Newbie - Sharing some feedback

[FarDream]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to share how things developed since our first night at a swinger club (two weeks ago). I thought it might (or might not) help others in our same situation.

Our first night at such a club was both scary as hell and wonderful (exciting enough for us to end up having sex in one of the playrooms).

My wife told me, while coming home, next time I will wear this and that, so the thought of going back stayed in her head.

Since then, I tried to bring the subject up two times, and I get the answer "I need time to digest all this, I have just started to realize that I wasn't watching a porno movie but kind of acting in one". I therefore decided to give her time and not press the subject.

But I must tell that I've noticed two things, kind of big "changes" in her attitude:
1) At a friends's B-day last Saturday, her friend told her that her boyfriend is travelling, and she was worried that he could cheat on her. To my utmost surprise, she answered: "Hey, be open to each other. If he is telling you what he is doing and you agree with it, it is not cheating... He is then just having sex with other women with your consent; he loves you and will always come home to you..." . My wife was never a big advocate of open relationships!
2) In the same party, she was flirting like crazy to one of the present single men (not her usual style), after asking me if I was OK with it... Of course, she has a fantasy about a MMF.
3) I told her that the other day a girl was flirting with me on the bus home. She asked me whether I liked that girl and whether I wanted to get a new life partner. When I answered "Yeah, she was hot" and "No way, I love you", she told me "Why didn't you bring her home, then?".

So I guess that the lesson is to be patient, to be completely open, to trust her, and reassure her (give her an extra layer of emotional security).

[screaminggood]

It sounds like y'all are working together with the exploration, and most importantly, keeping the lines of communication open....congratulations, those are the difficult parts! Just remember there might be bumps, hills, or mountains in the road ahead so don't be upset if things tend to speed up and down as y'all progress.

[JustAskJulie]

Keep talking with her and let her be the one to say when she's ready for more. It sounds like even if she's not ready to jump in the deep end yet she's already done a lot of soul searching and had some changes in thought process

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by FarDream

So I guess that the lesson is to be patient, to be completely open, to trust her, and reassure her (give her an extra layer of emotional security).

If only all new swingers, could understand this simple concept.

You guys are great

[FarDream]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

If only all new swingers, could understand this simple concept.

I can understand how most new people feel. I have also sometimes the impression that we go two steps forward, and then we go one (or two, but never three) step backwards. But I decided to let her drive the pace, even though I do "provoke" some conversations.

Of course, there is a lot of soul searching, and paradigm breaking to do. Physically, we are not a monogamous species, but we had been "programmed" since young to try and be exactly that. End result: infidelity, divorce, or self repression. But there IS a better way and we both decided to tread that path... even if it is difficult and somewhat scary .

But enough philosophy for the day, the day is sunny (not so common in Switzerland) and there are some thermal baths near here that accept kids... So off we go.

[DigginIt]

I (the guy) can so relate to this thread. The mixture of the “unknown” really creates a sexual high and then the anxiety and anticipation mixed in with that really creates an emotional rush.

We just had our first experience this weekend. I'm planning to post a thread here in a few minutes on the good experience we had and I just finished with a post on our bad experience but all-in-all, I think having two out of 3 great nights was a very good start. We “tried” to have no expectations (didn’t want to be disappointed) but we did and it actually was much better than we expected so I count myself a very lucky guy.

My wife is very supportive and actually was totally into wanting to embrace the lifestyle. Right now I think we have to work on our expectations. The porno aspect was totally cool to me but we need to have some seduction mixed in with it and so I think we will be exploring some other ideas for a while until we both truly decide how we can both get exactly what we want out of the lifestyle.

The best part is I think we really reinforced how strong our bond was this weekend. There was no pressure and honestly no jealousy. Just a true desire to want to please each other. We are not sure what our next steps are going to be but as we are “digesting” everything as well. We both believe a next time is in the near future.