Is it wise to start with a MFM threesome?

[1curiouscat]

Mrs. Cat here....Mr Cat and I have been discussing swinging and playing with other people for awhile now, and have decided to take the plunge *eep*. One of my main fantasies has been to be with two guys at once, and ultimately try a DP. We posted an ad on craigslist last night, and got a TON of responses. We picked a guy and made plans to meet up tomorrow night. He is a single male, obviously. We have set ground rules and made plans, and are going to see how things go. My question is how common is it to start with a MFM threesome? Anyone else get their feet wet this way? What should I look out for? I've got nervous excited butterflies dancing in my belly....

[sexylady1970]

Sort of, but it has been a "sticking point" for us for a long time. Not to say that its really a bad thing, just be careful since things can get out of hand particularly if you don't have the experience necessary to stop play if things are not going as planned.

Always remember that the single male is there for the pleasure of the lady and to make her the center of attention. If it becomes too onesided problems are going to inevitably happen and that is something you need to be aware of.

[NCfuncouple98]

Is the guy you "picked" an experienced swinger? I think that would be the deciding factor on how successful it can be. If he is experienced with being with couples and you are ready to take the plunge, you may have a great night ahead.

If, however, he is just a single male that responded to your ad, and has not had experience, it may not go the way you are hoping.

You are meeting him tonight? What kind of groundrules have been discussed? Is tonight just the first meeting with no play, and if everyone's comfortable then you'll set another date?

There's not a whole lot of information from your initial post to know how much has been discussed at this point.

[The Fuse]

1curiouscat,

It's pretty common to start out with an MFM threesome. Reading your post, though, I have to say I hope you have checked this guy out pretty well. Have you and your husband talked to him on the telephone? Are you meeting in a public place to get acquainted before possibly going somewhere private? Does he understand that you can change your mind at any time? Do you have a good reason to believe he is really single, and not a married man looking to cheat?

Apologies if you have already addressed the following. But if you haven't read around the forums a good amount, and more importantly discussed a lot of what-ifs with your husband, I highly recommend you do both.

I hope you post again to this thread both before and after your meeting.

[1curiouscat]

Well we ended up not going through with it, as my husband texted me at work and said he had a bad feeling and just couldn't go through with it. So obviously we are not ready to take that plunge. I have to admit I am a little disappointed and kinda surprised, as Mr Cat was the one that brought me out of my sexual shell so to speak, he had always been the more adventurous of our duo, so for him to put on the brakes was kinda surprising. But as he and I discussed, we both have to be into it for it to happen, and that's not where things are right now, so its on hold.

To answer the questions, yes we chatted with our third on the phone, and we were going to meet for dinner tonight (sunday) and then bring him back to our place if we all clicked. He stated in his reply that he has been with couples before, and he seemed genuine. He was very understanding when we backed out, and told us to keep his contact info and to contact him if/when we feel ready.

So....yeah. Kind of let down, but kind of relieved as I was nervous about taking this step, but figured it was just nerves. Maybe we need to start out slower? Mr. Cat said he wanted to "take things a lot slower" but was unable to define what that means, so I guess we have some more talking to do.

[The Fuse]

You two seem to be going about this in all the right ways, with consideration and love for each other. Congratulations. Sorry about your being disappointed. I'm sure you already realize this, but being disappointed is certainly better than your husband being upset if he had let something happen he wasn't ready for. Compared to a lot of people, you two are doing great! Again, you probably know all this so please pardon me...

If you keep talking, it's quite possible that you'll have the experiences you both want. In any case, you'll have a lot of really good communication that will enrich your relationship.

Some other people have suggested on this Board that people getting comfortable with the idea of swinging go out to a vanilla bar, not to do anything or pick anyone up, but just to sit together and point out people they like. Just comparing notes on strangers you never talk to can make the possibility seem more real, without any pressure or danger. Oh, and it can be fun .

I hope you continue to post and participate in the discussions around here.

[1curiouscat]

Fuse,
Thank you for validating my feelings and making me feel welcome. And yes I completely agree that it is better for me to feel a little disappointed then for something to happen that could strain or ruin my relationship with my husband. As we have said while talking about it, swinging is about adding, not subtracting.

