First Question - is being with women a requirement?

[NervousLambLV]

Ok, so here we go..

1st question
-I am not particularly interested in women. I had fooled around with women in college (nothing more than above-the-waist- stuff). So my experience was with men. My husband is the opposite. He's been with many women at a time but never a man. So my first question is, where do we go from here? I cant say women aren't a possibility some day, but right now I'm not particularly drawn to the idea of pleasing a woman. Is that always a requirement? What if my husband JUST wants me with a woman and I just want him and another man? Help!

[JustAskJulie]

Interesting question. You have to look at what you each want for yourselves as well as for each other. Does your husband want to be with other men? As you said you aren't particularly interested in being with other women. Do you really want to do something just to please him? Would you really want him to do something just to please you?

Whatever you choose to do you each have to want to do it. It can't be one of you doing something just to please the other or no one will end up happy in the end.

[IvoryTowers]

This is where hooking up with a couple is good. Having two of each gender opens up possibilities and also allows you to avoid things that you might not be comfortable doing.

If you two are determined to be with one person only, there are two ways to go. One is to have "straight" threesomes, where the odd-gendered person gets all the attention (this is very common with a mfm, where the two men almost never touch each other and instead focus on the woman). Or each of you could go in with an openness to the experience and see if being in a threesome makes someone of the same gender more appealing for the night.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by NervousLambLV

Ok, so here we go..

Welcome to the Swingers Board, NervousLambLV

So my first question is, where do we go from here?

We hope you read some of the threads about getting started and talk about some of the things listed, if you haven't done that already.

Have you considered starting a personal profile on some of the authintic websites listed here

I cant say women aren't a possibility some day, but right now I'm not particularly drawn to the idea of pleasing a woman. Is that always a requirement?

No, its not a requirement. I know it seems that way but its not really.

What if my husband JUST wants me with a woman and I just want him and another man? Help

Then your talking about a threesome, Right ?

How do each of you feel about the other being involved with a single person ?

What are your expectations from them at this point ?

How do you feel the talking and communication between the two of you is going now ?

[jjtrindc]

First off, know that there are plenty of straight women in the lifestyle, as well as many bisexual and bicurious women who are very respectful of limits. We know this because my wife is straight. She loves checking out and dancing with sexy ladies, and even the occasional make out session...but that is where she draws the line. Do we "miss" some opportunities with couples because she isn't bi? Sure, but since those are her limits it's not really much of a missed opportunity. The lifestyle has to be what YOU want it to be, plain and simple.

It sounds as if you and your husband need to do a bit more talking so that you are both clear on where you stand. If you aren't on the same page then you aren't quite ready to get into the lifestyle.

[NervousLambLV]

Wow. Thank you for all the great advice. And, I agree that my husband and I need to talk way more about this before we move forward. I just need to educate myself a little more on the lifestyle before approaching my husband more, as well as I need to know that even though I am not bisexual, there is still a place for me in this life style. Honestly, I guess I'm a little afraid of being called a prude

jjtrindc:
Sounds like your wife and I have similar interests. How do you guys do things? (if you dont mind me asking)

[iapr]

My wife has wrestled with the whole bisexuality issue since we first started out and you actually sound a lot more open minded and less prudish than she did at first. In the beginning she always used the term "laser-beam straight" to describe herself.

To this day and probably till the day she dies she will refuse to wear the label bisexual but when asked to her face if she is bisexual she will say, "I consider myself 'sexual'."

Over time as she has gotten to know herself and other people better she has become more comfortable in knowing that she finds some people attractive and wants to be with them regardless of gender and many more people she is not attracted to regardless of gender.

Many women she has no attraction for just as there are many men she is not attracted to. and there are some women she does have an attraction for and chemistry with. In a number of cases she is actually the aggressive one with other women.

The bottom line to all this is you can't "what if?" every possible scenario. And what you decide on today may have no relevence tomorrow. You can not plan out a sexual scenario. Everything is dependant on the attraction, chemistry and comfort felt by all parties at that particular moment in time.

some times the attraction will just occur and will hit you in the face like a frieght train. countless other times the attraction will not be there regardless of how nice a person is or how good looking they may be.

