Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge

rayna · 12-06-2008, 10:40 PM

Thank you so much for this Board! It has been so helpful to me as I work through my feelings (and my husband's) about sex, fantasies, and our marriage. But so many of the entries are from men trying to encourage and convince their wives. I'm hoping I can get a little more advice from the women here in letting myself go and taking the plunge that I know is right for us.

We are in our late twenties, have been together for 10 years, married for 8. We are very happy, in love, and have a very nice sex life. We were not virgins when we met, but we weren't that experienced either. I am pretty shy, my husband less so, but we try to meet each other in the middle, respectfully.

Over the last few years, my hubby introduced porn, stories, and fantasies into our sex life. He has always led the way, brought home a movie, sent me a story, or told me a fantasy while we are playing or fucking. We've tried new positions, anal, restraints and submission (me), etc. Sometimes I start off uncomfortable with it, but then a rush of excitement floods over me and we have a fabulous series of fucks and orgasms. It has been very exciting and pleasurable for both of us. He is a very nice hubby!!

But if it had depended on me, we'd probably still be having missionary sex once a week. I still can't share my sexual feelings and fantasies. While my husband has been able to sense the way to my lust and I am delighted he has, I am very frustrated that I am not letting myself fully participate. Whether it is just ex-Catholic inhibition, fear, shyness or what, I have been unable to tell him how much I want to take the next step.

Our latest and hottest fantasies are about swinging, specifically about having another man or men join us. My husband is dying to bring me a new lover or group of men, and I want him to very very much. It's not just a fantasy I want to dwell on. I really want to feel the touches and the cocks and the sperm. And I want to watch my hubby's eyes and cock while it happens. But I can't seem to tell him. He's told me he's ready when I am (and then we both cum like crazy), that he has a few men in mind who would love to fuck me. I am so ready and want to move to the next step.

I'd love to hear from the women here about how you told your husband you were ready? Did you just tell him outright, or did you ease into it? Did you write him a letter? Did you tell him in the middle of passion, or was it over coffee? How did you move forward?

Thank you for all the help you've provided so far, and any help you can provide to help us start!
Rayna

sexcupid · 12-06-2008, 11:55 PM

Well, I would advise not doing it during the middle of a hot sex session (he may just think that you got too caught up in the moment and not think you are serious).

While a face to face talk is best, if you are more comfortable writing him a letter (noting in the letter that it is something you would like to have a face to face discussion with him about it after he reads it)...then by all means write a letter.

Over coffee is ok too...just make sure he isn't taking a drink when you say what you want to say.

If you feel more comfortable writing a letter/list for yourself, just outlining what you want/expectations/comfort levels/etc as a guideline to having the conversation...that might be good as well, just to kind of help you keep in mind what points are most important to you/that you want to cover (kind of like preparing for a speech lol

).

Good luck,

dnmnms · 12-07-2008, 07:56 AM

Pretty much in your shoes also here in a way.

We have been full swap with another couple however we both decided we want to do a MFM. My problem isnt letting him know I am ready, its being comfortable for that 1st step. I am the same way with all encounters.
Dont get me wrong, I am definantly doing this because its something I want.

But back to your original question.....
Alot of times when there are things like that I wanna say but not sure how I send hubby a text...We actually communicate alot via text during the day when at work. Not sure if you would be comfortable with that but always works for us.

Melody

oncewere · 12-07-2008, 08:02 AM

Invite him over to the computer while you are on this board. Read some of the other pertinent posts then show him your excellent letter. That should open things up.

**fun4Ds** · 12-07-2008, 08:24 AM

I know you want to hear from a woman, but Mrs.fun and I are close enough to how we feel. So I'm typing here, with approval. I think I understand how you feel though, through Mrs funs own feelings.

My point is, I think Mrs fun had a good idea and certainty that she was ready. I kind of postponed a few things as we talked over and over.

One day, as she was browsing profiles. As I can assure you, those amounts of (profile times viewed) were her

.I was sitting at the table reading the paper and she would show me this one or that one at the computer.

