Like a Virgin propositioned for first MFM threesome

[LowIQ]

About 3 weeks I met a couple of girls at a party and we hit it off right away. Conversation was great and we had a lot in common. All 3 of us exchanged phone numbers and at the end of the night said our goodbyes.

The two girls are friends, one is married and she (married girl, lets call her Nancy) was reinforcing me to ask out the other who was single. I was attracted to her (single girl, lets call her Mary) and proceeded to contact her about a date.

We all went out this last weekend again on kind of a "double date" however Mary didnt seem that into me. She was actually kind of rude the whole night. In any event, Nancy called me the day after and apologized, said she didnt understand why Mary was acting that way and was embarrassed. It really didnt matter to me that much to be honest, I still had a great time. The previous evening I mentioned i was going to skating in Venice the following day and Nancy called me to see if she could go, both her and her husband both like to skate on the beach and I was happy to have the company. I went by and picked her up, said hello to her husband and we talked for a few. He did not end up going with us because he was busy with work to do. So we left.

Once we got to the beach the most interesting conversation ensued. She asked me for my opinion on something pertaining to her and her husband. He wanted her to be with another man and her concern was she did not understand what his motive was. I was a little taken by this but I like to talk about sex and sexual relationships so I asked some questions and gave the best opinion I could.

To make an already very long story short, later that evening after I dropped her back off at her home I recieved a text message from her propositioning me to be "that guy". She was surprised I didnt pick up on the conversation at the beach that she was feeling me out for the job, which at this point I am also because even after going over it dozens of times I dont see how I would have picked that up. They are not being pushy, she says she is extremely attracted to me and feels very comfortable being around me and asked if I was interested. I told her I was.

My head is spinning now, excited about the experience but a little bit scared also. Im trying to understand what my place is, I know her husband wants this for her but I also imagine myself involved in a certain way that makes me comfortable. Ive been with two girls before but this feels different. What do I need to be looking for? Anyone who has any experience with this can tell me the best way to conduct myself, things I need to be aware of. Are there any "first time" best practices that would help me? Ive tried asking her a bit about it but she doesnt want to plan it out, she wants it just to happen on night "naturally" which I get, but again, I dont want to do anything to upset, embarrass, or offend anyone.

Sorry if this is convoluted, any suggestions are appreciated.

[sweet_tna]

Actually, it helps us to have the whole story (well, at least your side of it) when you're asking for advice.

My first question for you is how do you know her husband wants this? From what I read in your post, you and Nancy's husband have not spoken about this directly. And that would be my first bit of advice. You need to sit down with Nancy and the hubby together and talk things out.

I think this post provides some excellent questions for you to ask this couple. It's important to find out exactly what their expectations are for this encounter.

Once you get all that stuff sorted out, and you feel confident that everyone is on the same page (if not, stop right there and get it sorted), then it's time to talk about the where, when, and how if it all.

Best of luck to you, and let us know how it all goes.

=)

[LowIQ]

Thank you, and your right, more info is necessary.

I know her husband wants this only by her telling me. At first I wondered about this but she has suggested several times since that he and I go out and talk, given me his phone number and I have been over to there house twice. Im going to try to put something together with him soon but I wouldn't know how to start the conversation nor what to ask so I am stalling a bit.

Thank you for the link to the post, I will look over it and hopefully it will give me some better insight.

I promise to report back afterwords. I am excited about the experience and really hope its going to be a good one.

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by LowIQ

I know her husband wants this only by her telling me. At first I wondered about this but she has suggested several times since that he and I go out and talk, given me his phone number and I have been over to there house twice. Im going to try to put something together with him soon but I wouldn't know how to start the conversation nor what to ask so I am stalling a bit.

I've never been in this scenario, but if I was, I would certainly want to talk to the husband first and foremost. I also wouldn't feel like I was the one who needed to start the conversation. After all, they are coming to you with the proposition, not the other way around. Approaching the husband cold on this doesn't seem to be a wise move. Until I had heard from him directly that he was on board and in full knowledge of what was being proposed, I wouldn't do anything at. Once he initiates the conversation by letting you know he has full knowledge and it is something he wants also, then I would start asking questions to make sure everyone was on the same wavelength. If the answers to those questions left any doubt whatsoever or made me feel the least uncomfortable with the situation, then I'd just politely decline to go any further by saying I didn't think there was compatibility all around and leave it at that.

Originally Posted by LowIQ

I promise to report back afterwords. I am excited about the experience and really hope its going to be a good one.

Please do come back and share how it went.

