Starting with women

gatewaychuck · 01-30-2009, 01:14 PM

Hello,
My partner (female) and I would like to get started but she is most comfortable starting out with a single female. She would like to start with her being the "peanut butter" while me and a nice woman are the bread, LOL. She is not ready to see me completely with another woman and I am fine with this. She is very excited exploring her admitted bisexuality. We have placed a personal ad without success. It seems that most single woman are looking for a single woman and we only will do this as a committed couple. We have a club near us but we are wondering if it would be poor form to attend and ask only the woman half of a couple to join us. Would a vacation to a adult resort be the answer to break the ice for us? Any advice would be appreciated. BTW, we are in New Mexico and have no problem traveling for the right situation.
Thanks

screaminggood · 01-30-2009, 01:43 PM

How would you feel about watching instead of participating the first time?

While we've found couples in clubs where only the woman has played with us, it's much more difficult, and honestly, a lot of times those women want both of us not just me (fem).

It's easier to find couples where the women play and the men watch them, and then later the men do/don't get involved.

**TNT** · 01-30-2009, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gatewaychuck

Hello,
My partner (female) and I would like to get started but she is most comfortable starting out with a single female. She would like to start with her being the "peanut butter" while me and a nice woman are the bread, LOL. She is not ready to see me completely with another woman and I am fine with this. She is very excited exploring her admitted bisexuality.

Nothing wrong with that in and of itself.

Quote:

We have placed a personal ad without success.

Sometimes it takes longer than other times. Patience is a must with ads.

Quote:

It seems that most single woman are looking for a single woman and we only will do this as a committed couple. We have a club near us but we are wondering if it would be poor form to attend and ask only the woman half of a couple to join us.

Okay, YOU only do this as a committed couple....BUT, you're willing to ask ONLY the female half of another couple to join you.

Really look at that statement. You're asking someone to do something that you yourself are not willing to do. Ask yourself how'd you feel if a couple walked up to you and your partner and spoke directly to her (ignoring the fact she's with you) and asked her to join them. It might piss you off just a little bit.

Personally, it does piss me off a bit to be asked this and I have been asked quite a few times. It's funny when I tell them " sure, but only if you're willing to let your wife/GF come over and play with me and my husband without you". They always answer with...well, we don't do that. Really? But you're asking us/me to?

Okay, yeah...I have a peeve about asking someone to do something you yourself are not willing to do. It's a problem of mine and I'm working on it.

Getting off my

.....There are couples who do play like that and going to an on-premise club/house party might be your best bet in finding them. In my/our experience, it seems a lot more couples at on-premise clubs and especially house parties tend to play separately in those venues.

Approaching a couple and striking up a conversation with both of them and asking them what they are into, as well as letting them know what you are into, goes a long way in finding those couples who you're compatible with and/or possibly finding a couple who is into the wife playing by herself (with or without the husband watching).

Approaching a couple and asking ONLY the female half to play with you...to me is "bad form"...you've basically just disrespected her husband and the fact that they are a couple. Most couples don't appreciate anyone disrespecting their spouse/SO.

Teresa

gatewaychuck · 01-30-2009, 06:57 PM

Teresa,
This is why I asked the question. I would never want to insult anyone but if a woman did play alone, it would be perfect for us, at least in the beginning. Who knows, maybe many couples had the same feelings when they started. I appreciate your candor.

2inSanDiego4u · 01-30-2009, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TNT

Approaching a couple and asking ONLY the female half to play with you...to me is "bad form"...you've basically just disrespected her husband and the fact that they are a couple. Most couples don't appreciate anyone disrespecting their spouse/SO.

To us and those we know, this is unacceptable. One of our friends was approached by a soft swap couple (the female) and asked if she wanted to play. The girl said, "I just want you, your husband can watch but he can't touch me. He can do whatever he wants with you though". They told them to f*** off, right then and there.

**ncmd_couple** · 01-30-2009, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TNT

Nothing wrong with that in and of itself.