She looked at me and sighed, then said " Whelp, We gonna shit or get of the pot "

I know that sounds sooooo wrong. I hope I don't get " I wish you wouldn't have told them that" Later

But its important because, she spoke to me in man language. I understood at that very moment we were no longer going to keep talking and actually.... Do It.

Again my point is, that was some of the greatest words spoken to me, with clarity. I understood as a man without a doubt. I don't think it could have moved further because of my lack of understanding of my own wifes feelings, at the time.
She actually spoke to me on my terms. She has to do that sometimes. So I "get it"......

Only one thing could have out done her communication skills. That would have been the " Double dog dare " I'm kinda glad she saved that for later on

Keep talking until you ready, Let your husband know when. You will know how to say it, You women are so smart like that

I noticed you said he has a few men in mind. Is he clear on how you can choose one, and not the other ?

iapr · 12-07-2008, 08:42 AM

I think the best way for you to tell him is to bring him to the computer and show him what you just wrote. You wrote it very well and you did an excellent job of expressing yourself. I don't know what you could say in person that would do any better job than what you just posted.

Not only that, I think the fact that you cared enough to sit down and share your deep inner thoughts with complete strangers in asking them for advice would also mean a lot to him. We have been successfully swinging for a couple years and if my wife took the time and energy to do what you just did I'd probably pass out

Then when I woke back up I'd take her out for the nicest dinner she'd ever had.

iapr · 12-07-2008, 08:59 AM

I know you have asked specifically for female input but my wife does not ever post and sometimes it does help to hear things from the other genders perspective so I'll offer a little bit more from a guys perspective.

From what you have written I think it sounds like you two have a fairly healthy and happy sexual dynamic as it is and I think you are right on track and all you need to do is just keep doing what you are doing and it will happen.

Here's why I think that, you admit to being shy and that if it were up to you you would be stuck with the once a week, missionary position, under the blankets with the lights off etc etc. Well the fact is you two ARE working as a team and you ARE experiencing a varied and active and exciting sex life. Your system IS working for you two even though you may feel like you are stuck in a rutt sometimes.

It's very rare that a couple is 50-50 in their sexual adventurism. One is almost always a little more daring and adventurous and assertive than the other and that is OK. As long as noone is being pushed into something they are not wanting to do or comfortable with it's ok for someone to be the instigator.

And from your description it sounds like he is very sensitive to your comfort level and you are consenting to the things he brings up and then when you actually try it you enjoy the activities and are appreciative that he gave you the little nudge you needed to make it happen.

IMHO I don't think either one of you needs to make some grand announcement that "THE SWINGING MAY NOW BEGIN!" It is all just a process that takes place and I think the process is working for you two. Just let it happen naturally and keep doing what you are doing and some day when the time is right it will happen.

Oh yeah, and show him this thread as a couple of us have already mentioned

**LFM2** · 12-07-2008, 12:21 PM

Hi Rayna and

to the swinger's board!!

Quote:

I'm hoping I can get a little more advice from the women here in letting myself go and taking the plunge that I know is right for us.

Before you let yourself go, make sure you're ready. Make sure you're both ready. Like someone mentioned before, sit and have coffee, at the kitchen table, without distraction and talk about what you're both looking for.

Come up with some boundaries you're both comfortable with. I want to add that your marriage sounds very healthy.

Your husband sounds a lot like mine when we first started... bringing porn in, trying new things and I knew he'd never steer me wrong... He never has and I knew he never would, yet it was hard to venture into this new lifestyle.

Quote:

But if it had depended on me, we'd probably still be having missionary sex once a week. I still can't share my sexual feelings and fantasies. While my husband has been able to sense the way to my lust and I am delighted he has, I am very frustrated that I am not letting myself fully participate. Whether it is just ex-Catholic inhibition, fear, shyness or what, I have been unable to tell him how much I want to take the next step.

Here is where you sound kinda like me.

Growing up Catholic messes with your conscience and the feelings of guilt are almost overwhelming. Since we've both worked past our past Catholic life, we're having a great time. But, this is where honest communication comes in and you really do have to discuss this with him before you can start this new adventure. There really is nothing to fear. I found this out myself. I'd always thought about things, but never really could bring myself to talk about it. In a million years, I'd never thought we could have gotten closer, but after talking about it and being open and honest about our feelings, I was so wrong. Our communication skills have jumped to a new level and we're able to talk to each other about anything!

