First Time - Watching?

[mwc/curiousnc]

My wife and I have recently discussed how it may be a huge turn on to be in the same room as another couple(s) while they are having sex. She actually brought this up and has dropped a few hints the last few days. She is not so sure that she wants to actively participate. Maybe she is just saying that, I don't know. Is only watching allowed at these parties? Need a little help please being that we have ZERO clue about this!! thanks!

[screaminggood]

Yes, watching is allowed....sometimes even welcomed. Most clubs have "open" viewing rooms where people can watch and other rooms are "private" where people are not allowed to watch. Research some old around here with the suggestions for "polite watching," i.e. no commentaries.

Have fun!

[MrkLin]

Ok, I have to ask - what kind of parties are you talking about? If you mean on-premise swing clubs, then the answer is yes - watching is allowed. Some folks go to this type of club just to be watched.

If, however, you mean a house party, then you should know that most people invited to such a party are usually considered to be swingers, of one variety or another, and as such should be open to playing with another couple in one way or another.

That means that if you're not sure you can handle the idea of your SO having sex with someone other that you, then you might want to think about doing something else that weekend.

Be very careful here - swingers tend to have some cut and dried terms when it comes to our lifestyle. For instance - just the word 'playing' means 'to have sex.'

Ok, off my soap box.

What you're describing is known as 'soft swinging.' That means that you will only have sex with your partner, but maybe in the same room as another couple who are also having sex. You might tease, flirt, pet, or otherwise excite someone other than your partner, but when it comes down to 'doing the deed,' you only do that with your partner.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Just know that there are varying degrees of swinging, just as there are varying degrees of sex in general.

Still, the fact that she is talking about it to you indicates a certain interest in the subject. What do you think? Do you think it would be a turn on to watch another couple have sex right there in front of you? Would you be hesitant to get naked with your partner and have sex with her in front of the other couple?

You're the best judge of what's acceptable to you.

I must also say that the fact that she's so willing to talk about something like this to you means she has a lot of confidence in you. She trusts you. She knows that you're not going to fly off the handle when you hear about such things - a lot of women don't know that about their partners.

I'll tell you right up front that you've already taken the first step - you registered here, and you're asking questions. Bravo! You're two steps ahead of others who don't have the guts to do that. From here on out, let me recommend that you take baby steps - talk to one another, learn about your fantasies, learn from one another, and enjoy the process of figuring out exactly what you want.

You already know that you have "zero clue" about swinging. You may never become a 'full-swap couple' - know that going in. Read the posts on this board, discuss them, have fun with each other, and learn what you can. If you have any questions at all, by all means, ask them.

Always remember, however, that at the end of the day, it's what makes the two of you happy - no matter what it is.

[mwc/curiousnc]

Great reply, and I thank you!! I know I would not have any trouble striping down and having sex with my wife in front of other people. She may. BUT, she is the one suggested that it may be fun to be in the room and watch another couple(s). So, if we did ever pursue this and we did nothing but watch and she liked it then who knows what would happen the next time!!

[slevin]

Just a caution to be careful with use of the term soft-swinging as well. Most people tend to consider soft-swinging to include everything but sex. Therefore most people think of soft-swinging to include swapped oral sex, kissing, touching and potentially girl/girl play. It's an ill defined term as different people have different ideas of what it means, so be careful with use of it and make sure that you are clear and up front with anyone you talk to

Have fun!

[Willing29]

It sounds like you might be better off going to an on-premise club for the first few times. As stated above there are usually semi-private rooms as well as open areas that people will be doing many types of things . As long as you two are willing to do some stuff (even if it is only kissing each other) you will be comfortable and accepted. Just try not to gawk like at a circus side show. I wouldn't let the soft swap scare you off since when we first started out it was only go to the clubs and do some dirty dancing with each other and make-out. We loved the sexually charged atmosphere. Also remember and make sure your wife knows that "NO means NO". She nor you are obligated to do anything you don't want to do with others, so it should be a no pressure night for you two so go and have fun in your own way. Please remember as I have said in many other postings to TALK, TALK, TALK, and the and after that TALK again. It might be a good idea to bring your wife to this board and read some postings together. There are many threads about starting out and going to clubs.
Enjoy,

Oh BTW,

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by slevin

Just a caution to be careful with use of the term soft-swinging as well. Most people tend to consider soft-swinging to include everything but sex. Therefore most people think of soft-swinging to include swapped oral sex, kissing, touching and potentially girl/girl play. It's an ill defined term as different people have different ideas of what it means, so be careful with use of it and make sure that you are clear and up front with anyone you talk to

Have fun!

Recently received an email with interest in meeting, the couple said they were soft-swap, but no touching between couples. My reaction was, where's the swap in that..lol. I'm always careful to read profiles to see exactly what other people have in mind. Nothing wrong with boundaries, just need to know them up front.

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by mwc/curiousnc

Great reply, and I thank you!! I know I would not have any trouble striping down and having sex with my wife in front of other people. She may. BUT, she is the one suggested that it may be fun to be in the room and watch another couple(s). So, if we did ever pursue this and we did nothing but watch and she liked it then who knows what would happen the next time!!

You two need to sit down and talk about a number of things. I think you're more ready than you think, but that's just my opinion. You need to talk about your personal limits, rules, and what you both expect to get out of the experience. In the long run, what's important here is your happiness as a couple.

Having that in mind, what do you hope to achieve by delving into the lifestyle - even a little bit? Are you hoping to find a couple that thinks the way you do, and maybe if you all hit it off, you can explore things at your own pace? Are you looking for an experienced couple who can take you under their wing and teach you all about the lifestyle? Are either of you trying to make up for something lacking in your sex life?