Sometimes it takes longer than other times. Patience is a must with ads.

Okay, YOU only do this as a committed couple....BUT, you're willing to ask ONLY the female half of another couple to join you.

Really look at that statement. You're asking someone to do something that you yourself are not willing to do. Ask yourself how'd you feel if a couple walked up to you and your partner and spoke directly to her (ignoring the fact she's with you) and asked her to join them. It might piss you off just a little bit.

Personally, it does piss me off a bit to be asked this and I have been asked quite a few times. It's funny when I tell them " sure, but only if you're willing to let your wife/GF come over and play with me and my husband without you". They always answer with...well, we don't do that. Really? But you're asking us/me to?

Okay, yeah...I have a peeve about asking someone to do something you yourself are not willing to do. It's a problem of mine and I'm working on it.

Getting off my

.....There are couples who do play like that and going to an on-premise club/house party might be your best bet in finding them. In my/our experience, it seems a lot more couples at on-premise clubs and especially house parties tend to play separately in those venues.

Approaching a couple and striking up a conversation with both of them and asking them what they are into, as well as letting them know what you are into, goes a long way in finding those couples who you're compatible with and/or possibly finding a couple who is into the wife playing by herself (with or without the husband watching).

Approaching a couple and asking ONLY the female half to play with you...to me is "bad form"...you've basically just disrespected her husband and the fact that they are a couple. Most couples don't appreciate anyone disrespecting their spouse/SO.

Teresa

Teresa,

I feel the same way when we are at the club together. At one club that we go to there is a couple that we call "The Dancer." She dances, he sits. She is just about open to anyone so I have been told. Any guy or couple who approaches her are accepted, and her huband sits in the chair in the room for what ever happens. When we are in a club, we are there together. We may play seperately, it has happened, but we are there for full swap. If a couple approached us and cut me out, that would be a show stopper.

S

Chicup · 01-30-2009, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gatewaychuck

Hello,
My partner (female) and I would like to get started but she is most comfortable starting out with a single female. She would like to start with her being the "peanut butter" while me and a nice woman are the bread, LOL. She is not ready to see me completely with another woman and I am fine with this. She is very excited exploring her admitted bisexuality. We have placed a personal ad without success. It seems that most single woman are looking for a single woman and we only will do this as a committed couple. We have a club near us but we are wondering if it would be poor form to attend and ask only the woman half of a couple to join us. Would a vacation to a adult resort be the answer to break the ice for us? Any advice would be appreciated. BTW, we are in New Mexico and have no problem traveling for the right situation.
Thanks

I'm going to call a touch of B.S. here.

If the real problem is that she doesn't want to see you with another woman, the solution is just the opposite of what you seek. You don't look for a couple willing to have the man sit out, you look for a couple where YOU the male sits out.

No I think the problem is you are not ready to see her with another man.

Quote:

Originally Posted by gatewaychuck

Teresa,
This is why I asked the question. I would never want to insult anyone but if a woman did play alone, it would be perfect for us, at least in the beginning. Who knows, maybe many couples had the same feelings when they started. I appreciate your candor.

Yes many couples start with way, as in the male isn't comfortable with another male in the mix and the excuse is the woman, somehow using her bisexually as an excuse for his own unease.

So you will be able to easily find couples where only the women play, you will be able to easily find couples that will play with your wife without you, but you will not easily find couples where you and your wife share another mans wife who is left out of the mix. Of course they exist, but you are going to be lucky to find one compared to the other two situations.

**fun4Ds** · 01-31-2009, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chicup

I'm going to call a touch of B.S. here.

If the real problem is that she doesn't want to see you with another woman, the solution is just the opposite of what you seek. You don't look for a couple willing to have the man sit out, you look for a couple where YOU the male sits out.

No I think the problem is you are not ready to see her with another man.

Yes many couples start with way, as in the male isn't comfortable with another male in the mix and the excuse is the woman, somehow using her bisexually as an excuse for his own unease.

