How do you feel about newbs who don't swap?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by rpu3

...It seems simpler and more qualified to just use the reference from which the Wiki contributor got his/her definition, instead of Wiki itself being quoted as gospel...

In this case, the definition used on Wiki is based on this:

Dr. Curtis Bergstrand and Ms. Jennifer Blevins Williams , "Today's Alternative Marriage Styles: The Case of Swingers", Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Vol.3, (10 October 2000).

And they say:

While swinging involves having sex with people other than one's spouse, its adherents claim that it enhances the relationship of the swinging couple both sexually and emotionally.


Newbies to the swinging scene who are not yet swapping is not uncommon, however we would not be interested in heading off to a play room with them because we are a full swap couple. I can understand a couple's interest in starting out in a swinger environment and not swapping, but if it is their intent to never engage in sex with others, they aren't swingers by my definition.

I have no issues with couples who don't swing being in the presence of those who do. I think it is best to let swingers know early on when meeting that you don't swing. I would appreciate that information upfront so that I don't start getting hopeful about engaging in play with a couple only to find out they don't play.

LM

[good times]

Originally Posted by 2plus2fun

I am not trying to start shit with you... but that is a fairly ignorant assessment of their experience. The lifestyle is for all kinds of people... even those who chose to never even get naked in front of others but like to watch. Those would be referred to as Voyeurs... and they are welcome in the lifestyle.

The lifestyle isn't about swapping... and I think that anyone who thinks that this is the primary point of the lifestyle doesn't really have a lifestyle attitude... The lifestyle community is for people with all kinds of fetishes and swapping is a limited set of fetishes. For example, alot of BDSM lifestylers don't even have sex. They masterbate. It's all about foreplay for them.

Ultimately, the lifestyle is about meeting like minded individuals/couples... everyone is not into the same thing and that is the beauty of the lifestyle... diversity.

While I will admit that a lot of voyeurs we see at the clubs would like to agree with you, they are not swingers. Frankly, I wish they had their own club, but then again, I can see how a club full of voyeurs would be kind of boring. So since a voyeur club would be a non-starter, they come to the swingers clubs. Lucky for them, some exhibitionists (not considered swingers either, unless they also swap partners) come to the clubs and are willing to let the voyeurs watch.

Swinging is people participating in recreational sex with partners other than their spouse or SO. Anything else is just that, something else, not swinging.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by good times

Frankly, I wish they had their own club, but then again, I can see how a club full of voyeurs would be kind of boring.

I have this image of a bunch of nervous looking fully clothed couples standing around all night waiting for someone to do something.

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I have this image of a bunch of nervous looking fully clothed couples standing around all night waiting for someone to do something.

Things you don't want to hear at a voyeur party -

"I thought you were supposed to invite the exhibitionist couple this time?"

"No, it was YOUR turn to invite the exhibitionist couple!!!"

"Did ANYBODY remember to invite the exhibitionist couple????"

[2plus2fun]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I have this image of a bunch of nervous looking fully clothed couples standing around all night waiting for someone to do something.

Well... I guess maybe my mindset about the whole thing is that the lifestyle is an inclusive description and not exclusive. My initial post (not the wikipedia one) was about the lifestyle in general... and I don't know how the club is where you are... but our club is a lifestyle club.

Carolina Friends is a private Lifestyle social club for open-minded couples and select singles.

I think that the lifestyle isn't about swapping for everyone. I think it's about a community of open-minded people who enjoy all kinds of adult oriented activities that aren't exclusively swapping.

My wife and I are a full swap couple... but that isn't even close to our primary motivation to be involved in the lifestyle. We want to make friends that we can relate to on alot of different levels... not just whether we can fuck them.

I think that people who just want to fuck and are not interested in becoming friends (foremost) are just purely sluts or sex addicts. We have met alot of couples like that and 8 times out of 10 one of them is unhappy with their relationship and they are not really enjoying it together as a couple... they are just two people who are together when they are fucking other people. I won't speak to their motivations because I can't relate to that.

My view of the whole thing is that relationships (your own and with friends) are the most exciting thing about the lifestyle and not just fucking. Anything other than that is a slippery slope and doesn't speak well for the participants.

EDIT: I forgot why I quoted you... You laugh at that... but I have been to quite a few "swinger" events where this is exactly what occurred.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by 2plus2fun

Well... I guess maybe my mindset about the whole thing is that the lifestyle is an inclusive description and not exclusive. My initial post (not the wikipedia one) was about the lifestyle in general... and I don't know how the club is where you are... but our club is a lifestyle club.

Personally I think voyeurs are only allowed in because they are cash, they really are not needed even for exhibitionist no swap couples because of group rooms and the like. One of our more frustrating nights was with a voyeur couple (who of course don't have an armband on saying 'don't waste your time') and they most definitely were NOT swingers. They, especially he, was there to watch swingers, personally I found it odd and creepy.

I think that the lifestyle isn't about swapping for everyone. I think it's about a community of open-minded people who enjoy all kinds of adult oriented activities that aren't exclusively swapping.

I really don't have a problem with this, (well except for creepy time wasting voyeurs), but that doesn't change that when it comes to swinging, they are newbies, or not even that. They are into something completely different. So they might be great people to hang out with, but I won't ever call them swingers. I just don't see the need to include them under the umbrella.

My wife and I are a full swap couple... but that isn't even close to our primary motivation to be involved in the lifestyle. We want to make friends that we can relate to on alot of different levels... not just whether we can fuck them.

We are the same way too, and of course we know the frustration with that, as so many don't feel this way.

