Hurdles on the road to swinging

[crazi429]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Ok, so you can get off but you can't get hard... correct?

I know this isn't the case for all women, but for myself any issue I might have with a guy not getting hard is more about my wanting to be able to give him pleasure as well has me getting pleasure. So if a woman goes down on you, and you get semi-erect then come... that's a step up from nothing. Yes, you won't be able to get a woman off with your penis, and you would need to let women know that upfront (that sex is not an option).

As others said, you're still on an uphill road. You're a single guy, that's overweight AND can't get an erection. Honestly, I think the ED is probably the least of your worries.

Yep I know I got alot of things to work on. My now ex girlfriend that was with me when I joined this site and supposely wanted to get into the lifr style got cold feet and decided she would rather cheat then have fun together. She also doen't go down on guys but loves to be to have oral done on her. My inability to get or keep it hard didn't keep her happy she is all about penetration. For her fore play was just a momentary then climb on and go for a ride. I know there can be so much more to good fun sex. I could always get her off many time both with my hands and orally but thats not enough. we had talked about the life style so she could get what she needed and I could have fun to. But when it came down to it she really like sneaking around and playing games behind peoples backs. She ussually goes for married men that are cheating on their wifes. I guess she just like the danger of getting caught. She still lives with me but only till I can drive again and get around on my own. Then shes moving out. Bad thing is her 17 yr old daughter wants to stay with me. So your right my ED is only a minor thing in my life. This is one of the reasons I would really like to get inot the life style I would like to have some good fun sex with no ties. At 46 I am not worried about finding a life partner just some people to have fun with. I am working hard on the weight thing now with the hip fixed and getting better everyday I will continue to exercise as much as possible. In the past year I have already lost around 60 lbs. and with at least another 60 lbs gone I should get rid of alot of my other problems. My diabeties have already been pretty much elimanated by eating the proper deit. And the weight is going away much quicker with Hip working where I can actually walk with out extreme pain.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by crazi429

Yep I know I got alot of things to work on. My now ex girlfriend that was with me when I joined this site and supposely wanted to get into the lifr style got cold feet and decided she would rather cheat then have fun together.

I know this has to be confusing as hell. But it seems like there is allot of misscomunication here. Did she actually say " I would rather cheat, than have fun with you " I cant help think there is more than this, from her side.

She also doen't go down on guys but loves to be to have oral done on her.

Well its not a sin ya know. There are women who just dont enjoy giving a hummer. Sad, but true ....

My inability to get or keep it hard didn't keep her happy she is all about penetration.

Here again, did she actually say that ? Or, is this your speculation.

For her fore play was just a momentary then climb on and go for a ride. I know there can be so much more to good fun sex. I could always get her off many time both with my hands and orally but thats not enough. we had talked about the life style so she could get what she needed and I could have fun to. But when it came down to it she really like sneaking around and playing games behind peoples backs. She ussually goes for married men that are cheating on their wifes.

We cant hate on her, without hearing her side of things. It still seems that there is a very big lack of communication here.

How long have you two been together ?

I guess she just like the danger of getting caught.

That stumps the hell out of me. I guess its just not my nature.. But it wouldn't be the first time I have heard this. Here again though, Did she actually say that ? "She like's the danger of getting caught ?"

She still lives with me but only till I can drive again and get around on my own. Then shes moving out. Bad thing is her 17 yr old daughter wants to stay with me.

This sounds like she is dependent on you for one thing or another. It sounds like someone who just doesent have a stable life. And actually is either confused about what she wants out of life or who that person might be that she finds comfort with. I cant imagine she is a good example for a seventeen year old daughter to see. I think that is so sad.

So your right my ED is only a minor thing in my life. This is one of the reasons I would really like to get inot the life style I would like to have some good fun sex with no ties.

O.k. this stumps me Arent you talking about your ex girlfriend. Who actually is doing just that ?

At 46 I am not worried about finding a life partner just some people to have fun with. I am working hard on the weight thing now with the hip fixed and getting better everyday I will continue to exercise as much as possible. In the past year I have already lost around 60 lbs. and with at least another 60 lbs gone I should get rid of alot of my other problems. My diabeties have already been pretty much elimanated by eating the proper deit. And the weight is going away much quicker with Hip working where I can actually walk with out extreme pain

This sounds like you have some insperation here about yourself. I dont care what the insperation is. If its self improvment, or increasing your chances of walking into that swing club and feeling good about yourself...... Go for it. Dont let anything or anyone change that direction.

