advice? : I finally told the wife I want a MMF experience...

[T_Dallas]

So. The wife who has been in a 'shell' for a long time has finally started emerging. This is after a few years of work and patience.
So the idea of fantasies comes up and I shared with her some of mine.
The fantasy is to share her with another man.
Now... She was quite taken back by this. initially saying 'no' so I dropped it.
A few days later she texted me asking about the fantasy and we started talking about it.
She doesn't think she's even 100% committed to it yet. We are still working out our rules and limitations / expectations.
I can say that the text-conversations during the day have become quite hot and invigorating.
The last week or so has seen a huge increase in her sex drive and her behavior during sex is reminant of the old-days.
So, Just today we were talking. She seemed to be opening up quite a bit and revealing her thoughts about it.
Her concerns:
A. I won't look at her the same way
B. I may hold it against her later on during a fight or something.
C. I may get jealous or posessive
D. She's self-concious of her body and not fully comfortable with herself in the nude (what woman is?!?)

So my concerns:
A. She feels overly guilty afterwards and holds me responsable for the whole thing making my life miserable.
B. I do end up having some posessivness and jealousy that causes issues afterwards.
C. She doesn't enjoy the experience and feels used / abused.

I don't have much of a fear that "she'll like him more than me" cause... well, I'm good. She's always saying how much better her love life and sex with me is compared to her past experiences etc. etc.
So that's not really something I'm too worried about.

I have had this fantasy for some time... Now that it's out, I'm enjoying talking about it and such.

Any suggestions?
Warnings to look out for?
Ways to ease into something like this and 'test our waters' to see warning signs and such?

I'm really looking for the "how do I make sure it's for us and safe for our relationship"

[truckerbuddy]

There is a time to talk about this and now is that time. but DO NOT push, let her bring it up.. she is sounding like she may be like the idea.. bring her in here and talk about it and let her read some of the first time exp. let her explore the idea and her fantasies as well. the one thing the two of you have is open and honest communication. just talk about all the aspects of the lifestyle.. but be 110% open and honest. then see what it brings..

good luck

[ViSexual]

From what you've said, both of you have the same fears.

But it also looks like both of you would like to try this if you both knew it wouldn't have any adverse 'after' problems.

It sounds to me like you both need to agree that, no matter what, you both wanted to try it and won't hold it against each other afterwards. Hey, like my wife and I sometimes do on something this important, put it in writing!

Now, if you do both agree, don't get in a hurry with this. The planning and search for the right 'other' is half the fun!

[HotMoCpl]

At least a few preceeded me, but I married her. I've been trying to get her to converse about this for several years. It was discussed a couple of time before we tied the knot, but now she claims amnesia. Well, the only time "I" get to talk about it is during sex....that's when I feel her really get in motion. Then I get that line where she says, "I don't have any fantasies". She also says "I'm not a sharing type of person". Well, I figure that's absolutely right. I've been waiting over three years for her to bring it up...NOT!! She has NO idea how much these things hurt me. But, HEY! I'm a man....I'm not supposed to cry or bitch.

[traveling cpl]

Why not do a few practice runs. Go out to bar etc and let her look, pick and tell you her views on the different man there and allow her to speak her mind there and in bed without adding or attacking her ideas. Then move onto those on line, let her pick, then select, then talk with one/them on the phone after exchanging an email or two. Then and only then if she wants, arrange to meet the maybe lucky man. Treat it as a social event where nothing is planned, sure you two will be nervous and excited when you do meet up with the third but isn't that part of the fun to a degree.

We did exactly that and had no intention of going any further, than a meeting. After a little while, I left her and him to chat for a while, whilst I went to the 'mens' and then sat on the other side of the bar. When I came back the conversation continued with an agreement to meet at another time. But an invitation to inspect his room to ensure that it would be suitable for the next meeting, led to a drink on the balcony of his room and we became engrossed in conversation. The wife excused herself to go to the bathroom and returned nude, thus started a great evening. The reason why she changed her mind was that she had lost most of her nervous feelings and wasn't threaten in any manner especially by me.

