Too Early on to Play?

[glassypeaks09]

My GF and I are going to our first party (off premise) Saturday night. We have only been dating about 8 months, but we are very close. We travel intensely spend tons of time etc.

This will be brand new for both of us. We are taking it slow and have no plans to play with anyone but us that night unless the situation is just too good. I have noticed that most people get into the lifestyle after a few years of marriage to spice things up. Are we jumping the gun?

[bbarnsworth]

Only you can evaluate that. It's true that most couple swingers have been together for years before getting into the lifestyle, but that doesn't mean that other approaches are doomed to fail.

The same suggestions said to together-for-years-swingers apply to you as well; communicate, communicate, communicate. Be absolutely honest and open with each other.

[two4youinswva]

Only you as a couple know if you're jumping the gun or not. We know a couple that, while older when they got together, successfully got into swinging within their first year together. We also know of couples that got into swinging after years of marriage, and it didn't work out, and they are no longer a couple.

I believe the fact that you're asking this question is a sign that you aren't going into this with blinders on and unaware of the potential consequences. Being able to ask yourself the tough questions is a good thing.

No matter if you are a new couple or have been together 25 years, the basics stay the same. Great communication is the start and the ongoing basis for success. Going only as fast as the slowest person is the next key.

Keep talking, and when you go on Saturday night, just try to enjoy the atmosphere without any thoughts of playing. Then, when you get home, talk about what you experienced, what concerns you have, what you liked, etc. You'll enjoy the night a lot more, and you'll have a much better idea of where you stand.

Also, be up front with the couples you talk to. Let them know you are new to swinging, and are just checking it out. They will appreciate it, and many of them will be more than willing to offer advice and help you out.

Good luck and have fun!

[JustAskJulie]

My husband and I were together about as long as you two before we started exploring swinging together. We took it very slow early on and pretty much just went to the clubs and played with each other, mixed, mingled, danced and flirted a bit. We'd been together probably about 2 years before we ever actually played with anyone else for the first time.

That said, we've also known each other for about 20 years and have a very long history. What others said is true. Just as some couples can meet, get engaged in a month and live happily ever after, sometimes you just know. But, only you two really know that. The key is communication, you'll read that over and over here but it's the truth. You have to be able to talk to each other about everything and not stop. And you have to be able to remember your priority (each other), if either forgets that you could be in for some trouble.

[CXXC]

I'm gonna beat a dead horse here!
Only the two of you know if this will be something that works for you. Take it slow. Pay attention to each other VERY closely. Set your boundries before going. Don't make rash decisions when you are there.
Talk openly to each other aobut your likes and dislikes.
Be 100% honest with each other.
COMMUNICATION is the only way to make it in th elifestyle.
do not let pride or fear get in your way. If you want something, let her know. If you dont like somehting, LET HER KNOW!
She needs to be equally open and honest with you in ALL things.
Have I reached $5.00 yet?

[dodgechevy]

The biggest difference I would have to say is that you are still learning a lot about each other every day. So you probably will have to communicate a lot more than long term couples.

[glassypeaks09]

Thanks everyone. You all make good points. We are doing the no expectation to do anything but play with us thing. I am not even sure how I feel about it yet. Good news is that we are in the same boat with our hesitancy. I have even had slight bouts with jealousy about other guys . I deal with them internally, rationally as an emotionally healthy person. With this though, communication will be key.

It is also true that we are still learning about each other, even sexually. Her theory is "we are adventurous in everything we do. Why not apply that to all of us?" (We love skiing, scuba, cycling trips, surfing etc).

Thanks Again

[fun4Ds]

How did the party go Saturday night ?

Do either of you have a different perception now ?

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by glassypeaks09

. . . I have noticed that most people get into the lifestyle after a few years of marriage to spice things up. . .

Spice things up is a phrase you read in many on-line profiles. Don't let it put you off the track. It is often an expression of wishful thinking. Things are getting dull around here and we are going to grab onto swinging as a way of enlivening our lives. People do it but it dooms them to failure. People who find swinging to be uplifting have better reasons for starting into the lifestyle.

Taking it slow and not make plans yet to play is the right approach. You'll be fine.

[glassypeaks09]

OK, here is a brief report on our first party.

First off, we had a blast. My gf got her chest painted and wore matching panties to the club/bar. She looked hot and totally loved being that naked. We danced a lot, drank and just enjoyed the fun crowd. At the end of the night we went back with 3 other couples and played. Mainly just the girls. Everybody was so nice etc. I think we are going to look for a little younger crowd if we decide to go to another after party. These folks were SO nice and we learned a lot, felt comfortable and respected etc which was great. We just decided that we are going to be a little pickier. We are both young and good looking and don't see why we shouldn't hold out for similar couples. We will definitely keep going to parties if nothing else. The people are so fun. We said the weirdest thing about it was how normal it felt to let loose. I will say there were some moments of "oh geez, we did that" in the morning. That was mainly due to the fact that this guy took pictures while we were involved. I thought my gf knew and I just gave the guy a weird look, but was getting a little into the moment too much to make a fuss. I regret not doing that. One of the couples said they know them well and they are all professionals etc that would be equally concerned about the pics surfacing. That made me feel better, but still seems pretty wrong.

That aside. We are going to another party in a couple weeks. Can't wait!

[Additude]

Cameras and Pictures are not a good thing unless agreed on in advance by everyone involved.

Anything other than that is a dis-respect of privacy, rude and presumptuous in my book.

Other than that, glad to hear you had a great time!

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by glassypeaks09

These folks were SO nice and we learned a lot, felt comfortable and respected etc which was great. We just decided that we are going to be a little pickier. We are both young and good looking and don't see why we shouldn't hold out for similar couples.

it's hard to guage things on the net, so take this with a grain of salt, but if i'm "reading" your attitude properly, your going to be disapointed with the lifestyle. we're a young couple ourselves, and have found that young couples are not only rare, but being "younger" is more a curse than a blessing in the lifestyle. our best play sessions haven't been with 20 year old soap opera look alikes, it's been with middle aged guys and girls that wouldn't make it to the catwalks of paris, but have plenty of humility, personality, and sexual experience to make up for it.