Newbie Question - splitting up at a party

[Tommy n Tara]

I searched and searched, but didnt find anything archived so my apologies if its been talked about.

We are heading to our first event this weekend (extremely excited, nervous, anxious, etc) and I have a question. Based on who my GF and I see as attractive, I would be surprised if we find a couple who we are both into making something happen with. I am imagining that we will both find people that excite us, but they will most likely not be a couple, rather two different people.

Is it acceptable/common for a couple to split up from each other completely and find a new and strange partner?

[N8ture Girl]

I am not sure how common it is really, but I would be a very leary about splitting up and playing seperately with someone you just met... We would only do that if we knew the other two involved really, really well.

I would also be realy leary of this if this is your first event/time playing.

Honestly would you let your partner go off and have sex with a complete stranger with out you? Chances are everything would be ok, but seems little risky to me.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Welcome to The Swingersboard, newly-registered member. Be sure to make a stop at the Introductions forum and leave a note to tell us some things about yourself and your girlfriend.

The probability of "making something happen" depends to a large part upon what kind of event you will be attending; a regular party at a swingers' club, a meet-n-greet, a house party, a hotel-takeover, a lifestyle resort or other kind. I advise to not go to your event having too high an expectation. Expect only to gain new acquaintanceships and have a good time. If "something" does happen, consider it a bonus. My overall impression is that you are expending too much energy trying to come up with a strategy. Go to a few events, get a sense for the lay of the land, then formulate your strategies.

Splitting up, as a strategy of increasing your chances, will increase your chances with some people while diminishing your chance with others. It's acceptable, but not be all. The people who are more likely to accept are those couples who do the same and by singles.

~Michael

[Slitelyused]

NO,,,period,,,you are a couple,,You stay a couple,,,First of all,,get the right mindset,,there are no perfect couples,,,not even you. Swinging, or Alternative lifestyle is full of compromises,,,every situation you find yourselves in,,,one of you is going to have to give up a little on their expectations,,,It will never be 100% believe me,,,I'm coming from 40 yrs of swinging experience,,,100's of parties, and meet ups,,They are all good to a degree,,but none are perfect,,,you might have to settle for a 5, just so that your mate can enjoy a 9,,,get the point ??

[Tommy n Tara]

First, thank you to those of you who have responded. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

I should venture to ask the second part of the question:

Since this our first time, many emotions are taken on (as I mentioned in my initial post) My GF is a bit apprehensive; therefore I was wondering how other couples would view this? How do couples handle newbies? What should we expect when speaking with other couples, etc.?

[NCfuncouple98]

What type of event are you going to?

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by Slitelyused

They are all good to a degree,,but none are perfect,,,you might have to settle for a 5, just so that your mate can enjoy a 9,,,get the point ??

Umm, that's getting really close to Taking one for the team™.

Originally Posted by Tommy n Tara

Since this our first time, many emotions are taken on (as I mentioned in my initial post) My GF is a bit apprehensive; therefore I was wondering how other couples would view this? How do couples handle newbies? What should we expect when speaking with other couples, etc.?

MOST couples handle newbies with consideration. Some couples won't even play with newbies, due to concerns about adverse reactions. Then there are the "Fresh Meat" couples. They look for newbies and can be very aggressive.

Advice? Stay together. Don't be afraid to say "no". Ask questions. It's OK to call "Time out", so that the two of you can chat and stay on the same page.

[Tommy n Tara]

Originally Posted by NCfuncouple98

What type of event are you going to?

The event we will be attending is to take place at a closed venue and not a "designated swingers club" if I have stated correctly. We are not certain of the logistics (the host supplied background information) It appears as though the atmosphere will be casual, and from what I understand, the volume of attendees will be high. Through research, I understand some clubs are on-premise clubs; however I am unsure whether there will be designated areas at this venue.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Tommy n Tara

The event we will be attending is take place at a closed venue and not a "designated swingers club" if I have stated correctly. We are not certain of the logistics (the host supplied background information) It appears as though the atmosphere will be casual, and from what I understand, the volume of attendees will be high. Through research, I understand some clubs are on-premise clubs; however I am unsure whether there will be designated areas at this venue.

Sounds like it its an off premise event which normally means no sex at the event itself. Typically a 'meet and greet'.

Honestly for your first event, I'd stick together, meet couples together, and then decide where you want to go from there. No need to separate. Maybe you will find a couple or two you are both compatible with, maybe not, but see what the options are first.

I'm a tad confused onto why you assume from the start you won't be able to find a couple where there is mutual attraction. Could you elaborate as to what the problem is?

[Tommy n Tara]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Sounds like it its an off premise event which normally means no sex at the event itself. Typically a 'meet and greet'.

Honestly for your first event, I'd stick together, meet couples together, and then decide where you want to go from there. No need to separate. Maybe you will find a couple or two you are both compatible with, maybe not, but see what the options are first.

I'm a tad confused onto why you assume from the start you won't be able to find a couple where there is mutual attraction. Could you elaborate as to what the problem is?

It would be best explained as "the unknown" There very well could be mutual attraction. I suppose the best way to indulge and find out is to attend the event.

One last inquiry:

Do couples tend to gravitate towards specific types of couples? Do couples usually stay with one couple all evening, or is there a social rotation on conversation, etc.?

[The Fuse]

There was recently a thread where we discussed the approach of playing with members of different couples at a party, in order to avoid the problem of finding one couple to be compatible with. I'm trying to post a link, but I'm not sure I'm doing it right: different tastes I think this discussion is relevant to your question.