These are the kinds of questions you have to ask yourselves before you ask each other the same questions. You - the male - have to be able to ask yourself if you can stand the thought of another man touching your SO in her most private places - even if you don't plan on that happening. You - the female - have to be able to ask yourself if you will get mad at him if he gets an erection when he sees her naked for the first time.

See what I mean? There are all kinds of questions. You two need to really think and TALK this out before you go any further.

Yes, you can go to an on-premise swing club and watch people have sex. You can also rent a porno movie and watch people have sex. You are the only people who know what you really want. You are also the only ones who know how deep you really want to jump into this pool.

Personally, I think going to an on-premise swing club is pretty harmless. If anyone approaches you, politely saying "no thanks" is perfectly acceptable. If you want to watch another couple have sex, that's acceptable too. If you want to have sex with only each other, that's fine too.

You two need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk about what you really want to get out of this before you make the second move toward doing anything. The second move? Well - your first move was registering here and posting this thread.

Please do keep us all advised as to what you ultimately decide. We don't really know you, but some of us do really care. I know I speak for a lot of people here on the board when I say that nobody here wants you to do anything you don't really want to do. That, and we really do want to know if our advice helped you in any way.

I really wish you two the best, and no matter if you go any further than just thinking about it or decide to actually pursue it, please know that you're more than welcome here. This is the home of some of the finest people you'll ever meet online - whether you swing or not.

Nutshell: Talk to one anther about it - set some rules and limits - take baby steps - don't push - take your time - discuss some more - adjust from there - read this board - discuss some more. 'Nuff said.

[iapr]

Do a lot of reading on these boards and ask any other questions that you may have. In your research you will find that swinging has a trillion facets and at the core of everything, swinging is about taking empowerment of your sexuality and pursuing your sexual interests as a couple.

If you find it sexually stimulating and feel that it would add some extra sexual energy into your relationship as a couple to watch another couple make love then pursue that. All you have to do is ask in a polite and respectfull manner and at that point they can either say yes or no as that is their perogative as a sexually empowered couple. It may turn them on to be watched so everyone comes out a winner. See how this works?

There really are no "these partys." People do what they want to do and everyone can pursue their own interests. My advice is to keep talking about and do a lot of research. If you want to feed the voyuer flames some more maybe rent some XXX movies and watch together. My recommendation would be to find some actual homemade movies of actual swingers rather than garden variety commercial Hollywood porn movies with paid actors that are all surgucally modified and following a script. If you watch real people doing what real people really do it will be a lot more erotic even if there are some love handles, stretchmarks and receding hairlines.

The most important thing is to keep talking and keep sharing your thoughts and fantasies.

[mwc/curiousnc]

Thanks again for all the replys! There really are a lot of questions that we need to discuss. However, I really think that we may visit an on-premise club soon!! Yesterday afternoon we were alone at the house and were playing around with her vibrator. She started using it on herself and I started stroking myself. She was getting extememly turned on, and at one point said something about seeing another man do that while we played. So, again, she dropped another hint...in my mind she did anyway. We seem to both be in a mode of seeking things to enhance our sex-life. There is a good chance that I will atleast suggest an on-premise club in the very near future...Valentine's Day? We are going to have that weekend alone so it may be a good time. We will atleast start talking about it real soon! Thanks again! And by the way, we have watched porn together and that is fun, but I think real people in real situations would be much more exciting for both of us!

[JustAskJulie]

Only watching is definately allowed at clubs and parties. There is no requirement to participate. However, you will find that many would be uncomfortable at the idea of you just sitting there fully clothed and watching them as if they were putting on a show for you. Plan on getting naked and enjoying each other while you watch - then everyone will be more comfortable (and you'll have a lot more fun).

[mwc/curiousnc]

Okay..we went to our first ever event!! Neither one of us had EVER done anything like this! We were both nervous...especially my wife. She SAID she was nervous but just before we left the motel room she took her bra off and went braless. We were only there for a few minutes when my wife started talking with a lady we had met outside a few minutes earlier. I was standing behind my wife and wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying. The next thing I knew they locked lips! I couldn't believe it! From that point on all the nervousness went away. We didn't "hookup" with anyone, but we had a blast dancing....DIRTY dancing! I am still shaking my head in amazement at what my "nervous" wife was doing!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sonja&Brett]

Just awesome. I never know for sure what's in my wife's mind. I talked her into going to an on-premise club. She was very skeptical, but was willing to give it a try. After that 1st time, dancing hot, watching, cumming on the spa jets, and screwing in a semi-private cubicle it is she that generally says "Let's go to the club." We've been going for over 10 years.

The club, by the way, is Freedom Acres in Southern California, near San Bernardino. She still hasn't agreed to full swap or a MFM, but does dance with other men and let's them touch her ass and boobs. Recently, after an erotic day at the Sea Mountain Nude Spa, near Palm Springs, she got into the spa and reached an orgasm on the jets. The men in the hot tub were all watching. You could tell that she loved the attention.

Then we went to dance in the lounge area. There's a round bed in the middle of the dance floor. Several couples were fucking on the bed while we danced. Without warning, she pulled me down onto the bed, with a fucking couple on either side, and said,"Fuck me hard." I did. So, who knows? Where will the next turn take us. Whatever, Freedom Acres and the Sea Mountain Nude Spa certainly electrify our sex life.

[Trellken]

I don't have anywhere near the experience of any of the other members in here, but my girl and I visited an on-premises club twice and watching/being watched was certainly well-accepted.