Trouble getting started

[xperimenting 2]

My gf(wife) and I started to discuss our fantasies of having sex with others about a month ago. She asked me during sex if I had ever wanted to have sex with two women at the same time. Being a rather shy person all my life I had never thought such an opportunity would ever arise and so I told her that I had never really thought about that but that I had had fantasies about sharing her with another man. Well she took to that idea right away. She did not tell me right away but she posted on another swingers site and started getting e-mails from single men immediately. When she eventually did tell me, I looked over the mail she had received. Most did not even acknowledge that I was supposed to be involved. Some were quite juvenile, some were offensive and some seemed that they could actually be dangerous. I balked. That is when she posted on the swingers board. We received some good advice and support from members. She did not give up on me. We continue to discuss our desires and concerns daily and are now considering going to a club where we can watch and be seen by others. What does anyone think of this idea as a starting point? I also think that it might be a good idea to contact couples rather than singles to pursue her fmf and my mfm fantasy. We would welcome the input of experienced couples.

[fun4Ds]

We can't say you are having trouble getting started. From the sounds of things, you are doing an excellent job. You are talking to each other, listening as well, and checking your possible avenues and outcomes. Thats exactly how people should start as far as we are concerned.

Take some time and check out the clubs in your area and ask for some reviews before you go. Most clubs now days that are reputable, have a good website.

Also, you can ask our PA friends here about some of them. Have you checked the clubs listings on the swingers board in the above menu bar ?

You have a good idea about meeting couples through the personal ad sites as well. Many times, couples do explore the possibilities of mixing up the three way fantasy. It just takes some talking and getting comfortable with each other.

We are all here any time for you guys, to share some of our experiences good or bad, and offer advice.

Just ask Julie and some of her friends here

[SW_PA_Couple]

Finding a man to join you for an intimate encounter is as good a way to start as any, maybe your best in light of the fact your wife asked that it begin this way. Finding a man using swingers' Web sites presents big problems. You've heard the old wisdom, "You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a prince." My estimate is that you have to sort though about 10,000 e-mails before you find a worthwhile man.

My wife and I do not actively seek men but a few have found us at house parties and meets-n-greets. Events like these I recommend as a more effective search method.

Welcome to the Swingersboard.

~Michael

[The Fuse]

Good advice above. It sounds like you two are doing fine. Please continue to trust your instincts, and only do things you are both comfortable with. There is no hurry, and it is better to go slowly than to do anything you will not feel good about later. You will find a lot of good information on this board as well. We hope you continue to post and read.

[realcplub2]

OK.. first off, Its the nature of the beast that you are gonna come across some assholes along the way.. Dismiss them out of hand and continue forward.

Finding a single guy to include in an evening of fun is fairly easy, there are plenty in the lifestyle for the simple reason, they for the most part all know that, if they have a date, it will end with a nite of fun. Just be sure that you have seperated the WHEAT from the CHAFF, before proceeding.

Be pro-active, and when talking to anyone make it clear that this isnt just a offering her up to another guy thing.. there are too many out there that do not have the mental maturity to understand this. You and she hold all the cards when it comes to this type of fun, and if at any time it comes off with a bad vibe or something not quite right, walk away..

Also, make sure that, YOU have plenty of condoms, for him as well as you.. Never relent on this subject, when doing the threesome thing, they often are one nighters that can lead to all sorts of NON fun.. STDs being the top of that list

[ncmd_couple]

What part of PA do you live in? Doing both the Internet site searching and going to the clubs is a good approach. The internet may or may not be productive for you, it depends on a lot of things. Clubs may work, but again, you might not be successful on your first night at the club.

The advantage of a club is that you have a warm breathing person that you can talk to and quickly asses if they are compatible or not. Depending on where you live I can recommend a couple of great clubs for you to explore.

S

[JoCoCpl]

As others have suggested, your communication and honesty are vital, and you've done a great job so far. I personally think that getting to know people in a club setting will help you find a good match.

This may seem to be a bit of a roundabout approach, but I would suggest that you get to know several couples at a club and let them know what you are looking for. An experienced couple with a good reputation will probably have some insight on reliable, respectful single men at the club or in your area. Swingers know other swingers, and it really can be a big network. You've heard the saying, "Sometimes it's not what you know, it's who you know" as it's applied to the business world. I think it can also be applied to the lifestyle.

Good luck!

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

What part of PA do you live in? Doing both the Internet site searching and going to the clubs is a good approach.

Good advice. The OP's ZIP code indicates western Pennsylvania. DJ's Island and Viva Divine's Cabaret are both recommendable, Divine's being further away but much friendlier to beginning couples, and single men and people of a "certain age group".

The opinions expressed here are solely mine and do not reflect those of "The Management".

~Michael

[JustAskJulie]

Going to a club together is an excellent starting point. There are a lot of bad single males out there that will give the group a bad name. If she's also interested in other women, then couples is probably your best bet. Go to the club, have fun and just get a feel for the type of people there. Keep talking about what you both really want, but most importantly do whatever you choose to do, together.

[MrkLin]

Hello!

I'd like to echo the sentiments of the others in that you two are leaps and bounds ahead of other new couples in your thinking and level of communication. It's good to see couples taking the approach you're taking.

An on-premise club would be a great place to meet people, as others have said. Let me also tell you that a good portion of couples who go to on-premise clubs do so just to watch others or be watched themselves. They have no interest in swinging or swapping - they just get into the whole voyeur/exhibitionist fantasy, and that's all they're interested in.

Let me invite you to read my 2 part blog entry, titled What Happens at a Swing Club. The underlined text is a link to part 1, and the link to part 2 is at the bottom of that page. In that blog entry you'll find answers to a lot of your questions, as well as answers to questions you don't even know you have yet.

As you have already discovered, this is the place to get advice. The people here are the best group of folks you'll find online, and will gladly answer any questions either of you may have.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and hope to see more of you around the board!