[The Fuse]

T_Dallas,

traveling_cpl has a good idea. You could go have a drink with your wife and just people-watch. The expectation would be that you are just having a drink, and not looking for anything to happen. The idea is just to talk to each other and point out guys and ask for her opinion of them. I would say it's important to make clear that at no point is she obligated to do anything. Anytime she feels uncomfortable, she should tell you and you can just stop talking about it or go home. Might be a good first step.

Last night we were out with a couple, and they said this is one of the first things they did. They would go out and point out people to each other and talk about them.

[ncmd_couple]

T_Dallas,

Fuse is right on the money for a good suggestion.

Have you and your wife discussed swinging as a topic in general, or just having an MFM? Do you personally have desires to take this farther if the MFM is successful, or is an MFM as far as you want to go?

The reason that I ask this is that you found the Swinger's Board, and you are not looking on a hook-up site. I haven't read any of your previous posts (but I will) so I don't know where you are headed with this. You need to honestly assess what YOU really want before you can explore the topics with your wife. The reason that I bring this up is that you should probably share this site with your wife. Traveling through life TOGETHER is very important, and right now you are out of sync with your wife. You should make sure that you aren't racing ahead in your mind and wait for her to catch up, or not, as is her wish.

After you have considered my two cents above. An on-premis swinger's club might be another option as long as she knows about it in advance. This has a number of advantages.

1. Everyone is there for the same reason.
2. Single males there will have been screened by the management.
3. A very sexy environment where the two of you can watch what is happening.
4. You can play with each other in an open and sexually charged environement and go to a private room to make love and talk about fantasies.
5. It is a no pressure environment, but sexxy as hell.

Good luck!

S

[ncmd_couple]

T_Dallas,

Ok, just read your other posts, excellent, you are sharing this with your wife!

S

[Edison Carter]

Ed here-- Before my first Swing experience, susan had a lot more experience than me, she ran me through a 'trial run.' She dressed up, used the same perfume as her girlfriend. She even did a perfect impression of her voice. It was like 'role playing' but so much better.

[T_Dallas]

Update:
So things have moved forward quite well.
She and I have had a great number of long and very constructive conversations.
She and I have essentially never been closer. We are sharing things that previously we would have either hesitated to say or we would have avoided telling the other person altogether. This has resulted in not only us talking about this fantasy of ours quite frequently but we have had the best sex together in YEARS!
So here is the story thus far.
Our friend Ken came over and I had already spoken to him concerning the ideas we had and what we wanted to do / experience. He had been involved in MFM previously with his wife before their divorce but the fact that he knew what to expect put me at ease.
So Mandy and I spoke about it for hours prior to him coming over and the night started off well.
I was home first and got to straighten up a few things before anyone else arrived.
Mandy showed up about an hour later and finished up cleaning while I took a shower to clean up.
When I emerged from the shower Ken was already there and was talking to Mandy in the kitchen.
Mandy cooked dinner and the evening began as we watched movies.
She sat next to him on the sofa as I was in my easy-chair and it was a quite comical site to see her squirm and act as nervous as she did.
That nervousness ended up persisting through the evening. Even when things moved into the bedroom Mandy was still in a T-shirt and shorts.
It took almost 2 hours to get Mandy to just take her top off… She was still very reluctant and didn’t want to expose herself. I took an opportunity and left the room for a short bit to see if that let her open up some. I returned hoping to see her nude with his head buried between her legs but rather, She was still in her panties and he was still trying to seduce her.
It wasn’t the actions of what was taking place more-so than the tempo.
I sat in the rocking chair across the room and watched for a bit. Seeing him touch and kiss my wife was the probably the most erotic thing I’d seen… It was the tempo that things were going which caused me to stop the action. I was watching them and it wasn’t like her having sex… It was more like we are when we make love, and that’s my personal territory.
I walked over and tried to re-engage thinking things would pick up but after another ten to fifteen minutes I gave our keyword and stopped things in their tracks.
After a long conversation with her that night and him the next day, they both understood and were comforting to my fears.
Anyways. Things are still looking to progress. Ken is coming over this Friday to spend a night with us and we will see how things go. I have planned to break out an old board game (Intimate Commands) to help things progress nicely and smoothly.
All things point to having a great evening.
Our rules are set, written down and even e-mailed a copy to Ken so he knows what to and not to expect. Also he now knows where not only MY definite boundaries are but Hers as well.
I can’t wait to see her receiving pleasure from him. I want to see her face when she cums from his actions and not mine…
So… ‘cheers’
Here’s to hopefully a great night!
Wish us luck!

