i want to watch my boyfriend with another women!

hi all very new to this but have read loads of posts! not sure if its normal to want to see my partner have sex with another women but doing loads of reading on this site as made me realise i'm not alone, which is nice to know lol! ok so i have been with my bf for 9yrs and we are very happy together. he 31 and i am 26 and we have children together. our sex life is very healthy. i first brought my fantasy up with my bf around four years ago and since then we have spoke about it loads. when i first told him what i wanted he thought it was a trick for some reason? after me going on about it for weeks he realised i was serious and said he would do it for me. i told him thats great but i want you to want to do it too. his reply was course i would want to do it i am a male who loves sex lol! we spoke about how we could do it and he said he would not be comfortable with him finding the women and he would want me to find her. i have no idea how i could do this. i would love to be able to go out and find this women and bring her home with me and have her wake him up instead of me but realise this is unrealistic???? i asked him what type of girl he would like and he said it up to me. i would like her to be gorgeous and the opposite to me, such as i have large boobs so would want her to be smaller, also i am a little overweight but i would like her to be slim. i told him this and he became very turned on! i can't understand why i would want this, is this a little weird??? also how have some of you other women felt about seeing your partner have sex with another women??? a close friend of mine said she thinks i am crazy but this would be such a turn on for me and i want it to happen but dont know where to start? i would not want to join in at all, just watch! it his birthday coming up soon (june) and would love it to happen then. even after lots of talking at times he still keeps sayin he would do it for me, but for me i want him to want to do it, surely most blokes would jump at the chance to do something like this? why would he keep saying this, he gets very turned on when we talk about it so he must want to do it??

sorry to ramble on but i can't get him doing this out of my head, thanx for any replys x

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by lisaandant26,31

hi all very new to this but have read loads of posts! not sure if its normal

Wait...you're not...*gasp*...NORMAL? Turn in your human card now, and report to the re-education center.

More seriously; stop wondering what's normal and not normal. Figure out what makes you happy, that your partner enjoys, and that doesn't hurt anyone else.

Originally Posted by lisaandant26,31

to want to see my partner have sex with another women but doing loads of reading on this site as made me realise i'm not alone, which is nice to know lol!

In the U.S. alone, there's at least a couple million swingers. You're VERY not alone

Originally Posted by lisaandant26,31

ok so i have been with my bf for 9yrs and we are very happy together. he 31 and i am 26 and we have children together. our sex life is very healthy. i first brought my fantasy up with my bf around four years ago and since then we have spoke about it loads. when i first told him what i wanted he thought it was a trick for some reason? after me going on about it for weeks he realised i was serious and said he would do it for me. i told him thats great but i want you to want to do it too.

Very important! It's great if you derive pleasure from it, but he has to want it in his own right, else he's effectively taking one for the home team and it will cause problems. If you both want it, both take pleasure from it, both of you will enjoy it very much.

Originally Posted by lisaandant26,31

his reply was course i would want to do it i am a male who loves sex lol! we spoke about how we could do it and he said he would not be comfortable with him finding the women and he would want me to find her. i have no idea how i could do this. i would love to be able to go out and find this women and bring her home with me and have her wake him up instead of me but realise this is unrealistic???? i asked him what type of girl he would like and he said it up to me. i would like her to be gorgeous and the opposite to me, such as i have large boobs so would want her to be smaller, also i am a little overweight but i would like her to be slim. i told him this and he became very turned on!

Sounds like you're making progress already. Sign up for swinglifestyle.com, fill out a profile, and off you go.

Originally Posted by lisaandant26,31

i can't understand why i would want this, is this a little weird???

You're certifiably nuts. Have fun

And why don't you register here for an account so you can engage in multiple posts on this or any other thread?

[slevin]

I am sure that he is doing the very stereotypical relationship thing of saying that he is doing it for you. When faced with a girlfriend who wants to do something like a threesome or watch him fuck another woman, just about every guy out there is going to secretly suspect that if he was to enthusiastically go along with it and start talking about how HE wants to do it.......suddenly it won't be so cool. My money is on the fact that he likes that you brought it up and doesn't want to screw things up lol.

Also, he might have no idea how to go about getting a woman to do this, so he has put it on your shoulders. Effectively, if you are finding the woman you can't come back at him after you've done it and blame it on him. It might seem silly to you, but many people worry about that kind of things.

[JustAskJulie]

You're totally normal (at least around here). It sounds like maybe he still has some worry about the possible outcomes (or about you possibly not really being ok with this) and by putting it all in your hands he can shuck any responsibility of possible outcomes. "It's your fault if you are upset, you're the one who wanted it, you set it up.".

I think you might really need to talk more about it and make sure you are both really on the same page.

