Need Advice

[Shiloh Way]

My wife and I are interested in experimenting, but are unsure how to proceed. We have some experience with soft swapping, but haven't found a couple with our same views. We live in the West Michigan area. Anyone have any suggestions?

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by Shiloh Way

My wife and I are interested in experimenting, but are unsure how to proceed. We have some experience with soft swapping, but haven't found a couple with our same views. We live in the West Michigan area. Anyone have any suggestions?

Hard to say without more information. Your best bets though are to undertake actions that increase your opportunities to explore. Go to lifestyle clubs and socials. Make contacts, keep doing things to increase your experience level. Over time, your answers will be found.

[Shiloh Way]

Well, that's the problem. I would be happy to provide more info if I knew what to say. I'm a bit ashamed of our "newbie" status!

[jjtrindc]

Let us be the first to welcome you to the board. Take some time to read the archives of posts. Rest assured that you are not the first, nor the last, to be in this situation. You'll find lots of good advice here.

You have a couple of different options. Try a local swing club. There is a list on this website broken down by state. Whether you simply go to a meet and greet, on-premise or off premise club is up to your comfort level. Go without any pressure on yourselves to play with anyone except each other. Just have fun, enjoy the vibe, and chat with others.

Also consider placing an ad on Swinglifestyle or other similar sites. As you become more familiar and do trial memberships you'll find those that have a lot of folks in your area. Through your ad you can be up front and honest with who you are and what you are looking for...that way you are more likely to find couples who you are compatible with on social and sexual levels.

Take your time and move at your speed....and have fun!

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by Shiloh Way

Well, that's the problem. I would be happy to provide more info if I knew what to say. I'm a bit ashamed of our "newbie" status!

!

There's NOTHING to be ashamed of! Every single one of us was a newbie at some point. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for six months. We know very well where you're at in your exploration.

Ask us any question, we'll be happy to answer!

[Shiloh Way]

Did you just walk into a club cold, without knowing anyone? If so what was that like? Are people usually kind to us new folks?

[3sumfun]

You will be surprised how friendly people are at the clubs, just mengle and meet people. You may run into a few push people but if you just ask them to back off they will in most cases. Everyone has been a newbie at one point they know what it is like to be new.

[NCfuncouple98]

Originally Posted by Shiloh Way

Did you just walk into a club cold, without knowing anyone? If so what was that like? Are people usually kind to us new folks?

Yep, cold without knowing anyone. That was back in August. Our club actually puts a gold star on your nametag when it's your first time. After they toured us around, we sat at the bar and a couple in the lifestyle for years sat down and chatted with us for about an hour. It helped put us at ease - they weren't pushy at all, and we just sat and talked.

We've been back around 4 or 5 times since, and are finally meeting people. We were wallflowers for the first few times.

Go and enjoy it, and go with the expectation that the only thing that will happen is sex between the two of you at the end of the night.

[2inSanDiego4u]

Originally Posted by Shiloh Way

Did you just walk into a club cold, without knowing anyone? If so what was that like? Are people usually kind to us new folks?

Some clubs are more intense than others. There is one club in our area that is definitely for "advanced" swingers. They allow single males and it is a pretty hardcore old-school swing club. Are there any Meet n Greets in your area? We've found that they are a great way to meet a lot of couples in a low pressure environment. It's a very efficient way for meeting a lot of people in a short amount of time. This might work better for you than a club since you're new. Have you created any online profiles on any of the swinger sites yet?

[Shiloh Way]

I created a profile at swingerslifestyle.com. not too sure how that will go. I was honest about our desires, and it seems a lot of the profiles I view are sort of immature.

[2inSanDiego4u]

Originally Posted by Shiloh Way

I created a profile at swingerslifestyle.com. not too sure how that will go. I was honest about our desires, and it seems a lot of the profiles I view are sort of immature.

OK, good!

Now let's get some opinions on your profile from others here.

