How do you feel about newbs who don't swap?

[VANudistcpl]

I think the underlying question is define swap? If you are talking full swap then I can see where it would be intimidating for a new couple. Although I have been in the lifestyle longer than Ms. Nudist, we haven't gone as far as full swap. We both have previous marriage issues with that. Now we both love soft swap and that is where we are comfortable. I can see that being a good place to start.

And remember we were all newbs at one time.

[good times]

While we really aren't into the same room, no-swap, sex thing (unless you are a really hot couple ), we would politely decline. Keep in mind that very few folks go to the club and swap on the first visit. So, what you want to do is not unusual at all, and as long as you are up front about your limits, I can't imagine anyone being offended.

So, if we met someone at the club and seemed to hit it off, but they don't swap. We would probably be disappointed, but it wouldn't stop us from getting to know them and hanging out with them. Most swingers would probably be the same because we all know that a newbie today, even one with lots of limits, may turn out to be an enthusiastic playmate tomorrow.

[Begood03]

I don't know if you can call us newbs, because we haven't done any kind of swap. But this is also what we are thinking about doing. We like the idea of having sex with eachother around other people having sex. But we are not sure about having sex with others.

Do people at clubs frown at this activity?

[bunnyrabbit4u]

We just recently went to an on site club for the first time ever, and it was our first experience other than going to a nude beach together. The first night was singles and couples. There were a lot of single men there, but for the most part people were very polite. The second night was couples only and had a more relaxed erotic vibe.

We chose on both nights to only play with each other, as this whole adventure is totally new to us.

Here is a very long but detailed account of our first night in the club. Maybe this will help some of you who are like us . . .

We had fantasized about possible different scenarios happening, but in the end we agreed to go to the club with no expectations and some definite boundaries and a safe word. We agreed we would definitely go into to back area where street clothes are not allowed and have sex with each other. We also agreed that me playing with other girl would be acceptable if that were to happen. Anything else needed to be discussed.

The first night was couples, single males and single females. As you can imagine there were more single males than females there. We started out in the bar area, and had a couple of drinks. I know Rabbit was a little concerned about the fact I downed two vodka and tonics in record time. We had dinner and although we were both nervous, I did enjoy erotic flirting with Rabbit in the bar, letting him slide his hand up my fishnet clad legs and touch my pussy. I wore a push up black lace babydoll underneath my top and slit skirt and it wasn't long before the top was off and my legs were up in his lap with the skirt parted. We both looked really sexy, but any kind of dress is allowed in the bar area, from street clothes to lingerie to towels. It was however a bad euro bar kind of vibe in there.

We talked with another couple who come to the club often but don't really do anything other than dress seductively and go to the back where the girl sits on other men's laps. I don't even think they had sex together while we were there. I found out from her that one of the single men was trying to catch my eye at the bar, which I didn't even notice because I was too busy eye-fucking Rabbit at the time. He asked her why we were there. She told him we were there to play with each other and that was it as far as she knew.

We mustered up our courage and went to the back where we undressed in a unisex locker room and were given towels. This night was weird and really quite creepy due to the fact that the single men were everywhere and will come up really close to couples and masturbate. When asked to move on they were very polite however. I was very surprised that I did not find it erotic to watch them masturbate, because I love seeing that in videos or watching Rabbit.

If you are looking for a gang bang type situation, an extra man, or like to watch your female partner with another man, this is the night to go, but we were not into that sort of thing. At one point we thought there was a gang bang going on in one of the rooms and I told Rabbit to go look if he liked while I stayed with the couple I mentioned earlier and chatted. As soon as he left, there were men approaching me, so be prepared for that. People there do seem to respect the word "No" however.

There were private rooms with locks on the doors, an "orgy room," a couple or bars, and a hot tub and swimming pool room with beds and lounges surrounding it.

We ended up playing in the hot tub and pool where people watched us and fucking in the "Orgy room" a couple of times with other couples next to us having sex. We watched other couple having sex as well from the hallway. At one point we had an audience while Rabbit was fucking me from behind in the orgy room. We did think there was some isolated swapping going on in the orgy room but not really a full blown orgy.

There was one woman who was doing dances most of the night on the table in the back bar while some men masturbated.

A couple of things we learned:

Communicate the entire time. This we agreed to do before we got there.
The private rooms are a good place to go if you need to talk alone, but be sure and lock the door. Although there is a rule that no one is to enter the private rooms if the door is closed, this is not always followed. We were in there having a "state of the union" meeting and someone just opened the door and asked if we wanted company.

Don't make eye contact if you don't want to be approached on this night.

Be prepared for great sex after you leave the club! Even though we had had sex a couple of times that day, and several times at the club, we couldn't get enough of each other. Still can't in fact!


The next night we went was a couples only night and had a completely different, comfortable, more erotic vibe.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Begood03

I don't know if you can call us newbs, because we haven't done any kind of swap.

I think, kinda by definition, that makes you a newbie.

[lvcpl2918]

You have to take the god with the bad, a lot of times when you go to one of the websites you have people that say lets meet, but never do. also you have that single guy that will show and say his better half is sick or could'nt make it( thats always a good one). But with newbs some people dont know what swinging is and they chicken out or one is into it and the other isnt .

[2plus2fun]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I think, kinda by definition, that makes you a newbie.

I am not trying to start shit with you... but that is a fairly ignorant assessment of their experience. The lifestyle is for all kinds of people... even those who chose to never even get naked in front of others but like to watch. Those would be referred to as Voyeurs... and they are welcome in the lifestyle.

The lifestyle isn't about swapping... and I think that anyone who thinks that this is the primary point of the lifestyle doesn't really have a lifestyle attitude... The lifestyle community is for people with all kinds of fetishes and swapping is a limited set of fetishes. For example, alot of BDSM lifestylers don't even have sex. They masterbate. It's all about foreplay for them.