About the suggestion about going to a vanilla bar and pointing out people we like and talking about it, we do this on an almost daily basis lol. Not so much going to a bar, but if we are watching tv, or out and about we will comment on this person or that one. We even have a little inside joke called the PMS scale. When discussing females we see that we find attractive, we rate them either a P (for Panting), an M(for Moaning) or S (Screamer) for how noisy we think they would be in bed. Its quite amusing and entertaining. Maybe one day we can actually test our theory on someone

Oh and I plan to hang around the boards, you all seem like a fun group of people to get to know, and a great learning resource.

[DigginIt]

Hey Mrs. Cat. Mrs. Diggs and I just started into the lifestyle about 2 months ago. We actually took a trip a long way away from anyone we knew to "try" our hand at the lifestyle. Like the two of you, we had talked about this for years, off and on. We ended up working out a MFM experience while in New Orleans and it has taken us two months to find a couple we really felt we "clicked" with and this weekend was our first couple experience. I must say that both were fantastic experiences so don't give up.

While I'm sure you are disappointed, I think it's easy to get excited over a fantasy but when faced with that fantasy becoming a reality, it is a lot scarier. You use words like trust, honesty, love every day but rarely do couples put themselves in unfamiliar situations where those words are actually tested. My wife and I can honestly sit back and say that we have been drawn closer together from our few experiences. Communication is key and talking about what positions you would like to try is not communication, lol. We each have a comfort circle and sometimes its hard to do something outside of that even if there is a desire.

Have you talked about starting off softer? Maybe with another couple to do some light foreplay but no actual swapping? We didn't do this but I have heard it has worked for others. I think it is harder to find a couple you click with then a single person but it does allow you time to go back and talk about the experience. What you liked, what you didn't like, what made you uncomfortable and WHY?

Continue to read these forums and get Mr. Cat involved. We had thought we worked through about everything until we actually hit the club and then we realized, wow, we had a lot more to talk about. I truly wish you the best and I hope that the two of you are able to work through it. The last thing I would say, and this was said already, just because you make a date, there is NO obligation. If you are setting it up with another swinger then they will understand that. Never feel obligated to do anything. Even if you start and one or both of you get uncomfortable, stop. If you let the person/couple who you are with know that you are new then they should understand. If not then they are not the right person/couple to be playing with. If you start and your husband stops it, make sure you are understanding and work with him to find out why he was uncomfortable. When we did our first MFM, my wife continually made eye contact with me to make sure I was okay with everything going on. Sometimes that communication doesn't have to be verbal.

Good luck!

[realcplub2]

First Off, Catt, Welcome to the Board!

We started off playing with the threesome thing (MFM) for the first few months.. and then progressed on to playing with other couples, after My Mrs Real, was more comfortable with the idea of sexual play with more than one other partner.

As far as Craigslist, I dunno.. I would worry about too many variables from the teenagers, playas, fakes, frauds, and worse.. Might be a better idea to join a simple site post a simple profile and browse some ads.. at least you know whomever you choose should have some of the mentality, to be part of a threesome.

I also understand the disappointment of your husband cancelling.. But its a good rule to follow, if someone doesnt feel comfortable.. STOP and reset.. Often these are blessings in disguise

I would suggest sitting down and talking it thru over dinner, coffee, or what have you.. at the end of the night, despite how many time you cum, you are still going home together and the fallout can be as disasterous as it can be amazing, depending on the feeling of you both.

The other thing you both need to do, is come up with some common sense rules.. things you are both comfortable with. The moment something comes up that isnt in that script, or off your gameplan.. or your husbands, stop.. doesnt matter the scene.. just stop and deal with it then.. not later..

[bbarnsworth]

1curiouscat, my wife and I started out in full swapping with MFM threesomes too. We'd had soft swaps with couples before, but our first venture into full swap was with an MFM threesome.

We'd spent oodles of time talking, and going over ground we'd been over multiple times. It wasn't burdensome..it helped us get to a comfy spot before it happened. We'd done as you were suggested and have done, pointing out guys she'd be interested in, etc. We found that any guy she found acceptable (well, at least on looks) I found acceptable too. So, that made it easier for selection; if she likes him, I'll like him.