Swinging is pretty much about great communication and a great deal of respect and trust. Sounds like you have it all. Talk to your husband, or as many have said, write him a letter or show him this post. Research this board and read more threads about how to get started. (this is how we started.)

Please, let us know things go, and please feel free to ask questions as they come up.

rayna · 12-07-2008, 05:00 PM

Thank you ladies - and men! It is so reassuring to have advisers. I think idea of showing him my post and your responses as a way to open up the conversation is a good one. It is funny to not have any hesitations that I am ready to swing but still having to work myself up to discussing it openly with hubby. But it is clearer to me now that we have to be ready together, openly with each other.

So I am going to start by showing him my post and this thread, tell him I think I'm ready, and start talking about it. While I am nervous, I am also comfortable with this direction. And I am so excited I can hardly stop myself from going in and fucking him right in front of his football buddies and the game - but I will resist, at least for now!!

:

Rational discussion about swinging - what a concept!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Rayna

dnmnms · 12-07-2008, 05:34 PM

Quote:

And I am so excited I can hardly stop myself from going in and fucking him right in front of his football buddies and the game - but I will resist, at least for now!!

:

Rayna

Well, if ya go in and fuck him in front of his football buddies I dont figure you will have to have that talk LOL. Hell, invite the buddies to join. KIDDING...Sorry couldnt resist!

Melody

MrkLin · 12-07-2008, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dnmnms

Well, if ya go in and fuck him in front of his football buddies I dont figure you will have to have that talk LOL. Hell, invite the buddies to join. KIDDING...Sorry couldnt resist!

Melody

Well, it's been an hour and a half... I wonder...

KIDDING!

Mark here. Lin was, until about 6 years ago, a bit hesitant to bring up a new subject, and we've been married for 20 years. It happens. Something you need to think about though, Rayna, is that you'll need to have the confidence in yourself to tell him not only what you want, but what you don't want. If something starts to happen that you really don't want to happen, you have to be able to say stop. From a guy's perspective, I can tell you that your husband would want you to be able to tell him anything at all. That's one of the meanings of true intimacy - the ability to freely discuss your innermost thoughts without fear or hesitation.

rayna · 01-01-2009, 09:41 PM

Hi everyone. I hope everyone has had a happy holidays - we certainly did!

After your advice and encouragement, I told my hubby and it went great!! I was ready to explode, but I waited until we could get some time alone. Fortunately, my parents invited our two kids (age 6 and 8) to come over after school one day that week to help them decorate their Christmas tree and have dinner. So I told hubby that we needed to have a serious discussion. He came home early and I could see the worry on his face.

We sat at the kitchen table. Thank you all for suggesting I show him my earlier post and the SB site. I was very nervous, but I was able to tell him that this is very hard to bring up, but I wanted to share some feelings with him and then talk about it. Poor hubby, he was as nervous as me, not snowing what I was talking about. Then I slid over the laptop, showed him my post, and said "Please read this, honey."

While he read, I was dying of tension, and excitement. It was the longest minute of my life. When he finished, he looked at me, puzzled, and said "Is this from you?" I nodded. He shook his head and said "Wow! I can't believe it, honey!" He reached out to hold my hand. That moment was magical. We connected at a new level, and I felt an incredible relief and closeness, just like some of you have written about.

Then we talked. He said he knew it turned me on, but he had no idea I would ever want to act on it. I told him he had helped me uncover these secret desires and I wanted so much to share them with him, to act on them with him. We talked about how to move forward. He said we could move as slow as I wanted, that he didn't want to push me faster than I wanted to go, that we had lots of months and years to do this. What a sweet husband! But I said I would burst if I had to wait months and years. I told him about the Swingers Board. I showed him some of the forums I had looked at and we read some of Curious, How to Get Started, etc. He was fascinated and couldn't believe I found all this. We started planning how to move forward, how to decide what kind of men we would both be comfortable with, how to find them, etc. I asked him about the men he said he'd been thinking of, if that was real. He told me about two men at his company who'd told him how hot I was, one them a young guy I'd danced with at their Christmas party, and one an older widower that I'd met a couple of times and chatted with at that party. Mmm, interesting, I said - I remembered both of them, and they were both interesting fantasies.

