Meeting Someone and Going To Their Place???

[HappyCpl]

Mr. Happy and I have been going to a club for the past month or so and have been having a really great time. We were invited to a group meet and greet last weekend at the same club where we've been hanging out and we met some awesome people. We are even planning on attending another party with this same group in two weeks. (I can hardly wait!)

However, we were contacted via another board by a couple in our area who were interested in meeting with us as well. (Also cool...)

My question is, is it 'the norm' to meet someone via the internet for drinks and then go back to their place? I'm feeling a little uneasy about going to the home of a virtual stranger the first night I meet them. (Which was the offer if we all 'hit it off' over drinks.)

Am I just being a big baby? Should we just go and meet them and then judge our comfort level?

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by HappyCpl

... My question is, is it 'the norm' to meet someone via the internet for drinks and then go back to their place? I'm feeling a little uneasy about going to the home of a virtual stranger the first night I meet them. (Which was the offer if we all 'hit it off' over drinks.)

Am I just being a big baby? Should we just go and meet them and then judge our comfort level?

We don't know if it's the "norm" or not, but we've met people over the internet, gone for dinner and then gone back to their place for fun. It felt right to us, so we did it. However, that said, what was right for us at the time might not be right for us the next time. We listen to what our guts say. When we first started out, playing on the first date was a no-no. It took a year or so before we felt comfortable changing that rule.

Go with what your gut tell you to do. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

Good luck

[The Fuse]

Yep, what she said.

Most swingers are normal, stable people whose homes are like yours and mine. If you feel comfortable and haven't seen any signs that they are weirdos, then do what comfort and chemistry tell you to do. If the whole idea is too new to you to feel comfortable, then don't do anything.

When we were new, we definitely passed up a couple of opportunities that we would take now. Back then, we just wanted to take things more slowly. I suggest being up-front about your general unease with the people you're meeting. That way, even if you like them but don't go back to their house, they'll know you are into them.

Another possibility is to go to a hotel. Some people are more comfortable with that because then the foursome is not in one couple's "territory" or the other. I've never had any discomfort about being in someone else's territory versus my own, but some people feel this way. Your feelings might be about simply being alone with another couple out of the public eye, because of vague (or not vague) fears about them doing something you wouldn't want them to do, or turning out to be bizarre people in some way. If you decide to go somewhere with them, don't be afraid to talk to your SO and just leave if you start to get the willies or if things start to go downhill.

All that being said, we've been to other peoples' houses and never had the slightest thought that anything strange would happen or that we were being put under any pressure whatsoever.

Good luck! I hope to hear from you again about how it goes!

[realcplub2]

Yep what she said, and what she said..

to expand a little.. Playing the first few times on neutral ground can be a better idea.. Hotels and motels.. where the room is procured right before the clothes come off..

Freinds of ours, years ago, were originally from a great american metropolis.. and were new to the lifestyle.. met people over the internet, came to find out there was a few connections they had with these other people..mutal connections thru careers and ect... and ended up they played at their place.. which afterwards they felt terrible about, the people werent as much fun as they had thought they would be and ECT.. so they politely as possible explained that..

to which they were left handedly blackmailed because.. the other couple had secretly video taped the encounter on not one but two cameras.. when they thought the other couple was bullshitting, they got sent via email three screen shots from the video tape.. and the threat was that there were tons more that would find thier way to a bulletin board at HIS work..

A long drawn out mess that only ended when they moved and he changed jobs..

Its great to feel you can TRUST those you play with, but, remember to play it safe too..

Go to a neutral corner, and only go to a home when you know that you can trust the people in question

[CXXC]

Aside from the possibility of being unknowingly filmed, I would say going to someone elses home is better for one reason. I would rather go there than bring them tomy home if they are freaks and stalkers. Now that would really suck.

Like in the vanilla world, you run a risk of opening pandora's box each time you make a new acquaintence. I have found, However, that virtually every person we have ever met is just like you and me. Normal with a slight twist in the way they view sex.

Do what feels comfortable to you while keeping safety in mind.

[JustAskJulie]

Ditto LFM2 again.

I totally feel you and going into any situation we don't PLAN to go back to someone else's place (or bring them to ours). It's just not something that we are comfortable accepting up front. However, if we meet them and all things click and we feel comfortable with it at that point, then we have no problem with it.