Ultimately, the lifestyle is about meeting like minded individuals/couples... everyone is not into the same thing and that is the beauty of the lifestyle... diversity.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by 2plus2fun

I am not trying to start shit with you... but that is a fairly ignorant assessment of their experience. The lifestyle is for all kinds of people... even those who chose to never even get naked in front of others but like to watch. Those would be referred to as Voyeurs... and they are welcome in the lifestyle.

The lifestyle isn't about swapping... and I think that anyone who thinks that this is the primary point of the lifestyle doesn't really have a lifestyle attitude... The lifestyle community is for people with all kinds of fetishes and swapping is a limited set of fetishes. For example, alot of BDSM lifestylers don't even have sex. They masterbate. It's all about foreplay for them.

Ultimately, the lifestyle is about meeting like minded individuals/couples... everyone is not into the same thing and that is the beauty of the lifestyle... diversity.

Feel free to start shit with me.

The lifestyle isn't about swapping?

Ummm no, it is. Swinging isn't every fetish out there rolled into one. Swinging is swapping partners, I'll even say 3somes count in there too (and thats a subject for debate), but thats about it.

I don't care how many times you watch someone have sex, if you don't exchange partners at some point, you are not a swinger.

To use a more clear analogy, lets take football. I don't care how many games you watch, how well you know the stats, how much you enjoy talking football with the players, until you played your first NFL game, you would be a rookie.

I sometimes feel like being a 'swinger' is somehow a cool club everyone wants to say they are in. I have no idea why this is, but thats the impression I get. Saying a non-swapper isn't a swinger, isn't a negative judgment, they can do whatever their kink is and enjoy it, but they just aren't swingers, any more than I am a BSDMer, or HotWifer, or cuckhold.

[2plus2fun]

Your definition is incorrect according to me and Wikipedia
Swinging - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by 2plus2fun

Your definition is incorrect according to me and Wikipedia
Swinging - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Well if someone wrote a wiki then who am I to argue eh?

Oh wait I just edited the Wiki, read it again

So I guess since the wiki says so, you must be wrong

Its even more fun when a news agency uses a wiki as a source, happens all the time.

[BiloxiCouple]

We should have used a dictionary like old school.

I never realized how easy it was to edit Wikipedia!! That kind of makes it unreliable, interesting but need to validate information thru other sources.

[2plus2fun]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

We should have used a dictionary like old school.

I never realized how easy it was to edit Wikipedia!! That kind of makes it unreliable, interesting but need to validate information thru other sources.

His edits will be reviewed.

[N8ture Girl]

Interesting turn of events, made me think "what is the true definition?" I thought the same that it was the married couples swapping sexual partners and nothing more.

From the Yahoo dictionary:
swing·er (swngr) KEY

NOUN:

One that swings: a good swinger of baseball bats.
Slang
A person who actively seeks excitement and moves with the latest trends.
A person who engages freely in promiscuous sex.
A member of a couple, especially a married couple, who exchanges sexual partners.


I think that the swinging lifestyle is open or is willing to accept other sexual behaviors (fetishes, BDSM, ect) but I would agree that the definition of a "swinger" is a married couple who has SEX with other couples and like Chicup said maybe the adition of single males or females. Anything else is just that....something else. To me just watching people have sex doesnt make you a swinger. Not that there is anything wrong with watching. For us watching eachother is fine, just watching others...is ok, but I would rather sit at home and watch porn if all I could do is watch....

The lifestyle like I said is very accepting to watching, soft swap, full, ect.
Do what you feel is right for you your the one that needs to be comfortable in what your doing.

Thats just my opinion.

[rpu3]

His edits will be reviewed.

Doesn't matter. Wikipedia is a user-based service, the edit review process is nothing and those doing the editing are not experts in swinging, that's for sure. It seems simpler and more qualified to just use the reference from which the Wiki contributor got his/her definition, instead of Wiki itself being quoted as gospel. Enough universities or departments and high schools have banned citing Wiki itself because of the errors, fallacies and the fact that anyone and their brother can change it. And unless the reviewer is a subject matter expert, false information is just perpetuated.

In this case, the definition used on Wiki is based on this:

Dr. Curtis Bergstrand and Ms. Jennifer Blevins Williams , "Today's Alternative Marriage Styles: The Case of Swingers", Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Vol.3, (10 October 2000).

This seems just a tad bit more credible as a starting argument point than "Wikipedia said so, so it must be true".

[Chicup]

A swinger can be an exhibitionist, but an exhibitionist is not a swinger.

Trying to include any kink where there is someone else involved a swinger just silly. The term becomes meaningless.

You also can't even come close to equating being willing to share the one you love with someone else physically in the most intimate of acts with exhibitionism and voyeurism.

My wife and I really enjoy going to nude beaches, we both have an exhibitionist streak, but this is completely different from our swinging side. Our first time at a nude beach Mrs. Chicup, a swinger, was very uncomfortable even going topless.

I also think most people have a bit of a voyeur streak in them, if they didn't porn wouldn't exist like it does. So if you go to live sex shows does that make you a swinger? If you watch people in a club are you a swinger? Hell no.

Likewise if you only swing in private separate rooms with no desire for exhibitionism or voyeurism are you not a swinger? Of course not.

Trying to include anything that doesn't involve swapping physically under the definition is trying for some sort of inclusiveness which just really does not exist at all.

Swinger 1: "My wife just likes to flash her breasts at truckers, its a real turn on."
Swinger 2: "My wife just had sex with two of my friends while their wives did me."
Swinger 1: "Wow, we are like living the same lifestyle!"

Ummm no, just no.