First club venture and question about finding couples

[LilyPuss]

We are totally new to this realm! We have joined some of the sites, been to an on-site club (more in a minute) as well as chatted with several couples. We have a date scheduled for this week with a couple we met on-line. We have explained to them that we are not willing to play on a first date (that is always subject to change). Wish that I had found this site first, as the couple we are meeting is new to the world as well! At least everyone will be equally as nervous, I think...will let you know how it turns out!

I also have a question about finding the right couples... We consider ourselves fairly attractive, we are educated, employed, etc. What we have run into is couples were we were only attracted to one of the mates...Is this like the proverbial needle in the haystack? Let's be honest, you have to feel some attraction (at least we do) to the other players involved or our bodies don't respond the way they need to in order to play.

Back to the first ever club venture...

Very nervous. VERY. This was an on-premise club. There were beautiful bodies everywhere! Lots of sexual energy! We were pretty subdued at the beginning. The couple behind us was nice, young (we are in our 40's) and attractive. We were both pretty quiet, not like us at all. The table in front of us had 2 couples. 2 fairly attractive and fit women (maybe early 50's) with their not so appealing husbands (same age as the ladies; very overweight, lots of unkempt facial hair). As the evening progressed, my husband began playing with my breasts. One of the large men from the table in front came right up to our table, literally drooling; this is what came out of his mouth: "I see you brought the puppies out! Man, puppies are nice." We quickly left the table and went to the VIP section (he did not have a VIP bracelet on).

We were both dumbfounded by that statement. Is this normal? Did we over react to what we considered to be rude as well as an invasion of our space? How is the best way to handle a situation such as this? He continued to stare at us when we returned to the table. We spent the rest of the evening in the VIP room.

Also, one of the couples we met on-line, we spoke with them via email several times, eventually exchanging phone numbers. We had a few meetings set up; they kept canceling (we understand, life does happen), though we were willing to give them another shot. The husband kept pestering us to change our mind on the same room only thing (they wanted separate rooms, we don't). We kept politely declining, telling him we may change our minds later, but for now, no. I started getting creeped out by him. They also did not like our choice of clubs we like (fair enough). All of a sudden they wanted to go to the club we enjoy, asking us every few days if we were available on such and such a date. We have explained to them, we don't want to meet people we are interested in in such a sexual environment for the first meeting (meeting folks at a club is a completely different situation). How do you handle people like this? Also, we both suspect that he is not really married, he has a friend for such hook-ups, to more or less get him in the door. Does this happen often?

I have really enjoyed perusing this site! Fabulous information! My husband and I are going to go through it together this evening... Thank you!

[JustAskJulie]

to the board LilyPuss - we're glad you found us. I hope you'll continue to join in around here and share your experiences and ask questions.

Originally Posted by LilyPuss

I also have a question about finding the right couples... We consider ourselves fairly attractive, we are educated, employed, etc. What we have run into is couples were we were only attracted to one of the mates...Is this like the proverbial needle in the haystack? Let's be honest, you have to feel some attraction (at least we do) to the other players involved or our bodies don't respond the way they need to in order to play.

What you are experiencing is completely normal. Remember how hard it was dating one on one and finding one person you had chemistry with (and vice versa). Well, now we've just combined it by 4! So there's no doubt it's going to be harder.

[2inSanDiego4u]

Finding your perfect couples match is not easy. Even when there is a spark between all parties initially, sometimes once things get intimate you will find that sexually things just don't go well for one or both of you. We like to get to know people at least a little bit before taking things to the next level. Others like to meet and sleep right away. It just depends on how you want to approach it and what you are comfortable with.

If a couple cancels on us more than one time, we move on, FWIW.

Originally Posted by LilyPuss

Also, one of the couples we met on-line, we spoke with them via email several times, eventually exchanging phone numbers. We had a few meetings set up; they kept canceling (we understand, life does happen), though we were willing to give them another shot. The husband kept pestering us to change our mind on the same room only thing (they wanted separate rooms, we don't). We kept politely declining, telling him we may change our minds later, but for now, no. I started getting creeped out by him. They also did not like our choice of clubs we like (fair enough). All of a sudden they wanted to go to the club we enjoy, asking us every few days if we were available on such and such a date. We have explained to them, we don't want to meet people we are interested in in such a sexual environment for the first meeting (meeting folks at a club is a completely different situation). How do you handle people like this? Also, we both suspect that he is not really married, he has a friend for such hook-ups, to more or less get him in the door. Does this happen often?

Sounds like a drama bomb and trouble -- Run, fast!

[LilyPuss]

Thanks Julie...we are patient people, it is a virtue after all (HA!).

[LilyPuss]

Thanks 2in. I agree with your philosophy. Yes, we did drop the creepy couple. The good thing that came from this situation is we talked even more about what we don't want. We are not into mind games, more so when our bodies are involved...sucks to be them.

BTW, we have a dinner date with a wonderful BiF we have been talking with for several weeks. No matter the outcome, we all feel as though we will remain friends, even if it does not get intimate.

[ncmd_couple]

Lily,

Honestly, there are a lot of creapy people out there, no matter what "group" you are in. But as wierd as you are finding all of this, the swinger community as a whole, and I mean real swingers, not the wannbes and the fakes, are the nicest people we have ever met.

S

[2inSanDiego4u]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

... the swinger community as a whole, and I mean real swingers, not the wannbes and the fakes, are the nicest people we have ever met.

