How To "NOT" Get Started?

How does someone get started in an alternative sexual lifestyle? Here's the bottom line. I'm married but my sex-life has completely fizzled. So I'm setting out on my own, without my wife knowing. I want to know how I can get involved with things like swinging, exhibitionism, voyeurism, mutual masterbation, etc. There's so much I've never tried and I'm afraid I'll never get to.

[fun4Ds]

The first thing you need to do is create a profile on all the websites available.

Use this first post, worded exactly like you have here, as your opening line.

Swingers are all about honesty first and foremost !!

Next, and maybe the most important thing of all...... is one good, clear, current and up to date face picture on your profile. Be sure to smile, its important!!

No face picture ? No results, is the general consensus.

If you do what I say, you will get what you need.

[rpu3]

Please check out the Archives, specifically the Cheating v. Swinging archive.

And I wouldn't expect too much real help to figure out how to get started. The majority of swingers don't condone cheating.

[TravlParty]

without my wife knowing

Ditto what she said

Swinging is NOT cheating!

[IvoryTowers]

Why has your sex life fizzled? Is your wife refusing to have sex completely? Or it it just getting boring?

If the former, your wife may need to see a doctor--complete loss of sexual desire is often caused by a medical problem. I'm sure she'd be happier if she could fully feel sexual desire!

If the latter, why not talk to your wife about your dissatisfaction? In a compassionate and non-judgmental way, tell her you are not happy with your sex life, ask what she wants and share your desires.

One of three things will happen.

1. She is also dissatisfied, is thrilled that you've initiated the conversation and you two can expand your sex life in ways that are mutually enriching.

2. She's upset that she isn't "enough" but agrees to talk and maybe see a therapist. The both of you work towards understanding and compromise (maybe she allows you to swing without her, maybe she decides she wants sex more).

3. She shuts down the conversation entirely. This is a sad result but at least you have a clear conscience about what you do next and you can be honest with your wife about your needs.

[LFM2]

I don't think you're going to get the response you want here. As rpu3 said, most swingers abhor cheating. Now if you have your wife's blessing to pursue these activities, that's a different story.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- Cheating is the most harmful form of sexual exploration. I have never seen it do anything but extreme damage. Do the decent thing, divorce her and then move forward and I'm not interested in all the reasons you can't. If those reasons are that important, you just don't have this sexual exploration. After all, there are a million things you can have in this life and a million things you cannot.

Also, have you exhausted everything ? I doubt it. Marriage counseling and at least a visit to a primary physician if she's lost all interest are great starting points.

Movies that will help you see this: Unfaithful, Eyes Wide Shut, One From the Heart and many others.

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

How does someone get started in an alternative sexual lifestyle? Here's the bottom line. I'm married but my sex-life has completely fizzled. So I'm setting out on my own, without my wife knowing. I want to know how I can get involved with things like swinging, exhibitionism, voyeurism, mutual masterbation, etc. There's so much I've never tried and I'm afraid I'll never get to.

Please NOTE the key portions..

My friend this is NOT the way to pursue this lifestyle. Having a thirst to TRY, all that you wish, is fine, HOWEVER, Very few of the people in the lifestyle really consider the path you are taking, Anything but CHEATING

The best course of action is to reverse course and go TALK TO YOUR WIFE

A fizzling sex life is easly repaired, spice up what you already have.. and the best way to do that is by TALKING it THRU.. If she came to you and said she wanted to use your car tomorrow, but failed to tell you the check engine light keeps coming on you would be pissed right?

Same thing applies here, Discussing the problem, is the best way to Start fixing it..

If its lack of originality, changing the usual ways you go about it is a start..

Next question, when you and she were dating, did you perpare yourself for a night out, where SEX might be in the cards, the same as you do when you want it now? Shower, Shave, colonge, aftershave, Fingernails trimmed..?

Its like this, you can't really expect enthusiasim, if the whole build up to a night of passionate sex, is taking off sweat/sleep pants and presenting a hard cock..

We all know FLANNEL is the biggest buzz kill there is.. Granny panties, and a floor length flannel nightgown... SHUDDER.. will never replace silk and lace.. However, remember passion is a TWO WAY STREET..

The line from Mrs Doubtfire comes to mind, where Miranda and Mrs Doubtfire are in the kitchen.. and Robin Williams uses the line.. " Miles' foreplay was to say, Brace your self Effie"

Same thing applies here.. The biggest Sex organ in both Male and Females is a 7 to 10 pound Lump of Fatty Tissue...

The Brain.. Inspire that, and there are no limits to where things can go..

[NCfuncouple98]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

Please NOTE the key portions..

My friend this is NOT the way to pursue this lifestyle. Having a thirst to TRY, all that you wish, is fine, HOWEVER, Very few of the people in the lifestyle really consider the path you are taking, Anything but CHEATING

The best course of action is to reverse course and go TALK TO YOUR WIFE

Well put. If this is the avenue you wish to pursue, you either need to involve your wife and have her full permission, determine why your sex life has fizzled, or be truly single and explore what you want to explore with noone to answer to.

If you are committed to your marriage, then prove that commitment by working out the issues you both face together, and see where that takes you. Only then will you know where you want to go from there.

[Trace Ekies]

If you do not take the advice of each and every one of the posters between you and I, you are a complete moron.

The depth of experience in this group is spectacular and it will pay you well to begin at the beginning (communication with your wife) and work to the end (divorce, if that's all that remains).

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT cheat. You'll notice that NOT CHEATING is a theme with us. By NOT cheating you will NOT shatter your wife's heart...and that's got to be worth something. It is to us and we don't even know her.

Trace

[Mr.Essex]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

How does someone get started in an alternative sexual lifestyle? Here's the bottom line. I'm married but my sex-life has completely fizzled. So I'm setting out on my own, without my wife knowing. I want to know how I can get involved with things like swinging, exhibitionism, voyeurism, mutual masterbation, etc. There's so much I've never tried and I'm afraid I'll never get to.

Way to screw over the rest of us, guy!!!

I'll give you a warning, though. It's a lot easier for a frustrated woman to find a partner. And, as Johnnie Taylor said, "Who's making love to your old lady, While you were out making love?" If/When she finds out about you, she'll probably look for a fling of her own. And I'd bet any amount of money that you're the type of guy who'd go crazy at the idea of your wife actually having sex with someone else!!! Even though, as you've made abundantly clear, you would be the instigator in the strife. My advice? Instead of polluting my pool with your almost palpable bad vibes, learn how to turn your wife's "old pussy" into "new pussy". Because (and I'm talking from experience), if you don't do it, someone else will.

And your indiscretion may not even be the trigger. She may just find herself in a local bar, drinking a cosmo and trying to figure out why you don't find her attractive. Then she looks across the room, sees someone "interesting" and decides to hit on him. Ten hours later, he's being kissed and pushed out of the back door as she uses her halting English to explain that "everything was a mistake. A beautiful mistake, but a mistake still." Now, there's a relationship with two obviously hot-to-trot people, but neither one is adult enough to point out the elephant in the room. They could have been a fixture in their town's local lifestyle chapter. Instead, they're still playing the "He'd never understand/She's out of love with me.", game.

[midnightplayer]

Wow. Such good advice. I agree with all of you. Being a married man with a similar problem, I agree with all of your advice and I have been doing all the things you have suggested. It is now up to her to decide if we move forward together or divorce and move ahead alone. Thanks to all of you for suck insight.

[midnightplayer]

Opps typing error "such advice" sorry