That said, as far as making it happen. If you are just looking for a female to be with him while you watch... I don't know if that's any easier to find than if you were looking for a bi female to be with both of you. Single females are just hard to find, and most who do find them, do so in the most unlikely places (their own backyard, so to speak), women they already know and are comfortable with, or women that they encounter in non-swinging spaces.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by lisaandant26,31

...he said he would not be comfortable with him finding the women and he would want me to find her. i have no idea how i could do this. i would love to be able to go out and find this women and bring her home with me and have her wake him up instead of me but realise this is unrealistic????

i asked him what type of girl he would like and he said it up to me.

Welcome to the Board. I hope you will register so that you can come back to your thread and continue in the discussion.


Reading your post made me think of what it can be like to shop for your mate.

Her: Honey, I would love to see you in a new sexy shirt - something different than what you usually wear - and want to buy one for your birthday. Help me out. Tell me what you'd like.

Him: Sweetie, you decide. I'll leave it up to you and be happy with anything you choose.

She buys a shirt, all excited about her choice. He opens the package on his birthday and it is apparent that he doesn't like it. Her feelings are hurt, she's upset and says she's going to return it. He says "No, no, don't do that, really, I like it!"

A year later the shirt still hangs in the closet collecting dust after never being worn.

Don't surprise your boyfriend with a woman. It has very little chance of working out well. Finding a woman for sex isn't like buying an object. This is a person you're talking about who will not want to be approached like a shirt on a rack to surprise your boyfriend with.

If you search for a woman she's going to want to get to know your boyfriend as much as she does you before she decides to have sex with him.

A single swinging woman can be particularly selective because there are many swingers eager to have her join them and she will prefer being treated as a person whom you'd both like to get to know, not just a drop-by sex object to satisfy a fantasy. I'm sure that if you think on this more, from the point of view of the other woman, you'll understand my point and consider the importance of you and your boyfriend working on this fantasy together.

It is so important when starting out to do this as a couple. Discuss what goes through your minds about the possibilities - good and bad - without holding back. Then find people to meet who you both agree on and see if the vibe feels right enough to have sex with them.

Surprising your mate by arranging a hook-up is only something I think can work well with experienced swinging couples who know their partner well, have been through various swing experiences, ups and downs, handled it all and still remain positive and focused on the same goals.

...a close friend of mine said she thinks i am crazy but this would be such a turn on for me and i want it to happen but dont know where to start? i would not want to join in at all, just watch! it his birthday coming up soon (june) and would love it to happen then.

I caution you to be careful about who you talk with about your fantasy about swinging. If you have no concerns about who will find out, no problem. If you want it to remain known to only certain people, still be careful, your close friend may tell just one other person and away the gossip goes and goes to many people.

Another thought too, your mention of your fantasy to your girlfriend may have her thinking that you're considering her for the surprise...and if you don't ask her, could she be hurt? Maybe a crazy thought, but it came across my mind.

LM

[JustMrJ]

You're on the right track with communicating your ideas and desires to your boyfriend. Don't let it stop there. Discuss this with him at length and make sure it's something he wants and understands that you are okay with. Discuss jealousy, love, sex and anything else that comes to mind that could be related. And make sure you do it completely honestly.

Honest, open, communication before any action is your best course.

As to finding a lovely lady to make your fantasy come true... as others have said, you must consider the lovely lady's feelings on the matter.

SwingLifeStyle is a wonderful place to meet others that are like minded. My wife and I belong to two of the groups on there. They host house parties and we find that we really enjoy them. I'm sure there things you both will like together on there too.

Take it slow, your fantasy can come true with time, but don't rush into it. Let it flow with the pace BOTH of you are comfortable with.

*HUGS*

[Additude]

The lucky "Bloke"...

I agree with the above, it's great that you are communicating with him and expressing your desires. It says a lot about the health of your relationship that you can talk to your partner about such things.

I believe that your man is playing the "cautious" card when he is saying he will do it for you. For men, this is always the best approach because one never knows what to expect.

If he jumped right at the chance and said, "Oh yeah, I would love to bang another chick"...then you might think, "Does my man really care about me and want me"?....what if he said, "Sure I will and I know this chick I've been wanting to screw, maybe she will do it"?

I think your man played it right, he was hesitant at first, took a couple of weeks of your persistant jabber on the subject, then approached with "I'll do it for you".... Bravo!

Now that's a man with female interactive experience....you've been training him well. And trust me, what I said he didn't say above, is exactly what he wants to say.

So he is a lucky man that he has a woman like you, he is protecting his relationship with you and at the same time finding a drama free course of action to persue both your fantasies.

Good Luck! I hope that really works out for you both!

To find a willing participant, I think you need to be patient, ask your GF you confide in if she knows anybody that can assist, look on-line like Swing Lifestyle / AFF, maybe even try a classified; "Looking for female slim / average / pretty to help with BF birthday present".

