Boyfriend wants us to have mmf

Hi, I'm very new have and I thought I could get some feedback on my boyfriend wanting a mmf with me. I have said yes, but I keep thinking that I wouldn't want him in bed with another woman, how could he want this for me? I'm afraid that he will be upset as soon as the other fellow starts taking my clothes off. After that, maybe he wouldn't. I don't know. He assures me that it's the hottest fantasy he has and I'm in it becuse he loves me and wants to see me happy. I'm very happy now and don't know even how to get started. How does this all work? Thank you, cobrit

[NCfuncouple98]

Hi. Mr. NC here.

Most of the time when a man wants to share his significant other, it is for the pleasure in her eyes that he wants to see. I have recently shared my wife for the first time, she too had struggled with the thoughts of how I could possibly want to share her. It's not about the fact that he's willing to share you, it's a very common fantasy, of seeing your woman pleasured along with the fact that is a very common fantasy of many females to have 2 males pleasure her at the same time.

The most important thing to start with is very open, honest communication. And these conversations should be over coffee or dinner, not in the bedroom in the heat of passion, or with alcohol. And you have to be 200% open and honest with each other.

What are your fears of this situation? Not fears of how he will feel, but your own. Have you fantasized about it? Is it something you feel you are both ready for?

Opening up a relationship to include others in the bedroom is a big step, and one you both must discuss until you can discuss no more, and make sure you are ready. Talk about all fears, possible jealousies, repercussions, etc.

Do you two already have someone in mind? Whoever it is, make sure that your boyfriend lays out any groundrules before you enter the bedroom. Examples - are there things that your boyfriend is not ok seeing you do or have done by/with someone else?

There are a lot of great resources on this board - go through the forums and you will find a lot of previous experiences, both good and bad, to learn from.

[bbarnsworth]

I agree with everything NCfuncouple98 said.

I'd also like to add on a couple of things.

First, many men do have a fantasy of seeing their wives pleasured by other men, or even several other men. It's not at all uncommon. For many men, including myself and as NCfuncouple98 stated, it's wanting to see their wives pleased. I am utterly devoted to my wife and I gain immense pleasure and happiness from her own pleasure and happiness.

That said, it is very very very very important that should you engage in an MFM, it is because YOU want to do so, not because you're doing it to please your husband/boyfriend. It's fine if pleasing your husband/boyfriend is a secondary reason, but the primary reason should be that you want to do it.

Second, there's no such thing really as going TOO slow in making a decision about this and moving forward. It's ok to talk talk talk talk talk, and then talk talk talk about things you've already talked about. It's a big step, and one you should be ready for. If you are ready for it, you will enjoy it all the more. It can be a very wonderful thing, but it goes strongly against social programming and how we are emotionally trained in our upbringing.

Third, the most important rule in swinging; no means no. As I read someone else put it, "You can say no right up to the point that something is over. You can't say no after the fact" So, you can all be naked in bed, going at like wild monkeys, and suddenly decide "this isn't for me. I want out" You can and should say "Stop!"

You'll get a lot of advice here on this forum. I recommend you sign up for an account so you can engage us in discussion. We're happy to help, but it helps more if we can talk with you, not just a one way monologue

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Second, there's no such thing really as going TOO slow in making a decision about this and moving forward. It's ok to talk talk talk talk talk, and then talk talk talk about things you've already talked about. It's a big step, and one you should be ready for. If you are ready for it, you will enjoy it all the more.

Truer words have never been said. It took Lin and I over a year of talking about it almost daily before we actually did anything. You can't discuss it too much.

I also agree that you both have to want this, not just one of you. You can't just go along with this and hope to enjoy anything. "Taking one for the team" is never a good thing.

If you have some time to kill, check out my blog here on the Swinger's Board. The link is over there on the left, under our name. Click the number next to Blog Entries, and that'll take you there. Look for the post titled How We Got Involved in Swinging. We started out about 16 years ago with MFMs for Lin, so we know where you're coming from. It's a long entry (4 pages) but I think you'll find a lot of answers to your questions there, along with some other questions you don't even know you have yet.