So you will be able to easily find couples where only the women play, you will be able to easily find couples that will play with your wife without you, but you will not easily find couples where you and your wife share another mans wife who is left out of the mix. Of course they exist, but you are going to be lucky to find one compared to the other two situations.

I kind of got the same feeling about this myself Chicup. Good observation and advice !

Gatewaychuck, I hope you return to explain what was pointed out.

This lifestyle takes good communication. That means with the people you might encounter anywhere you go as well. You can use us as a sounding board, but we as swingers have desires also. Its a two way street....

What do you think and how do you feel now ?

realcplub2 · 01-31-2009, 09:30 AM

Look Folks,

Lets be honest about one major factor.. How many couples find thier way into the lifestyle, looking for the whole FMF thing.. and how many ask the same questions that GATEWAYCHUCK ask?

Chuck, what you are seeking is perhaps the one activity in this lifestyle that EVERYONE seeks, and lets be honest with each other folks, SELDOM find.

Single Women by the very nature of the sport, have thier choice of WHOMever they want to play with. They seldom place regular ads, and can litteraly pick and choose..

Don't be discouraged by your results thus far, and as has been expressed by some perhaps its time to change your sites a bit and go in a different direction.

3somes are fun, 4somes, 5somes and moresomes are even better.. the visual overload alone can and often does provide plenty of stimulation to urge repeat preformances 2, and 3 times over. Combine that with the other senses.. WOW

Talk it over and see if there isnt another way to bring your fantasies to life

**TNT** · 01-31-2009, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gatewaychuck

Teresa,
This is why I asked the question. I would never want to insult anyone but if a woman did play alone, it would be perfect for us, at least in the beginning. Who knows, maybe many couples had the same feelings when they started. I appreciate your candor.

You've found the best place there is to ask questions and hopefully find answers.

I may have let one of my personal pet-peeves color my response but...I also did give you alternative ways (other than ad sites) to possibly/maybe find what you're looking for as well as a way to approach the situation where you wouldn't be insulting anyone.

You are not the first couple who's looking for a single bi-female (or bi-female half of a couple) ONLY, to play with....and you won't be the last. As I pointed out and others who responded, there are couples who play that way (the wife playing alone with a couple or playing with a couple while her husband watches).

Just remember to be respectful in your approach and eventually you might find exactly what you're looking for.

Teresa

gatewaychuck · 01-31-2009, 01:47 PM

Hello,
Thanks for all the info. First of all, if people were approached by us and told us to "fuck off", these would be people we would feel for which we dodged a bullet. No jerks allowed. My partner is bisexual yet has not been with a woman yet. While I think I would be fine with full swap, she is not ready for that. She would like me to be involved at least at first but would not like me to be truley intimate with a woman. She wants us to be involved with a woman and her and the woman be the ones primarily involved with touching and kissing. That's pretty much it; basically two on one more than a true threesome. This is within her comfort zone for the time being. We are not trying to insult anyone. What some people in the lifestyle would consider to be poor form is only poor form to them, not us. They have their rules and we will have ours and the rules will I suppose will evolve either towards more exploration or back to monogamy; we will see.

The Fuse · 01-31-2009, 02:59 PM

When you say you think you would be fine with full swap, do you mean that you think you would be all right with seeing her with another man? If so, then your best bet is to do as Chicup suggested -- you be there while she plays with another couple. This will probably leave you out at first, but it would allow her to fulfill her desire to be with another woman, and could very well open the door to further exploration. You might even find a couple who, when they play, only allow contact between the two women while both men watch. Finding a single woman to play with you as a couple is very difficult.

