Changes - Swingers vs Vanilla lifestyles

[NymphoWind]

I was wondering in terms of becoming/being a swinger, has/how has that changed your life? Do/ or how do people see you differently from before you became a swinger?

Many people don't go around telling everyone that they are swingers, from what I've been hearing being a swinger is like being in a very special secret club, are there any swingers out there that have family members who know of this secret? And If so Does it change how they look at you compared to if you just lived the vanilla lifestyle?

Please don't misunderstand any of these questions to sound like being a swinger is a bad thing, but in our society people are mostly raised to believe that sharing your partner or having more than one sex partner is wrong, and although "Being wrong" is in the eyes of the beholder, there are still many people who see the whole lifestyle thing from both sides, so because of this I was curious to know in the experience of those who are in the lifestyle how do people look at you different?

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions, as we're still new and we're very interested in the lifestyle! We look forward to your post!

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

I was wondering in terms of becoming/being a swinger, has/how has that changed your life?

Our friends are much more interesting and fun to hang out with now.

Do/ or how do people see you differently from before you became a swinger?

Most don't know, so I suppose that they still see us as that couple that seems to be just a little happier and a little more in love than the average couple.

Are there any swingers out there that have family members who know of this secret? And If so Does it change how they look at you compared to if you just lived the vanilla lifestyle?

Her sister knows. She had a few questions at first, mostly out of curiosity. After that, she doesn't even bring it up, and it has had no impact on the relationship. The brother in law has issues with it though. He's pissed because he married the wrong sister.

[PB&J]

I was wondering in terms of becoming/being a swinger, has/how has that changed your life?
It has certainly added a new layer of interest to our life. We have a whole new circle of friends, in addition to our "regular" friends.

Do/ or how do people see you differently from before you became a swinger?
Oh yes. People seem to comment that PB seems happier and more relaxed (he is). As for me, I get way more comments about my appearance and general air of self-confidence. As a couple, we have a rep for being very close and loving, more so than before.

[Dave_kat]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

I was wondering in terms of becoming/being a swinger, has/how has that changed your life? Do/ or how do people see you differently from before you became a swinger?

Sure it's changed our lives. We went from being somewhat bored with things between us to excited again about life and never knowing what tomorrow might bring in the way of fun.

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

Many people don't go around telling everyone that they are swingers, from what I've been hearing being a swinger is like being in a very special secret club, are there any swingers out there that have family members who know of this secret? And If so Does it change how they look at you compared to if you just lived the vanilla lifestyle?

Heck, we rescued Kat's mother from swearing off men in general and trying to live like a hermit by introducing her to our swinging friends... If that's a bad thing so be it, but heck, Mom is now happily in a relationship and enjoying life, especially after a recent bitter divorce.

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

Please don't misunderstand any of these questions to sound like being a swinger is a bad thing, but in our society people are mostly raised to believe that sharing your partner or having more than one sex partner is wrong, and although "Being wrong" is in the eyes of the beholder, there are still many people who see the whole lifestyle thing from both sides, so because of this I was curious to know in the experience of those who are in the lifestyle how do people look at you different?

We're discussing this in another thread, forgive me for not knowing how to post the thread link, but condemnation generally comes from a religious standpoint, not a societal one. We can be raised as we are.. And a lot look to condemn others to make themselves look good..

As far as how we see others, we generally see people as they are and can be, and usually hear a lot more from them about their own relationships because they see us so happy together and they want to know how we do it. If only they knew.

[Trace Ekies]

For us, swinging has brought with it a new and exciting circle of friends (yes, I'm a master of the obvious). Before swinging, Mrs. Ekies had about two friends that she spent time with a couple of times a year and I had my 'wheelin' (Jeeps and trucks with big tires, lockers and the hunt for rocks the size of Volkswagons) buddies.

Now we have found a social life that was virtually non-existent before and have been happier as a result. Even without playtime, having like-minded friends is good for our psyche generally. Having a beautiful woman for her or I or man for her show interest in a "more than friends" way is very liberating on a number of levels.

As a man, I'd like for everyone but my parents to know that we swing...but I can't imagine that would be good so we keep our secret between us and our like-minded friends.

As far as "outsiders" are concerned, I wonder about everybody. The constant question is, "I wonder if they play". Sometimes it's looks that causes the question and sometimes it's their actions.

We find ourselves saying, "If they only knew". If they were to learn what we've learned, make the friends we've made, had only a fraction of the fun we've had and find that certain contentment that comes from having been so close to "friends" physically they'd be different. And with the proper mind-set, different in a positive way.

As far as family is concerned, my two brothers have an idea...no detail, just an idea or feeling. One of her three sisters knows the details. We admitted to our addiction one evening after the sister admitted that she'd like to have sex with a woman (no, we haven't been there, nor will we). The sister has since crossed the bi- line and loved every minute of it. In fact, she may meet us and a group for dinner and dancing on Friday (no, we haven't been there, nor will we).

