approaching a couple...

[Testing the H2O]

Hello, so my boyfriend and I have been dating a year and have always been curious about swinging. We finally feel that our relationship is secure enough to act upon swinging, and we both feel that playing with another couple (at least at first) would reduce the potential for awkwardness or feelings hurt later.

Theres one couple that were both interested in, which is rare for our sexual preferences to match up. I know the guy much better than the girl, but even still its a casual, professional relationship (were both in media and hes a great network for me). I've invited them out a few times, but becasue of work schedules things dont really mesh up. So, enough backstory, the question is, how do you approach someone to swing when you have no idea if there receptive to the idea?

The boy and I are getting an apt soon of our own (currently have roomates), and plan do to a bit of entertaining. Im assuming my best plan of attack would be to invite them over (and hopefully get everyones schedule to mesh up), then steer conversation in a certain direction or pop in a movie that would lead to such a discussion?

[ViSexual]

Don't risk losing that 'great network'!

This is a common mistake made by swingers, or swinger want-a-be's. Just because a couple are freindly, even flirty, doesn't mean they'd swing or even approve of it.

Now, depending on the type of media, if you could bring the topic up as related to your work you might get a reading on his/they're thoughts on the subjext without revealing anything.

Just an opinion!

Good luck in your pursuit!

[slevin]

I definitely agree that approaching friends or work contacts as potential swing playmates is a very bad idea. Not just with the risk of them not being interested in swinging, actually far more risky is if they ARE interested in swinging. You run a very real risk of permanently ruining your friendship and work/networking relationship. Katrina and I have played with a couple we were friends with and after playing a couple of times it became obvious to us that it was going to work out. Fortunately our friendship has survived that, but there was very real tension for a number of months afterward and Katrina and I weren't positive that we'd be able to remain friends with them. Even still, we do not see them nearly as often as we used to and there can be awkward and uncomfortable moments even though we haven't played with them for a long time now.

Don't risk it. Go to a club or sign up to an online site like Swing Lifestyle and find a couple there that you're both attracted to.

[Alura]

Testing the H2O wrote:

So, enough backstory, the question is, how do you approach someone to swing when you have no idea if there receptive to the idea?

Since you did not ask about the advisability of approaching friends or business associates about swinging, my reply will restrict itself to your question.

In my opinion, you should first get to know your friends better. It is possible that you could find out how they feel about extramarital sex without ever suggesting swinging. First and foremost, DO NOT just blurt out the question, "Would y'all like to swap partners and have sex?"

Learn to ask questions that cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." Instead, ask "essay" questions. "What was your childhood like?" "Where did y'all grow up?" "How do you feel about ... ?" is our favorite lead-in. For instance, "How do y'all feel about the officiating errors in the football game between the Ducks and the Sooners?" (Well, maybe skip that one...)

The goal is to get to know them and establish an ease of communication by getting them accustomed to answering your essay questions. After that is accomplished, you'll have some idea of how they'll react when you get around to "How do y'all feel about swinging?" In fact, you'll probably learn early-on whether you can risk the question or not.

You'll be well on your way when they start asking you essay questions.

The key is patience and a real interest in how they think. It may take months or even years but you should eventually learn enough about them to be able to ask them virtually anything without fear of reprisal.

It's much like establishing communication in marriage.

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

By the way, Testing the H2O, from Oklahoma! We're glad y'all have joined us and hope you'll stop by the "Welcome new Members" forum and introduce yourselves. We'd like to know more about y'all!

Mr. Alura

[fun4Ds]

Welcome to the Swingers Board

I think Alura has given some great advice here.

I do think you should consider the many ways this could be jepordising a business relationship though. Have you considered alternatives like clubs or swinger sites like Swinglifestyle ?

[LFM2]

to the Swinger's Board! I also think Alura has given some great advice.

There can be a lot of risk when wanting friends to swing. It might be more advisable to try meet & greets, clubs, or ads online like the one that fun4Ds suggested.

Good Luck!

[lizandtom]

What Alura said above makes the most sense to me. If you feel there might be a slim chance with that couple that they may be interested in something more than comraderie and flirting, ask them open ended questions to get a sense of familiarity with their comfort level about sexual topics, but don't beat around the bush forever in your line of questioning. Lead into some form of innocent sexually natured chat, and then lead into a topic something along the lines of, "...hey, speaking of how high the divorce rate is, I heard there's actually a swingers club in [name nearest swing club city] ..." Then shut up and observe their response. If they condemn it, it's probably off. If their eyes light up with curiosity then you have a chance. That way you're not putting yourselves out on a limb, but rather just carrying on a conversation.

[Testing the H2O]

Hey, thanks all for the help and the welcomes. I guess this situation is tricky for me because its the classic battle of what I should do vs. what I want to do. My boyfriend and I are both into them, and thats just so damn rare.

If anything happens with this specific situation, I dont think it will be in a while becasue of the holidays, plus were looking for a new apt. Ill post a little intro hello on the newbie board, and let you know if anything happens.

[JustAskJulie]

Definately let us know what happens. As others have said sometimes the friend thing can work out... but when you combine friends AND the fact that you have a working relationship it makes it even more tricky. At least you have plenty of time to think about it and who knows maybe in the meantime you'll run across another couple that you both really click with.