[truckerbuddy]

WOW all the luck in your hot night of playing. i hope it works out gr8

[T_Dallas]

So, Ken and I met last night and had a few drinks.
We sat and talked about my fears, and reservations about everything.
Mandy and I had been talking a LOT about every detail we could come up with.
Sure enough Mandy sent me a text message saying she was gonna go take a bath and would see me when I get home…
Ken and I had been talking for about 2 hours or more. Getting more and more comfortable with each other and covering the ‘man to man’ ground.
I told her we were both on our way … She said that was fine so off we went!
She sent another text asking me to rub some lotion on her back cause her skin dries out from the bath. As soon as we walked in the door she was wearing only a robe that stopped about a foot above her knees and panties.
So, I sent Ken in with the oil and told him that he has a job to do…
I sat in the living room for about 30 minutes or more listening to the occasional giggle and them talking.
After a while I went in the bedroom and was just laying on the bed rubbing on her with Ken at the same time.
Well… From there it’s all a bit blurry.
Mandy and I were talking that day about our fears and nervousness. I compared it to: “It’s like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff about to jump with only you at the bottom to catch me. It’s up to each of us to save the other from a horrible experience.”
Wasn’t that the truth!
The fall was GREAT and Mandy was there with open loving arms to catch me.
The only bad thing was that I had enough to drink and with being so scared and nervous I was soft for half the night… After Ken finished she and I had our turn. Ken was kind enough to excuse himself as well and I must say I’m so proud of Mandy for doing everything almost perfectly as she needed to in order to make the experience so great.
Ken is still coming over Friday night as well


I was even picking on her this morning as she told me to relay something to Ken... I said jokingly "He's YOUR boyfriend... you go tell him."
She got it... I'm fine and she can have her fun.
And Mandy has stated that we need to find me a girlfriend now!

[Edison Carter]

Blurry ? Really ? Things got 'blurry' ?

Let me unblur this for you. Ken fucked your wife, she loved it so much that now Ken is not viewed as a sex partner, but as a boyfriend. She likes him so much that her next reaction is to keep things 'even' by getting you a girlfriend, which from what I can tell, you will not be able to emotionally cope with.

Why do I think this is going to go badly.

I'm probably just thinking too much.

[T_Dallas]

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

Blurry ? Really ? Things got 'blurry' ?

Let me unblur this for you. Ken fucked your wife, she loved it so much that now Ken is not viewed as a sex partner, but as a boyfriend. She likes him so much that her next reaction is to keep things 'even' by getting you a girlfriend, which from what I can tell, you will not be able to emotionally cope with.

Why do I think this is going to go badly.

I'm probably just thinking too much.

Sorry, Maybe I used some bad terminology.

the blurry statement was to relay the excitement and such. It was more like an exhilarating roller coaster ride. I was really fine with everything that happened.

And yes she loved it! Isn't that what she's supposed to do? Why would you do it if she wouldn't love it?

The 'boyfriend title' was MY thing to throw out there. She didn't even consider that type of thing until I stated it.

I suppose the real test is going to be over the next few weeks.
After this weekend Ken won't be around until the end of next month.

During that time I will actually be able to see what and how our relationship has changed and how she reacts to him not being there. That will be able to tell me a lot.
if we end up stopping everything... then we do.
I have to trust her. I DO trust her.
IF / Until she betrays that trust.

I will keep things updated as time progresses.

Does anyone agree with what Edison said?
Cause now i've got those thoughts going through my head when before I didn't.

[good times]

Originally Posted by T_Dallas

Does anyone agree with what Edison said?
Cause now i've got those thoughts going through my head when before I didn't.

Would have to know a lot more about your situation to know that. Specifically, I would need to hear what your wife thinks about the whole thing. But, I have seen what Edison said happen, more than once, often with newbies going about it the way you have. So, I would think that it is possible.