Is My Wife Interested in Pursuing Swinging?

[asian_delight63]

Here are the basic facts about our previous experience and backgrounds.
We are mid-40's couple, reasonably or better attractive.
I am very outgoing, but the wife can be shy or at least a little timid.
Since our Daughter was born four years ago, we have never been out alone.
About 5 years ago we experimented with swinging but never consumated it. We did build a Profile on a Swingers Site with her photos in Public Viewing but with her face masked.
We then went to a Swingers Club near our home about 4 times, but never had a Swing relationship, only sitting talking with others etc and seeing some of the sex acts taking place. Afterwards we always had hot sex at home. She also has in the past talked of wanting to have a bi encounter, though she says she is bi curious. She also thinks it would be hot if she could watch me with another woman.
Then we found out she was pregnant. She said leave the Profile but (I think) she said remove her photos on the Swinger Site.
In any case, for almost 4 years we have not spoken of Swinging.
This week we went on vacation. The night before she turned the TV to Showtime and we watched some soft porn film while we made love. Her eyes were constantly on it as we made love.
Two days later while returning to our home from vacation, she calmly stated that,
"I still get a lot of email from sex sites and Swinger Websites."
Then added this, (which is true), ,
"I don't read them, I just delete them, but it is nice that these sites always keep me aware of events and things in that lifestyle."
Then lastly added,
"I am glad we went to City A for vacation, because City B had a Swinger Party there this last night." "I noticed that there was a Party in City B from the subject line of a email I received from the Swinger Website we are on."
I listened but made no reply as our little one was sleeping in the back seat.
After she finished, I added, "Well you can read anything in your email if you want, there's no harm."
She then replied with,
"yea those people we met and the ones we exchanged email with were all so very nice."
She then asked, when was the last time I had checked the Swinger Site Inbox (I said it had been a while) and then she added as the conversation died out,
"Even if you left my Photos on the Site it is OK with me. There is no harm."
So this is the story in as much detail as I can remember and with all the facts.
Does it sound as though my wife wants to begin to explore Swinging again, or at least that she is not opposed to it?
I am fine with it, but don't want to open the bottle if I am just imagining things.
Any suggestions?
Thanks

[achtung73]

she appears to be showing signs of interest to me...allowing her picture to stay up, and asking about the inbox...yeah, shes interested..get a second opinion tho..hope this helps

[LikeMinds321]

Is My Wife Interested in Pursuing Swinging?

Why don't you just ask her?

That's how to find out.

LM

[two4youinswva]

Welcome to the board!


Ok, she's shy and a bit timid, and is asking if you've checked the old profile mailbox, commented on how nice the swingers were, and said you can put the pics on the profile, and you haven't brought any of it up?

Yeah, I'd say she's interested. A lot interested. To steal a phrase from one of the other board members, I think she's hitting you with a clue-by-four.

Assuming you're still interested in swinging, ask her if she is interested the next time she brings it up. Let her know it is cool with you, since it sounds like that is what her concern is.

Good luck and keep us updated!

[Trace Ekies]

Welcome to Swingersboard.

The conversation you had sounds very, very, very familiar. Not the words exactly, but the tone. It reminds me of the stories we've heard from many couples when one or the other wants to explore sex with others. Nothing too direct, but a mentioning of things that one likes to open the door without risking hurting the other.

It's time to have an open conversation with her about her wants and wishes and then express your own.

Talk! You'll both appreciate it.

Trace

[truckerbuddy]

I hope you find what your looking for..

Now is she interested in swinging? It had been said before ( ask her ).. It sounds to me, that the two of you have an open line of communication, be open and honest with her, and with your self Is this some thing you want to pursue as well?? If you good with it, then talking is the only way to find out if she is wants to get back into the swing of things.

If this was myself.. I would take her out for dinner and then find a nice quiet place to just talk. Be open, ask her what she would like to experience/do in the lifestyle, and tell her what you want to do/experience, ask her what her fantasies are, and then tell her yours.

Best of luck

[CXXC]

Welcome to the board!

My minor in college was speech and communications. I did not study how to give speeches. What I studied was HOW people talk, the WAYS and WHAT they say. One of the most interesting classes I remember was titled “Gender Speak”. This course offered a different view on the communications between men and women.

Point and case, I site a couple driving down the road for a visit to friends or relatives. It is a bit of a drive and the man is hell bent on getting there. We have all seen this happen in our own lives several times.

As they travel toward their destination the woman (Not driving) looks to the man and asks, “Are you thirsty?”

The man, still determined to put as many miles behind him as he can to reach his destination as quickly as possible, replies, “No.”

As the convenience store quickly comes into and then out of view, the woman becomes sullen. She soon exhibits frustration toward anything and everything.

What really happened here?

The woman was thirsty but didn’t want to “Force” the man to pull over and take the time to get her a beverage. In stead, she tried to put her desires into his thoughts by suggesting through her question that he was, in fact, thirsty. The fact that he did not understand the true meaning of her question, more over the intent, upset her. He was not in tune with her needs and did not need a drink. She became frustrated with him.

The conversation the OP has related smacks of this situation. She clearly brought the topic up without prompting from him. She had been thinking about it, checking the e-mails, and from my understanding of the information gathered, liked the people she met enough to remember the personalities.

She gave him permission to become involved in the site activities and e-mail correspondence once again. She said nothing negative about swinging or her past history with it. In fact, I believe that in her statement:

"I am glad we went to City A for vacation, because City B had a Swinger Party there this last night." "I noticed that there was a Party in City B from the subject line of a email I received from the Swinger Website we are on."