I think that people who just want to fuck and are not interested in becoming friends (foremost) are just purely sluts or sex addicts. We have met alot of couples like that and 8 times out of 10 one of them is unhappy with their relationship and they are not really enjoying it together as a couple... they are just two people who are together when they are fucking other people. I won't speak to their motivations because I can't relate to that.

Honestly I'm not sure, maybe because you never get to know them well enough to know what their relationship is like.

My view of the whole thing is that relationships (your own and with friends) are the most exciting thing about the lifestyle and not just fucking. Anything other than that is a slippery slope and doesn't speak well for the participants.

I agree with you, but this is another topic really from what started this.

[Texasfuncouple]

We have been actually toying with idea of a "Monogamous House Party"

Mrs. Texasfun and I are full swap, but we enjoy playing with all hotties who love to get naked. We know lots of new couples who are a little afraid to jump head first into sexual situations and clubs can be intimidating.

So we thought what about throwing parties where everyone had a great time, got naked, and had sex but without the pressure of swapping. In a poll we posted we had an overwhelming positive response from newbies and veterans.

~Mr. Texasfun

[warrencouple]

Originally Posted by Texasfuncouple

We have been actually toying with idea of a "Monogamous House Party"

Mrs. Texasfun and I are full swap, but we enjoy playing with all hotties who love to get naked. We know lots of new couples who are a little afraid to jump head first into sexual situations and clubs can be intimidating.

So we thought what about throwing parties where everyone had a great time, got naked, and had sex but without the pressure of swapping. In a poll we posted we had an overwhelming positive response from newbies and veterans.

~Mr. Texasfun

Dang, I almost wish me and the Mrs lived in Texas, to go to one of these parties!

Tomorrow, we try going to a club, yet again. Meet & Greet, on-premise club, non-members don't get access to the play areas, so should be (some) lower pressure to "put out." Mrs actually called to confirm we were on the guest list, get a couple questions answered (non-drinkers, should we bring our own soda?), and felt the woman who answered the phone and questions "sounded nice." Further updates (maybe a sort of review in the club review section) as warranted.

Mr.

[Begood03]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

Dang, I almost wish me and the Mrs lived in Texas, to go to one of these parties!

Tomorrow, we try going to a club, yet again. Meet & Greet, on-premise club, non-members don't get access to the play areas, so should be (some) lower pressure to "put out." Mrs actually called to confirm we were on the guest list, get a couple questions answered (non-drinkers, should we bring our own soda?), and felt the woman who answered the phone and questions "sounded nice." Further updates (maybe a sort of review in the club review section) as warranted.

Mr.

Since we are in the same area as you, we look forward to hear how it goes.

Bill.

[Playful1]

I would chat with people who are newbs, and even approach them to play (assuming I am attracted to them), but if they said they didn't swap (and werent even willing to try it yet), I would politely move on to other couples. I go to on premise events to play. I'm happy to chat, and answer questions even, but I also don't want to spend the whole night with people that I won't get any action out of.

All that said, I'm happy to chat for a bit with pretty much anyone.

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

Dang, I almost wish me and the Mrs lived in Texas, to go to one of these parties!

Tomorrow, we try going to a club, yet again. Meet & Greet, on-premise club, non-members don't get access to the play areas, so should be (some) lower pressure to "put out." Mrs actually called to confirm we were on the guest list, get a couple questions answered (non-drinkers, should we bring our own soda?), and felt the woman who answered the phone and questions "sounded nice." Further updates (maybe a sort of review in the club review section) as warranted.

Mr.

Meet & Greet..on premise...with play areas...I wish we had Meet & Greets like that around here!! You have to go to a full blown social for something like that around here.
Anyway, you have nothing to fear, you and your wife will not get attacked by horny sex maniacs or pressured into anything. 98% of us are just regular nice folks that like to meet others who share this common interest. You two will be just fine, just get out there and talk to people (network is what I call it), and have no expectations to play.
Best of luck to you both

[djjwp]

No problem here, we would still have a good time.

[warrencouple]

Originally Posted by N8ture Girl

Meet & Greet..on premise...with play areas...I wish we had Meet & Greets like that around here!! You have to go to a full blown social for something like that around here.
Anyway, you have nothing to fear, you and your wife will not get attacked by horny sex maniacs or pressured into anything. 98% of us are just regular nice folks that like to meet others who share this common interest. You two will be just fine, just get out there and talk to people (network is what I call it), and have no expectations to play.
Best of luck to you both

As I texted the wife today on lunch about tonight (she went out with one of her friends from work, I was feeling somewhat non-social, and went later anyways)
As long as we're together, we'll be OK. Having fun is a bonus. Meeting people we like would be another bonus.

Ought to be interesting, and we'll put up a review at some point...

Mr.

[Playful1]

Originally Posted by 2plus2fun

I think that people who just want to fuck and are not interested in becoming friends (foremost) are just purely sluts or sex addicts.

What, exactly, is wrong with just being in it for the sex?

I personally, am in it for the sex, as are the majority of the fellow swingers I hang out with, spend most of my time with. If I happen to become friends with some of the people I play with, great, but if not, I don't really care. I go out to parties and clubs for sex. I like socializing and generally do so for the first few hours, but my ultimate goal is to find folks to fuck, whether I ever see them again or not. Heck, I consider myself a slut and am proud of it.

This is why I tend to see the "lifestyle" as different than "swinging". Swinging is swapping, having sex with others, etc. Lifestyle is the parties, socializing, soft swappers (they can kind of fit in both if you want), exhibitionists, etc.

[2plus2fun]

Originally Posted by Playful1

What, exactly, is wrong with just being in it for the sex?

As a single female... nothing...