My suggestion would be to let them know that you are simply intending to meet them for drinks and that is it. If more than that happens, great. If not, no big deal. I personally, don't like going into a first meet with another couple with the intent of playing that night (regardless of where we may be playing), doing so too easily sets you up to end up playing in a situation where you aren't really comfortable (or where one might feel they have to take one for the team), because you've already set an expectation up front of playing that night (therefore it becomes harder to just end the night and go home, if you aren't ready to play with them).

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Most swingers are normal

Keep your labels to yourself, thank you!

[cplnuswing]

Ditto what everyone has said. Just go meet them and if everything clicks and you are totally comfortable, then go for it. One of our first experiences went down exactly as you describe, and it worked out great. We were very comfortable with them and didn't hesitate at all to go to their house. Come to find out, their house was a lot like our house - just your everyday house with everyday people living in it.

If a couple was giving us bad vibes to make us not even consider going to their house, we wouldn't be playing with them at all, whether it was at a house, motel, etc.

[HappyCpl]

Thanks everyone. It makes me feel better to hear from people who have BTDT.

Mr. Happy will get to reading this thread as soon as he is where he has an internet connection again. (I giggle inwardly every time I type 'Mr. Happy, BTW...) I discussed my hesitations with him over the phone last night and we agreed that asking here would be a good idea.

My gut tells me that the couple who contacted us would be a lot of fun. Hope I'm right...

[NCfuncouple98]

Our very first meeting with another couple was for dinner, and we were invited back to their place. We let it be known up front that we had a "fill-in" babysitter that couldn't stay too late. That took the pressure off of us of feeling the obligation for anything to happen.

We did go back to their place, shot some pool, had a few drinks, a good time by all. We probably could've gotten away with staying longer, but seriously didn't want the babysitter (a teenager) to be an issue, so we called it an early night.

So like others have said, go with your gut. We did, and while no we didn't have the 4-way attraction, we weren't uncomfortable at all with getting to know them and going to their place.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by HappyCpl

I'm feeling a little uneasy about going to the home of a virtual stranger the first night I meet them. (Which was the offer if we all 'hit it off' over drinks.)

Doesn't matter what we think. If it makes you feel uneasy, then don't do it.

Generally speaking, we wouldn't be inclined to go to the house of someone we just met. We've always been a "get a hotel room" type of couple. It keeps everyone on neutral ground, and takes away many of the variables of things that could go wrong.

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

Doesn't matter what we think. If it makes you feel uneasy, then don't do it.

Generally speaking, we wouldn't be inclined to go to the house of someone we just met. We've always been a "get a hotel room" type of couple. It keeps everyone on neutral ground, and takes away many of the variables of things that could go wrong.

What they said ^^^.

It's been our experience that getting a hotel room is the better way to go.

[Speed & Trixie]

We met a couple at an off-premise club and exchanged numbers. They asked us to meet them for drinks about a month later. The night we had drinks, we made a "date" to go to their house for dinner. (We actually invited them to our house but they couldn't because of allegies.)

Both couples decided on the "no expectation drink date" to make sure we all clicked, and to check everyone's comfort level. It was the first experience for all of us, but I think that if we had met them later (when we/they weren't Newbies anymore), we probably would have been fine playing after drinks the first night!

We all have a date for tomorrow night too....also at their place. We're bringing dessert!

Like everyone else said, it's about comfort level and trusting your gut feelings. If it feels right, go for it. But if not, it's perfectly fine to have a "no expectation" meet-up to get to know a couple better. Good luck!

Trixie

[Pensacolapair]

While we would never meet someone at their house nor invite them to ours for an initial 'face to face', we have often met on neutral ground and subsequently went to their home or our's later that evening.

In our opinion, that's the purpose of having the initial meet at a neutral venue: to allow everyone to determine if there is enough attraction and comfort to kick things further down the road then or at a later date. If there isn't - no harm, no foul... and expectations havn't been raised by being in a more suggestive/condusive location such as someone's home.
M

[ktimephoenix]

We have quite often met for drinks out, then gone back to the other couples house to play/get to know them better. Never an issue. if you really are concerned about "safety" one of you don't drink too much so you can drive there/home. and if your REALLY paranoid, give someone you trust the address in case you go missing... Mrs P really thinks i'm paranoid for doing that one once.