Newbies - overcoming one's insecurities

[FarDream]

Hi everyone,
as posted in 'introductions', we are new to this, and we have one big question:
we clubbed yesterday, and ended up having sex between ourselves in an open room that was far from empty (for us it is a big new). Simply put, it was great.
We want to try the jacuzzi next time, but we have this thing in our heads that 'censors' us. We would like to know how you've managed to overcome these anxieties.
Thanks a lot!

[JustAskJulie]

What do you mean it "censors" you ? From doing what? From playing in front of others? or from playing with others? or just from the jacuzzi?

[Trace Ekies]

Congratulations on stepping over that boundary...it seems your "censor" is not working anymore.

Some of our ability to do it anywhere and anytime and only in the presence of those who should be there is comfort with ourselves and our love of exhibitionism. Like you, we were apprehensive at first and then less so and less so until we now look for opportunities.

I guess practice makes perfect and only by doing will you overcome fears and find your boundaries, if you have any.

Happy exhibiting!

Trace

Note: Please keep your head on straight and only exhibit for those who should be present for such things...anyone who might be offended should be considered and children should never be present.

[Playtou]

Remember it is all about you. If you are having fun, then go for it. We started very slow and were very shy but each time was exciting and we looked forward to the next. Your censor will evolve with you.

[CXXC]

Mrs. CXXC and I had a similar experience in our beginings. We had sex at a lifestyle friendly resort in view of others. IT was a very exciting and erotic event for us both. It was also our first ever event within which we were exhibitionists. I have to say, it was so exciting, the acitivity stuck in our minds throughout the afternoon. It would not leave and we simply had to run off to our room for another go!

Just remember, you must BOTH be comfortable with everything you do. Do not push or force an activity. Respect each others boundries and limitations. You will find your comfort zone and the envelope of that zone will expand gradually. In time, you may find yourselves leading the pack into new and (at this time) outlandish things!

Have fun! enjoy and most of all COMMUNICATE with each other openly and honestly! Doing so will ensure that yo are both one the same page and having a remarkable time!

[interested-05]

one step at a time and doing only what both of you are ready for. talk and discuss your feelings stay tuned to this websites and when someone askes a question or brings up a subject you havent shared with your SO, let the discussions you have together be your guide.
when your come across an issue or moment you feel stress about swinging, back off or go home if necessary to give yourselves time to adjust your way of thinking and the way you feel as a couple

[bunnyrabbit4u]

that's exactly what we did the first time . . . and the second time LOL. We had sex in the "orgy room" with each other only the first night and the second night we ended up having sex leaning over the jacuzzi next to two other couples. That was quite hot but it was scary too. Just do what you are comfortable with, just because you are in the jacuzzi with other people doesn't mean you have to have sex with them. Saying No is generally respected.

[FarDream]

Thanks a lot for your messages!
At the moment we are taking some time to 'digest' our experience. And of course to build of some kind of 'desire' to return to the club by fuelling our fantasies with well-timed comments (great new game for us, btw)... It's like we need to build some kind of critical mass before delving further into this wonderful world we've just discovered; somehow, the first visit is exploration, while the second is more along the lines of 'confirmation'.
We both revel in this new freedom of thought and this new strength; of course it is somehow scary (like all transforming experiences) but once the genie is out of the bottle... WHO WANTS TO PUT IT BACK INSIDE?!?!? ;-)

[Trellken]

Jules and I had our first "public" experiences at a club recently as well. The idea of watching and being watched is what got us interested in going in the first place (and is a big part of why we are looking to explore similar clubs in Vegas this summer). Just seeing so many people having sex in so many combinations and positions and . . . . just wow. It certainly added some heat to our own experience, as did knowing that people were watching us when we started playing ourselves.

[karezza]

when you go into an 'orgy room' and most of the people in there have no intention of doing ANYTHING sexual other than voyeurism it can get somewhat irritating to those of us participating in swinging.

[Trellken]

Originally Posted by karezza

when you go into an 'orgy room' and most of the people in there have no intention of doing ANYTHING sexual other than voyeurism it can get somewhat irritating to those of us participating in swinging.

I don't see any responses from anyone in here that said they just watched. We certainly didn't just watch and the OP doesn't appear to have done so either. We didn't play with other couples (Jules did engage in some light play with another woman on both occassions), but we certainly enjoyed ourselves fucking and sucking in more than a few rooms both times we went.

[sereneiders]

I am not sure if I am following you here.

If I am guessing right, I believe the answer is IDENTIFICATION with the people around you.

As for now, you trust each other and you're confident about what leads you to this world, how much you treasure your relationship, the limits you set, and how careful you want to be with yourselves and with other people (and, surely, how much you'd hate to lead others into the same sort of hurtful scenarios you'd like to avoid).

At some point you will realize that most other couples are in the very same page you are, they feel the same way about swinging, they treasure their relationships and they want to be as careful as you want to be. Even more, they started the same way you do, they had (and may still share) the same fears you two have, and they would hate to force a situation where someone's else drama may blow up in their bed.

Once that happens, you'd identify yourself with them, much like facing a mirror producing a reflection of yourselves, and you end up noticing that the interaction with those people (even if not involving sex) feeds your soul and feeds your relationship: you'd be sharing with them a tridimensional view of the human relationships that you'd find hard to share with anyone else outside this world.

You get confident, and eventually you give up some of your fears and test the waters with others... or you realize that you reached a limit and sharing what you already do is enough for both of you, and it would be fine for them as well.

[NaughtyCouple06]

i guess it all comes down to your personal feelings. If you are feeling incure about it, then you arent going to have fun and it isn't going to be as enjoyable as it would be if you just let loose. I knew this guy one time that went to a "group" party and he asked to host if his girl and him can wear masks because it made her feel uncomfortable. He said yea as long as they weren't creapy quite all night long. They ended up talking to tons of people and they kept their "identity" hiden. She was cool with that and they ended up taking their masks off at the next party.

It is just something for THEM to do to get over their problems. Just a thought