If I have one piece of advice for you both, it's to take baby steps. There really is no hurry, so don't rush any of this. As NCfuncouple98 said, you have to be 200% open and honest with each other. Take your time, do a bit of digging around here in the forums (yes, please register,) ask a lot of questions, and discuss, discuss, discuss. Did I mention that you should discuss it?

Please do register, and if you have any questions at all, please don't hesitate to post them. The fine folks on this board will do their best to answer you.

[LFM2]

to the Swinger's Board, Cobrit29!!

As a woman, it's really fucked up the first time your husband/SO asks you to have sex with someone else, isn't it? I think I was offended, wondered what the hell was wrong with our relationship for him to ask this of me and why am I not enough that he'd ask me something like that.

Before you make a pat commitment to do this MFM, please consider your feelings. There is no such thing as too much talking before jumping into this step. I did a lot of research on this site before I would have even thought of jumping in those deep waters. Go as slow as you need. I got some great advice here and it also gave me insight on how to talk to my husband about what he was really seeking. It's kinda like bbarnsworth said about his pleasure is by seeing his wife pleasured, which believe it or not is true. Dave explained it once like having an out of body experience and he can look down on me from afar and see my face, see my pleasure without being directly involved. Does that make sense?

It's actually very enjoyable to experience this, but you have to be ready to experience it. Make sure all the questions, potential problems are laid out on the table with your BF before you both jump. Talk, talk and talk outside the bedroom about what you're both wanting to happen, what boundaries you're both wanting to have and then talk more until you're both blue.

If you're uncomfortable with this, voice this concern and talk it out. State your fears to your BF and get everything out on the table before you do anything.

Please feel free to ask more questions about anything.

Holly

[joaninla]

It took sometime for my husband to convince me that an MFM would be something we both would enjoy. That was years ago, and many, many MFM's later, I will say it is the most erotic sexual experience for me. Four hands, two mouths, two cocks aiming to pleasure me is very wild and exciting. My husband also can't get enough of them. Good luck!

[joelana]

There is always a first time,
Do it right and you will enjoy it and insist on doing it again and again,
-

[funbbwandblkmale]

I agree the pleasure for me is the look in her eyes and the sounds and reactions that she makes, the guy to me is almost invisible, I suggest you go to a club and do some dirty dancing to get warmed up, then spontaneously get naked with his good friend and him while drinking and watching tv one night

[ViSexual]

It's just a 'man' thing I guess. And, most women just can't understand it.

My wife and I had several swaps but the most memorable, and my favorite, mental picture is my wife and the other husband having sex the very first time.

That was 35 years ago!

[whyokc]

The first time I ever told my wife that I actually wanted her to do it she thought several things.

1. that i was trying to get her to do it just so that I could be with another girl.
2. that our sex life must suck if I needed that much alternate stimulation.
3. that If it actually happened I would suddenly get jealous and mad.

Well none of those were true and it took me a long time (about a year to convince her that i wanted it)

So We eased in together starting with her flirting with guys in front of me and a little very dirty dancing (so she could gauge my reaction)

then when the time was right she made out with another guy...then on to Oral sex we just took it one step at a time. It was also good for me to do it this way because though I new I wanted it. Humans are still naturally jealous. and this was a good way even for myself to see where I stood.

Good Luck to ya

[weatenan]

it is a fantasy for a lot of men, my wife and i did it because of ease, as well as being a fantasy for the both of us. if you dont want to do it, then dont! dont do it for him. but i am sure he thinks about it more than you can imagine.

as for everyting else, its always best i believe to let the wife choose, dont just do it with one of his friends, this is about wanting to please you, and you should be with someone you are attracted and comftorable with, you cant much enjoy it while just going through the motions.
so fine someone you think you wuold enjoy it with, and getting started is easy, they should really get things going prutty naturally. but make sure you give both of them a good amount of attention and dont worry about anything other than the enjoyment and you will both be very pleased afterwords.

[sweet_tna]

If you have ANY concerns about doing this, you need to sit down with your boyfriend and talk about this. It took awhile for me to register that my honey really does want to see me pleasured. If he loves me so much, why was he willing to share me? But here's the thing. I want him to be happy and be pleased too. So when we're both doing something we enjoy, it's a win-win situation. If our playmate(s) enjoy it too, more's the better.

Take your time, and make sure you feel as ready as possible before taking that leap.

Best of luck to you,

=)