is my co-worker putting me on?

[D-nice]

I have a co-worker at my job who says she's a swinger...the topic came up one day when I informed her that there was rumors of a swing club near the workplace. She said she knows because she goes there from time to time.I thought she was jokin' until she started naming the other clubs in the area.

Me and her started talking because we're affliated with the military ..I'm was in for 10 years and she was the wife of a Marine so we can talk about a lot of things.

the swinger admission took me by surprise..I've been on various I/R boards and came across the names of the clubs in my area.I thought about going just out of curosity but never ventured to do so.The girl that I'm seeing right now is up for the idea but I'm still apprehensive.

I ask my co-worker could I tag along with her the next time just to get a feel for the place before I bring my girl and she said yeah.

The problem is my colleague has yet to take me up on the offer.
She gives me her e-mail but doesn't respond.When I inquire...she says she deletes alot of her e-mails.
She ask for my number but doesn't call.

This past Saturday, my colleague said she was going that night and said she would pick me up.I gave her my number again..still no pick-up or call.

The next day, she said it was raining too hard for her to drive (yes, it did rain that night but still at least she could have call to say that she wasn't coming.)

Should I give up on my co-worker.Mind you, I'm not interested in her..I just want to visit the place with someone that I know sort of as a comfort zone.

I don't want to push the issue with her since this is a workplace environment (sexual harassment, you understand)..she can be flakey at times.

any feedback is greatly appreciated...thx in advance.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by D-nice

The problem is my colleague has yet to take me up on the offer.
She gives me her e-mail but doesn't respond.When I inquire...she says she deletes alot of her e-mails.
She ask for my number but doesn't call.

If a friend were telling you these things about someone he was trying to date, or set up an event with, what would you think about the above actions?

Should I give up on my co-worker.

Yeah. She's totally blowing you off.

If you and your girl are really interested in swinging, it is something you should pursue together. Read the board together. Learn as much as you can together, and communicate with each other.

Oh, and welcome to the board!

[sexcupid]

My advice?

Take your girlfriend and go. She can be your comfort zone and someone to fall back on.

Lay off the co-worker. While she may be a swinger, she may not want to play with you or even give you the slightest inclination that she and her hubby want to. She may just not be able to find a nice way to tell you that she is rescinding her original offer to take you to the club. Most clubs require single males to be in restricted areas or stick with their host couple like crazy glue...and they may not want to have a tag-a-long that might hinder their chance to hook up with others that night.

Plus you do want to consider any work place policies reguarding sexual harrassment...even though I'm sure your emails are not explicit, they might be enough to take a disciplinary action.

Good luck,

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by D-nice

The girl that I'm seeing right now is up for the idea but I'm still apprehensive.

Why ?

[arvcpl]

If she wanted to take you she would have.
If she wanted to answer your emails she would have. If she wanted to call you she would have. You have your answers to all of that.

My main issue is why you want to go to a club with someone you aren't involved with and you claim you don't want to fuck while you leave your girlfriend at home. WTF?

Whenever I run into a guy at a club that is there by himself and claims his wife is at home but that he is just there to "check things out" I want to smash his face in.

If some guy is at a club and he comes with a ticket that he is not involved with and just wants to get into the club to hit on other women I want to smash his face in twice.

I don't actually practice or condone violence of course but those are just uncool things to do. If you want to go to a club and your GF is ok with it then why for the love of all that is holy in this world don't you go to the club with your GF?

[rpu3]

If you want to go to a club and your GF is ok with it then why for the love of all that is holy in this world don't you go to the club with your GF?

Don't quite get it myself, espescially since his girlfriend is willing to go. This part has bugged me for a bit:

The girl that I'm seeing right now is up for the idea but I'm still apprehensive.

Honestly, exactly why are you pestering the co-worker, with the potential risk of impacting your job, when your girlfriend is good to go? Why are you apprehensive about going with your girlfirend? I don't get why you'd bother the co-worker at all. Asking her about the club is one thing. Using that tired old "checking out the club before I bring the girlfriend" line is quite another and it seems clear your co-worker wants none of that.

[babycole]

Ok, I tend to be a pretty trusting person, so if you say you just want to check out the club with this co-worker, then I won't bash you for wishing to do so.

However, if you really feel like a visit to the club will help , I agree with the above posters who suggest you forget about the co-worker (she is just putting you on!), and just grab your girl and go. But, if you are still apprehensive about the whole swinging thing, maybe you should do a bit more exploring of the feelings of why you are apprehensive before throwing yourselves into the world of swinging by hitting the club. Obviously, there is no rule that says you have to go and play if you visit there, but if you are an overly jealous person or overly insecure person, how would you feel if you bring your girlfriend and she is getting hit on by other guys and girls alike? While no play is automatically expected of anyone, the general assumption, i think, of swingers clubs are that those who are there, are there to play. The same might be assumed of you guys, so some flirting probably will ensue.

