Thought Jealousy?

[NymphoWind]

In the middle of my sit-ups I had a thought pop in my head, and so I thought I'd take about 5mins away from my workout to post a question for those who are in the swinger lifestyle.

Now I understand that those who are in the lifestyle find it a huge turn on to see their partner with another, etc etc...

But for those of you who are in the lifestyle is there ever a time when you feel slightly jealous seeing your partner with another?
Do you/have you felt any kind of jealousy towards your partner during or after ever playing?

(Just a question that my mind has found interest in hearing...)

[dnmnms]

Hmmm great question.
For me (female half here) I have never experienced any jealousy during or after. In fact its a huge turn on for me to see my hubby in action. And afterwards discussing it always gets me turned on big time.

Maybe once or twice I had a twinge of jealousy when we are in the beginning stage...Just starting the "talk" part and thats only if I am sitting there not engaged in conversation. And that has only came into play once or twice in the 2 1/2 yrs we have been in the LS. Heck, if we are in play mode and my "partner" for the night is taking a break...gone to get something to drink....cig break...or whatever I will watch hubby with the female. Never any jealousy to see that.

Melody

[IvoryTowers]

Nope.

I guess I'm lucky, but I just don't get this whole jealousy thing. As I understand it, jealousy is a fear that you will lose what you have to another person (as opposed to envy, which is desiring what someone else has).

When Mr. Ivory and I were first dating (I mean the first few weeks), another woman was gunning for him. He, sweet thing, didn't realize she wanted him as more than a friend and I didn't know him well enough yet to realize he wasn't trying to decide between us. I was jealous then, because in my view there was a very real possibility that I might lose him (btw, the jealousy ended the day he told me the other girl seemed upset when he'd ended a coffee date with "I'm having dinner with my girlfriend's family." He didn't get why she was upset!)

If a couple has a stable relationship and enters swinging for the right reasons--not to fix a relationship or because one person demands it, but to have fun and explore their sexuality--how can there be jealousy? I'm asking--what is there to be jealous of? I can understand envy "Wow, she's really enjoying that extra big cock. I wish I had that much girth." But "Wow, she's really enjoying that extra big cock. She's going to leave me"?!?

Do people really feel this way?

[slevin]

Originally Posted by IvoryTowers

Do people really feel this way?

Yes, people do. Often.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

But for those of you who are in the lifestyle is there ever a time when you feel slightly jealous seeing your partner with another?
Do you/have you felt any kind of jealousy towards your partner during or after ever playing?

Honestly? No, I've never experienced any jealousy in the lifestyle. But I've never been one to feel jealous anyway.

I'm sure there are times when that green-eyed monster does rear it's ugly head. Mr. Sweet has a had a few of those moments . . . but we talked through them and worked it out.

To me, that's the key. It's not so much that those feelings creep up, but that you and your SO are able to work through it.

=)

[good times]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

Now I understand that those who are in the lifestyle find it a huge turn on to see their partner with another, etc etc...

If you think this is true of everyone in the lifestyle, then your understanding is flawed. Some do get turned on by seeing their partner with someone else, some don't.

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

But for those of you who are in the lifestyle is there ever a time when you feel slightly jealous seeing your partner with another?
Do you/have you felt any kind of jealousy towards your partner during or after ever playing?

Nope, never have. Most of those that I have seen that have, didn't make it very far in swinging.

[Chicup]

We did separate rooms our first full swap.

Bad move, jealousy doesn't quite describe it though. I'm sure that what people call jealousy but it was more of a primal feeling. I was so distracted I made an ass of myself with the other woman, doing things far to fast and without thinking.

I'd say it took about a week to completely get over it.

Had we not been separate rooms I don't think there would have been an issue. The imagination is normally worse then the reality.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

. . . is there ever a time when you feel slightly jealous seeing your partner with another?
Do you/have you felt any kind of jealousy towards your partner during or after ever playing?

Sometimes I think to myself, "I can't believe she went for a dumb guy like that." I guess that might be close to jealousy. But then again she sometimes says, "I can't believe you wanted to f**k that [insert derogatory adjective here] woman." So I guess that might also be jealousy at work.

~Michael

[JustMrJ]

My wife and I have discussed this subject at length on numerous occasions. We both have agreed that if either of us ever starts to get jealous in the LifeStyle before, during or after play, we will drop out until we get our issues resolved.

To us, jealousy has absolutely no place in this LifeStyle.

That being said, I have yet to experience any sort of jealousy while watching my wife with another man, or several men or other combination. It's a hell of a turn on. To me, it's like watching a porn movie being made and my wife is the star, but the cameras are missing.