[ncmd_couple]

Crazi,

Man, you do have a lot of issues on your plate. But it sounds like you are making a lot of headway on getting through it! If you need caring people to talk to, you got some great folks here!

I think you should let the ED and swinging sit on the shelf until you get your hip and weight under control, as you have said, getting that down will help your other issues.

I do not think that the 17 year old daughter of your soon to be ex-girlfriend staying with you after mom leaves is a very good idea. When Mom moves, she moves. There are a number of reasons.

1. You have no legal control over a kid in a challenging time in her life.
2. Young woman living with an older man not her father? I don't know her, but if she gets mad and isn't getting her way all she would have to do is suggest to a counselor at school that you "touched her inaproprietly" and your life would instantly turn into a living hell.
3. If she doesn't want to live with Mom, she should move to a family member's house.

Good luck!

[crazi429]

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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazi429
Yep I know I got alot of things to work on. My now ex girlfriend that was with me when I joined this site and supposely wanted to get into the lifr style got cold feet and decided she would rather cheat then have fun together.

I know this has to be confusing as hell. But it seems like there is allot of misscomunication here. Did she actually say " I would rather cheat, than have fun with you " I cant help think there is more than this, from her side.

= there probably is she tells me I am more of a brother than a lover.

Quote:
She also doen't go down on guys but loves to be to have oral done on her.

Well its not a sin ya know. There are women who just dont enjoy giving a hummer. Sad, but true ....

=I understand this and have no problem with it but she can't understand that I enjoy getting her off with getting off myself


Quote:
My inability to get or keep it hard didn't keep her happy she is all about penetration.

Here again, did she actually say that ? Or, is this your speculation.

=Mostly my speculation but she seems really disappointed when we can't actually fuck


Quote:
For her fore play was just a momentary then climb on and go for a ride. I know there can be so much more to good fun sex. I could always get her off many time both with my hands and orally but thats not enough. we had talked about the life style so she could get what she needed and I could have fun to. But when it came down to it she really like sneaking around and playing games behind peoples backs. She ussually goes for married men that are cheating on their wifes.

We cant hate on her, without hearing her side of things. It still seems that there is a very big lack of communication here.

=I wouldn't ask that I just figure I am wasting my time with her no matter how much I care for her. maybe I can get her to come on here she is a member but doesn't come on here anymore (littlered)

How long have you two been together ?

=17 on and off she meets someone else is gone for awhile and then it goes south and she is back we have been together this time for 2 1/2 ears

Quote:
I guess she just like the danger of getting caught.

That stumps the hell out of me. I guess its just not my nature.. But it wouldn't be the first time I have heard this. Here again though, Did she actually say that ? "She like's the danger of getting caught ?"

=I actually confronted her on this and she just kind of smiles and laughed.

Quote:
She still lives with me but only till I can drive again and get around on my own. Then shes moving out. Bad thing is her 17 yr old daughter wants to stay with me.

This sounds like she is dependent on you for one thing or another. It sounds like someone who just doesent have a stable life. And actually is either confused about what she wants out of life or who that person might be that she finds comfort with. I cant imagine she is a good example for a seventeen year old daughter to see. I think that is so sad.

=You are very correct there I have been the only father figure her daughter has ever had. the last year has been very rough for her daughter.


Quote:
So your right my ED is only a minor thing in my life. This is one of the reasons I would really like to get inot the life style I would like to have some good fun sex with no ties.

O.k. this stumps me Arent you talking about your ex girlfriend. Who actually is doing just that ?

=Thas what always bothers me is she can go have fun with other guys but has a problem with having fun with me

Quote:
At 46 I am not worried about finding a life partner just some people to have fun with. I am working hard on the weight thing now with the hip fixed and getting better everyday I will continue to exercise as much as possible. In the past year I have already lost around 60 lbs. and with at least another 60 lbs gone I should get rid of alot of my other problems. My diabeties have already been pretty much elimanated by eating the proper deit. And the weight is going away much quicker with Hip working where I can actually walk with out extreme pain

This sounds like you have some insperation here about yourself. I dont care what the insperation is. If its self improvment, or increasing your chances of walking into that swing club and feeling good about yourself...... Go for it. Dont let anything or anyone change that direction.

=Yep this hip thing took about 3 years of my life but now that I am on the down side I want to get a really good happy life going. There 2 things in life I realy love sex is one and 4 wheeling is the other. I can't do my 4 wheeling for a few more months but would really love to do the sex thing since I feel good enough to let a lady sit on my face how ever long she wants to.