Was her way of trying to engage the OP into a discussion of attending another party in the near future. Her statement of being glad they went to City A is evidence of her desire to attend parties again. One does not go to a different city to avoid a party in another one. Cities are big enough to avoid them already!

She simply opened the doorway of conversation, nonverbally giving him permission to investigate the Lifestyle again. She also attempted to, through gender speak, put it in his lap thereby making it look like it was his idea. Had the OP continued with the conversation further, he would have eventually found that through her asking open ended questions, he would have taken over the entire conversation pertaining to the lifestyle.

Do I think she is interested in the lifestyle? Yeah, I think so!

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by asian_delight63

I listened but made no reply as our little one was sleeping in the back seat.

As an aside...my wife and I came up with a system of codes to discuss swinging in front of our (even awake) children (who are young, but not toddlers any more...sniff!). They aren't dumb by any means, but there's no direct way they can divine what we are discussing. It works for us. For now anyways. In a couple of years, we'll have to stop talking in front of them.

As a funny example...my wife LOVES playing chess, but has a hard time telling the different between a rook and a bishop, and I had no idea that chess clubs were so....kinky!

Originally Posted by asian_delight63

Does it sound as though my wife wants to begin to explore Swinging again, or at least that she is not opposed to it?
I am fine with it, but don't want to open the bottle if I am just imagining things.
Any suggestions?
Thanks

I have to agree with what someone else said above. Ask! It doesn't have to be high pressure, just ask and see if she's interested in exploring again, or if she'd like to talk about it some more, etc. If she had no interest at all, she wouldn't have brought it up.

Open the lines of communication.

My wife and I talk about anything and everything. I'd hope any marriage can do that, especially a married couple that swings.

[JustAskJulie]

It sounds like she's at least open to discussing it again. Take advantage of that and continue the discussion. She may be feeling you out to see what you say, or give you the opportunity to really bring the discussion back around.

Check the email on your profile and then mention to her that you did and tell her what you found. Chances are if you haven't checked in a while most of the messages are old but it would be a way to bring the topic up again and you can show her what the messages were, and then ask her if she'd like you to respond to any of them and HOW she'd like you to respond.

[Alex855]

Originally Posted by CXXC

Welcome to the board!

My minor in college was speech and communications...!

Thanks for that! Though you meant it for the OP it also applies to my situation

[asian_delight63]

Well, I think everyone was right. Last night we were out for a drive and she brought up the Swinger email, and that there is a new Swingers Club near us.
Additionally, she talked about a certain Swingers Party near us, where "Swingers go to have fun."
Shame on me, but we were as she was finishing her comments, getting out of the car. My only response was that I would try and check the email on that Website, but would first have to get a new Password issued.
In short, since she has brought it up twice in two weeks, yes, I would have to say that she is indeed interested in pursueing the lifestyle again.
Thanks for your answers everyone, and if anyone wants to chime in further I would be very interested in what you have to say.

Originally Posted by CXXC

Welcome to the board!

My minor in college was speech and communications. I did not study how to give speeches. What I studied was HOW people talk, the WAYS and WHAT they say. One of the most interesting classes I remember was titled “Gender Speak”. This course offered a different view on the communications between men and women.

Point and case, I site a couple driving down the road for a visit to friends or relatives. It is a bit of a drive and the man is hell bent on getting there. We have all seen this happen in our own lives several times.

As they travel toward their destination the woman (Not driving) looks to the man and asks, “Are you thirsty?”

The man, still determined to put as many miles behind him as he can to reach his destination as quickly as possible, replies, “No.”

As the convenience store quickly comes into and then out of view, the woman becomes sullen. She soon exhibits frustration toward anything and everything.

What really happened here?

The woman was thirsty but didn’t want to “Force” the man to pull over and take the time to get her a beverage. In stead, she tried to put her desires into his thoughts by suggesting through her question that he was, in fact, thirsty. The fact that he did not understand the true meaning of her question, more over the intent, upset her. He was not in tune with her needs and did not need a drink. She became frustrated with him.

The conversation the OP has related smacks of this situation. She clearly brought the topic up without prompting from him. She had been thinking about it, checking the e-mails, and from my understanding of the information gathered, liked the people she met enough to remember the personalities.

She gave him permission to become involved in the site activities and e-mail correspondence once again. She said nothing negative about swinging or her past history with it. In fact, I believe that in her statement:

"I am glad we went to City A for vacation, because City B had a Swinger Party there this last night." "I noticed that there was a Party in City B from the subject line of a email I received from the Swinger Website we are on."

Was her way of trying to engage the OP into a discussion of attending another party in the near future. Her statement of being glad they went to City A is evidence of her desire to attend parties again. One does not go to a different city to avoid a party in another one. Cities are big enough to avoid them already!

She simply opened the doorway of conversation, nonverbally giving him permission to investigate the Lifestyle again. She also attempted to, through gender speak, put it in his lap thereby making it look like it was his idea. Had the OP continued with the conversation further, he would have eventually found that through her asking open ended questions, he would have taken over the entire conversation pertaining to the lifestyle.

Do I think she is interested in the lifestyle? Yeah, I think so!

[sweet_tna]

Well, it sounds like it's time to check those emails, and sit down with your wife and discuss what you each would like to do/try. Don't forget to show her this board, too. She may have some questions of her own.

=)

[bbarnsworth]

I'm with sweet_tna: sit down and TALK with her. Not this dancing around the bush bit. Be gentle, kind, sweet, accepting, open, considerate...but talk.

[willyoats]

Yup! If she mentions it without any prompting from you , she is ready to talk seriously about getting (back) into the lifestyle.

Go for it! You won't be disappointed.