That being said, while you are new to the lifestyle, I would highly recommend staying together while playing. You'll want to be watching out for each other and adjusting to the idea of your beloved having sex with someone else. Mr. Fuse and I are very well adjusted, and never had any issues with jealousy, but there is no way we would have been okay with not being with each other while playing the first several times. Just think about how you might both feel, knowing the other is having sex with someone else, and you can't see them. Until you find your footing in the lifestyle, it seems like a big added complication to a situation that's already challenging enough.

I'll join those who are asking, have you gone to meet and greets or met other couples, only to find you're never interested in people from the same couple? Since you say you are going to your first event this weekend, I'm going to guess the answer is no. What makes you think you won't find a compatible couple? My advice is to not create problems that don't yet exist. Go with an open mind, don't be anxious for "something to happen" right out of the gate, talk to people, and talk to each other about those you meet.

It WILL happen that you will meet couples who only one of you is attracted to. It happens all the time. But until you have actually searched for a while and not found one, I would suggest patience and continued efforts. I hope you will post again and let us know how your event turns out. And please check out the forums on this board for newbies. Reading about others' experiences can really, really help.

Good luck!

[2inSanDiego4u]

Originally Posted by Tommy n Tara

Is it acceptable/common for a couple to split up from each other completely and find a new and strange partner?

While is is acceptable to play separately, IMO you should not split up and play separately until you are a little more experienced in the lifestyle. Many lifestyle couples who play separately only do so with people they trust and have been with before, often together.

Originally Posted by Tommy n Tara

Do couples tend to gravitate towards specific types of couples? Do couples usually stay with one couple all evening, or is there a social rotation on conversation, etc.?

This depends on the couple. We do not have a specific type. Other couples tend to look for people who are similar to themselves as far as age, height/weight, race, etc. It seems like most couples we know only hook up with one other couple in an evening. There are some who will hook up with 2 or even 3 couples. Again, it just depends on the couple.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Tommy n Tara

I searched and searched, but didnt find anything archived so my apologies if its been talked about.

We are heading to our first event this weekend (extremely excited, nervous, anxious, etc) and I have a question. Based on who my GF and I see as attractive, I would be surprised if we find a couple who we are both into making something happen with. I am imagining that we will both find people that excite us, but they will most likely not be a couple, rather two different people.

Is it acceptable/common for a couple to split up from each other completely and find a new and strange partner?

Finding a couple where all 4 people click is NOT easy but it can happen. In large group situations it is more likely than in one one (or rather two on two) date situations, as there are many more couples to interact with. And, yes, you are right there will be situations where one of you is attracted to half a couple and the other is attracted to half of a completely different couple.

The splitting up thing is most common at house parties, and least common in venues like you described (off-premise, M&G, socials).... although still not completely uncommon for just general flirting. However, at the end of the night you have to consider that you aren't having sex at that location so splitting up REALLY means splitting up and going to different hotel rooms... something a lot of people aren't into... and even if they are they aren't likely to be into it in that situation because it's less likely that their partners have also found half of some other couple to hook up with elsewhere (in other words it would be more likely that a couple would split up to play with both of you in different rooms - if say you were into the wife and she was into the husband and vice versa but the four of you did not want to play together).

This being your first event and most likely off-premise. Your best bet is to just go with the intent of having fun and meeting lots of new and interesting people. Dance, flirt, be friendly and have fun. You might get lucky and find a situation where all four of you click and you can then go back to a room and have your first encounter, but don't expect it.

Originally Posted by Tommy n Tara

Since this our first time, many emotions are taken on (as I mentioned in my initial post) My GF is a bit apprehensive; therefore I was wondering how other couples would view this? How do couples handle newbies? What should we expect when speaking with other couples, etc.?

It depends a lot on the newbies. If the newbies look scared to be there or look like they don't want to be there (sitting in a corner with their arms crossed and a frown on) they will likely avoid you. If you look friendly and approachable and like you are having a good time, the fact that you are newbies won't be an issue. People are attracted to fun people. Keep in mind as well that if you see someone you are interested in, you can also do the approaching. Again the off-premise events are the best for this because there really is no expectation (typically) for that night.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

This being your first event and most likely off-premise. Your best bet is to just go with the intent of having fun and meeting lots of new and interesting people. Dance, flirt, be friendly and have fun. You might get lucky and find a situation where all four of you click and you can then go back to a room and have your first encounter, but don't expect it.


.

I agree with Julie and this would be my advice as well. Go to the party, meet and mingle with people and get a feel for how a lifestyle party works. Don't go into it expecting to play but if it works out somehow that you do then it is icing on the cake.

I find it a little odd that you are going into this assuming that you won't find a compatable couple and are expecting to have to play separately. Why is it you are assuming you will have to split up? Is one of you into something really out of the ordinary?

Keep in mind also that if you go into it planning on splitting up that your GF will have 10,000 offers to play with other couples and you may have an offer or two to stand in line for some other gal's gang bang....if you are lucky. Most couples are not into MFMs but all are into FMFs so she will be a hot commodity and you will be sitting in the car looking at your watch and listening to Howard Stern on the radio while she plays.

Ok so maybe I'm exagerating a little bit but my point is very valid. One thing that you need to ask yourself is splitting up and each of you doing your own thing really what you want to do with yourselves in a swinging environment?

If you are each just wanting to fuck other people all you have to do is break up and go back to single life and fuck all the people you want and not have to worry about any of this. If on the other hand this is something you are wanting to do and experience together as a couple then work together as a couple and you can reep the rewards together as a couple.

As any couple will tell you, some times you do find another couple where everything clicks and many times you do not. But as long as you are having a fun night out together that is what is important.

[Chris&Suzanne]

My 2 cents worth. For the first time, splitting up is a really bad idea. You need time together to become comfortable with what your partener is willing to do with others.

Unless you absoluty have no "rules" between you.

Someone should make the a poll