Agree 100% !!!

[The Fuse]

First, Welcome! You have found a great resource and a place where you can feel like people have your best interests in mind. I hope you will read the forums and continue to post.

Originally Posted by LilyPuss

As the evening progressed, my husband began playing with my breasts. One of the large men from the table in front came right up to our table, literally drooling; this is what came out of his mouth: "I see you brought the puppies out! Man, puppies are nice." We quickly left the table and went to the VIP section (he did not have a VIP bracelet on).

We were both dumbfounded by that statement. Is this normal? Did we over react to what we considered to be rude as well as an invasion of our space? How is the best way to handle a situation such as this? He continued to stare at us when we returned to the table. We spent the rest of the evening in the VIP room.

I am sorry this happened to you. I would say it is not something you should expect. He was probably hoping for an invitation to play with your breasts. While people being rude and pushy is certainly not unheard of, it is not the norm. It sounds like you reacted appropriately. There is probably something you or your husband could have said to this guy to let him know he was doing something unwelcome, but I'm not sure exactly what. Maybe something like "We're having fun, but not really interested in participation". If it persists, you could consider letting the club hosts know. They usually want to know if someone is making guests feel uncomfortable, especially new people.

Originally Posted by LilyPuss

Also, one of the couples we met on-line, we spoke with them via email several times, eventually exchanging phone numbers. We had a few meetings set up; they kept canceling (we understand, life does happen), though we were willing to give them another shot. The husband kept pestering us to change our mind on the same room only thing (they wanted separate rooms, we don't). We kept politely declining, telling him we may change our minds later, but for now, no. I started getting creeped out by him.

If you are getting creeped out, trust your judgment. And anyone trying to get you to start off in separate rooms, when you have said that is not how you are doing things, is being very pushy! Please be careful. Mr. Fuse and I enjoy separate rooms and same room play. We usually tell new people what we like, but we would never try to separate a wife from her husband. It sounds like that is what they are trying to do. We feel it is important to establish trust in play before venturing into separate rooms. You never know what someone has in mind. If the husband has something different in mind than you do, it is really best if everyone is there. Usually this is not a problem.

Originally Posted by LilyPuss

They also did not like our choice of clubs we like (fair enough). All of a sudden they wanted to go to the club we enjoy, asking us every few days if we were available on such and such a date. We have explained to them, we don't want to meet people we are interested in in such a sexual environment for the first meeting (meeting folks at a club is a completely different situation). How do you handle people like this? Also, we both suspect that he is not really married, he has a friend for such hook-ups, to more or less get him in the door. Does this happen often?

Sudden changes can be a sign of trouble, or it could mean that you simply have their attention and focus. But if they seem to be pressuring you to do things a different way than what you have told them you are comfortable with, this is a very bad sign.

If you suspect he is not married, and he has told you they are married, or implied it, I don't see a problem with checking. Some couples swing who are not married. If they are in a committed relationship, I don't see that as much different, though some on this Board may disagree. Then there are some people who simply "team up". We don't like that because the same emotions are not involved as when the other couple is emotionally committed. Then, there are the "swinging together but married to someone else" couples. That's a no-go. There is nothing wrong with asking straight out, in a non-confrontational way.

Good luck! We hope you stick around and let us know how things develop.

[sexylady1970]

Many times you will find couples that have different rules for play than you do. We have found it is more the "norm" for the more open couple to accomodate the less open couple and step it down a little. For example it is easier for a full swap couple to soft swap with a new coupe than vice versa. At any rate it is our opinion that you should never overstep your boundaries but rather understep them if you need to.

Regarding the unkempt and pushy males at the party you were at....perhaps it is time to find a different party where you would be less uncomfortable. The other evening we were at a party where a lot of drama ensued between one or two couples. Needless to say the party was pretty much ruined for everyone after that. Things happen and you did the right thing by going to a different area quietly. Things like this are going to happen, and the best way to handle it is in a quiet and adult manner as you did.

Finally, you will find a lot of ads for couples which are in reality single males masquerading as a couple for better response. I think we get at least one or two of these a month. The more experienced you become, the easier it is to recognize. Trust your instincts.

Finally, one of the difficulties a lot of us have is where both partners agree on the couple. It is indeed a challenge. Persevere and sooner or later you will find a couple that is good for both of you.

[awesomecplmn]

To the guy who said something about your "puppies", I would have told him that I prefer not to have my body parts referred to as animals. (This includes beaver...YUCK! For some reason cock is okay with me...LOL)

Anytime anyone does anything that starts to make me uneasy, I just honestly say. I'm not really comfortable with where this is going. Anyone who is cool, will step back and let you get your bearings. Those who ignore your desire for space or keep pressuring you are actually helping you weed them out early!

As for people with differing play preferences, I generally say (email) something along the lines of "I respect your right to play however you see fit. Unfortunately it seems our styles don't mesh. Best of luck finding a couple with whom your play preferences fit better."

[LilyPuss]

Thank you, to all of you, who have thrown in their 2, 3 & 4 cents worth! We do believe in following our instincts...

We were also right on with the "Unicorn" we had dinner with this evening...what an amazing trip through the lights fantastic... Can't wait to see more of her! We had to call it an early night (this is a school night for us), but truly believe we will be seeing her again... such lovely lips to kiss...

We have another date tomorrow night with another couple we have met on-line...dinner only. Who knows where all this will lead...? Down the happy trail? One can only hope!