Thought Jealousy?

[tnt69couple]

For me, Male, I have never been jealous watching my wife with other men. I think the only way I would get jealous is if she started having an emotional relationship with someone else.

[CXXC]

Originally Posted by IvoryTowers

Nope.

--- As I understand it, jealousy is a fear that you will lose what you have to another person (as opposed to envy, which is desiring what someone else has).---

I think IvoryTowers hit the nail right on the head.

Jealousy can be a beast when a couple starts out. I think Envy may be the one emotion that rears its ugly head more often tho.

Point and case:

Couple number one goes to a house party. The wife of couple number one hits it off quickly with couple number two and things progress quickly. Hubby of couple number one did not find couple number 2 to his liking and moved aobut the party looking for his play mate (Undecided at the time). No one was available to him and he ends up sitting most of the party out feeling envious of his wife as she was instantly occupied.

When you are limited to couple on couple play (all 4 people together or not at all) you can avoid this issue. If you are free to play alone or separately, Envy will most probably be the issue and emotion experienced.

Jealousy is a different matter entirely. This fear will rip through you no matter how much fun you are having.

Have I experienced Jealousy? No! Honestly, I have never felt it once in my life. Envy on the other hand....YES. I have felt this int he lifestyle on two separate occasions. No drama came from it, however. Mrs. CXXC and I chatted for a few moments after the activity and all was well. We went back in and partied like ROCK STARS! A good time was had by all!

[JustMrJ]

I can say I've done a bit of 'bench warming' myself. No envy or jealousy developed because I'm a patient man and it was simply that the ladies I wanted to play with were occupied.

When one of the ladies was done that I was looking forward to play with, I asked if I could be next on her 'dance card'. She said yes, but she needed to 'recover' for a bit. So we had a lovely conversation and friendly petting while she recovered. After that we had a wonderful time playing.

I think there was only one party we went to that nobody really appealed to me. But I still got to see my lovely bride getting her rocks off, so it was still a fun time for me.

I don't ever feel that it is a problem for me to warm the bench. I just bide my time. Everyone wants to play at the parties we go to.

I do however find myself trying to get 'first dibbs' on some ladies that I know will be arriving...

[The Swing Set]

Originally Posted by Chicup

We did separate rooms our first full swap.

Bad move, jealousy doesn't quite describe it though. I'm sure that what people call jealousy but it was more of a primal feeling. I was so distracted I made an ass of myself with the other woman, doing things far to fast and without thinking.

I'd say it took about a week to completely get over it.

Had we not been separate rooms I don't think there would have been an issue. The imagination is normally worse then the reality.

You are so right, the imagination can do much more damage if you allow it. The key is to talk any of these concerns out the moment they surface.

I was very surprised to find that there was no jealousy involved when we began swinging. I imagined every possible scenario prior to any action on our part, but when it came right down to it there was no jealousy at all.

KL

[Chicup]

Sexual jealousy is not a rational beast. Its the beast inside.

Its based on a primal instinct to reproduce and protect your genetic legacy.

Men who guarded their wives and chased other men off had more kids that were really their kids. It has no place in rational thought these days with birth control being what it is but the legacy of that is still there.

Our rational minds allow us to overcome this but it can take effort. Really that for me is the best thing about swinging. I've never once, in our entire relationship questioned my wife's commitment to me. I never worried about her cheating, even in thought. Still though I had this primal desire to shield her from other males, which is normally called jealousy but really isn't a proper term for it.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Chicup

...I had this primal desire to shield her from other males, which is normally called jealousy but really isn't a proper term for it.

This is an important point, to differentiate between sexual jealousy and a man's natural inclination to protect his mate.

There have been a few times when I was warming up to a man and considering playing with him. However, when MrLM and I had a moment alone he would tell me he had a bad feeling about the guy and didn't want me to move forward with him. I trust my husband's instincts completely. I understood his protection mechanism was working and not jealousy creeping in.

