Looking for first time

[zed911]

Hi Everyone,

My wife and I have been taling abou tthe lifestyle for a few years now. Usually just jokingly nothing ever serious. However we had a discussion early last month and realized that we were both interested in trying the lifestyle. Over the last month, we have talked set guidelines to be followed, and are now to the point we we are ready to try. Only thing that makes us nervous at this point is running into people we know in our area while experimenting. We have talked about heading out of town for our first experience, but are undecided. I was wondering how any of you progressed and what suggestions you may have. Thanks for your input.

[vanillaknot]

The semi-canonical response to this very typical question is along the lines of, "Anyone you meet while pursuing such a thing is also pursuing it, so what's the big deal?"

Basically, if you (e.g.) go to a club, and you meet people there that you already know, all that you have established is that both you and they are looking for roughly the same thing. It's not as though they have something to hang over you, or you them. And you may well have found a nice new aspect of them, perhaps even a new friend.

[zed911]

That's been the rational that I have come to, however my wife is a bit more apprehensive, and I have been trying to get her to see this. Thanks for the input.

[screaminggood]

The previous poster is correct, but if it will make your wife more relaxed for the first experience and you have the ability to do it, why not go out of town and make it a fun weekend?!

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by screaminggood

The previous poster is correct, but if it will make your wife more relaxed for the first experience and you have the ability to do it, why not go out of town and make it a fun weekend?!

There's no harm (other than the perhaps inconvenience of a trip) in going out of town for your first one or more experiences.

For many couples, there's open questions that can't be answered until you start swinging. Apprehensions that you have before the first swing experience melt away over time. Rules you had at the beginning tend to vanish (of course with discussion). It's not all that different than most other activities you're doing for the first time that are quite different. The first time you drove a car you were probably a bit nervous. It's easier to drive a car in an empty parking lot than for your first time to be on a major superhighway.

The apprehensions are normal. My wife thoroughly enjoys swinging now, but it took a few swinging experiences before she _really_ enjoyed it.

I wouldn't worry about her apprehensions in meeting someone she knows. Help her have the best time she possibly could have; take her out of town for the weekend, go have a blast.

[moosetwitty]

If she's attractive, why not bring her over to our house and we'll help her get started :-)

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by zed911

I was wondering how any of you progressed and what suggestions you may have.

We too had this very real concern. So we would head off to venues far away from home. So did everyone else, some of whom where our neighbors. It's simply inevitable. You will run into people you know. My advice -- discuss how you will handle it when it happens.

Wishing you and your wife a happy and safe entry into The Lifestyle.

~Michael

[Additude]

I'd suggest joining Carolina Friends, go to the "Estate" and check it out. Also I'd suggest getting a paid account on swinglifestyle.com and get to know couples in your area.

Your apprehensions are normal and shared by everyone starting out in this lifestyle. As you progress and become more accustomed to your new environment your inhibitions will diminish and you'll eventually adjust to two or 3 rules.

[NCfuncouple98]

Carolina Friends is a great place to start. We attend the Estate, it's a very no-pressure atmosphere. They also have their own website community that you can join and chat with local couples or singles - we tend to find more on their site than on swing lifestyle, though we do use both.

If it makes you feel better, I am very involved in our local community, and I have yet to run into anyone we know, and it could cause me some complications if I do. Even though they are there for the same reason, that doesn't always mean they are as discreet. Someday we may, especially as close as we live to the Estate, but having been there enough and comfortable being there, we will just have to face it when it happens.

I'm not sure there's really a way to get past the fear other than getting out there first. There are always "What If's", but if you wait to think of every possible scenario and how you would handle it, you'll never get out the door.

Mrs. NC

[CXXC]

The city in which you live is not a small one by any stretch! The chances of bumping into someone you know are small but still possible. As you are only and hour or so from Atlanta, investigate one of the clubs there.

Also, Get a paid account on a lifestyle site. Swinglifestyle is probably one of the best for the region.

Good luck and remember, Communication is KEY!