My suggestion is that you sit down with your girlfriend, explore the questions of the curious on this board. Do some serious conversating on the subject and explore the fantasies of the two of you being with other people before you ever venture into the club!

Good Luck!!!

[acdg]

Like the others have said before Let the co worker be. Get your and your GF’s nerve together and go to the club the first time is the toughest. We were both apprehensive before we went to our first club since then we go regularly to clubs just relax and go. Or Just do it

[D-nice]

appreciate the understanding....as I said tagging along with the co-worker was about learning the ropes...the do's and do not's since she was a veteran.
Again, this is out of my element so I wouldn't know what to expect which is why I pose the question.
thx everyone for your feedback.

[D-nice]

also, to the others, my intentions are pure..forgive if I sound like some other guys.this lifestyle is unknown to me.
The club invite by colleague was given couple of times.
Last Saturday, she extended the invite but didn't show..so I get a mixed signals from her when it comes to that.
Me and her are cool and shit....there's no apprehension on her part when we talk.
so the best advice is to forget about as far as hanging out with her...and if she ask again...just pass?

[rpu3]

so the best advice is to forget about as far as hanging out with her...and if she ask again...just pass?

Personally, having been to clubs myself, I'd opine that you and your girlfriend go check out the club yourselves - go to their orientation, go ask questions. Most clubs require new guests or members to show up before the club gets busy so they can show you around, tell you the rules and answer any questions. Go take care of the newbie questions and concerns on your own with your girlfriend. I suspect that like many of us who were apprehensive prior to our first visits, you will see for yourself soon enough that there isn't too much to be worried about.

Then, if your work friend mentions the club, you could just reply that you'll be there on X night and you and your girlfriend hope to see her. Or something like that. You'll have just that much more to talk about with your co-worker if you and your girlfriend have seen the club on your own.

Basically, I'd stop trying to arrange to do your first visit with your co-worker, take care of you and your girlfriend first, and leave it at just talking with your co-worker. Maybe you'll see her at the club, maybe she'd recommend other clubs, but it doesn't sound like she's very interested in committing to playing guide for you at this time. It just seems like you've put more effort into trying to go to the club with your co-worker than you have in making plans to go with your own girlfriend. The "check the club out before I bring the wife/girlfriend" IS a tired line for fakes and cheating marrieds. If you aren't pulling shenanigans on your girlfriend, and your intentions were actually true, then I suspect you and your girlfriend can go check out the club scene without a solo trip by you in the company of your co-worker.

Does this club have new member orientations or the like, for you and your girlfriend to see the club in a no-pressure environment? Have you, your coworker, and your girlfriend ever gotten together for drinks or something so BOTH of you can ask your co-worker questions about the club?

[iapr]

Originally Posted by rpu3

Personally, having been to clubs myself, I'd opine that you and your girlfriend go check out the club yourselves - go to their orientation, go ask questions. Most clubs require new guests or members to show up before the club gets busy so they can show you around, tell you the rules and answer any questions. Go take care of the newbie questions and concerns on your own with your girlfriend. I suspect that like many of us who were apprehensive prior to our first visits, you will see for yourself soon enough that there isn't too much to be worried about.

Then, if your work friend mentions the club, you could just reply that you'll be there on X night and you and your girlfriend hope to see her. Or something like that. You'll have just that much more to talk about with your co-worker if you and your girlfriend have seen the club on your own.

Basically, I'd stop trying to arrange to do your first visit with your co-worker, take care of you and your girlfriend first, and leave it at just talking with your co-worker. Maybe you'll see her at the club, maybe she'd recommend other clubs, but it doesn't sound like she's very interested in committing to playing guide for you at this time. It just seems like you've put more effort into trying to go to the club with your co-worker than you have in making plans to go with your own girlfriend. The "check the club out before I bring the wife/girlfriend" IS a tired line for fakes and cheating marrieds. If you aren't pulling shenanigans on your girlfriend, and your intentions were actually true, then I suspect you and your girlfriend can go check out the club scene without a solo trip by you in the company of your co-worker.

Does this club have new member orientations or the like, for you and your girlfriend to see the club in a no-pressure environment? Have you, your coworker, and your girlfriend ever gotten together for drinks or something so BOTH of you can ask your co-worker questions about the club?

I agree with this word for word. There is nothing else I can add to this so read it twice and it will count for both rpu3 and me.