For the few people who know our secret who are not swingers most say, "You lucky bastard". It's interesting to me that a couple of men have taken the attitude that they couldn't "watch someone else fuck their wife". They seem to think that it is a one-sided event. That I meekly sit in the corner and watch Mrs. Ekies "get fucked"...They seem to miss the detail that it's a group affair. WE are having fun together, be it a threesome, foursome or moresome and that all come away with a feeling that is exciting, fun, yummy and impossible to forget.

I hope I've made some sense here. I tried, but it's early.

Trace

[MrsPandMe]

It didn't so much change our lives per se, especially since we're definitely in the category of part-time swingers. What it DID change was our relationship with each other. We have a level of communication and desire for each other we never had before we swung (swang? swinged?).

I have noticed that occasionally when we're out in public and an interesting couple walk by both me and her catch each other checking them out. Usually that's followed by an evil grin!

P,

[whyokc]

Well I have to have a fist post sometime and this thread is as good of place as any to start.

First let me start by saying we are a HotWife Couple (I.E. I don't play but I love to watch her. Not to be confused with a cuckold)

We have been in the LS for about 2 years now. We started when she was 23 and I was 33.

The first thing that I noticed after we so much as agreed to look into it was our level of communication and trust sky rocketed!

fast forward to when she actually started playing. Those two previous factors grew by leaps and bounds even further! but I also noticed her self- esteem and confidence also grew equally in measure.

We are by far a happier couple and certainly a more loving couple.

We really never had too many disagreements or arguments to begin with and even those have lessened more. But if I thought are relationship was stable and ready to take on the world before... It can take on the universe now.

As far as how our vanilla friends see us and how their relationships stack up to ours??

Well we generally make everyone sick.

We have been together for 7.5 years now and most of our friends who were in relationships or married when we got together have long since met their demise, and some have been through several since...

Many of my friends have asked me what our secret is and of course I tell them Communication, Honesty etc... etc... I just don't tell them how we got it to this level...(otherwise I might here how I obviously don't really love my wife if I can share her blaugh...blaugh...blaugh...)

This LS is the best thing that has ever happened to us. I wish I could tell my friends how well and why it works, but I know their social norms just could not let them understand it.

My only regret was that we didn't start sooner (as is hers) I'm fairly certain our relationship was ready for it at about 3 years in

[todesireu]

Only our playmates know for sure.........

[CXXC]

Like virtually every other lifestyle couple out there, our communication and openness to each other grew exponentially. We maintain this level in all things now. We hide nothing from one another.

The people who do know are 50/50. One woman who Mrs. CXXC thought was a good friend and could be trusted has basically contacted all of the other women in their little circle of friends and now all have requested that Mrs. CXXC no longer contact them or their husbands. I guess the fact that Mrs. CXXC would need to find them or their husbands appealing didn’t come to mind.

My best friend and his wife know about our lifestyle and they ask nothing nor have changed in the way they view us.

For those that do not know, we are constantly being asked advice with regards to their relationships and have even been told that our friends have voted and Mrs. CXXC and I are the couple of the year. We had no idea there was a competition.

It has also changed the way we view others. We BOTH check out the hot women. We wonder who the swingers are. We look at the faces of the couples passing by and wish we could share with them the joy we have found in each other through the LS and the communication and openness we chare.

[Act Naturally]

Right now I'm just gathering information and trying to be sure I'm comfortable and know what to expect, but so far trying to talk to my sister (whom I share everything with) hasn't gone wel l. We went from hanging out all the time to her not really having me around much just because I brought up the topic and saying I was researching it. So I guess if I do act on anything she'll be the last to know huh? LOL ... But not having anyone to talk to about it caused me to find this place so I guess it all works out!

[lizandtom]

Originally Posted by Act Naturally

Right now I'm just gathering information and trying to be sure I'm comfortable and know what to expect, but so far trying to talk to my sister (whom I share everything with) hasn't gone wel l. We went from hanging out all the time to her not really having me around much just because I brought up the topic and saying I was researching it.

There's your answer in itself. Your sister falls into the multitude that will probably just never understand the whole premise of being 'lifestyle open.' I'd consider it null and void in discussing it with her, and whatever you do, exploring wise, will be on your own, and always live by the mantra we adhere to; 'NEVER EXPLAIN, NEVER APOLOGIZE.'

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

I was wondering in terms of becoming/being a swinger, has/how has that changed your life? Do/ or how do people see you differently from before you became a swinger?

Besides having sex with other people? I know we've changed. We're so much closer and communicate so much better with each other. We're more self confident and I've learned how to relax and "go with the flow" more. But I don't know that anyone (not in the know) sees us as any different than before we started swinging.

Many people don't go around telling everyone that they are swingers, from what I've been hearing being a swinger is like being in a very special secret club, are there any swingers out there that have family members who know of this secret?

A few vanillas know. One of my girlfriends, and one of Mr. Sweet's friends. In both cases, they're happy for us, and wish they could do the same but neither of their spouses would go for it. My sister knows (thanks to my stupidity and desperation to be close to her), and she seemed happy for me, then deliberately outed us to my mother. Yeah. She really did that. My mom said outright that she disapproves, but that it's our life and she doesn't care to discuss it.

[redgirlwithfrec]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

I was wondering in terms of becoming/being a swinger, has/how has that changed your life?