[lisaandant26,31]

hi, thanx for all your answers, they have all been helpful. we have decided that we are going to go to a strip club/lapdancing bar together (next weekend). Again this has been my idea, after yet more talking my boyfriend is saying course he would love to do it but he does not want it to ruin us. i have told him it won't but he said he thinks i will get jealous after it has happened and that i would get mad with him. i asked him how he would feel if i arranged for a girl to come back with me after a night out and he said he would be shocked, i also asked him what he would do and he said he would have sex with her. however he still seems scared, surely this must be every guys dream come true!! so i suggested that we could go to a lapdancing club and he can see how i react to this and its not like i could go mad at him for anything because apart from looking he would not be doing anything. hes seems to think this is a good idea and has said because he has never been to one he is excited about going. i think we will have a good time and who knows i may even treat him to a lap dance for his up and coming birthday lol!! do you think by us doing this it could get us one step closer to him actually feeling comfortable about acting out my fantasy?

[bbarnsworth]

Going to a strip club could be a helpful step. Just be aware that some dancers are potentially leery of couples because of the possible negative reaction from the female member of the couple. You may need to help smooth those waters.

[lisaandant26,31]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Going to a strip club could be a helpful step. Just be aware that some dancers are potentially leery of couples because of the possible negative reaction from the female member of the couple. You may need to help smooth those waters.

I get what ur saying but not sure how i can smooth those waters?

[slevin]

Originally Posted by lisaandant26,31

I get what ur saying but not sure how i can smooth those waters?

I wouldn't worry about it at all. There are strippers who love to dance for couples and strippers who hate it. Find a girl who seems excited about it (who you also find attractive hopefully!) and get some dances. From your perspective just be yourself and have a good time. If you find a seat in the corner and look scared then the girls aren't likely going to approach you. If you sit in an open area, have a couple of drinks and have a great time with your boyfriend then they will be more likely to approach you.

You can also talk to your waitress, the bartender, the DJ or the manager and be up front. Let them know you are there to have a good time together and would like to get a girl to dance for you as a couple. They can sometimes be helpful about knowing which girls are open to that and which ones won't.

I'm not positive about how US clubs work, but here in Toronto the girls will dance for a couple for the price of one dance. Some girls will try to scam a couple and charge then double per dance (one dance for each member of the couple). Might be something to ask someone at the club too so you can be sure what kind of cost you'll end up with

[JustMrJ]

When we were in Las Vegas, my wife and I went to Little Darlings (full nude strip club) ... in costume no less, because they were having an adult costume 'fashion show' there for one of the local adult shops.

Anyway, we were both enjoying the show... me loving the wonderful dance and beautiful nude ladies... tipping appropriately... my wife fully enjoying how excited I was getting.

So excited she was in fact she asked me to pick out two different ladies for lap dances. Both of us watched (double the price though... two people) and had a blast.

She will reply possibly tomorrow on this.

All of the ladies there loved us because we were having fun with each other AND with them.

It will be a good environment for you to see if indeed you can watch your boyfriend with another woman without the nasty green monster rearing it's ugly head.

Good luck!!!

http://pages.sbcglobal.net/mmz-timelord/HPIM0730b.JPG

[realcplub2]

Taking a turn down at the local strip club and so long as your comfortable can be as close to a DRY RUN ( ok groan now) as you can get..

But seriously, watching him get a lapdance CAN either fuel your fantasy or kill it.. and still be within the safety of the "nothing got wet" rule..

[lisaandant26,31]

again thank you for all your replies, they have been very helpful. i don't think i would be comfortable with getting a lap dance but would certainly be happy with my boyfriend getting one! he is know talking about going to the lap dancing club and is even bringing it up but is still apprensive about inviting another women to have sex with him, although the idea turns him on. i just wish he would get believe me when i say i will not get jealous and if i do that i will not throw it in his face and argue about it with him. if i were to get jealous, which i strongly believe i won't, i would talk to him about my feelings but i would never blame him, or be nasty to him about it. in the past, quite often, i have asked him about things he has done in bed with previous women and after much coaxing from me he has told me (in graphic detail), which resulted in intense sex, so surely he should realise from this that i am not a jealous person. also in the past i have caught him looking at an attractive women in the street and i have not got jealous and even asked him if he likes them and why. but anyway, i am really looking forward to the weekend when we go to the lapdancing club and will report back how it goes lol

[JustMrJ]

Yes, please keep us informed...

My wife was pointing out other women to me before we got married. After the second one, I asked her why she was doing that, because warning alarms were going off in my head that this was some sort of 'test'.

She said with a big smile... "If it excites you, you only have one place to go."

Of course now that has changed somewhat... instead of pointing out women I may enjoy looking at or feel attracted to... she points out women I would like to have sex with... still results in great sex for us as does talking about our play after a play party.

Good luck!