We talked about visiting a bar to pretend we were picking out men, maybe a strip club, then maybe trying an off-premises club. As we talked, we started touching and ended up making very intense love - instant orgasms for both of us, followed by another for each of us. We talked about it every night when we go to bed. We even have these loving eyes when we are just doing our routine stuff at home and with the kids.

We did go to a strip club to survey the men and talk about what we liked and were comfortable with. We even chatted with one guy for a little while - that got me wet! Then we went to his Christmas party. He hasn't said anything yet to his two candidates, so I really enjoyed flirting with them and with them flirting back without them knowing - even wetter! We both agreed that they could be good playmates.

And for Christmas, my hubby gave me an invitation to a New Year's Eve party at an off-premises club about 50 miles away from our home, just to survey the scene. It was very interesting and exciting. We started just watching. I loved watching women in their slinky outfits or lingerie, meeting and flirting with people, dancing with their partners and new friends, grinding and feeling each other. I just imagined myself being looked over, meeting some guys, dancing with them as they massaged my ass and rubbed against my breasts. Hubby loved pointing out men he thought I'd like (he was right almost every time) and then watching me watching them, panting, my nipples hardening.... A few men came over and chatted with us (without their partners), and two couples came over and we enjoyed talking with both of them - one was new like us, and one was pretty experienced. We declined three invitations to go party right then, but we got four more candidates! We didn't make it to midnight because I couldn't wait that long, I just had to go fuck hubby in the car right there in the parking garage. It was a fabulous night!

We are planning to just go out for drinks and dancing with one of our candidates next. Then we'll see!! We are so excited - the sex and love we have now is incredible. Thank you everyone for helping us reach this beautiful place. I don't think we ever would have gotten here without SB. Happy New Year!

Rayna

iapr · 01-01-2009, 10:25 PM

WOW!!!

That is awesome, way to go!!! Thank you so much for the follow-up.

Welcome to the lifestyle!

You sound like you are off to a perfect start. Please continue to be a member of the boards and keep us up on your adventures and please continue to share your thoughts.

**fun4Ds** · 01-02-2009, 04:02 AM

Dang... You did get busy

You two certainly have excellent communication skills

Could I suggest to shy away from his company associates though ?

Thats some of the most complicated candidates.....

bbarnsworth · 01-02-2009, 07:56 AM

It's fantastic you've made such progress on the communication! The two of you sound like you have a wonderful, wonderful marriage!

I'll echo what Fun4Ds said; stay away from your husband's co-workers. That's bad juju. There's plenty of potential play partners without having to introduce the very real problems that playing with a co-worker can bring to the table. You saw at the club that you won't have problems getting together with other people. You don't need the co-workers.

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12-06-2008, 10:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
rayna Registered Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 7 Location: USA Status: Couple	Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge Thank you so much for this Board! It has been so helpful to me as I work through my feelings (and my husband's) about sex, fantasies, and our marriage. But so many of the entries are from men trying to encourage and convince their wives. I'm hoping I can get a little more advice from the women here in letting myself go and taking the plunge that I know is right for us. We are in our late twenties, have been together for 10 years, married for 8. We are very happy, in love, and have a very nice sex life. We were not virgins when we met, but we weren't that experienced either. I am pretty shy, my husband less so, but we try to meet each other in the middle, respectfully. Over the last few years, my hubby introduced porn, stories, and fantasies into our sex life. He has always led the way, brought home a movie, sent me a story, or told me a fantasy while we are playing or fucking. We've tried new positions, anal, restraints and submission (me), etc. Sometimes I start off uncomfortable with it, but then a rush of excitement floods over me and we have a fabulous series of fucks and orgasms. It has been very exciting and pleasurable for both of us. He is a very nice hubby!! But if it had depended on me, we'd probably still be having missionary sex once a week. I still can't share my sexual feelings and fantasies. While my husband has been able to sense the way to my lust and I am delighted he has, I am very frustrated that I am not letting myself fully participate. Whether it is just ex-Catholic inhibition, fear, shyness or what, I have been unable to tell him how much I want to take the next step. Our latest and hottest fantasies are about swinging, specifically about having another man or men join us. My husband is dying to bring me a new lover or group of men, and I want him to very very much. It's not just a fantasy I want to dwell on. I really want to feel the touches and the cocks and the sperm. And I want to watch my hubby's eyes and cock while it happens. But I can't seem to tell him. He's told me he's ready when I am (and then we both cum like crazy), that he has a few men in mind who would love to fuck me. I am so ready and want to move to the next step. I'd love to hear from the women here about how you told your husband you were ready? Did you just tell him outright, or did you ease into it? Did you write him a letter? Did you tell him in the middle of passion, or was it over coffee? How did you move forward? Thank you for all the help you've provided so far, and any help you can provide to help us start! Rayna

