Running into someone you know

[LFM2]

We were at a M&G last Saturday night. A friend of ours works for the state as an auditor. He happened to audit one of the women (the company she works for) who was at this M&G. He damned near freaked out. I told him she was at this little event, too. "She's obviously here because she's a SWINGER, too!!" That seemed to help and they chatted and laughed at the coincidence. It was all good.

[TheMiddleDoor]

I've run into my high school english teacher at a party once...

we've also had 3 separate couples come to the party once..all 3 of the guys were maine state troopers in the same unit..no one knew the others were coming.

we've had people come from 3 states away, specifically so that they didn't meet people they knew..run into their next door neighbor, who was there for the same reason!

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by TheMiddleDoor

I've run into my high school english teacher at a party once...

Hmm. If she was a hot English teacher, wouldn't that be a fantasy come true? I had a French teacher whom I had multiple fantasies about. Oh to run into her in a swing club...

Originally Posted by TheMiddleDoor

we've had people come from 3 states away, specifically so that they didn't meet people they knew..run into their next door neighbor, who was there for the same reason!

It's amazing, isn't it? The notion that distance somehow makes it "safer" is a flawed one in my opinion. Plus, if you have to go several states away before you feel comfortable enough to play, you're not going to get to play very much unless you're a frequent traveler.

[TheMiddleDoor]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Hmm. If she was a hot English teacher, wouldn't that be a fantasy come true? I had a French teacher whom I had multiple fantasies about. Oh to run into her in a swing club...

yes, she was. I definitely opened up my dusty old teenage list of "women to do" and got to check off one of them LOL

[warrencouple]

Originally Posted by TheMiddleDoor

I've run into my high school english teacher at a party once...

Why do I suddenly have "Hot for Teacher" running through my head??

Mr.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

Why do I suddenly have "Hot for Teacher" running through my head??

Mr.

But then my homework was never quite like this...

[awesomecplmn]

I think the best advice in this situation is to take the lead and approach the other person by letting THEM know that they needn't feel awkward or worried, because you will be very discrete. This helps put THEM at ease and also reiterates the fact that you want discretion from them as well.

Keep in mind, they are probably also freaking out that they ran into YOU at this swinger's party. It's like my mom used to always tell me about frogs: they're more scared of you than you are of them. LOL

Just don't do what I did which is leave the party and not return to the lifestyle for 15 years. That is just too sad!!!!!!!!!! So much missed time.

[txwoodchuck]

How do I get my wife past the "what if I meet someone I know through work" worries?

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by txwoodchuck

How do I get my wife past the "what if I meet someone I know through work" worries?

I know how your wife feels. When we started out, I often had the same thoughts... then really when you think about it -- if you meet another person you know through work, life or whatever, they're there for the same reason you are.

[JustAskJulie]

This is a common concern, and while it's always a little nerve-wracking when/if it does happen, you just have to remember that they are there for the same reason as you are. If they out YOU for having been there, then they are outting themselves.

If you see someone you know just be friendly go up to them and get it over with. "Hey, wow Imagine seeing you here!". Treat them like you would treat them if you saw them anywhere... It will add a new set of looks at work and perhaps make you a new friend.

[corynlaine]

I have to agree with the above posts! This is the LAST thing you should worry about.

Preface - I KNOW I KNOW, we watch way too much CSI and Criminal Mind but we're far more concerned with meeting some along those lines - this is one major reason we won't even consider single men - then anyone from work.

[MrkLin]

As I’ve mentioned before, that very thing happened to us. We were standing at the bar of our favorite swing club, when I heard a familiar voice off to my left. I turned just in time to see a woman I worked with and her husband walking toward us. Our eyes locked, and we both had an uncomfortable moment. It passed quickly though. After we got over the initial; “Oh my God, you’re here?” factor, we sat down with them and talked. While we didn’t play with them that night, they have since become very close lifestyle friends, and come to all of our parties.

It has happened twice more to us; in one case we met a guy who used to work for Lin online, and in another case we met a woman who at one time worked for me at a party. In all three of these cases, nobody has said a word to anyone not in the lifestyle – and then it was just to laugh about just how small of an area we live in. All of these people have become good lifestyle friends.

Everyone who has posted above is 100% dead on. If you should meet someone from work at a club, party, or wherever, they’re there for the same reason you are, and stand to lose just as much as you do if they’re outed. Think about it – nobody is going to go to work on Monday, and say to the boss, “Hey, guess who I saw at the swing club Saturday night?” The first response would be; “What were you doing at a swing club?”

Meeting someone from work at a club has an advantage or two that most people don’t think about. First off, you already know that person – that removes a lot of the ‘getting to know you’ nervousness that often accompanies a first trip to a club. Second, you know they’re going to be discrete, for the reasons the others and I have already mentioned.

If it should happen, (and who knows? It might,) don’t bolt from the room and hide in shame. Approach them and talk to them about it. Make sure they know that work is work, and play is play. Let them know that your lips are sealed, and you want to make sure they feel the same way. Once everything is out on the table, relax and enjoy yourself. They could very well become good lifestyle friends.

[iapr]

That was one of our biggest fears when we first started in the lifestyle over 3 years ago. The best way to get over it is to just go the club/party/whatever and just have fun. Once you go and have a fun and realize nothing bad happened then you get over it and stop wasting time and energy worrying about it.

[Chicup]

When I first saw this thread title I knew before even reading there would be 'well they are there for the same reason you are' posts.

I've never agreed with this.

Much of it depends on your relationship at work with that person 'Boss/equal/different department/subordinate' the nature of your work, the nature of the person involved, and the like.

Meeting that hot funny woman from accounting and her husband might be good, meeting the single male with poor job performance you were thinking would need to be let go might be not so good.

It does add a layer of complication to a hobby that already has a lot of complications.

Imagine running into one of your best clients, who just happens to be rather unattractive, and just seems so THRILLED you are in the lifestyle.

But lets take it one step beyond.

You might not recognize or see someone from work, but they may see you. In the backstabbing world that can be common in some companies, you have now given them a new weapon.

So again, it goes back to what you do, and what you have to lose. I know a school superintendent for a very large district who only goes to clubs on Halloween since she can wear a wig and a mask.

[corynlaine]

Originally Posted by Chicup

When I first saw this thread title I knew before even reading there would be 'well they are there for the same reason you are' posts.

I've never agreed with this.

Much of it depends on your relationship at work with that person 'Boss/equal/different department/subordinate' the nature of your work, the nature of the person involved, and the like.

I have to say that after posting my comments I just knew that there would be nay sayers.

You know what, IF you are truly THAT worried about this issue, then maybe you should NOT swing! No one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to swing. You seem to revel in coming up with possible what IF's from people with an agenda. We could create ALL kinds of what if's if you like.

BUT we are adults, we make grown up decisions about our behavior and we evaluate the consequences and decide if the risk is worth it. This applies to swinging and about a DOZEN other activities I can think of off the cuff.

There are real concerns and possible consequences to engaging in this type of behavior and others. They are real and you have to assess them and determine if they are worth taking for you.

This thread is more about addressing the irrational - well maybe that's too strong a word, lets say hyper vigilance-, concern about a possible scenario between normal people without an agenda.