[LowIQ]

Thank you cpln, I felt this way to but wasnt sure. I was hoping that he would approach me about it because it would clear the air with regards to it being his wishes. Next time I talk to her Im going to ask her to have him call me if he would like to talk or to go out so we can all discuss this. Im not comfortable feeling like the aggressor in someone else s relationship.

[slevin]

Originally Posted by LowIQ

Thank you cpln, I felt this way to but wasnt sure. I was hoping that he would approach me about it because it would clear the air with regards to it being his wishes. Next time I talk to her Im going to ask her to have him call me if he would like to talk or to go out so we can all discuss this. Im not comfortable feeling like the aggressor in someone else s relationship.

I have never been in this position myself, but if it was me I would either sit down with both of them at the same time to discuss it. Let him know that she had approached me about being with her and that I knew that it was something he was interested in. I'd be up front that I wanted to talk with him directly about it because I wanted to be sure he really did want this and that I wanted to be very respectful of him and also their relationship. This is a great opportunity to talk openly about what they both want out of this, what you want out of this, what everyones boundaries are etc.

If she wasn't comfortable being there as a part of the discussion then I would tell her that I was going to contact him on a particular day to go have a drink and tell her the basic idea of what I was going to talk with him about. That way I know I won't be blindsiding him with something he didn't realize was going on

My key points for the conversation that I'd want to get across: comfort, respect, discretion.

[realcplub2]

Ok, can we clear up one point, Are they asking you to partake in a threesome, or as a triad, where you and she get together, then she goes home to her husband?

Both senerios are very different, as a participant of a threesome, then absolutely the husband should have talked to you well be fore this.. If this is the start of a triad, then, I would think its a topic to be disccusses as a point of respect, and should be brought up by you to him.

In either case, I would NOT rely strictly on her word.. It would seem given the way she tried to steer you toward her girlfriend first, that if is possible the wife is attempting to steer/set up her husband in a swinging situation.. by hoping you both would hit it off, it would have opened the door to a set up..

Hope this helps, stepping back and looking at the situation the way you already have, usually give you a different POV. Follow your instincts

Oh BY the way, Welcome to the board!!

[LowIQ]

Thank you!

This brings up a lot of great questions and something told me this needed to be a bit more involved.

From what I have gathered from what we have spoken about, I "think" this is going to be a situation where the three of us together of us partake in the evenings activities. She seems as if she would be open to the idea of it just being her and I but I dont know how comfortable I am with that.

Excuse my ignorance but what is the difference between a threesome and a "triad"? I agree, I really think he (husband) should have spoken to me before now but she has been extremely open about me talking to him about it which makes me think he is agreeable, but I still think there are a lot of questions to be answered.

Another thing that bothers me a bit, her and I where out at lunch together yesterday and when we got back to my apt, (she had followed me home from car wash and parked at my house so we could take 1 car for lunch) she asked if I wanted her to go inside. I told her that I did but I didnt think it was a good idea. She asked me if I didnt trust myself with her and I told her that it wasnt that so much, as I dont think it was appropriate. She didnt argue the point at all, actually I think she appreciated it, but it still caught me off balance again.

Is this just "first time" jitters? I can see myself really liking this but is it always this difficult in the beginning? I get that Im a prop in their play here but I think I would have rather my first time had been with a couple who was a bit more experienced. Im having to wing it here and it appears they are to.

[fun4Ds]

How old is Nancy's husband ?

How old is Nancy ?

[Edison Carter]

Ed here: Okay, you need more insights, but here's a probable scenario. The husband would like to watch another man fuck his wife. The wife would like to be fucked by another guy and loves the idea of her husband watching. That's it.

Now, my wife, Susan, and I have experimented a couple of times with me just being a voyeur. I would not want to do this a lot, but once a year or so, I have found it a nice variation and so has Susan. The first time was with a single guy a year or so ago. Recently we did it again, same single guy and he brought another guy. It was also a great time.

That being said, if it really is just him wanting to watch, make love to her just like she were any other woman. Have a blast, she'll have a blast. She may want to try some things she does not normally do, indulge her. Hell, fuck her into next week and back again.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by LowIQ

Thank you cpln, I felt this way to but wasnt sure. I was hoping that he would approach me about it because it would clear the air with regards to it being his wishes. Next time I talk to her Im going to ask her to have him call me if he would like to talk or to go out so we can all discuss this. Im not comfortable feeling like the aggressor in someone else s relationship.

My suggestion would be to call the guy (or next time you are at their house talk to him) and ask him to have lunch with you. When you do just tell him "Listen Nancy told me about you guys wanting a threesome and asked me about doing it, I just really want to make sure you are cool with this and find out what you expect from me".