=I am sending a link to this discussion to littlered and see if she comes in and gives any coments.

=As far as her daughter living with me the door is open but she loves her mother to much to not live with her but she know she can stay here if she wants.

[Littlered12068]

Wow! Where do I start after that great discussion? For one, the guy I am seeing on the side, is not married. The only one I was hiding him from was Crazi...that is just cause the other guy isn't into the swinging thing and no one believes that a guy that looks like Crazi would be into watching his girlfriend being fucked by another guy. Believe me I have tried to talk different guys into it and they won't even give it a second thought. I guess I should have went to the clubs with him. At least one of us would have been satisfied.

Crazi and I have know each other for almost 18 years now. He is not a person that I am sexually attracted too. Never have been. I tried this time, because he says he loves me and has stuck around through all of my crap over the years, so I thought that maybe I was just being silly and that I could get past whatever hang up I have with him, sexually. Never happened. I don't know how to explain it but, sex with him turns me off...even though I orgasm everytime we do/did fool around. That's just cause I am easy to get off. Whether I like it or not.

As for my daughter, I don't know what is going through her head right now. She is the one that pushed me to move out. Then, she's telling him that she would rather stay here. She tells me she hates it here. She's a teenager, do you believe anything that comes out of her mouth? I have always felt that I have a very good relationship with my daughter, even though I know she still lies to me. Maybe I am not a good role model but, I am all she has. I would not let any of my family members take her in...she would probably end up doing something stupid, if I did.

Well, anyway, that's a start. I will try to get back on here and check on the responses...I'm sure I will think of more to say...but, on 3 and a half hours of sleep, my brain isn't working real well right now.

[ncmd_couple]

Littlered,

Every relationship is unique. The motivations for each of you are different. I can see how your relationship can work, but that is something that the two of you have to work out. Hopefully, the discussion here has opened up some communication between the two of you that will help both of you make decisions that are good for all.

As for your daughter, good luck! Thank God mine are all grown!!!

S

[Littlered12068]

I think our relationship is better off as friends. I don't know why he wants to be with me in the first place...why do you want to be with someone that has no interest in pleasing you (at least sexually)?

[ncmd_couple]

That is something that you just asked him...

[fun4Ds]

Thanks for stopping in Littlered I understand being tired and I hope you get some needed rest. This is I'm sure, is a very tough situation for the three of you. I think highly of you chiming in without resentment or anger. I can't offer advice now. I am also home today trying to unwind from many things..... Mrs fun is out this morning and probably should be in on this. Without her help sometimes supporting me in being a better father and roll model back when they(our kids) were teens.. I probably might have botched many things. Hang in there, it sounds like your open to listening. It sounds like you all just need a little time to talk about things. We are here anytime to listen. Hopefully without judgments. Its not easy, but have faith. There are things in life that teach us how to see things for the good. But, It is attainable...... Thing arent always in order. We all work on that...

[crazi429]

Originally Posted by Littlered12068

I think our relationship is better off as friends. I don't know why he wants to be with me in the first place...why do you want to be with someone that has no interest in pleasing you (at least sexually)?

Well lets see I want to be with hers because we are best friends and have been for years. We enjoy doing many things together. I do really enjoy sex with her even with it being one sided. Thats my problem she can't do much it I can't preform with my cock. I still love getting her off the look in her eyes makes it all worth it. I really can't see my life with out her in it. But it looks like most likely there will be much less in the near future. If it wasn't for my hip surgery I know she would have already moved out. But being the friend she is, she and her daughter have stayed and help care for me. I really thank them very much for this to. I feel we can make something work If I could just get her to realize that I understand her desires and needs. I know at this time I can't full fill them. But I also am not going to stop her from finding fulfillment elsewhere. I just think the Swinging thing would work so well with us, we both would get what we want.

[crazi429]

Well its been a great weekend. Littlered and myself did some talking and some playing. I really think this post has opened her eyes. I figure she will post in here in the morning when she gets home from work. All I can say it was a great weekend. I went 4 wheeling, did alot of walking with out much pain and ate some pussy of the lady I love what more could I ask for.

[crazi429]

Well today was another great day for me and Red. Had alot of fun. We are going to start the life style. Hopefully Red will get a spare moment to get back on here again. I feel bad in some ways I sit here all day and she has to work all night. Now that I am moving better everyday I am trying to help out around here as much as possible. With the kid going to college Red has to drive her there 2 days a week. Once I get back to work things will settle down some. As I will take the kid to college as its on my way to work. But thats not till after the 1st of the year.