New to the swinging scene

[Two2Tango]

Hi, my husband and I have recently discussed visiting a swingers club in our area. To date have not actually gone. We are nervous, of course but are both excited to go. We have discussed different situations and we feel the most comfortable is a full swap. He is only comfortable letting me be with a man if he is with another women. Is this how most couple start?

[bill&sabrina]

Yes, most couples start with what they are both comfortable with. Another couple is probably the first play partners for couples.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Welcome to the Swingersboard, Two2Tango. Be sure to visit the Welcome New Members! (aka Introductions) forum and give us a personal introduction.

I detect in your question that you have received an impression that if you go to a swingers' club, you will be expected engage in some kind of intimate contact. If this is so, I hope I can put you both at ease by saying no such thing is expected. Going to a club simply to see what kinds of people are there and talk to people is a very good way to start.

~Michael

[fun4Ds]

Welcome to the Swingers Board, Two2Tango

Originally Posted by Two2Tango

Hi, my husband and I have recently discussed visiting a swingers club in our area. To date have not actually gone. We are nervous, of course but are both excited to go. We have discussed different situations and we feel the most comfortable is a full swap. He is only comfortable letting me be with a man if he is with another women. Is this how most couple start?

It sure sounds like you have given some consideration toward each other. Thats a big step in its self. What club are you planning on going to ?

[cplnuswing]

First off,

We are believers in making a club visit as your first foray into swinging. Clubs offer a chance to get acclimated at your own pace and comfort level, the chance to meet and interact with as many or few people as you are comfortable with when just starting out, and aren't as nerve-wracking as a meeting a new couple face to face for dinner, etc. and trying to gracefully navigate what can turn awkward pretty quick if there isn't chemistry.

As another poster mentioned, from your comment about playing we're assuming the club is on-premise and you might be worried and hopeful all at the same time that the opportunity to play may come a little sooner than you think. Some good advice we got early on and have found to be very true is that it is best not to have any expectations on any given night. Sure, talking up front between yourselves about any and all possibilities that may come up and how you will react to them is a very, very important part of being successful, but it's best to not let those settings of boundaries, etc. become expectations. It's possible you may find yourself in a good play situation right off the bat, but more likely that you won't.

Expectations have a way of not being met, and especially when everything is still new to you, the expectations may not be totally realistic to start with. What we have found works for us is just to expect to have a fun night out together - if something clicks with another couple, fine. If not, fine. As long as we had fun, we consider the night a resounding success.

Hope you have a good time and please come back and let us know how it goes

[xyzzy07]

Full swap is how began, and we'd recommend it. It worked out very well for us, and is still our preference. Playing with a single woman or man is OK, but not as satisfying for both of us. Neither is soft swap.

Good luck.

[exploringRM]

Our first time at a club, we didn't meet anyone. We went to the group room (multiple beds, where you are with other people playing) and were just with each other..twice The atmosphere was very sexy.

It took a few months before we were comfortable trying to meet people by striking up a conversation. We sort of sat on the side, not really sure what to do. I recommend no sitting around and just start talking to people. It doesn't mean you will wind up in bed with them, but as you get to know a few people you will most likely be introduced to their friends, and their friends, etc.

We also found that meet and greets are a fun way to meet people. The ones we attended are typically not at a swing club and had no plans to play with anyone, just went to meet. We also let couples we were interested in (online) that we were attending, so we might have a chance to talk.