Don't get hung up on labels and don't try to write yourself a sexual script. Get out and meet real people in real life and take the attraction and chemistry as it comes. If you find a woman attractive and want to touch her, as long as everyone is ok with it go ahead and touch her. If you don't feel the attraction then don't and don't let anyone try to talk you into it and certainly DO NOT feel like a prude if you don't want to. It really is that simple.

Look at it this way, I am a normal healthy, heterosexual and horny guy but I do not want to touch or have any sexual contact with most of the women I encounter. I don't feel like a prude if I don't want to have sex with some woman so why should you be any different?

[screaminggood]

Nervous...

I want to clarify something that a different poster wrote about....that the straight woman dances and "makes out" with the bi-women. As a bi-fem, I love dancing with women, but when you start making out, please let me know that it will end with the kissing. It can be very disappointing to have a woman "making out" with me on the dance floor and then in the bedroom she's suddenly all over the husband and expects me to do hers. It's that key word communication that you'll see all over this Board!

[tnt69couple]

Originally Posted by NervousLambLV

Wow. Thank you for all the great advice. And, I agree that my husband and I need to talk way more about this before we move forward. I just need to educate myself a little more on the lifestyle before approaching my husband more, as well as I need to know that even though I am not bisexual, there is still a place for me in this life style. Honestly, I guess I'm a little afraid of being called a prude

jjtrindc:
Sounds like your wife and I have similar interests. How do you guys do things? (if you dont mind me asking)

My wife is Bi-Sexual. But in a FMF threesome she would not care if the other woman is Bi-Sexual. Either she is or she is not. Just like some women do not do things like anal. Just be up front and that stops a lot of problems. Like even if the lady is not Bi-Sexual, my wife would love to still pleasure her without anything from her in return. If makes the other woman uncomfortable then it could just be a straight FMF threesome.

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by NervousLambLV

I cant say women aren't a possibility some day, but right now I'm not particularly drawn to the idea of pleasing a woman. Is that always a requirement?

The only requirement in swinging is respect. By that I mean respect for everyone involved - your SO, play partner(s), and yourself. You are never obligated to do anything you don't want to do. By the same token, however, respect for your play partner does mean that you be up front with potential partners about you're not being interested in playing with another woman.

Lin and I have been doing this a long time (almost 16 years,) and she's still as straight as she was on day one. There has never been a problem, nor will there ever be, because we let folks know this up front. Nobody has ever gotten bent out of shape over it, nor will they, because there is never any 'leading someone on.' She's too busy taking care of the guys to worry about what the women are doing, and with whom they're doing it...

So, the short answer is no - it's not required that you play with another woman.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by screaminggood

Nervous...

I want to clarify something that a different poster wrote about....that the straight woman dances and "makes out" with the bi-women. As a bi-fem, I love dancing with women, but when you start making out, please let me know that it will end with the kissing. It can be very disappointing to have a woman "making out" with me on the dance floor and then in the bedroom she's suddenly all over the husband and expects me to do hers. It's that key word communication that you'll see all over this Board!

It is true-- you don't want to lead anyone on, whether it is a man or a woman.

If you do something to indicate interest, it is usually a good idea to have a conversation about what the other couple is into, and let them know what you are into. It can seem weird at first, but asking directly is usually the best way to find out. We'll ask someone if they are a full-swap couple, and whether swapping is their main focus or if they are more into the girl-on-girl thing, and if they are okay with using condoms. Everything else is negotiable for us.

[jjtrindc]

Hi all, just want to comment on the responses to my statement about how my wife will dance and make-out with other women. You are absolutely right. I should have qualified that our online profiles make it clear that she is straight and what her limits are. If we meet someone new, that's always part of the discussion to ensure we are all on the same page. The times where she has kissed other ladies has always been at the 'initiative' of the other woman. Totally agree that it iss a bit of a delicate balancing act to walk, but we both believe in honest, open communication with each other and other couples to make sure everyone is on the same page and there is no drama. All in all, a good bit of advice for other ladies in the same situation who were wondering about how to proceed.