Neither of us have ever felt a twinge of jealousy when swinging...and we are a very healthy couple.

LM

[JustMrsJ]

I got a bit of jealousy of my husband the very first time I went to a house party but I thought to myself. He is going home with me and now I am not jealous anymore.

[curiouscpl72]

I think its human nature,as it is nature to be non monogamous in so many of the critters that we share the earth with.As thinking reasoning beings, we have an inner critic, and inner judge as well, and a deep well of abiding peace that we so rarely tap.It is a matter of juggling these and finding a way not to hold those thoughts of jealousy, that come from insecurity which everyone experiences at different points in their lives.IMHO....


Patty

[NotSorry]

I think jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion to experience. I think focusing on how you deal with it is much more important than being worried that the feeling arose in the first place. Talk about it, find out what is at the root of it and find a way to alleviate it.

The exploration of why things have made me jealous in the past has been extremely freeing for me. Jealousy was a big, painful part of my life in past relationships. I am ecstatic that I don't have to feel that way anymore.

[ktimephoenix]

Mr P here... i get jealous almost every time Mrs P and i swap.

hows that for messed up?

it usually subsides and turns into arousal watching Mrs P being the naughty little nympho she is... but it's there from when we first swap till about 10 minutes into the swap.

[Rembrandt]

Perhaps I am a remarkably selfish person. I don't feel the green eyed monster. I don't mind what my wife does as long as some very pragmatic rules are followed. Those rules are:
1. Don't bring home something that doesn't wash off - in other words be safe

2. Don't place me in a situation that would cause problems - don't run off with aggressive men that will cause and issue that I will have to address. The world is crazy enough as it is without inviting violence.

3. Be discrete. We have to live and work in the world. Never in the vanilla public - right or wrong I have to do business with narrow minded people.

Rembrandt

[janaandjames]

My hubby felt jealous once when we were having a threesome. After we finished, i was laying in bed with the other gentleman, and we were just kissing. We kissed for a long time.
Later my husband told me he felt something there, something like jealousy, or discomfort that i was kissing someone for so long.
We talked about it and set up a new boundary, a limit on how much kissing we do with others, and it was fine.
But he didnt realize he would feel like that until it happened.
Something about intimacy of kissing.
Thats about all for us.

[VanHlebar]

I am not sure if it was jealousy or maybe it was more like what IvoryTowers describes, envy. When we first got started we met a great couple that where very experienced and they really helped us a ton over the course of about a year. We played with this couple a lot over that first year and there where difenately times when I would call a halt to play sessions because things where not "feeling" right.

Now usually this was because I was have my own issues with performance and as the other husband wasn't, Mrs Van would be having a grand ole time. So I would call stop/time out whatever and we would all stop and talk and sometimes things would return to playing and others we would call it a night. Now I never really thought Mrs Van was ever going to leave me for this guy, so I don't think I had an jealousy thoughts like that, but I might have.

Now I have definately had envy issues and usually in the size area. It took me a long time to realize that I have more to offer a playmate than size. I guess I would be considered average, but not based on most of our playmates. That said again, I never felt Mrs Van was leaving me for one of our better endowed playmates, but I know I had thoughts of "damn wouldn't it be nice to be him?" Then I am reminded, usually after the play session ended and Mrs Van and I are alone, why she is with me.

-Van

[Trellken]

I personally think that all people are jealous to some extent or another. Like most things (sexual or otherwise) it's a spectrum of greys rather than being just black or white.

I think almost anyone on the board here would be upset and/or jealous of their partner told them they wanted to go away for a week or two weeks or a month with a playmate and leave them behind. On the other end of the spectrum, I sincerely doubt anyone here would be upset at hearing their wife say that they thought someone was cute. In between those two extremes there are a ton of different intervening points/situations that may or may not trigger a particular person's jealousy.

Each individual's shade of grey (i.e. - their jealousy threshold) is what determines that individuals boundaries and rules. What's important is for couples to understand what their partner's threshhold is and to respect it.