Would like to begin with Soft Swap

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by Baconheads

We did go to Little Beach about five years ago, for our twentieth; I went nude, she did not. As a total mood killer, she asked, "Is it everything Ablout that you imagined?" About that time, I got up and left.

The others have offered great advice here.

But this bit of your last post sort of stuck out to me.

Your wife went out of her comfort zone to do something she knew you wanted to try/experience...and then when she asked if it was all you thought it would be, you describe it as a mood killer? We usually go to Hippie Hollow in Austin...there is one couple we've seen on a hand full of occasions...he always strips down, and she always keeps her bikini on. It's called compromise, these places are clothing optional so staying clothed is an option.

Was she being snotty? How was your behavior up to this point (ie: were you so wrapped up in looking at the other naked people/sporting a hard on/zoned out that you were failing to notice that she wasn't comfortable)? And then you actually got up and left her there? What were your expectations of her during this little adventure?

Good luck on your vacation. What has your wife's reaction to the flirting that is already going on between the couples? Does she enjoy it and actually participate or does she just sit back and watch it happen?

[Baconheads]

No, we left Little Beach together.

Yeah, I think she was being snotty, or at least a little bit condescending.

I think she enjoys the flirty conversation, she joins in and laughs with the rest of us, I just don't think she would go the next step without the other females egging her on, if that were ever in the cards.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Day&Night

Holy Triple Threat Batman !

This looks like a scenario to do three things:

1. Lose a wife and forever turn her off to the idea of swinging
2. Lose some friends, that you have no idea if they are swingers or not
3. Ruin a perfectly good vacation

I say leave it in your head as a fantasy unitl you have discussed it with your wife.

I have several vanilla friends where we banter back and forth about sex and stuff all the time at parties ect. But I know for a fact that they would never be swingers.

Amen!

Dude. It's not going to happen. Realize it. It's a fantasy and it's going to stay that way. It's not going to be suggested by your wife and doubtfully by the other woman.

If your wife is this closed off about sex and even nudity, she's not swinging (even soft-swinging) material. It's not worth the risk!

[Baconheads]

Yeah. I realized all that before we left. The opportunities were there if anyone were to pipe up, but no one did. My wife and I did start talking about fantasies, which was great!

It was an excellent vacation, I got some great vanilla flavoured sex nearly every day, she even tried a bullet toy after we all six went to the sex shop, which she never ever does.

But like you say, she's just not swinger material, never will be, so therefore, neither am I...

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by Baconheads

But like you say, she's just not swinger material, never will be, so therefore, neither am I...

THAT is probably one of the most profound things I've read on this subject in a very long time!

Kudos to you for realizing and admitting it. I think you might just be on your way to accepting it. It's fine to have the fantasy - in fact I think fantasies are healthy for the imagination. Just don't let the fantasy come between you and your wife - at the end of the day, it's your relationship with her that is the most important thing here.

You know what? There's absolutely nothing wrong with not swinging. A lot of people on this board have gone out of their way to let it be known that swinging isn't for everyone. A major pat on the back to you for realizing that it isn't for you as a couple before something tragic happened.

I wish you and Mrs.BH the best, my friend.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by Baconheads

It was an excellent vacation, I got some great vanilla flavoured sex nearly every day, she even tried a bullet toy after we all six went to the sex shop, which she never ever does.

But like you say, she's just not swinger material, never will be, so therefore, neither am I...

Let me be the first to pipe up with the notion that just because only 2 people are involved, does not mean the sex can not be off the wall as far from vanilla as it comes.

I mean, I know what vanilla means on this board and others like it...but for some reason in my mind it always conjures up the image of ho-hum missionary position with the female counting the cracks in the ceiling (laying back and thinking of England, going over her to do list, etc lol) and the man staring at the pillow under her head just wanting to get it over with.

Opening up about fantasies can be a good thing...but that is a whole other discussion right over here.

Seems like a good vacation...and lots of people have good vacation sex (new location, leaving the everyday stresses behind, etc).

[QriousCoupleIL]

Why don't you start off by telling her how important it is to you? Sex is important. And since fantasies are an important part your sex life, she should want to at least discuss the issue with you and consider it.

I have no idea why men automatically defer to some preconceived (usually uninformed) notion of what the wife will or won't do. Maybe you just haven't given her the space to open up about the fact that she is curious about it, but won't admit it because it'll make her look immoral.

Does she have other fantasies? If she does, then she understands how powerful the whole thing is. If she doesn't have or admit to having any fantasies, then I'd suggest that you have some serious sexual problems or you've married a woman who doesn't value that part of our relationship the way you do.

Either way, it warrants a discussion. But it does not seem fair to me (the male half) that you simply must shut up and sit on your desires simply because she has certain ideas of what sex "should or shouldn't" be.

In other words: man up! Talk to your wife and get it out in the open.

The absolute WORST advice (which is often given here) is that you should do nothing and keep it to yourself. Bullshit!

Should you do that if you have concerns about money? Raising children? Religion? Where you live? No. So don't get run over about sex either.

Just my two cents.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by QriousCoupleIL

Why don't you start off by telling her how important it is to you? Sex is important. And since fantasies are an important part your sex life, she should want to at least discuss the issue with you and consider it.

I have no idea why men automatically defer to some preconceived (usually uninformed) notion of what the wife will or won't do. Maybe you just haven't given her the space to open up about the fact that she is curious about it, but won't admit it because it'll make her look immoral.

Does she have other fantasies? If she does, then she understands how powerful the whole thing is. If she doesn't have or admit to having any fantasies, then I'd suggest that you have some serious sexual problems or you've married a woman who doesn't value that part of our relationship the way you do.

Either way, it warrants a discussion. But it does not seem fair to me (the male half) that you simply must shut up and sit on your desires simply because she has certain ideas of what sex "should or shouldn't" be.

I think your missing something important !

Originally Posted by Baconheads

Yeah. I realized all that before we left. The opportunities were there if anyone were to pipe up, but no one did. My wife and I did start talking about fantasies, which was great!

It was an excellent vacation, I got some great vanilla flavoured sex nearly every day, she even tried a bullet toy after we all six went to the sex shop, which she never ever does.
But like you say, she's just not swinger material, never will be, so therefore, neither am I...

Originally Posted by QriousCoupleIL

In other words: man up! Talk to your wife and get it out in the open.

I think Baconheads is doing that. In his own way ! We all came here from different paths.

Originally Posted by QriousCoupleIL

The absolute WORST advice (which is often given here) is that you should do nothing and keep it to yourself. Bullshit!

Not sure why you would think that about the Swingers Board ? Swinging isn't for everyone, and we would be the first to understand that. For some it comes natural, for others it takes time. For others, it will never be.

"You can lead horses to water, yet cant make them drink.
You can lead people to knowledge, yet cant make them think...."

[Baconheads]

I read both of the new threads, thank you both for your insight. If I pushed the issue as Q said, it would go like, "Maybe we aren't right for each other, after all..."

In order for a same room, same spouse thing to happen, it would have to be the girls' idea first.

I need to set the drag very light on this one.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Baconheads

I need to set the drag very light on this one.

I'd recommend a fly rod 3-4 weight with a X6 tippet.