12-06-2008, 11:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
sexcupid Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 957 Location: San Antonio Status: couple/f Swing Lifestyle Name:sexcupid Blog Entries: 4	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge Well, I would advise not doing it during the middle of a hot sex session (he may just think that you got too caught up in the moment and not think you are serious). While a face to face talk is best, if you are more comfortable writing him a letter (noting in the letter that it is something you would like to have a face to face discussion with him about it after he reads it)...then by all means write a letter. Over coffee is ok too...just make sure he isn't taking a drink when you say what you want to say. If you feel more comfortable writing a letter/list for yourself, just outlining what you want/expectations/comfort levels/etc as a guideline to having the conversation...that might be good as well, just to kind of help you keep in mind what points are most important to you/that you want to cover (kind of like preparing for a speech lol ). Good luck, __________________ Maria

12-07-2008, 07:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
dnmnms Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 160 Location: Mississippi Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:dnmnms	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge Pretty much in your shoes also here in a way. We have been full swap with another couple however we both decided we want to do a MFM. My problem isnt letting him know I am ready, its being comfortable for that 1st step. I am the same way with all encounters. Dont get me wrong, I am definantly doing this because its something I want. But back to your original question..... Alot of times when there are things like that I wanna say but not sure how I send hubby a text...We actually communicate alot via text during the day when at work. Not sure if you would be comfortable with that but always works for us. Melody

12-07-2008, 08:02 AM	#4 (permalink)
oncewere Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 123 Location: Eastern Washington Status: couple	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge Invite him over to the computer while you are on this board. Read some of the other pertinent posts then show him your excellent letter. That should open things up. __________________ once were nostalgic for the good old days E Wash

12-07-2008, 08:24 AM	#5 (permalink)
fun4Ds Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 4,018 Location: Indiana. Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mrmrsfun Blog Entries: 16	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge I know you want to hear from a woman, but Mrs.fun and I are close enough to how we feel. So I'm typing here, with approval. I think I understand how you feel though, through Mrs funs own feelings. My point is, I think Mrs fun had a good idea and certainty that she was ready. I kind of postponed a few things as we talked over and over. One day, as she was browsing profiles. As I can assure you, those amounts of (profile times viewed) were her .I was sitting at the table reading the paper and she would show me this one or that one at the computer. She looked at me and sighed, then said " Whelp, We gonna shit or get of the pot " I know that sounds sooooo wrong. I hope I don't get " I wish you wouldn't have told them that" Later But its important because, she spoke to me in man language. I understood at that very moment we were no longer going to keep talking and actually.... Do It. Again my point is, that was some of the greatest words spoken to me, with clarity. I understood as a man without a doubt. I don't think it could have moved further because of my lack of understanding of my own wifes feelings, at the time. She actually spoke to me on my terms. She has to do that sometimes. So I "get it"...... Only one thing could have out done her communication skills. That would have been the " Double dog dare " I'm kinda glad she saved that for later on Keep talking until you ready, Let your husband know when. You will know how to say it, You women are so smart like that I noticed you said he has a few men in mind. Is he clear on how you can choose one, and not the other ? __________________ well... at least we are normal pervs Last edited by fun4Ds : 01-02-2009 at 03:40 AM. Reason: Typo