I appreciate that you want to be involved, but if the main idea is for her to be with another woman, then I have to agree with the other posters who ask that you consider the feelings of others, not just your own desires. If you are not going to get to be "truly intimate" with another woman yet anyway, then it might be better just to watch so that no lines are inadvertently crossed.

socolais · 01-31-2009, 03:54 PM

It's cool to pursue a fantasy. It sounds like you two have been communicating and found some common ground in your comfort zones - that's a great start. If you guys are ready to put your plans into action, it might be a good idea to take some time and look around and see what opportunities are available. When we started, we found our play style preferences were not quite what we had earlier imagined. We found a group of folks at a house party that respected our pace and we had a great time at every party. It looks like you guys are searching for a narrowly defined adventure. If you open your strike zone, you may find other appealing options.

Go at a comfortable pace for both of you and explore the opportunities you find available. Be prepared for your comfort zone to stretch and change as you get more comfortable with each other in a sexual arena. Respect for each other and your playmates makes for a fun time no matter what the specific activities were at the party.

**fun4Ds** · 01-31-2009, 07:48 PM

warrencouple · 01-31-2009, 08:26 PM

I'm rather glad I (finally) clicked into this thread. One of the things the Mrs has said, is *possibly* someday in the future, if we decide this whole "swinging" thing is for us, would be a FMF 3some (me being the point of attention)

I've heard of the elusive "unicorns," although in our case it'd be more a straight single female, as the wife is not interested in women. Or other men.

I had been wondering how something like this could come about, and I can tell from this, it's not likely, or at least not easily.

I think we're both nice enough people, that we'd not be willing to ask anyone to do anything we wouldn't be willing to do. Play separately? We won't, why should someone else?

Courtesy, I'd bet, would go a long ways towards making friends, and possibly, later, play partners...

Mr.

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01-30-2009, 01:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
gatewaychuck Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 11 Location: NM Status: couple	Starting with women Hello, My partner (female) and I would like to get started but she is most comfortable starting out with a single female. She would like to start with her being the "peanut butter" while me and a nice woman are the bread, LOL. She is not ready to see me completely with another woman and I am fine with this. She is very excited exploring her admitted bisexuality. We have placed a personal ad without success. It seems that most single woman are looking for a single woman and we only will do this as a committed couple. We have a club near us but we are wondering if it would be poor form to attend and ask only the woman half of a couple to join us. Would a vacation to a adult resort be the answer to break the ice for us? Any advice would be appreciated. BTW, we are in New Mexico and have no problem traveling for the right situation. Thanks

01-30-2009, 01:43 PM	#2 (permalink)
screaminggood Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 813 Location: Dallas TX Status: couple	Re: Starting with women How would you feel about watching instead of participating the first time? While we've found couples in clubs where only the woman has played with us, it's much more difficult, and honestly, a lot of times those women want both of us not just me (fem). It's easier to find couples where the women play and the men watch them, and then later the men do/don't get involved.

01-30-2009, 06:57 PM	#4 (permalink)
gatewaychuck Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 11 Location: NM Status: couple	Re: Starting with women Teresa, This is why I asked the question. I would never want to insult anyone but if a woman did play alone, it would be perfect for us, at least in the beginning. Who knows, maybe many couples had the same feelings when they started. I appreciate your candor.

01-31-2009, 09:30 AM	#9 (permalink)
realcplub2 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 710 Location: North Central Florida Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:putnamcocpl Blog Entries: 17	Re: Starting with women Look Folks, Lets be honest about one major factor.. How many couples find thier way into the lifestyle, looking for the whole FMF thing.. and how many ask the same questions that GATEWAYCHUCK ask? Chuck, what you are seeking is perhaps the one activity in this lifestyle that EVERYONE seeks, and lets be honest with each other folks, SELDOM find. Single Women by the very nature of the sport, have thier choice of WHOMever they want to play with. They seldom place regular ads, and can litteraly pick and choose.. Don't be discouraged by your results thus far, and as has been expressed by some perhaps its time to change your sites a bit and go in a different direction. 3somes are fun, 4somes, 5somes and moresomes are even better.. the visual overload alone can and often does provide plenty of stimulation to urge repeat preformances 2, and 3 times over. Combine that with the other senses.. WOW Talk it over and see if there isnt another way to bring your fantasies to life __________________ Reality Checks written Upon Request