She has stated on more than one occasion to me that seeing me with another woman or women or group is a big turn on for her too. It makes her hot to see me having fun.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by JustMrJ

To us, jealousy has absolutely no place in this LifeStyle.

But it is a part of the lifestyle to some degree. Many people experience it at some level while swinging.
The key is knowing how to deal with it, which of course comes down to communication and understanding those triggers that can cause the feelings to surface.

If jealousy was not an issue that some swingers have to deal with, I don't think it would warrant its own page on swingersboard.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

But it is a part of the lifestyle to some degree. Many people experience it at some level while swinging.
The key is knowing how to deal with it, which of course comes down to communication and understanding those triggers that can cause the feelings to surface.

If jealousy was not an issue that some swingers have to deal with, I don't think it would warrant its own page on swingersboard.

No kidding.

Personally I find it odd that so many say they had NO jealousy. I'm not sure thats even healthy.

I often play with a couple we know for MFM's and the first several times we did these my wife was not always 100% comfortable with this and had to be in the right mood.

Later the first time my wife had an MFM his wife had very strong jealousy feelings.

Finally the time I let her go play without me, I didn't have jealousy feelings, but I had an uneasy feeling if I thought about it.

Its primal, its normal, it can be over come. Its never been a major game breaking issue for us, but its still there. Most couples we know enough to really talk swinging with all talk about having bouts of this when they first started.

For us, most of it is when we were not together. The first time we played it was same room and we had no issues, it wasn't until we did separate that there were issues. Maybe for us its the not being included which makes it harder to handle at the time.

We are past that mostly. I say mostly because if my wife told me she set up a gang bang for herself and to not wait up, odds are I'd have 'issues' with that, that go beyond her safety

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

Now I understand that those who are in the lifestyle find it a huge turn on to see their partner with another, etc etc...

But for those of you who are in the lifestyle is there ever a time when you feel slightly jealous seeing your partner with another?
Do you/have you felt any kind of jealousy towards your partner during or after ever playing?

So far, no, not at all. Guess it could happen given the right scenario, but we're not really jealous by nature. Probably the closest thing, but not really jealousy, was an early experience where he was hitting it off good with the other wife and she was really into him, but the Mrs didn't have the same chemistry with the other male. This was in a club environment and we had all gone together, so there was some awkwardness and feeling left out there. Nothing serious, and the scenario as we had it set up was almost doomed to have something like that happen from the start given the inexperience all around.

Originally Posted by Chicup

We did separate rooms our first full swap.

Bad move, jealousy doesn't quite describe it though. I'm sure that what people call jealousy but it was more of a primal feeling.

Had we not been separate rooms I don't think there would have been an issue. The imagination is normally worse then the reality.

Our first experience (technically second experience, but that's another topic) was just the opposite. Same room or separate is one of those never-ending debates, there is no wrong or right, and everybody has their preference and reasons for it. But, in our case, the separate rooms seemed to allow us to relax more and really enjoy things and see that this wasn't nearly as scary as we had made it out to be. For us doing same room, seeing the other is fun, but it's not something we are into in a huge way. I think the good separate room experience early on has helped us in several ways, one of which it was a good jealousy baptism by fire, and there wasn't any.

[traveling cpl]

My answer is yes, I had the thought for about one second on the third meet with a couple, only because his partner was not and interesting person. However, not long ago we meet a younger couple and had separate rooms. She was fine but during she wanted to see what the other two were doing and we found my partner and her partner in the kitchen just kissing after being together for at least two hours. She explored and went into a rage, why, because they were kissing, then took me back to 'our' room and started all over again including kissing, then left with him in silence.

[NymphoWind]

Originally Posted by traveling cpl

My answer is yes, I had the thought for about one second on the third meet with a couple, only because his partner was not and interesting person. However, not long ago we meet a younger couple and had separate rooms. She was fine but during she wanted to see what the other two were doing and we found my partner and her partner in the kitchen just kissing after being together for at least two hours. She explored and went into a rage, why, because they were kissing, then took me back to 'our' room and started all over again including kissing, then left with him in silence.

Sounds to me like someone broke rules...

And somewhat a perfect example for something not to do ever...
I can only imagine what happen once they got home...

[traveling cpl]

Originally Posted by traveling cpl

My answer is yes, I had the thought for about one second on the third meet with a couple, only because his partner was not and interesting person. However, not long ago we meet a younger couple and had separate rooms. She was fine but during she wanted to see what the other two were doing and we found my partner and her partner in the kitchen just kissing after being together for at least two hours. She explored and went into a rage, why, because they were kissing, then took me back to 'our' room and started all over again including kissing, then left with him in silence.

should read exploded not explored (bad typing)