Boyfriend having doubts

Hi, I'm hoping that you all can help me understand what is going on with my boyfriend. A month ago, my boyfriend told me he wanted to share me with another man, because he would be thrilled to see how much pleasure I would be having. At first, I was really turned off. But over the last month, we keep talking about it, even when we are not in the bedroom. Fianally, I started checking out the internet, and I actually got responses on having an MFM frim several couples and single guys. He started one also and also got replies. At first he was incdredably turned on. Now he is cooling off, saying he might not be interested after all. When I questioned him, he stated that if the guy decided to get violent, we might get hurt, as we are both samller and in our 50's. So I dropped it; then last night he started checking his email and talking about it during sex.. What gives ?

[HardInHardout]

It sounds like his turnon is the fantasy of the act more then the actually experience. Its a form of control. By just talking about it he control the flow of the fantasy. If he wants a guy to sex you a certain why he can just think it. However, in real life he has concerns he may not be able to control what happens. It sounds like he enjoy mental swinging.

[slevin]

It could be that he likes the fantasy, but not the reality. Or it could be that he is a little nervous and unsure about it as well. He told you his fantasy and you gradually became interested in it as well. Perhaps your interest and desire for it freaked him out a little bit? Perhaps he just had some doubts and had to work through them in his head? Not sure, but the best thing to do is talk with him about it to see where he is at and to foster an open communication with him. Being able to talk openly is important and many guys feel that they can't share a more vulnerable topic with their wife/girlfriend, so it may be good for you to bring it up gently with him and support him.

[jjtrindc]

I think the advice thus far is pretty good. As we all know, the fantasy can be great...but as reality sets in the brain takes over. We'll never forget entering a club for the first time or the final few minutes as we drove into Desire...our hearts were pounding. Best thing is to keep the conversation going but in a non-pushy way. Another option is to simply meet another man for coffee or a drink but be honest with him (and yourselves) about it being just a meet and greet and not for sex. That way there is no pressure and you can both figure out if this is really for you.

[realcplub2]

First Welcome... Second Please register..

Now to the cusp of the posting..

Its completely normal to second guess, and re think the idea of bringing a fantasy to reality.. BUT.. The issues that you give arent really stumbling blocks if you are careful, and proceed with the same caution you would when meeting new people.

I cant speak to the intimate side of your shared fantasy, BUT, While the concept of introducing a gentleman to you while naked lying prone on a bed, MIGHT be hot.. the reality is, you meet in public, and if the VIBE isnt right, shake hands and say sorry this isnt in the cards for this evening.

Lets face a few simple facts, this INTERVIEW process can be as detailed or simple as YOU both want it to be.. email back and foth, talk on the phone, and then decide to meet, make it clear NOTHING says you are going to do ANYTHING the first evening.. then, set up a simple "date", and see how that goes..

As far as the cooling off, and then bring it back up, its normal.. The bigger question is, one you both have to answer for yourselves..

"life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life"

Sometimes reality, intrudes, and the fantasy.. was way hotter than the reality is..

[ViSexual]

If this is something you've decided that you'd really like to try then be patient with him.

And, it sounds like you have separate ads? Why not start all over with one ad for you to share.

It might be that he wants to find a man that he's comfortable with first, then see if you are. But the important thing is to find a man you both like and trust.

Good luck to you both!

[JustAskJulie]

It's possible that because you have now taken the initiative that he may be now rethinking things. Before it was HIS fantasy, now it might actually be yours. And if it is YOUR fantasy as well, then he might not be so much in control of things and has more of a risk of losing you (in his mind) to another guy.

[HardInHardout]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

It's possible that because you have now taken the initiative that he may be now rethinking things. Before it was HIS fantasy, now it might actually be yours. And if it is YOUR fantasy as well, then he might not be so much in control of things and has more of a risk of losing you (in his mind) to another guy.

That's why the act of swinging isn't about sex. Men nautrally don't compete without thinking about results. They can't have a great time from the hell of it. Guys think their women will possibly fantasize about the man; or lord help him the guy is BIGGER! and BETTER! Yikes! Swinging is about mental exploration, sex happens to be the backdrop. For me its the twist in the stomach, the unbeliveible sites and sounds of the act that's great. Its not about sex.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by cobrit30

At first he was incdredably turned on. Now he is cooling off, saying he might not be interested after all. When I questioned him, he stated that if the guy decided to get violent, we might get hurt, as we are both samller and in our 50's. So I dropped it; then last night he started checking his email and talking about it during sex.. What gives ?

He is just thinking about things. There is nothing wrong with that, especially if safety is a concern.

I know for us we keep the three S's alive and well placed. Safety, Sanity and Sex. I know there is allot more to having sex with others, but I can tell you as a husband who does meet with single men occasionally. I like the comfort of knowing I have control.

Not control of every thing that takes place as in power and control. But control of the situation should things get out of hand with someone, when we don't really know their entire history.

I think on this issue, you two need really go over this, if its a concern. Fortunately, there are many good people in the lifestyle. Unfortunately, there are some fucked up people also in the world. It's not impossible to sort them out, if we work as a team, together. I think your boyfriend is just taking things in stride. Thinking, and understanding allot now.

If you would like to come back and post again with more information. Maybe we could go over some of the safety issues. I know they are important to us as well.... We all had to start somewhere.

If there are other issues, we understand. It's perfectly normal.

[BiloxiCouple]

Fantasy and reality sometimes don't mix, especially the closer they get.

Ya'll have some figuring to do.

[xperimenting 2]

Hi everyone, I was posting by myself as cobrit30. Now my SO and I are under a new name as a couple xperimenting 2, and will both posting Thanks !

[fun4Ds]

Thats great !

Glad to hear you can be at each others side together now