Post in this thread:

Couples Profile Reviews

Also, here is a very important link to read regarding your profile:

Swingers Board - Do's & Don'ts of Personal Ads

[JoCoCpl]

Originally Posted by Shiloh Way

Did you just walk into a club cold, without knowing anyone? If so what was that like? Are people usually kind to us new folks?

Our first club experience was a "date" with another couple that we had met previously, but we have gone on our own since with mixed results. Though every club is probably different in some way, as relative newbies ourselves, we've found that you'll get out of a club experience what you put into it. We've experienced each of the following:

If you have the courage to mingle and meet people, you will likely find that people are very friendly and typically not pushy. Most remember what it was like to be new, so they are willing to help you feel at ease. You'll meet several fantastic people and at the very least you'll leave with names and contact info for several potential friends and playmates.

On the other hand, if you are timid at the club, chances are that you will not have as good an experience. Most people there have been there before and tend to hang with people they know. They're not closed off to the new people, but because they are already in conversation and spending time with friends, most will not go out of their way to spot the timid newbies and visit (though some will!).

Bottom line -- you can't feel afraid to go ahead and approach people and introduce yourselves. Let them know you're new and just wanting to meet some people, and you'll have a great time.

On a tangent here - If you want to meet people face-to-face, but think that an actual lifestyle club may not be what you want as a way to meet people, I would suggest finding a local meet-and-greet of some type. Here in the KC area, several lifestyle clubs and organizations have meet and greets at local bars that are friendly to the LS. We've met a few couples that way.

Good luck!!!

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by Shiloh Way

Did you just walk into a club cold, without knowing anyone? If so what was that like? Are people usually kind to us new folks?

Yes, we did, and while walking through that door was scary as hell, the people were friendly and we had a great time.

[2plus2fun]

Originally Posted by Shiloh Way

My wife and I are interested in experimenting, but are unsure how to proceed. We have some experience with soft swapping, but haven't found a couple with our same views. We live in the West Michigan area. Anyone have any suggestions?

We moved from Grand Rapids 2 years ago. There are some local clubs there... only one on premises in the GR area that I know of (in Ada). I think there is one in Muskegon and another in Kalamazoo.

Here is a list of parties in Michigan...
Michigan Swinger Party

Attend some parties and talk with some people... eventually uou will meet someone you are comfortable with, I expect. To be honest, we feel for you... the Michigan scene is a little sparse.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Shiloh Way

Did you just walk into a club cold, without knowing anyone? If so what was that like? Are people usually kind to us new folks?

Just about every time we walk into a new club it is without knowing anyone. You will find that people will be friendly to you if you allow them to be. Just don't sit in the corner with your arms crossed looking like you don't want to be there. Get out and dance together and have fun.

There are ton of clubs in Western Michigan (especially if you can drive into the Detroit area), and even more if you want to drive down to Ohio. You are really in one of the best areas for swingers in the country.

From reading your couple of posts in this thread, I do fear you may be trying to make things harder than they really are. Just like anything it does take a little effort, and you have to be willing to give to get. There are immature people and there are mature people. When it comes to posting ads, you can't just post it and wait anymore than you can go to a club and sit back and expect everyone to come to you. As someone else suggested, make sure you post your profile link in the Profile Reviews thread, others will take a look at it and give you feedback. But, then get on Swing Lifestyle and take the time to search through the profiles together and find people that you interest you both and contact THEM. Don't make the mistake of contacting one profile and sitting and waiting for a response. Contact as many as interest you.

Another great use of Swing Lifestyle is to look through their event and club listings. Most clubs allow you to sign up on Swing Lifestyle to show that you will be attending, this will allow you to get an idea of what other couples go to different clubs. Once you look through the list and find one where the attendees look appealing to you, plan to go and contact some of those that interest you on the list and let them know you are coming and you'd like to meet them. This will make it much easier for you to approach them at the club itself.