That should open the conversation WIDE for discussion. The questions that Sweet_tna linked to would be best discussed with both of them after you've talked to him enough to feel totally comfortable.

When you are talking with just him ask him some questions about what he is comfortable with. He obviously doesn't mind you being alone with his wife, is he wanting you to have sex with her without him? Or does he only want it to be a threesome scenario or things happening when he is there?

Originally Posted by LowIQ

Excuse my ignorance but what is the difference between a threesome and a "triad"? I agree, I really think he (husband) should have spoken to me before now but she has been extremely open about me talking to him about it which makes me think he is agreeable, but I still think there are a lot of questions to be answered.

A triad would be a polyamorous type relationship. Basically she would be having an actual relationship with both of you - he's her husband, you are her boyfriend. With as much time as you are spending alone with her I can see where this question would come up, and it's a good one to make sure you have the answer to. It falls into that category of "what are they expecting/ wanting here".

Another thing that bothers me a bit, her and I where out at lunch together yesterday and when we got back to my apt, (she had followed me home from car wash and parked at my house so we could take 1 car for lunch) she asked if I wanted her to go inside. I told her that I did but I didnt think it was a good idea. She asked me if I didnt trust myself with her and I told her that it wasnt that so much, as I dont think it was appropriate. She didnt argue the point at all, actually I think she appreciated it, but it still caught me off balance again.

This is either a test - to see if you would try to do something without her husband knowing. OR, it may be that they are into a cuckold type relationship where she plays and tells him about it. OR, she might just be trying to get some ahead of the game.

Is this just "first time" jitters? I can see myself really liking this but is it always this difficult in the beginning? I get that Im a prop in their play here but I think I would have rather my first time had been with a couple who was a bit more experienced. Im having to wing it here and it appears they are to.

Be very careful here, until you know their expectations. It's obvious you like her, but you need to be careful that you do not develop emotional attachment to her. It may be that they are looking for a triad type relationship -in which case that would be ok (emotional attachment). But, if they are not, you have to keep a certain distance to protect yourself. Don't let yourself get tied up only to get hurt.

[ViSexual]

You know, sometimes you can over-think something,

You like her, she obviously likes you. It's obvious that they've discussed this and have, mutually, agreed on you.

If this is their 'first, then they're as nervous as you are, right?

Why not just buy some wine, or beer depending on what the three of you like, and call them and ask to come over and discuss it further.

And, be ready for more than just discussion.

[curiousagain]

You definitely need to talk to the husband. When I was swinging with a girlfriend one of the best ways someone opened the conversation to me was "** tells me it's cool with you for us to get together but I wanted to check with you first as I wouldn't want to do anything to disrespect you" It showed me he was very much aware we were a couple and what I thought/felt about it was as important as how she thought/felt about it.

Just talk to the husband. I have learned the hard way that you have to talk to the husband first, no matter how much you trust the wife and if he seems to be reluctant to talk about it, walk away and don't look back.

[Additude]

I agree with ViSexual,

You can accomplish "all of the above" easily and tactfully by this approach.

Maybe you could even ask if you brought the steaks & wine if they'd mind hosting the BBQ? You can discuss it over dinner, as friends should.

Nice and casual, slow and methodical.....

No need to over think it. Be respectful, be a gentleman, be mature.

[LowIQ]

So I wanted to give an update on this because so many of you really came out to help me and It really did push me through.

I went over to their home on Tuesday night and we spent an hour talking about mundane topics and then the Husband opened up to me a bit to talk about the encounter. I had asked over the phone that we keep the first experience "lite" so that I can get comfortable with everyone, meaning blatantly, I would fool around but was not going to have sex with her. They both appreciated that and where accommodating.

Her and I where together for about 2 hours and he kept going in and out of the room, peeking through the door and the hallway which was fine, but after a while it started to creep me out a bit. I didnt say anything as it was understood that he would just be watching however I think I would have been more comfortable if he had just stayed in one place. Every other time I looked back he was either there or he wasnt which made me feel awkward.

I was invited back the following night but declined, and then invited to go to vegas with them on thursday thru sat and i declined that also. I think my reasoning is the tension I am feeling, the experience was amazing but again, its sort of the blind leading the blind here and while I was able to lead us into this with very little problems on tuesday, I think I would have felt more comfortable if I didnt have to be so much of the aggressor in the bedroom. 50/50 would be nice for the first few times until I got to know her a little better and I wouldnt have to be so incredibly cautious. Lead me a bit, let me know whats ok. She was not communicating with me at all really and I mean physically and had no objection to what I was doing but Im just thinking it would have been easier to have gotten some sort of affirmation or interaction ever now and then to know that what I was doing was ok, and where else I could go from there.