12-07-2008, 08:42 AM	#6 (permalink)
iapr Has Left the Building Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 832 Location: State of bliss Status: couple	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge I think the best way for you to tell him is to bring him to the computer and show him what you just wrote. You wrote it very well and you did an excellent job of expressing yourself. I don't know what you could say in person that would do any better job than what you just posted. Not only that, I think the fact that you cared enough to sit down and share your deep inner thoughts with complete strangers in asking them for advice would also mean a lot to him. We have been successfully swinging for a couple years and if my wife took the time and energy to do what you just did I'd probably pass out Then when I woke back up I'd take her out for the nicest dinner she'd ever had.

12-07-2008, 08:59 AM	#7 (permalink)
iapr Has Left the Building Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 832 Location: State of bliss Status: couple	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge I know you have asked specifically for female input but my wife does not ever post and sometimes it does help to hear things from the other genders perspective so I'll offer a little bit more from a guys perspective. From what you have written I think it sounds like you two have a fairly healthy and happy sexual dynamic as it is and I think you are right on track and all you need to do is just keep doing what you are doing and it will happen. Here's why I think that, you admit to being shy and that if it were up to you you would be stuck with the once a week, missionary position, under the blankets with the lights off etc etc. Well the fact is you two ARE working as a team and you ARE experiencing a varied and active and exciting sex life. Your system IS working for you two even though you may feel like you are stuck in a rutt sometimes. It's very rare that a couple is 50-50 in their sexual adventurism. One is almost always a little more daring and adventurous and assertive than the other and that is OK. As long as noone is being pushed into something they are not wanting to do or comfortable with it's ok for someone to be the instigator. And from your description it sounds like he is very sensitive to your comfort level and you are consenting to the things he brings up and then when you actually try it you enjoy the activities and are appreciative that he gave you the little nudge you needed to make it happen. IMHO I don't think either one of you needs to make some grand announcement that "THE SWINGING MAY NOW BEGIN!" It is all just a process that takes place and I think the process is working for you two. Just let it happen naturally and keep doing what you are doing and some day when the time is right it will happen. Oh yeah, and show him this thread as a couple of us have already mentioned

12-07-2008, 05:00 PM	#9 (permalink)
rayna Registered Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 7 Location: USA Status: Couple	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge Thank you ladies - and men! It is so reassuring to have advisers. I think idea of showing him my post and your responses as a way to open up the conversation is a good one. It is funny to not have any hesitations that I am ready to swing but still having to work myself up to discussing it openly with hubby. But it is clearer to me now that we have to be ready together, openly with each other. So I am going to start by showing him my post and this thread, tell him I think I'm ready, and start talking about it. While I am nervous, I am also comfortable with this direction. And I am so excited I can hardly stop myself from going in and fucking him right in front of his football buddies and the game - but I will resist, at least for now!! : Rational discussion about swinging - what a concept! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Rayna