We definitely get out of the house more and have learned to become more social. 2 things that have really helped us get closer together in our own relationship. How long can any couple last staying in every weekend just hanging with the kids with nothing new going on in our lives. Hence we were rather boring people . Due to our becoming more sociable we have also made many new vanilla friends, the only thing is we have found we have had to become selective in our conversations with them especially when they ask about what we did over the weekend or when they ask us out to hang but we already have non-vanilla plans.

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

Do/ or how do people see you differently from before you became a swinger?

We are definitely more outgoing now. We have also noticed that some females friends of ours that are on the fence about bi-sexuality or couples that are swingers or have thought about it have been able to pick us out of a crowd as swingers and have either round about asked us about things or have said something to make us stop and if they are people we trust we will come out and tell them and answer their questions for them. One recent scenario we may make a separate post on soon.

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

are there any swingers out there that have family members who know of this secret? And If so Does it change how they look at you compared to if you just lived the vanilla lifestyle?

We have one family member that knows, it is her sister and we have written about it here before. We found her and her BF at the time on Swing Lifestyle. She is no longer in it and she will ask us how our weekend was at Sunday dinner every now and then but that's about it.

[Rackir]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

I was wondering in terms of becoming/being a swinger, has/how has that changed your life?

It's hard for me to say that becoming a swinger per se changed our relationship, because the decision to play with other people came about through an intense discussion regarding honesty and ethics one night that changed our relationship dramatically (and was the most single relevant moment in our relationship to date). But taken as a whole it has made us both SO much happier most of the time. Of course at times that whole "honesty thing" gets pretty tough, and makes for some hard moments now and then, for the relationship and for our personal lives as well it has very positive net effects. We are true to ourselves, and honestly feel like we can share our inner selves with one another without fear.

do people see you differently from before you became a swinger?

Probably a little bit, my wife much more so than myself though. Anybody who knows me knows that I don't really hold with conventional wisdom and that I feel tradition must always be forced to hold it's own logically before I'll adopt it. So most people who know me, when they find out we swing, pretty much say "yeah, that fits".

My wife on the other hand always impresses people as the classic "good girl". She's cute, nice, bubbly, non-confrontational, has an intense love for animals and can kick the crap out of damn near anyone in a game of Disney Trivial Pursuit. So when a female friend of hers says I am good looking, and she says "Want to sleep with him? I'm okay with that" it tends to take them by surprise.

Many people don't go around telling everyone that they are swingers, from what I've been hearing being a swinger is like being in a very special secret club, are there any swingers out there that have family members who know of this secret? And If so Does it change how they look at you compared to if you just lived the vanilla lifestyle?

I guess we're something of an exception here, because the aforementioned offering of me from my wife to nearly all of her friends is very common! My wife takes a great deal of pride in her sexual liberation, and makes no effort to hide it from the majority of people. She also likes to distance herself from her “good girl” image. I am actually hard pressed to think of many social female friends that she has not hit on at least once . She does however (mostly) keep it quiet in her place of work, and her family is pretty conservative. I think that her mother suspects (mainly because I am like a nice polite devil who happens to be in love with her daughter in her eyes), but would never say anything because she far prefers ignorance over anything resembling confrontation.

Similarly most of my friends know, because I believe in challenging peoples ethics and because I love a good debate with anyone who feels up to it. So anyone who knows me for any length of time eventually finds out, though I don’t advertise it the way my wife does. Like I said earlier though, being a swinger fits with my personality, so most people really aren’t too surprised. For my family, my one sister that I am really close to knows, and my other sister probably wouldn't be surprised (in fact she may have picked up on it last year at a party we were both at). It's never come up with my father or brother, but again neither of them would have any reason to think anything different of me if they found out, and it wouldn’t bother me if they did.

All in all I find hiding things like that to be far more work than it's worth. I am firm in my beliefs and morals, and am more than willing to discuss them with anyone who takes issue with them. If I am wrong, than someone smarter than I should be able to show me how I am wrong and I want to know. If I'm right though, than I have no reason to hide who I am.

Please don't misunderstand any of these questions to sound like being a swinger is a bad thing, but in our society people are mostly raised to believe that sharing your partner or having more than one sex partner is wrong, and although "Being wrong" is in the eyes of the beholder, there are still many people who see the whole lifestyle thing from both sides, so because of this I was curious to know in the experience of those who are in the lifestyle how do people look at you different?

No worries and it's a damn fine set of questions! I guess the biggest difference in how people look at us is that once they find out we are swingers, it makes them realize that we don’t necessarily play by their rules. Some people get curious, others it turns off. Either way the friends we wind up with are far more likely to interesting to us than if we kept it secret.

[Act Naturally]

Originally Posted by lizandtom

There's your answer in itself. Your sister falls into the multitude that will probably just never understand the whole premise of being 'lifestyle open.' I'd consider it null and void in discussing it with her, and whatever you do, exploring wise, will be on your own, and always live by the mantra we adhere to; 'NEVER EXPLAIN, NEVER APOLOGIZE.'

Thanks so much that has to be some of the best advice I've gotten! I'll try to live by that one.