Do you ever help newbies

[The Fuse]

It's an interesting idea... but I think that when Mr. Fuse and I were newbies, if someone had suggested the idea of a volunteer mentor, we would not have been receptive. We would have thought it was a little creepy...like something was implied, no matter how subtly. However, if there had been a particular person or couple we felt like we wanted as a mentor, we might have asked them questions in that vein. We did talk to people about how they got started.

Our "mentor" was a group -- the people of the Swingersboard. Lots of wisdom at once, with the freedom of anonymity on both sides, and the best people around. We also learned from what we saw, and what we felt.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Hmmm. It would be just our luck to nurture a couple beginning in the lifestyle and subsequently see them turn into sex-addled monsters. We would then have to change our screen names from SW_PA_Couple to Doctors_Frankenstein. The other side is to unintentionally lead a couple wrongly and subsequently have to take the blame. I think that contributing to the collective advice of this bulletin board would be as far as we would want to go.

[Alura]

I had no idea we had so many cynics on this website.

No matter... my swinging days are past. Without Laura I wouldn't have the interest nor the wherewithal to be a mentor.

I still think it'd be helpful to newbies, especially when combined with what this board already offers.

Mr. Alura

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by Alura

I had no idea we had so many cynics on this website.

Sarcasm, my dear Mr. Alura, is what I used to express my feeling. My wife and I would never cynically disregard prospective swingers. But maybe sarcasm is the word you meant to use. It could happen, I'm sure, that if during the process of becoming acquainted with a couple we sensed that they could use mentors, we would become their mentors. But I'm sure we would not go out to seek newcomers to simply become their mentors.

But if there were anybody of this on-line community who had the conviction and wisdom-gained-from-experience to provide guidance to newcomers, it would most certainly, Al, be you.

~M

[truckerbuddy]

WOW ... i didn't think that this would go this far... as for myself.. i have a little exp.. but my girl is new.. I know at times when I go to a new bar.. even for me .. it can be extra lonely if you don't know anyone, even boring.. My thought was .. if there was a cpl that was new in your area would you / have you taken them with you to a party?? not as far as having sex with them.. just to help them get out of the corner, as for a mentor? just someone there that they know mite help a lot. in getting them to introduce them self and get them talking to author cpls..

[Alura]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

But if there were anybody of this on-line community who had the conviction and wisdom-gained-from-experience to provide guidance to newcomers, it would most certainly, Al, be you.

~M

Thank you, M. Without Laura, however, I'd be woefully inadequate as a mentor.

Mr. Alura

[Trellken]

Originally Posted by truckerbuddy

My thought was .. if there was a cpl that was new in your area would you / have you taken them with you to a party?? not as far as having sex with them.. just to help them get out of the corner, as for a mentor? just someone there that they know mite help a lot. in getting them to introduce them self and get them talking to author cpls..

Jules and I were lucky enough to have something similar to this when we first went to Trapeze in Atlanta. Before going to visit, I joined the club's online forum to ask some questions and get a feel for what it would be like to go. One of the regulars was nice enough to not only answer all my questions, she and her husband offered to meet us early in the night and introduce us to a bunch of the other regulars they had gotten to know over their time at the club. The whole group welcomed us in with no expectations or pressure to engage in anything we weren't ready for and made us feel very comfortable and secure in what could be a very strange place for newbies.

If we hadn't had such a warm welcome, I'm sure the experience wouldn't have been anything close to as fun and exciting as it was.

[sereneiders]

We wouldn't be swinging should we didn't found an experienced swinger couple that provided advice and lots of patience, moreover, without even wanting to have sex with us (even when the attitude eventually worth the effort and we finally did it... being ourselves the ones starting it).

The fact is, by then MOST of the swingers we meet were kind and caring, which not only evaporated our fears, but made us aware of the high moral standards they follow... so alike to ours. They had the same fears when they started, they've been there, and even more important for THEM, they were aware of how drama prone is to jump into the bed with a couple that may be engaging in swinging like kamikazes or as a way to solve their problems, and swingers hate drama.

So we follow their lead... not only to the bed, also in being careful (in the broader sense of the word) with ANYONE we meet, disregarding how experienced they were, but moreover if they lack experience.

And the fact that so many experienced swingers devote some of their valuable time to provide advice in here is a proof of those standards.