01-01-2009, 09:41 PM	#12 (permalink)
rayna Registered Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 7 Location: USA Status: Couple	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge Hi everyone. I hope everyone has had a happy holidays - we certainly did! After your advice and encouragement, I told my hubby and it went great!! I was ready to explode, but I waited until we could get some time alone. Fortunately, my parents invited our two kids (age 6 and 8) to come over after school one day that week to help them decorate their Christmas tree and have dinner. So I told hubby that we needed to have a serious discussion. He came home early and I could see the worry on his face. We sat at the kitchen table. Thank you all for suggesting I show him my earlier post and the SB site. I was very nervous, but I was able to tell him that this is very hard to bring up, but I wanted to share some feelings with him and then talk about it. Poor hubby, he was as nervous as me, not snowing what I was talking about. Then I slid over the laptop, showed him my post, and said "Please read this, honey." While he read, I was dying of tension, and excitement. It was the longest minute of my life. When he finished, he looked at me, puzzled, and said "Is this from you?" I nodded. He shook his head and said "Wow! I can't believe it, honey!" He reached out to hold my hand. That moment was magical. We connected at a new level, and I felt an incredible relief and closeness, just like some of you have written about. Then we talked. He said he knew it turned me on, but he had no idea I would ever want to act on it. I told him he had helped me uncover these secret desires and I wanted so much to share them with him, to act on them with him. We talked about how to move forward. He said we could move as slow as I wanted, that he didn't want to push me faster than I wanted to go, that we had lots of months and years to do this. What a sweet husband! But I said I would burst if I had to wait months and years. I told him about the Swingers Board. I showed him some of the forums I had looked at and we read some of Curious, How to Get Started, etc. He was fascinated and couldn't believe I found all this. We started planning how to move forward, how to decide what kind of men we would both be comfortable with, how to find them, etc. I asked him about the men he said he'd been thinking of, if that was real. He told me about two men at his company who'd told him how hot I was, one them a young guy I'd danced with at their Christmas party, and one an older widower that I'd met a couple of times and chatted with at that party. Mmm, interesting, I said - I remembered both of them, and they were both interesting fantasies. We talked about visiting a bar to pretend we were picking out men, maybe a strip club, then maybe trying an off-premises club. As we talked, we started touching and ended up making very intense love - instant orgasms for both of us, followed by another for each of us. We talked about it every night when we go to bed. We even have these loving eyes when we are just doing our routine stuff at home and with the kids. We did go to a strip club to survey the men and talk about what we liked and were comfortable with. We even chatted with one guy for a little while - that got me wet! Then we went to his Christmas party. He hasn't said anything yet to his two candidates, so I really enjoyed flirting with them and with them flirting back without them knowing - even wetter! We both agreed that they could be good playmates. And for Christmas, my hubby gave me an invitation to a New Year's Eve party at an off-premises club about 50 miles away from our home, just to survey the scene. It was very interesting and exciting. We started just watching. I loved watching women in their slinky outfits or lingerie, meeting and flirting with people, dancing with their partners and new friends, grinding and feeling each other. I just imagined myself being looked over, meeting some guys, dancing with them as they massaged my ass and rubbed against my breasts. Hubby loved pointing out men he thought I'd like (he was right almost every time) and then watching me watching them, panting, my nipples hardening.... A few men came over and chatted with us (without their partners), and two couples came over and we enjoyed talking with both of them - one was new like us, and one was pretty experienced. We declined three invitations to go party right then, but we got four more candidates! We didn't make it to midnight because I couldn't wait that long, I just had to go fuck hubby in the car right there in the parking garage. It was a fabulous night! We are planning to just go out for drinks and dancing with one of our candidates next. Then we'll see!! We are so excited - the sex and love we have now is incredible. Thank you everyone for helping us reach this beautiful place. I don't think we ever would have gotten here without SB. Happy New Year! Rayna

01-01-2009, 10:25 PM	#13 (permalink)
iapr Has Left the Building Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 832 Location: State of bliss Status: couple	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge WOW!!! That is awesome, way to go!!! Thank you so much for the follow-up. Welcome to the lifestyle! You sound like you are off to a perfect start. Please continue to be a member of the boards and keep us up on your adventures and please continue to share your thoughts.

01-02-2009, 04:02 AM	#14 (permalink)
fun4Ds Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 4,018 Location: Indiana. Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mrmrsfun Blog Entries: 16	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge Dang... You did get busy You two certainly have excellent communication skills Could I suggest to shy away from his company associates though ? Thats some of the most complicated candidates..... __________________ well... at least we are normal pervs

01-02-2009, 07:56 AM	#15 (permalink)
bbarnsworth Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 627 Location: South Central Indiana Status: Couple	Re: Help Letting Go and Taking the Plunge It's fantastic you've made such progress on the communication! The two of you sound like you have a wonderful, wonderful marriage! I'll echo what Fun4Ds said; stay away from your husband's co-workers. That's bad juju. There's plenty of potential play partners without having to introduce the very real problems that playing with a co-worker can bring to the table. You saw at the club that you won't have problems getting together with other people. You don't need the co-workers.

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