. when you are comfortable, great, til then, its a wait and see.

[Hottylauren]

We talked and all is well....he wholeheartedly agreed with me, even a little smile and seemed a bit relieved.

Thanks everyone,
Lauren