01-31-2009, 01:47 PM	#11 (permalink)
gatewaychuck Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 11 Location: NM Status: couple	Re: Starting with women Hello, Thanks for all the info. First of all, if people were approached by us and told us to "fuck off", these would be people we would feel for which we dodged a bullet. No jerks allowed. My partner is bisexual yet has not been with a woman yet. While I think I would be fine with full swap, she is not ready for that. She would like me to be involved at least at first but would not like me to be truley intimate with a woman. She wants us to be involved with a woman and her and the woman be the ones primarily involved with touching and kissing. That's pretty much it; basically two on one more than a true threesome. This is within her comfort zone for the time being. We are not trying to insult anyone. What some people in the lifestyle would consider to be poor form is only poor form to them, not us. They have their rules and we will have ours and the rules will I suppose will evolve either towards more exploration or back to monogamy; we will see.

01-31-2009, 02:59 PM	#12 (permalink)
The Fuse Way too opinionated Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 1,566 Location: Southeastern Virginia Status: M. Female Swing Lifestyle Name:The_Fuse Blog Entries: 14	Re: Starting with women When you say you think you would be fine with full swap, do you mean that you think you would be all right with seeing her with another man? If so, then your best bet is to do as Chicup suggested -- you be there while she plays with another couple. This will probably leave you out at first, but it would allow her to fulfill her desire to be with another woman, and could very well open the door to further exploration. You might even find a couple who, when they play, only allow contact between the two women while both men watch. Finding a single woman to play with you as a couple is very difficult. I appreciate that you want to be involved, but if the main idea is for her to be with another woman, then I have to agree with the other posters who ask that you consider the feelings of others, not just your own desires. If you are not going to get to be "truly intimate" with another woman yet anyway, then it might be better just to watch so that no lines are inadvertently crossed. __________________ Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

01-31-2009, 03:54 PM	#13 (permalink)
socolais nothin special Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,056 Location: Dallas Status: M. Male - half of a novice swinging couple Swing Lifestyle Name:Bruce_Melissa Blog Entries: 20	Re: Starting with women It's cool to pursue a fantasy. It sounds like you two have been communicating and found some common ground in your comfort zones - that's a great start. If you guys are ready to put your plans into action, it might be a good idea to take some time and look around and see what opportunities are available. When we started, we found our play style preferences were not quite what we had earlier imagined. We found a group of folks at a house party that respected our pace and we had a great time at every party. It looks like you guys are searching for a narrowly defined adventure. If you open your strike zone, you may find other appealing options. Go at a comfortable pace for both of you and explore the opportunities you find available. Be prepared for your comfort zone to stretch and change as you get more comfortable with each other in a sexual arena. Respect for each other and your playmates makes for a fun time no matter what the specific activities were at the party. __________________ I like her because she smiles at me and means it

01-31-2009, 07:48 PM	#14 (permalink)
fun4Ds Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 4,988 Location: Indiana. Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mrmrsfun Blog Entries: 19	Re: Starting with women __________________ Well, at least we are normal pervs

01-31-2009, 08:26 PM	#15 (permalink)
warrencouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 460 Location: Michigan Status: couple (M/F) Blog Entries: 11	Re: Starting with women I'm rather glad I (finally) clicked into this thread. One of the things the Mrs has said, is possibly someday in the future, if we decide this whole "swinging" thing is for us, would be a FMF 3some (me being the point of attention) I've heard of the elusive "unicorns," although in our case it'd be more a straight single female, as the wife is not interested in women. Or other men. I had been wondering how something like this could come about, and I can tell from this, it's not likely, or at least not easily. I think we're both nice enough people, that we'd not be willing to ask anyone to do anything we wouldn't be willing to do. Play separately? We won't, why should someone else? Courtesy, I'd bet, would go a long ways towards making friends, and possibly, later, play partners... Mr.

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