[herpob]

Great advice here for certain. Writing out and talking through everything was a big key for us.

I may come across a bit different and hope it does not seem insensitive to anyone involved it is simply what works for us. Every so often my husband and I review answer a questionnaire we set up to help keep us up to date with where one another are sexually. For year we had both had things on there that we wish the other would do either with us or for us. Over time we quite often have given into our mate’s desires either because we wanted to do it or we wanted to please them. I know many people do not agree with this but we enjoy doing this for one another and it is not something we take lightly; it takes time, sometimes considerable effort, and sometimes some sacrifice or giving up something. We have bartered. My husband might want something strong enough the he is willing to do something that I desire equally as strong. We will look at the questionnaire once in a while and say hey what would you do if I did… for you? It has added some spice and kink to our relationship sexually.

My husband and I have had your discussion so many times in a variety of ways so often throughout our marriage beginning with oral, masturbation, then anal, then toys, then machines, dolls, etc. and eventually moved to having sex in front of others, then mfms, then lots and lots of mfms, as he begin to travel it was a lot of males for just me, then my husband with their wives, we finally got into multiple partners, group sex but still all males for me and all females for him. Each step was a trade off.

As several here have mentioned you guys sound more like you are looking for a variety of threesomes. Personally I prefer more threesomes than anything though I do foursomes and moresomes . To me threesomes are so easy to manage and one person in every threesome is always getting spoiled so it is a wonderful experience. And no I am not selfish I help others get spoiled as well . I do a lot of mfms since it is by far my favorite. I have since given in to my husband’s polite but persistent requests for fmfs. It was quite a long time of mfms so he was very kind and patient. He has not done anything with the guys though in a few groups I had some guys help me out with him.

What I have noticed with us is that is takes us time to get used to each new step or idea or phase, a little time to warm up to it, if the other sets it up so it does not intrude on any clear boundaries we have set then we go with the flow. Also the more arouse we are the more likely we are to do things in the heat of the moment. That is exactly how my first fmf came about. It began through a foursome and turned into a threesome as one party was gone most of the time (it lasted quite a while).

I still am not drawn to women and yet I will do things today that I would not had a few months back as was my comfort level. I am accustomed to it now and it is sex. My husband enjoys the fmfs tremendously as I do the mfms. I do with both with him and we also each do them with other people as well.
So I have been with women and of course I would love to see guys do more stuff with him. He is not interested in men that way even though in the heat of a moment he said he would go with the flow if things happened. He has not freaked out when a few guys helped me out with him while he was busy underneath one of the wives but it was always after the fact anyway. We’ll just play that one by ear.

Honestly I am glad he desires females and I desire males, any playing outside of that is just that, playing. Playing in a variety of ways is fun, adding another person can be more fun, adding a fourth can as well, etc.
Nothing we do is a requirement of the other even if we bartered it, but it helps us to know if something did happen let’s say a guy was fooling around with my husband while we were in a 69, that my husband would not over react and if he asked for it never to happen again we’d let everyone know.
I know my way of thinking is a bit different than many here but as someone said earlier, we are all here to have fun and this is what my husband and I have found works for us currently.

Notice it took time and we went through many stages, sometimes we jumped light years ahead, sometimes we didn’t, other times we retreated. All I can end with is throw it out there and see where it lands. Talk talk talk discuss discuss – writing it all out ahead of time helped us the most and then updating it from time to time.

[lou lou]

I am list as Bi-curious but as of yet have not been with a women for more then kissing. I think as i get more comfortable in the lifestyle this might change.
We have had people turn us down because of this but their are a lot that it is not a requirement .

[truckerbuddy]

I have said it before.. bi-curious people are just people that have not had the opportunity to explore. if and when you get with a cpl that are bi, I would bet they would let you explore with/on them if you asked, but for being BI?? you don't have to be to have fun in the lifestyle.

I think the biggest thing is ( be open and 100% honest with your self ) if you can't do that, how can you be honest with ether's