[ownerspet]

I see 2 issues here:

Issue 1:

She works with you, and that could be problematic for you and her in the work place. Even though she admitted it, she may feel she overstepped her bounds by letting you in on that piece of information. Then as a defense mechanism to not tick you off, she is saying, "yeah, sure no problem," because I'm sure some unethical person out there could take advantage of this information in the sense of: "you do this, or I'll tell your boss." Which is a valid fear for most swingers. However, most people in general consider sexual topics with co-workers to be ones to avoid.

So all in all, it is an awkward situation for you as well as her.

Issue 2:

I have to admit, at times we as a couple have had the fear of being stuck with another couple (that we weren't interested in) the entire night. This is primarily because if someone shows up with us we feel that we don't want to make them feel like we are ignoring them, but was also want to meet people and even possibly play with another couple if the situation presents itself. I think everyone is naturally like this to a certain extent, in where we showed up with someone we don't want them to be bored while we're off having fun.

This issue of feeling like you have to hang with someone all night is further complicated for some when she/they move from hanging with a couple to a single guy.

I know you're not a single guy, but if she is there to enjoy the club as a single female or as a couple, she or they can't have you tagging along everywhere in the club. This is not a knock on single guys, but let's face it, single guys have it harder in that they are often limited to certain areas of the club by themselves and a large amount of single guys have given the good single guys a bad name by behaving inappropriatly. Those two sentences together as a thought along with a person's natural instinct to want to be sure that someone is not bored or feeling ignored could definitly cause someone not to take a single guy to the club with them. I know you have a significant other and don't consider yourself to be a single guy, but anytime you show up to the club without a female half you are considered by them as a single guy. I even with my wife at a club at times have been limited on where I could go because she was not with me at that immediate moment because of single guy rules.

Conclusion:

For most people that go to swing clubs, we want to be free spirits whether it is with our significant other or as a single (if the individual is indeed single). We as a couple even gauge a situation before hand if attending an event with other people. But, I think most of us as people want to help people out, if we can. Suggesting or encouraging you to check out a club a club (as your co-worker seems to have done), even if it is apparent that she doesn't want to check it out with you for some unknown reason may be her way of helping you out. After all I think for most to make the decision to enter the lifestyle (swinging that is) needs some supportive positive encouragment.

Enough though, To the bottom line: I believe due to the working relationship, the indication that there is no interest between you, and that she may feel like she has to hang with you all night, it is probably causing her to blow you off. The reason she may be agreeing to let you tag along is the common fear that she has no way of knowing who will tell her boss and who won't (thus leaving her jobless). So she may be just saying, "yeah sure" or inviting you just to avoid chaos. My suggestion is to not bring this topic up at all, and she will most likely stop the invitations or the "yeah sure, no problem". This will avoid your confusion with your co-worker.

However, I am with everyone else here in that you need to take your willing woman. You and her need to go to the club, and take it at the slow speed of you two as a couple.

That's a little more than my 2 cents, and possible an entire quarter.......

[D-nice]

thanks, y'all, I must admitt this feedback is more positive than the first go-around.As I said , I'm new to this..so I wasn't aware of the single guy stigma.
As for my co-worker, I won't bring it up again. I can understand the apprehension on her part. Of course, I still don't know why she would volunteer such information that she was a swinger.True enuff, I told her there was a club near the job but I never asked if she was one.Sometimes I think she was just putting me on about her lifestyle since who would admitt such a thing in their workplace but as I said she can be flakey at times and I guess I pushed it a lil' too much as far as tagging...hell,I was treating the tag along as an event..like I'm going to Disneyland.Ol' girl probably thought I was nutts....lol

Anyway,we seen each other at work as recently as today...no static or anything.

Thx you all for your responses..I'll let you know what happens.Me and my girl are supposed to go next Saturday so we'll see what happens.
Thx again.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by D-nice

thanks, y'all, I must admitt this feedback is more positive than the first go-around.As I said , I'm new to this..so I wasn't aware of the single guy stigma.
As for my co-worker, I won't bring it up again. I can understand the apprehension on her part. Of course, I still don't know why she would volunteer such information that she was a swinger.True enuff, I told her there was a club near the job but I never asked if she was one.Sometimes I think she was just putting me on about her lifestyle since who would admitt such a thing in their workplace but as I said she can be flakey at times and I guess I pushed it a lil' too much as far as tagging...hell,I was treating the tag along as an event..like I'm going to Disneyland.Ol' girl probably thought I was nutts....lol

Anyway,we seen each other at work as recently as today...no static or anything.

Thx you all for your responses..I'll let you know what happens.Me and my girl are supposed to go next Saturday so we'll see what happens.
Thx again.

I have to ask

What information has your girlfriend found about this lifestyle ?

Does she read here with you ?

Does she know about your previous intentions of going to the club with the "flakey" (not sure about that discription) Gal from work ?