We eventually got to the point where we felt there weren't any more questions that could be answered without her actually having sex with someone else while I was there. The lucky 3rd was a person I found on Swing Lifestyle. We met up, things clicked, and off we went to play. The foreplay was great, my wife loving every minute of it, and after quite a while of that she had sex with him. She enjoyed it. He wasn't the best sex partner she'd ever had, but he was good.

My wife and I, in discussing swinging before actually doing it, agreed that if we had neutral experiences at first that we'd keep at it for a while. If it stayed neutral, we'd probably give up on it. If negative, we'd give up on it sooner. We both thought that the first time probably won't be the best. There's nervousness and more that can be in the way. This turned out to be true. She enjoyed her first encounter, but it wasn't the best. But, it was good and good enough to keep trying.

The next time she had sex with another was again in an MFM and she LOVED It. She couldn't get enough of sex with him. He was a great lover and she had a fantastic time. She had sex with him on several more occasions.

Starting out this way was good for us. It allowed my wife, who was more reticent about swinging than I, to dip her foot in the pool (and eventually her whole body ) without being distracted by me having sex with someone else. It was all good. As we progressed in swinging, starting out this way really helped us.

Your mileage may vary, but it worked for us.

[DigginIt]

I was just looking over the posts again and something came to mind. I remember reading (in one of these posts) that most often it's the man's idea initially but after a couple times, it's usually the women who really adopt/embrace the lifestyle more enthusiastically.

Not sure on how true that is but in a roundabout way, I guess my point goes back to positive reinforcement. If there is a small jealous streak hidden in your husband's consciousness then remember to let him know how you feel. Don't take it for granted that he knows. This will be a relationship altering step if you and your husband have any insecurities about each other.

On the flip side, it has strengthened our relationship and so far it's amazing.

Our fingers are crossed for you guys!

[1curiouscat]

Originally Posted by DigginIt

If there is a small jealous streak hidden in your husband's consciousness then remember to let him know how you feel. Don't take it for granted that he knows. This will be a relationship altering step if you and your husband have any insecurities about each other.

On the flip side, it has strengthened our relationship and so far it's amazing.

Our fingers are crossed for you guys!

I have learned to never take anything about my relationship with my husband for granted, as I made that mistake before by thinking we were on the same page, and it turned out we weren't even in the same book. So now I make sure we talk everything major out to the fullest. When talking to him about why he put the breaks on our date, it turns out that he just wasn't quite ready to take what sounded like fun in fantasy into a reality. We have been talking about it some more, and decided that if possible we want to play on webcam with another couple, to get used to the idea of having sex around other people. Then maybe try an on premise club if we can find one in our area. So we have a game plan, now we just need to put it into action. It may be awhile before we even get the chance to play again as we both work odd hours and have two little ones at home, but I will update as we make progress (or not)

[JustAskJulie]

Starting with MFM is just as common as any other starting point. It's all about what fantasy you want to fulfill. From the sounds of it you are making the right choice for you. Good luck with the guy, and let us know how it turns out.

Don't be disappointed if he doesn't show up or if he does show up and he's not what you really want, there are plenty out there and you'll find one you like.

edit* - just read your last post. It's ok to change as you go. We all do it, the more you communicate the more your plans will adjust. Eventually you'll find a plan that works best for both of you and act on it. There's no rush.

[wild stud]

We started out with a MFM threesome with a straight male,it was OK but just lacked something.So tried a bi male,that made a whole new meaning to MFM threesome.Must say it was great .It was only oral between the males but still just made it much more funnn.I was also straight 8 tell that night .But now our MFM threesomes or with oral bi males or bi coures males.Our selfs we fell bi is just part of the swinging world .

[nevadaman]

Originally Posted by wild stud

We started out with a MFM threesome with a straight male,it was OK but just lacked something.So tried a bi male,that made a whole new meaning to MFM threesome.Must say it was great .It was only oral between the males but still just made it much more funnn.I was also straight 8 tell that night .But now our MFM threesomes or with oral bi males or bi coures males.Our selfs we fell bi is just part of the swinging world .

Great post. Was this a situation where h wanted to experiment with men or did things just develop during the course of the activities? I know that this is a fantasy for us, but it seems that most people in the lifestyle (especially the males) are not as enthusiastic of m/m contact as they are of f/f playtime. Thanks, Hansel & Gretel in Reno