Does she want something more?

The other night my wife asked me if i talked about her having sex with me at my work. I told her no but do you want me to joking. She said its a turn on to brag about her a bit. So the next day at work i did. And in great detail. I told on through text message that i talked about her. She instantly began texting back wanting to know all the details and when i asked if it turns her on about others knowing about what she does and likes she said a little. In short i have asked her in bed about being shared and she agreed to talk dirty about it while having sex on occassion. Is this a sign she is willing and wanting to be shared? She also says she is submissive to me. I think that could be a good sign. Any advice????????????

[cplnuswing]

We hope you register so you can access all of the forums and post followups.

There is wide gap between fantasy and reality. Just because she is willing to make talking about it part of sex between you two doesn't mean that she wants to make it reality. If it is something you two both are interested in discussing further, then do it rationally in the cold light of day over coffee, etc., not in the middle of having sex.

The same thing goes for her being titillated by knowing you were talking about her sexually to your coworkers - she may find it exciting, but it's a big jump from that to being ready to swing.

Regarding the submissive thing, we don't really see ourselves as dominant/submissive and aren't really into that, so can't offer much there other than to say again that it is a big jump to assume that simply because someone self-identifies as submissive in your own relationship equals they want to swing. IF she decides she wants to swing, then the "wanting to be shared" scenario may be something she's into, but the key is the first part of that sentence, and it's a big IF that must be totally worked though before you can even begin to think about the second part.

[two4youinswva]

Just based on what you've shared, it would appear she at least has the potential to be interested in exhibitionism (although it is a big jump from being talked about to being watched).

It is also a good sign that she is willing to use talking about multiple partners as part of your play. Once again, it's a big jump from dirty talk to actually doing the deed.

Personally I don't see her submissiveness as being relevant to the question.

So, at this point, I would say she isn't giving any stop signs to you, so proceed with care. If you two have a great sex life and outstanding communication, the possibility is there. See how the "dirty talk" goes the next time you play. If, after a couple times, it works for you two, then discussing the possibilities of swinging makes for a good chat over coffee (in other words, when sober and not in the heat of the moment).

Show her this great website! It's one of the best resources for those interested in swinging.

In the end, it is possible that she will want nothing to do with swinging. That's OK too, because you still have a wife with an imaginative mind when it comes to your sex life together, and that ain't all bad.

Good luck to you both!

- Oh, and please register on this board so you can update us, and ask follow-up questions.

[realcplub2]

The best way to find out is put the questions to her directly, without being in bed.. The things said when horizontal, versus veritical, might be the same, but there is no way of knowing without asking, outside the bedroom.

The next question that comes up, is, what are YOU comfortable with? Be honest with yourself, ask yourself these question BEFORE you start the conversation with her.. Its often helpful to know what YOU want, in case she asks..

You really need to be open and honest with each other, about what excites you both.. Also, stress when starting the conversation, That you wont JUDGE anything in anyway..

If it turns her on to be led around by a leash.. Or further.. things beyond that.. again dont judge..

Register, Please..

[fun4Ds]

Would you care to register ?

We would like you to

As far as being submissive to you. It really does take good communication.

It does put more responsibilities on your shoulders ya know. Are you prepared ?

[JustAskJulie]

She's agreed to talk about it, that's definately a step in the right direction. It sounds, to me, more like she might be into a bit of exhibitionism, which can be a great stepping stone towards full-on swinging. Talk to her about the possibilities of having sex in front of other people and see what she has to say.

[screaminggood]

I can at least in part address the submissiveness question because I love to be submissive, but we're not into the BDSM lifestyle. My thoughts are that in her "sub" fantasies, you'd take charge and "make her" do some things. You can easily play with it a bit just between the two of you....tell her to do something sexual and if she hesitates remind her she's learning to be submissive. Don't force it, but see if she responds positively to the idea. If she does, then you need to ask how to know the difference between a fake "no" and a real "no," so y'all can play with it some more. There are many other small steps that can build up to involving someone else that can come later. But in my mind, she's subtly telling you that she'd like you to take charge in some kind of way, the trick is finding the way that matches her fantasy!

First i would like to thank alll of you for your advice. This weekend has been confusing and exciting. I began to mention to her that i would like to see her with someone else. That went very well. She was asking about my fantasy and rubbing herself at the same time. She agreed to take a dildo from her collection and use it while sucking my cock. It was definately the hottest thing i have seen her do. She also asked if i would be jealous and i quickley replied no. THe next day i proceeded to bring it up and she only stated that she did that in bed because it turned me on, and that turned her on. So i have had serious talks since then that i am more than willing to do it, but she said she is too faithfull to do that and she has limitations. I dont understand how she can seem so into it and then a not half as much. On one hand i feel like i am very close to getting her to try it in real life and on the other hand i feel like that i might have hit a roadblock that i will never get around. Any ideas or opinions would be greately appreciated.

[JustAskJulie]

Slow down. You are doing good, talking with her about it and playing with it in the bedroom. But remember that fantasy and reality are two very different things. Just because she's ready to play with it in a fantasy way (using the dildo as an extra person) in no way means she's ready to take that next step to a real person.

Again, I say slow down. Back off a bit on the idea of actually involving a third party. Think about the exhibitionism idea and talk to her about that. Ask her if she thinks she might like to have sex in front of other people, just letting them watch (no touching) and see how she does with that. Sometimes it is all about the baby steps and taking things slowly. Rarely do couples jump in head first unless it's something where both halves of the couples were gung ho from the first minute.

Keep in mind that this has to be about both of you enjoying what you are doing. If she's not comfortable, she's not going to enjoy it; no matter how much of a fantasy it might be.

[bbarnsworth]

Seed planting. That's what you're doing. That's fine, but you need to back it up with patience. The flower doesn't bloom the first day the seed is in the ground.

Swinging is not something we grow up dreaming of. Well, most of us anyways. Most of us are imbued with the idea that we'll get married and life happily ever after. We don't add on "and fuck other people we find sexually attractive" to the end of that. Changing one's views on monogamy and sex in marriage can take a long time for some, even most people (both male and female). What you can't do is force her to do something she's not ready for. You're guaranteed to fail then.

Be patient. Talk. Fantasize. Don't push. Communicate. When you're doing being patient, be patient some more. When you've talked about some things for the 10th time, talk about them for the 11th, 12th, 13th time. There's a zillion potential things that can come up in conversations of swinging.

And, what Julie said. Making the leap from fantasy to reality is big. Very big. You don't get there in one step usually.

[MrkLin]

Please, please register so we have some idea who we're talking to, ok? Make up a name - heck, pick the name of your favorite broccoli dish for all that it matters - just give us some way to address you.

I have but two words of advice for you both right now - baby steps.

To learn more, register...

[lovefest04]

Wow! Sounds like your wife is full of fun sexy fantasies and ideas. I agree with most of the previous comments and just want to add:

Live for today. Why are you moving so fast to swinging when you've got a lot of fun going on today, right now? Live in the moment and enjoy it, really!

I think that she may be sort of testing the waters. The more sexually open she is with you and the more she experiences positive reactions to her openenss the more likely (and this is just my opinion knowing little to nothing about her) she will be to swinging.

That comment is based on my conclusions that a lot of couples, and women especially, are afraid to let loose sexually. Fear of societies reactions and for women, being thought of as a "whore" keeps the majority of people sexually repressed. (I'm not just talking about swinging here and would include most sexual behavior).

So, go with it, let her know, subtly via your actions, that its ok to experiment, to be open, to give fully of oneself sexually. Be prepared to communicate in a very loving manner if her fantasies cross your line. What if she asked you to suck her dildo while she rode you? How would you react? She may feel the same way about swinging, and i don't know whether this fantasy would be ok or not for you. If this behavior moves you into swinging so be it, if not for gods sake, nuture and enjoy what you've got right in front of you.

I'd also suggest you look at opening up as well. What fantasies have you had that can be expressed one on one?

Have fun.

S

[LOL_OMG]

First thing, please register. Secondly get your wife to read these boards if your looking to get her into the lifestyle. Trust me, these boards are the best and almost any question you or your wife might have can be found here.

Mr.Lol

[sweet_tna]

How exciting to be standing on the threshold of so many new possibilities! Sure makes it tough to keep your foot off the accelerator, doesn't it? The catch is, if you do mash down that gas pedal on her before she's ready, she's gonna' stall right out on you. So if ya'll want to get to the finish line together, you're gonna' have to let her set the pace.

Your wife has shown some interest in some new activities that may or may not eventually lead to swinging. There is a big difference between fantasy and reality. A HUGE difference. And what may seem like a good idea in the heat of passion may NOT seem so good in broad daylight. So your best bet is to sit down with your wife and talk. And talk. And read this board. Register. Share it with your wife. And talk some more.

Best of luck to you,

=)

[JDApopka]

as others have already said GO SLOW. We started the same way when i pushed for reality she would back off say its just a fanatasy